Midnight Shimmer: A Toni Diamond Mystery (Toni Diamond Mysteries Book 3) (3 page)

“And now, should you ever hear seven short blasts followed by one long blast of the whistle, that is the call to the emergency muster stations. If you hear this whistle, do not panic. Get your life jacket and come back here. You will now hear the emergency signal.”

While they sat there in the comfort of a two-level theater, soft in their upholstered seats, seven short whistle blasts sounded.

“What’s that?” Linda asked, jerking awake.

“The emergency whistle,” the woman on her other side informed her.

“Oh, my God,” Linda screamed and grabbed at her life jacket, unclipping the strap, which was stubborn and didn’t want to unclip.

“It’s just a drill, Mama,” Toni said. “Not for real.”

“Well, thank heaven for that. I can’t even get the buckle undone.”

She grew even more distressed as the crew explained how to hold down the jacket with one hand while pinching the nose and covering the mouth with the other. “Then don’t jump in the water,” they were told. “Simply step forward.”

“Are they out of their minds? Step forward off the side of this ship? Have you seen how tall this ship is? It would be like stepping off Mars.”

The drill ended with an offer that if anyone wanted to practice putting on their life jackets, the crew would help them.

Linda’s life jacket was a bit of a mess so Toni said, “Let’s try getting that on you, Mama, so we know it works.”

Linda had managed to get the clip undone. Now she pulled the two front pieces apart, and Toni heard the rip of Velcro, then she pulled it gingerly over her hair. She’d gone with one of her elaborate Dolly-Parton-is-my-hero hairpieces this morning, so platinum ringlets danced and fought as she did a kind of Mambo, twisting her head one way and the life jacket the other, until it was over her head. At last, they had her head in and as Toni pulled the straps tight around her mother’s body, she pushed the clip pieces together. Now she knew why the crew demonstrated how to put on a life jacket while already wearing one. It was not easy to get these things on.

As the buckle clicked home, her mom yelled,
“Ow.”

A uniformed crew member, clearly seeing a real emergency, stepped forward to help.

“This jacket is so small an anorexic toothpick wouldn’t fit inside,” she gasped, fighting for breath.

“Here, madam, let me help you.” The young man was in his mid-thirties probably and had the kind of ethnicity that could be a mix of a hundred histories. He was gorgeous, with high cheekbones, big brown eyes, white teeth, and dark curly hair.

“Thank you,” Linda wheezed, gazing into his beautiful face. “These things are not designed for a well-endowed woman.” Not that she really had to tell him that. Her breasts had been flattened by the life jacket and with nowhere to go but up, they spilled from the top of the red life jacket like refugees from a boob prison.

Toni really, really hoped they didn’t have to don one of those things and abandon ship.

Linda flapped her arms. “Get me out of this thing.” She was part panicked, part still high on Dramamine and cocktails, and part enjoying the attentions of the young, handsome steward.

As he unclipped her, he tried to ease the life jacket over her head while she pulled and yanked her head out. Toni had no idea how it happened, but next came a yowl of pure pain. “My hair. Oh, ow, my head.”

The young man, probably thinking she was having some kind of medical emergency, abandoned all attempts to ease the jacket off her. He dragged the jacket off the screaming Linda, and to Toni’s horror, as he pulled, a couple of the platinum ringlets caught in the Velcro. The life vest came off, taking Linda’s hair piece with it. About fifteen wayward platinum sausage curls trailed from the red jacket.

She had no idea how many years of training the poor guy had, but he took one look at the head of hair hanging suspended from the jacket and, with a cry of horror, flung the jacket away, so it flew through the air.

Linda, meanwhile, was grasping at her head, clutching the front part of her hairdo, which still looked perfect thanks to about half a can of hairspray and careful backcombing, but the back end of her head looked as though she’d stuck her entire head into an electrical socket.

The disembodied hairpiece, meanwhile, hanging out of the life jacket like a guillotine victim, sailed across the aisle and into the next row. It landed in a woman’s lap and she screamed. “Oh my God, it’s alive. Kill it!”

There were approximately a thousand people in the theater, all of whom had spent the last half hour discussing emergencies; they were collectively a little on edge.

