More Than Him (26 page)

27

Amanda

"Babe." I could hear Logan's voice, but he sounded far away. "You're home."

I opened my eyes slowly, and took in my surroundings. We were in his truck in the driveway of my house. It was dark outside. We’d hung around and had takeout with his dad after the carnival, I must've fallen asleep on the way home. "My car's at your house."

"Yeah, I know. I didn't want you driving home this tired." He chuckled. "You fell asleep as soon as we got on the highway."

"Oh," I said, still trying to gain my bearings.

"I know you're working tomorrow night, so I was thinking maybe I could pick you up for lunch and we could spend the day together?"

I sat up straighter and rubbed my eyes. "Okay."

He smiled. "So you're still going to talk to Ethan tonight?"

I nodded through a yawn. "Yeah." I looked to the house. The lights were still on.

"Okay," he sighed. "So just call me when you wake up and I'll come and get you."

I scooted closer and put an arm around his waist. "I'll miss you tonight."

Laughing, he lifted my chin with his finger. "You have no idea how much I'll miss you, pretty girl."

"Thank you for today. I had fun." I kissed him once.

He returned it. "Thank you for all my days."

I kissed him again, deeper this time. Pulling away slightly, he whispered, "I'm kind of crazy in love with you, you know that?"

His words made my eyes drift shut. I'd never get sick of him telling me. Ever. I kissed him again, but he cut it short. "You better go. This is going to make me miss you more."

I hugged him and smiled into his arm. "You know what this feels like?"

He laughed quietly. "Our first date?"

"Uh-huh." I nodded.

"I didn't want to say goodbye to you then. I don't want to say goodbye to you now." He turned his entire body to face me. Chewing his lip, he linked our hands between us. "It was the hardest thing to do, saying goodbye to you. Not just that night, but the night I left." His voice broke. "It was the hardest and stupidest decision I've ever made."

"It wasn't stupid," I told him. My eyes dropped to where his thumb skimmed over my tattoos. "Maybe it needed to be done. Who knows? Maybe it wasn't our time then. Maybe we needed that time apart to grow up. Maybe now's our time. Maybe—"

The front door slamming cut me off. "Amanda!"

Ethan.

He walked towards the car, his hand out, blocking the headlights from blinding him. "That better be you."

"Shit," I muttered.

Logan held my hands tighter. "It'll be okay." His words were shaky. He didn't believe it, either.

Ethan got close enough so that the headlights were no longer in his way. Looking into the car, his eyes widened when he saw us. "What the fuck?" he mumbled.

Then something in him switched.

Rage filled his eyes. His jaw clenched. His fists balled.

"Get the fuck out of the car, Amanda!"

"Ethan," I tried to calm him down.

He swiftly moved to the driver's side, opened the door and pulled Logan out. I didn't even have time to react before his fist met Logan's jaw.

"Stop," I screamed. "What are you doing?"

I jumped out and went straight for Logan, but Ethan held on to my arm and pulled me back. "Get in the fucking house, Amanda." His tone was as loud as it was harsh. I heard the front door open and footsteps, but my eyes were fixed on Logan. He stood with his arms stretched and his hands against the side of his truck. He spat blood.

I stepped forward, wanting to go to him.

Ethan blocked my path. His chest heaved with his breaths. "I'm not fucking around, Amanda. Get in the goddamn house."

"Fuck you, Ethan."

"No!" he yelled. "Fuck you, Amanda."

Logan raised his head now, his lip busted, blood pouring from his mouth.

Ethan continued, "Do you know how fucking worried I've been? I've been calling you all fucking day. Your phone's off. I called everyone. Mom's in a fucking panic. I even called Dad!"

I sucked in a breath. The guilt took over. He stepped closer. "The whole fucking day I've been tearing my hair out, and you've been fucking around with him? HIM!" He pointed to Logan, but kept his glare on me. Logan's hands went in his front pockets. "You've been fucking around with him—and behind my fucking back. You knew how I'd feel, because you kept it from me. You knew I'd be pissed and you still fucking did it!" His voice got louder. I took a step back, not wanting to feel the full wrath of his words. "I'm gonna ask you one more time," he said, his voice lowered. "Get. In. The. Fucking. House. NOW!"

"Babe," Logan spoke from behind him. He spat out more blood. "Go," he said quietly. "We're just gonna talk."

Ethan turned to him. "Don't you fucking tell her what to do." He shook his head, and moved closer to him. "Don't you fucking
dare
talk to her. Your opinion doesn't count anymore, asshole."

Logan just nodded, but his eyes were on me. Pleading.

Then a hand wrapped around my elbow. "C'mon, Dim."
Alexis.
"Let's just go inside. They have a lot to talk about."

I looked at Logan. He raised his chin slightly.

I walked backwards towards the house, my eyes never leaving them. They stood, toe to toe, neither moving, neither talking.

Alexis closed the front door once we were inside. "It's okay," she assured me. "They're just gonna talk."

Logan

As soon as the door shut, his fist was in my stomach. I was expecting something, but not that. It made me fall to my knees. "You can't just fucking come back and pretend like everything's fine!" He kicked the same place he'd just punched. My body fell forward, but my arms held me up.

"Get up," he yelled. "Take it like a man."

