Monsieur Pamplemousse on Probation (16 page)

‘A few mornings later, when he was almost fully recovered, he woke to find her daughter, Danièle, lying there beside him, naked as the day she was born.’

‘Such things often run in families,’ said Monsieur Pamplemousse reflectively. ‘Especially in the Auvergne, where the winters are long and hard. And remember, it was long before the days of television. Even wireless was still in its infancy. People not
only shared their cat’s whiskers, but other pleasures as well. I well remember my
tantine
Melanie. She and her daughter ran a small establishment in the Monts du Forez until it was closed down.’

‘Be that as it may, Aristide,’ broke in the Director impatiently, ‘and with all due respect both to your
tantine
and her daughter, this was a different kettle of
poisson
. Can you picture the scene? Our Founder by then is on the eve of his sixtieth birthday; life in many respects has passed him by. Beside him lies this ravishing, raven-haired beauty, her urgent young body pressed against his; her pulsating limbs aching to entwine themselves around him, drawing him ever closer to her. Bliss, the like of which he had never before experienced, is his for the taking.

‘Doubtless refreshed by his long rest, something snapped and all the pent-up energy he had once expended on pedalling the highways and byways of France was now devoted to the task in hand.’

‘You mean …’ Monsieur Pamplemousse sat up.

The Director mopped his brow, then gave vent to a series of whistling noises as was his wont when he was skating over thin ice. ‘That is exactly what I mean, Pamplemousse. History relates that when Napoleon met the coach bringing his bride, the Archduchess Marie Louise, to the Forest of Compiègne, such was his haste to consummate their marriage he threw caution to the wind and
boarded it there and then. However, I venture to suggest even the Emperor could scarcely have been more impatient to catch up on lost time than was our Founder.

‘Listening to Monsieur Duval’s account, I commented at the number of times they …’ once again the Director broke into a series of whistles ‘… and he expressed surprise.

‘“
Ça n’est pas normale
?” was the expression he used, Pamplemousse, and he said it with such an air of innocence I honestly believe he meant it.’

Monsieur Pamplemousse stole another quick glance at the portrait over the drinks cabinet. One never really knew other people, and that was a fact.

‘Still waters run deep,
Monsieur
.’

The Director followed his gaze. ‘The truth of the matter is Monsieur Hippolyte Duval had never experienced any kind of relationship before. He had always been much too busy, so he had nothing to compare it with; no benchmark as it were. From all he told me it was the first and only time such a thing ever happened to him. And as so often happens on such occasions the perfidious side of Dame Nature took its course. Nine months later, a child was born.’

‘But I thought he was such a model of rectitude,’ exclaimed Monsieur Pamplemousse. ‘Metaphorically speaking, he must not have been wearing his cycle clips.’

The Director glanced uneasily towards the Founder’s portrait. ‘An unhappy choice of phrase, Pamplemousse, if I may say so. One does not always take one’s cycle clips to bed with one. In any case, he had long since given up bicycling everywhere. It was the golden age of motoring. Why, in Lyon alone there were over one hundred car manufacturers. Monsieur Duval was by then driving an eight-cylinder Delage. It is no exaggeration to say that the very thought of all those pistons going inexorably up and down, propelling the great monster at speeds in excess of l00kph must in themselves have acted as a kind of aphrodisiac to the young lady sharing his moment of rapture, spurring her on to even greater efforts. It is no wonder she became pregnant.

‘As for rectitude, such was our Founder’s probity and devotion to duty, having said goodbye to his love, before leaving Pouligny he had
déjeuner
at the Hôtel Moderne and enjoyed it so much he awarded the restaurant one of his newly instituted Stock Pots.’

‘You don’t think his judgement was at all clouded at the time,
Monsieur
?’

‘I think not, Pamplemousse. Rather the contrary, and in view of everything that has happened to the Hôtel Moderne over the years, I think he showed remarkable prescience.

‘All the same, and in view of what later transpired,
the award must have acted like a red rag to a bull to the brother who ran the Hôtel du Commerce, especially since he didn’t receive so much as a Bar Stool by way of recognition. It marked the start of a feud that has lasted until this very day. The two branches of the family have been at loggerheads ever since.’

‘There is a saying,
Monsieur
, that the
Auvergnat
is less agile than the goat, but more hard-headed than the mule.’