At the woman’s scream, a huge man with tattooed arms and a buzz cut grabbed the life-belted hairpiece, threw it to the floor, jumped up, and stomped on it with thick black leather boots. Then, making sure of his kill, he ground the hair under his heel.

For the second time that day, Linda Plotnik made a sound like a moan and fell to the ground.

Somehow, they got Linda back to their cabin, with an honor guard of attendants still wearing their fluorescent green ball caps and bright red life jackets, complete with dangling red whistles.

Linda was laid down tenderly on her bed once more. And Dr. Madsen was once again paged.

“Well,” the jovial old man said, peering up and down and then finally looking right over the top of his glasses. “Damn trifocals,” he said to no one in particular. “Can’t get used to ’em.”

He picked up Linda’s wrist and once more calculated her pulse. He listened to her heart and asked her a few simple questions like what day it was and her name. She aced the test, luckily. And at least this time she was conscious, so Toni was less worried.

“Well, it’s not often that I get called twice in the same day to the same patient,” he said, sounding pleased to be useful.

“And we haven’t even left the dock yet,” Tiffany said, like the voice of doom.

“Your grandmother will be fine. She’s had a shock, that’s all.” He looked at Linda.

“Thank you, Doctor. It was a shock.”

He patted her shoulder. “Try and get some rest. You’ll be as good as new in the morning.”

Toni walked him to the door. He paused there. “Normally, I’d give her a mild sedative, but with all the Dramamine still in her system—” He shrugged. “—she’ll probably sleep through the night. If you’re worried about her, there’s a doctor on call twenty-four hours a day. One of my colleagues will assist you.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

When she returned, Linda was already closing her eyes.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. Tiffany crept forward and opened it and their personal steward stood there with a silver tray. On the tray was what was left of Linda’s hairpiece.

“It looks like road kill,” she whispered to her mother. “What do I do?”

“Hide it,” she whispered back, knowing there weren’t enough tranquilizers on board to calm her mom down if she saw what they’d done to her hairpiece. Toni decided to take the ill-treated hair to the salon tomorrow and see if the on-board stylist could fix it.

Tiffany stashed the hair in her school backpack. Then she walked in and looked at her two roommates. “When you told me this trip would be a real adventure, I thought you were joking.”

*

Linda woke up refreshed the next morning and no one made any mention of the mutilated hairpiece. Fortunately, she’d brought almost as many with her as she’d brought pairs of shoes, so she was back in all her platinum glory well before breakfast.

Linda was also full of plans. Each night a newsletter was delivered to their cabin outlining the next day’s activities. They were motoring to a private island in the Bahamas, their first port of call, but today was a day at sea. “So many activities. So many ways to reach three thousand potential customers.”

Toni shook her head. “There are another fifteen hundred people working on board. That’s a pool of forty-five hundred future Lady Bianca customers.”

Linda glanced over at Tiffany. “This is why your mom wins all the prizes. She sees the big picture.”

Tiffany looked up from her book. “I wish I could see the wall in my room at home.”

“What do you think would be fair, Toni? Should we split the boat into sales territories? You work one part and I work another?”

“Sure.”

“Tiffany? Do you want a territory?”

“I’m Switzerland.”

“Huh?”

“She’s neutral, Mama. She means, she’s staying out of it.”

Linda shook her head at her granddaughter. “One day, honey, you’ll be in the business. It’s in your blood. You should embrace your destiny.”

“Gang members probably say the same thing to their kids.”

Since Linda was as used to Tiffany’s unfortunate attitude to Lady Bianca as Toni was, she pretended she hadn’t heard. “Well, let’s see.” Linda pulled out a map of the ship. “Would y’all look at this? There are sixteen floors to this ship. How do we split up the territories? I mean, how would you even know if the person you were talking to had a stateroom on deck five or deck fifteen?”

She turned the map. “Then there’s fore and aft and port and starboard. I’m already dizzy.”

“What about trying a team approach?” Toni suggested. “We’ll work together and split the new recruits down the middle.”

Tiffany glanced up, amusement sparkling in her pretty eyes, but for once she didn’t say anything.

“Well, obviously not split the
recruits
down the middle, because that would be messy and unproductive, but if we have let’s say two thousand people sign up to sell Lady Bianca cosmetics by the end of the cruise, then you’ll get credit for a thousand and I’ll get credit for a thousand.”

