Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual (8 page)

9) The slave acknowledges that the safeword is "Mercy." If she calls "Mercy," the Owner will
immediately cease whatever activity is in progress. The slave will then be given sufficient
opportunity to voice her concerns or make requests. The Owner will then, to the best of his
ability and in full consideration of the slaves well-being, decide whether to proceed with the
activity.

10) The Owner will furnish all tools and implements of correction, as well as safe sex supplies. The
single exception to this clause is that the slave will be expected to provide the Owner with a
cane, to be used on her only, at the beginning of the first formal S/M session. The slave will be
expected to clean and maintain all tools, including this cane.

11) In accordance with the slaves previously stated limits, the Owner agrees not to use language
that calls into question the slaves intelligence, nor will he use language, gestures, or scenarios
that put the slave in the role of an animal.

12) Should she displease the Owner, the slave agrees to submit to whatever punishment the Owner
may deem necessary. In accordance with the slaves previously stated limits, the Owner agrees
not to use a belt as an implement of correction. Punishments will be for the betterment of the
slave only and will not be undertaken in anger.

13) The Owner agrees to furnish the slave with a token which symbolizes his complete possession
of the slave. This token will be suitable to wear in all circumstances, and the slave is expected
to wear it at all times.

14) In addition to the token, the Owner will provide a collar which the slave is to wear while
serving in the Owners home and while at leather community events. The collar remains the
property of the Owner and is a symbol of his responsibilities toward the slave.

15) The slave is to address the Owner as "Sir" or "Sir John" unless otherwise directed. The slave
will speak to the Owner with respect. This respect should extend to speaking of the Owner as
well.

16) The slave agrees to perform, to the best of her ability, whatever household tasks the Owner
requires of her. These will routinely include, but are not limited to, the following: washing,
drying, ironing, folding, and putting away the laundry; sweeping and/or vacuuming the floors;
preparing three dinners and one brunch per week.

17) While in the Owners home, the slave must ask permission before using any furniture, using the
toilet, or eating with utensils.

18) The slave will be expected to accompany the Owner to one leather community social event each
month. She agrees to "attend" the Owner at these events and renounces the right to move freely
while doing so.

signed, this day _____________________, /,19______.

____________________________________________

Jane Doe, slave

____________________________________________

John Smith, Owner

Ending an Association: The Importance of Pre-nuptials

I believe that any contract between a dominant and a submissive - and any negotiation, for that matter - should include an explicit agreement about what will happen should the association not work out. I call these agreements "pre-nuptials." We all know about the "honeymoon" period when new lovers float about, four feet off the ground. Once they come back to earth, the view can be very different.

If the dominant is contracting for a live-in slave, the pre-nuptial clause(s) should include provisions ensuring the material and emotional care of the slave should the dominant dissolve the contract. Certainly any income that the dominant has controlled or saved for the slave should be returned immediately; with interest. Any personal items that belonged to the slave before the contract should also be returned. I also suggest that the slave be given the option of retaining any written work produced at the dominant's command, such as journals or essays, or at least copies of these.

But will the dominant be responsible for any or all of the slave's moving costs, which can include sizable security deposits and rental fees? That about household items or toys bought during the contract with both parties' money? Is it the slave's blender because she used it more, or the dominant's because he paid for it with his credit card? When a relationship is ending, the last thing anyone wants is more grief. Spell it out. I strongly suggest consulting an attorney for advice on pre-nuptial clauses before signing a live-in contract. You can always pretend you're actually getting married or establishing a domestic partnership, if discretion is an issue. At very least, look at some of the excellent do-it-yourself law books available from Nolo Press that show sample contracts and pre-nuptial agreements. Many books written for newlyweds include sections on finances and pre-nuptials. A contract between a dominant and a submissive is a commitment of no less importance or complexity than any other relationship, whether the State acknowledges it or not. Often marriage is the only comparable situation, and dominants and submissives would do well to learn where they can.

In more formal, traditional dominant/submissive relationships, the dominant will take the lead, and that includes the prerogative of ending the relationship. I do not wish to imply that a slave has no right to end a relationship or that they are a “bad” slave for doing so, simply that the dynamics of such relationships often leave more room for the dominant to initiate change. One well-known dominant woman of my acquaintance feels strongly that it is not just her prerogative, but her responsibility; to end a relationship that may be damaging to the submissive's self-esteem or general well-being, whether or not the submissive believes that to be the case. While this attitude may at first glance seem arrogant, it in fact speaks of a commitment to care for the submissive, and an understanding of the pitfalls of submission. This is not the same thing as Wanda Syndrome, and this dominant is hardly giving herself permission to throw a slave out on her ear. Rather, she takes responsibility for the slave's well-being.

A word to slaves: I have had the misfortune to know a number of submissives who seem to believe that the dissolution of a contract gives them license to behave badly. You will have realized by now that I view slavehood as a noble vocation, and I expect a slave to act no less honorably than a dominant in the event that a relationship ends. Here are a few simple guidelines, which I believe constitute the basis for good manners and a good reputation (and, should it not be clear, from the discussion above, let me say that these principles apply no less to dominants than to submissives):

• Return all of the dominant's property to her. This may include, but is not limited to, collars; tokens of ownership not explicitly given to the slave (name tags or other jewelry); house and car keys; any legal documents (although the slave should certainly retain a copy of the contract itself); credit cards or checks issued in the dominant's name; any items borrowed from the dominant, such as clothing, or borrowed in the dominant's name, such as rented video tapes, library books, and the like. Needless to say, any fees incurred due to the submissive's neglect to return borrowed items should be promptly paid by the submissive.

• Refrain from denigrating the dominant to mutual friends or in public. Unless you feel strongly that the dominant is a genuine menace to public safety - in which case you might as well speak to the police as to your friends - spreading malicious gossip in the community will only damage your own reputation. I do not wish to imply that a slave should not seek solace from his friends, and it is likely that some of these friends will also be acquainted with the dominant. (Here is an important reason for a submissive to cultivate friendships outside the BDSM community and outside his D/S

relationship.) Still, it is unfair to expect mutual friends to take your side, or to take sides at all. Be as respectful of the dominant's privacy as you would expect him to be of yours.

• Give yourself sufficient time to heal from any emotional wounds you may have suffered in the relationship. Do not jump into another D/S relationship too quickly. It will typically take anywhere from one year to three for a person to work through the pain of a failed relationship. Resist the urge to fall at the feet of the next dominant who waves a collar in your direction. By all means, go out, socialize, play if you will, but if you attempt another relationship too quickly, you are likely to deliver damaged goods to the new dominant and doing yourself a great disservice.