‘For “hard-headed” read “stubborn”, Pamplemousse,’ grunted the Director. ‘You have no need to tell me that. The whole thing is like a Sicilian vendetta, or a Greek tragedy, depending on which way you look at it.’

Ignoring the remark, which struck him as being a bit too close to home for comfort, Monsieur Pamplemousse thought of the present day Claude. Did she fit the latter description or had she inherited some of the Founder’s ambitions and strength of character? Time would tell.

‘But did Monsieur Duval express no wish to marry the girl?’ he asked.

‘That is the tragic part of the story,’ said the Director. ‘He had no idea she was pregnant. He wrote to her many times, but his letters were returned unanswered and in the end he assumed that as far as the girl was concerned he was simply a ship that had passed in the night.

‘He might never have known until the day he died had he not taken it into his head about a year later to pay a return visit to Pouligny, probably in the hope of re-establishing contact. And there he learnt the truth.

‘It seems that by a cruel twist of fate, shortly after his first visit the owner’s wife, Madame Florentine, died of influenza. She may even have caught it from Monsieur Duval himself. Then, when the daughter revealed the fact that she was expecting a child, and inevitably there comes a time when such things become hard to conceal, the storm broke.

‘In those days being pregnant normally meant a hasty trip to the altar, but since she steadfastly refused to say who was responsible, she was thrown out by her father and went to live with her Aunt Alphonsine in Roanne.

‘Some months later she gave birth to a boy and it was her dying wish that he should be called Claude after the father.’

‘Claude was Monsieur Duval’s middle name?’

‘Even I did not know that until he related the story,’ said the Director. ‘He must have told it to her in great confidence.’

‘And did I hear you say it was her dying wish,
Monsieur
?’

‘I am afraid so, Aristide. Learning the truth from others in the village, Monsieur Duval made all
haste to Roanne and there he learnt the very worst news of all. Danièle had died in labour. According to the aunt she called out the father’s name again and again, but of course it was in vain. It was the only time he was to see his son.’

‘A tragedy,
Monsieur
.’

‘Indeed, Pamplemousse. The whole story is one of tragedy; tragedy heaped upon tragedy.

‘Nowadays everyone would know about it of course, but attitudes were different then and in the interest of
Le Guide
, the whole thing was kept a dark secret.

‘Consumed as he was with shame and remorse for the son he could never call his own, Monsieur Duval retired into his shell, resolving to look after the boy’s upbringing as best he could. Then, when his own life was nearing its end, it was his dying wish that after he had gone I take charge of matters on his behalf. He made a
Testament Olographe
on his deathbed to that effect, and I in turn made a promise to carry out his wishes to the best of my ability.’

‘A heavy responsibility,
Monsieur
.’

‘
Alors!
’ Monsieur Leclercq raised his hands to high heaven. ‘It has not been easy, Pamplemousse. You know as well as I do what the laws of France are like in these matters. They are very strict. Circumventing them is far from easy. It is all laid down. Albeit, and largely owing to the deprivations
of the two World Wars, there were no other claims on his estate, and since he was a frugal man, money is fortunately not a problem.

‘I … we, all of us, owe our livelihood to him, and I owe him a particular debt of gratitude for providing me with a vocation that is dear to my heart. In some ways I suspect he saw me as a surrogate son.

‘As always, there are ways, but as I say, it has not been easy, particularly as he was very specific in his requirements. It was his wish that any male descendant would be provided for until they reached the age of twenty-one, at which time they would have to fend for themselves. That was to be strictly understood. The money would remain in trust to provide for the upbringing of his son, should he have one, which, of course, he did, and so on down the line until such time as a daughter was born. Then all payments would cease.’

Monsieur Pamplemousse felt his head begin to reel as the awful truth dawned on him. ‘With respect,
Monsieur
, did you say
male
descendants? Isn’t that a little unfair?’

‘Remember, Aristide, all this took place long before female emancipation. In those far-off days women didn’t even have the vote. Remember, also, our Founder was himself from a bygone era. He had very fixed ideas on these matters.’

‘In that case,
Monsieur
. There is a problem.’

The Director raised his eyebrows, ‘Indeed, Pamplemousse? How so?’