“Two thousand new recruits. Can you just imagine?”

“Of course I can, and I always believe that every person I talk to will eventually sign up to sell Lady Bianca.”

Linda shook her head admiringly. “It’s a gift you have. That’s what it is. A true gift.”

Toni was having trouble deciding between the blue striped T-shirt with white cotton slacks or the lilac cotton sweater and a jean skirt. In the end she went with the lilac cotton, as it was the Lady Bianca signature color.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” she said, digging in her big bag. “I brought us all lanyards so we can hang our key cards around our necks.” The ship issued the cards not only to let them into their staterooms, but also to function as ID and to allow them purchase drinks or items easily aboard ship.

The lanyards were from the last Lady Bianca sales convention and they were mauve. Imprinted in gold on the pale purple ribbon were the words,
Proud to represent Lady Bianca Cosmetics.
“This way, we won’t lose our cards or misplace them somewhere.”

“Plus, it’s a little bit of soft selling,” Linda said, accepting her lanyard, slipping her key card into it and hanging it around her neck. She’d been flipping through the daily newsletter outlining the day’s events. Suddenly, she put a hand to her chest and cried out, “Oh, look at this! A shopping seminar. And it’s about diamonds and jewelry.” She gasped. “And they’re giving out prizes.”

“Perfect. Women who love diamonds—and who doesn’t?—will love Lady Bianca. And by the time they’ve finished an hour-long seminar on shopping, they’ll be pumped to buy. This is a golden opportunity.”

“Or a diamond one,” Linda said, and the pair of them started giggling.

“Okay, Betty and Wilma, I’m heading for the gym,” Tiff said, grabbing her card. She was already in shorts and an athletic shirt, her hair tied back in a ponytail. “I’ll catch up with you both later.”

“Wow. Aren’t you committed to fitness,” Linda said admiringly.

Toni watched as her daughter mumbled something and headed for the door. Toni wasn’t sure it was a commitment to fitness so much as a desire to bump into the cute young guy from yesterday.

She noticed that Tiffany hadn’t taken advantage of the Lady Bianca lanyard.

“Let’s start with the Zumba class,” Linda suggested. “Lots of great women who care about their appearances will be there. Plus we’ll get a workout.”

“Deal.”

She abandoned the lilac sweater and jean skirt for workout gear and headed for the nightclub where the class was scheduled. The teacher had set up on the stage and by night, the class gym would be the disco dance floor.

While they waited for the class to start, they checked out their fellow classmates for potential Lady Bianca clients. Toni immediately picked out a few likely candidates.

She smiled and moved close to one of them. An older woman, maybe late fifties, with diamonds at her ears, her throat, and on her fingers. Big, gorgeous diamonds. She had a sad look to her and Toni thought maybe she needed a lift—like, say, a free makeover.

“I’ve never done Zumba before. Mind if I follow you?” she asked the woman.

“I’ll try not to lead you astray.” She had a New York accent. She was attractive, with frosted hair cut in a sleek bob, and a lean figure.

The music began to boom out of the speakers while the instructor shouted instructions into her mic. Toni had no time to focus on anything but where her feet were supposed to go. It was a fun workout, with pumping music, stepping this way, jiggling that way, and trying not to crash into anyone.

After the class, when the women were all glowing and feeling good about themselves for choosing to exercise off a few calories instead of packing on more at the buffet, Toni turned to the woman who had more diamonds on her body than Toni did, and whose skin proclaimed regular facials and a beauty regime. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a coffee or a fruit juice or something after all this work.”

The woman immediately agreed, and since Toni’s voice had a carrying quality, a fairly large group of women in workout gear decided to join them. They headed outdoors to a covered area with tables and chairs.

“That was so much fun,” Toni said to her new friend as they settled side by side.

“Isn’t it? Whenever I’m on a cruise I never miss a Zumba class.”

“You’ve been on a lot of cruises?”

“I’ve lost count. I love cruising. I’m a Gold VIP cruiser.”

A waiter appeared as soon as they sat down. Toni, feeling virtuous from her Zumba workout, ordered a green tea and a large glass of ice water. “Of course,” she confided to the older woman she’d befriended, “I really want coffee, but I’m trying to cut down.”

“Not me. I need some pampering. I’m having a latte. With whole milk.”

There was a gasp from a woman so thin and hard-bodied she must count calories at night instead of sheep.

When she wasn’t selling Lady Bianca, Toni loved nosing out people’s personal business. So, sensing an interesting story, she said, “Wow. Whole milk? Things must be really bad…?” She left the question mark hanging there. The woman could pick it up or she could leave it hanging. Her choice.

She picked it up and leaned in. “You have no idea.” Her eyes pinched with pain. “I was supposed to be on this cruise with my husband. Instead, I’m traveling with my grandson.” She sighed sadly. “I have my divorce lawyer on speed dial.”

“Oh, no. I’m divorced. I know how tough it is. I’m so sorry.”

“This will be my third. I don’t think any woman has worse taste in men than I do. I keep dreaming I’ve found someone who loves me for myself. But so far, it’s turned out to be all about the money.” And her eyes filled with tears.

Toni’s sympathy was immediately roused. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She gave a bitter laugh. “It’s an old, old story. About a girl who grows up with a big trust fund and low self esteem.” The lemon water arrived at that moment, placed before them by the efficient staff member uniformed in a blue and yellow Duchess shirt and beige Bermuda shorts. Her nametag announced that her name was Maricel and she was from the Philippines.

The woman took a sip of the lemon water and Toni did the same. “I’m Alicia, by the way,” she said, holding out her hand. “I guess if I’m going to tell you my life story, I should tell you my name.”

“Toni Diamond. Real nice to meet you.”

They shook hands and Toni noticed Alicia’s fingernails were painted a pale shade of coral, the manicure so fresh she must have had it done right before they left, if not on board ship.

Across the table, Linda was the life of the party and Toni imagined that sometime in the next half hour she’d casually drop into the conversation what she did for a living. Nothing pushy or overt, but she’d let this group of women know that she was always available for consultations, “complimentary, of course,” and that she’d be more than happy to give them a free facial and makeup application lesson.

Alicia sipped more of the ice water with lemon and the efficient Maricel returned with a tray full of the beverages the women had ordered.

Toni accepted her green tea with a cheerful thank-you and then sipped. “Maybe if I try real hard I can make this taste like coffee.”

“And maybe if I try real hard, I can time travel backward thirty years and make different choices.”

Toni patted Alicia’s hand.

“I’m being morbid, I know. But I really thought this man was different.”

“What happened?”

In the background, music played, sounding like a Top 40 radio station. The sky was a perfect blue and the ship barely swayed as it chugged along. “The usual. He started working late a lot. All of a sudden he got a personal trainer and put in extra hours at the gym. He watched what he ate. He even bought himself some new clothes suitable for a hipster.” She shrugged. “The only thing missing was the neon billboard announcing he was having an affair. So, I snooped into his personal credit card bills. And I found a pretty hefty bill from a jewelry store.”

“Such a cliché.”

“I know. My birthday was coming up, so I thought, give the man the benefit of the doubt. And I waited, hoping I was wrong.”

“Oh, honey.”

She turned to Toni impulsively. “I don’t know if you feel this way, but even though I have a jewelry case full of rings and earrings and necklaces and bracelets, I love getting new jewelry.”

“Oh, I know how you feel. I am exactly the same way.”

“Well, as I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, when my birthday arrived, my husband did not give me jewelry. He presented me with a brand-new handbag. It was a very nice handbag by one of my favorite designers.”

“But he didn’t get it at that jewelry store.”

Alicia shook her head sadly. “I am such a fool. I even made a special trip to the jewelry store to check whether they sold handbags.”

“They didn’t?”

“No. They only sold jewelry.”

“And I’m guessing the bling wasn’t for his mother or his sister?”

“His mother’s dead and he doesn’t have a sister. What he did have was a new executive assistant. Her name is Sondra with an
O
. She’s thirty-two years old and trained to be an actress. I guess she did such a good job acting like she was crazy about my sixty-two-year-old husband that he bought a front row seat to every performance.”

“I’m so sorry,” Toni said again. There was nothing like the heartbreak of being cheated on by someone you loved and trusted. Nothing. If Toni lived to be a thousand years old she’d never forget how much Dwayne Diamond had hurt her. “What did you do?”