‘Because …’ Monsieur Pamplemousse took a deep breath. ‘Because,
Monsieur
, you are no longer dealing with a son.’

‘You cannot mean this, Aristide.’ Monsieur Leclercq looked at him aghast. ‘Are you saying … the present Claude, the one who was to receive the Twingo, is of female persuasion?’ Clearly he could hardly bring himself to utter the key word.

‘I don’t think she needed very much persuasion,
Monsieur.
She seems very happy the way things have turned out.’

‘The Claude we are talking about is a girl?’ Monsieur Leclercq got the word out at long last. ‘This cannot be, Pamplemousse. Claude is a man’s name.’

‘It can also be used as a woman’s name,’ said Monsieur Pamplemousse. ‘I have checked with Larousse. And in this case I think there was a very good reason.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘
Absolument, Monsieur.
’

The Director sat lost in thought for a moment or two. ‘I have to admit I didn’t ask for proof of the sex. It didn’t for one moment occur to me to do so, but … You have met her?’

‘
Oui, Monsieur.
On more than one occasion.’

‘Do you by any chance have a photograph?’

‘I do indeed. In fact, she specifically asked me to give it to you so that she could lay claim to the Twingo.’ Reaching for his briefcase, Monsieur Pamplemousse found the envelope he was looking for and handed it across to the Director.

Monsieur Leclercq opened it and slowly removed the contents. He stared at the print for a moment or two.

‘Pamplemousse,’ he said at last, ‘why has someone drawn a moustache on it? Is it some kind of prank?’

‘I’m afraid I am responsible,
Monsieur
.’

‘You, Pamplemousse? But, why? Such a charming picture – totally ruined. Is this another of your aberrations? Defacing photographs of young girls in your spare time? Have you nothing better to do?’

‘It struck me,
Monsieur,
that the image bore a striking resemblance to your good self and I wanted to make sure.’

For once the Director seemed at a loss for words.

‘I will have a word with Trigaux,’ said Monsieur Pamplemousse, ‘I’m sure he will have ways of removing it electronically.’

The Director thought for a moment. ‘I would rather you didn’t, Pamplemousse. Questions may be asked.’ He held the photograph up to the light and looked at it more closely.

‘Is this not the very same girl who appeared in the pictures I was sent only the other day? The ones
showing you crouched over her prone body, much as you did with the Mother Superior in Boulogne.’

‘
Oui, Monsieur.
That was how I found out about the hotel’s paging system. I tried to explain at the time.’

‘Did you really feel there was a likeness?’

‘Only superficially,
Monsieur
. I think by then it was a case of half seeing what I was expecting to see. Looking at it again in the cold light of day there is perhaps more than a passing resemblance to Monsieur Duval.’

‘You really think so?’

‘There are the same high cheekbones. The ears are not dissimilar. In some respects ears are often the most fruitful area in which to make comparisons; they are pointers to a person’s character. In recent years they have been the subject of much study.’

Monsieur Leclercq rose and crossed to the drinks cabinet. He reached for a bottle of cognac, then thought better of it and began pacing the room instead.

‘All this puts me in something of a quandary, Pamplemousse,’ he said. ‘On the one hand there is the promise I made to Monsieur Duval – a promise to carry out the wishes of a dying man. On the other hand …

‘Tell me, Aristide, you are a man of the world. What would you do in the circumstances?’

Monsieur Pamplemousse considered the matter for a moment or two before replying. ‘I think I would take it gently for a while,
Monsieur
. Our Founder may have had fixed ideas, but he was also someone who wasn’t afraid to move with the times. If he was able to make what must to him have been a quantum leap from a bicycle saddle to the leather upholstery of an eight-cylinder Delage, surely in time he would have embraced female emancipation too?’

‘You think then, I should make an exception?’

‘I believe Claude will make her own way in the world. She is young. She is attractive. She has a mind of her own and already she has elected to enter the world of
haute cuisine
, although if all I believe is correct she may well be in need of a surrogate father for a while. A Twingo would make a wonderful gift, and since she has been twice disappointed, once when it failed to materialise in Roanne, and again when it was blown up, it would be a shame to disappoint her a third time. But as for anything else, the world has become a more mercenary place and it might not be doing her a favour. I would wait and see. You could remain in the background in case of need.’