I used my truck to get back to my feet. The pain in my body was nowhere near the pain in my heart. I knew Ethan. I knew him as the cocky asshole that never took anything too seriously. But this—this was not Ethan. At least, not the one from a year ago.

"Oh wait," he mocked. "I forgot. You don't do things like a man." He punched me again. My face this time. My head flung to the side, but I took it. I'd take anything he gave me. I deserved it all.

"Your girlfriend almost got raped and you bailed, right? That's your thing. You just fuck off?" Another punch. They were getting weaker. I'd be able to take a few more before my body failed me. "You fucking left. It was me that was there for her. I had to listen to her nightmares, her screams at night." I lifted my head to face him. I didn't know she’d had nightmares. "Oh." He nodded slowly as understanding dawned. "Of course she wouldn't tell you about that. Poor you, right? We better protect your fucking feelings." I let his words sink in as I took in his state. His knuckles were bleeding, or maybe it was my blood. Who the fuck knows? His shoulders lifted with his heavy breaths, but he could barely get a lungful before he hit me again. Another gut shot. Weaker again.

I let the pain consume me. I needed to feel it. I deserved to feel it.

"You've got nothing to say to me?" Another punch to the face. The blows hurt less, but the pain was constant. "Did she tell you she couldn't be home alone? Or that she slept with the light on? I bet she didn't fucking tell you any of that shit!" I tried to swallow the knot in my throat. She didn't tell me, but I’d never asked. I should have asked. He pushed against my chest, too weak to do anything else.

Thunder clapped and rain poured down.

Maybe it was a sign. Maybe she had every reason to be afraid of it. I couldn't just turn her nightmares into dreams, not when I didn't know they existed.

He fisted my shirt in his hand, the rain soaking us both. He got right in my face.

I waited.

Then I heard her voice.

"Stop," she yelled.

I lifted my chin.

"Stop it!" she yelled again.

My head pounded, the beating finally catching up. I tried to square my shoulders.

Ethan's voice was quieter now, intended just for me. "Do you know what it was like to walk in and see some guy on top of her like that? I got him off just in time, but she'd blacked out." His voice broke. He could've been crying, but the rain hid it. "She blacked out, and I thought she was fucking dead. I thought she'd died, Logan. I thought I'd fucking lost her."

I shut my eyes tight. The mental image of that night came back to me. I'd locked it away—with the rest of my nightmares. And now it was here. His body on top of her, holding her arm. Her scream as he pushed it against the floor, breaking it. Me, pathetically crawling to get to her. Her tears flowing. Her body slack. She'd given up.

And then darkness.

"Do you know what that was like for me?" Ethan yelled again.

And then it happened.

The walls I'd built to block out that night, the heartache, and the turmoil—it all came crashing down around me. I pushed him away. "How the fuck do you think I feel?" I shouted back. I pushed him again, my emotions taking control. "I was right fucking there and I couldn't stop it."

I heard her say my name but I ignored it. "I couldn't do a fucking thing to stop any of it. It's my fault they were there! It's my fault they hurt her! You don't think I fucking know that?"

"Stop," she yelled again.

I kept my eyes on Ethan. "You don't think I have to live with that guilt every day? Ethan, I was right there! It was on me. I couldn't fucking save her!" I was crying, sobbing like a fucking baby.

"Fuck you," he yelled, pushing against me again.

"I couldn't fucking save her," I repeated. "I fucking hate myself for what I let those assholes do."

"STOP IT!" Her high-pitched scream sliced through the night air. We both turned to her. Tristan was holding her back. She wrenched herself free and stepped towards us. "It's
my
fault."

"What?" Ethan and I spoke at the same time.

She glared at both of us before speaking. "It's my fault," she said again. "I should have stayed outside like you'd asked." She turned to me now. "The first thing you did when you knew we were in danger is get me out of that house. You picked me up, threw me out and locked the door. You told me to call the cops. That's all I had to do," she shouted over the sound of the rain. Her voice was strained from her withheld sob. "All I had to do was call the police and wait. But I couldn't even do that. I had to go back in . . . and for what? To save you? How the hell could I save you?
One minute
. One fucking minute and the cops would've been there, and everything would've changed. I'd be
safe
, just like you'd intended." She turned to Ethan now. "You would've never seen me in that position. I would've never even been in there. And Logan, he would've never left." She faced me again. "It's my fault. You think you're to blame for it all? You're so wrong. It's me. It's all on me." She collapsed to the ground. Her head fell in her hands.

I tried to speak, but the lump in my throat prevented it. I wanted to tell her she was wrong. She was beyond fucking wrong.

"And now you're here." She lifted her head. Her eyes met mine. "Now you're here, and Ethan blames you." I knelt down so we were face to face. She placed her hand on my cheek. I did everything I could to stop from wincing in pain. "I'm sorry," she said. "I should've told you it was my fault, but I was so—"

"Stop." I kissed her once, ignoring the sharp ache. "You can't ever think like that. Ever. Promise me?"

She shook her head, her sobs taking over.

"The neighbors are watching. Let's get inside," Tristan spoke up.

Amanda's head turned as she looked around at us. Then her eyes met mine. "I'm coming with you," she whispered.

I shook my head. "You can't. You need to stay here. No more running. No more hiding." I kissed her forehead. "We'll get through it together, okay? Swear it."

"But I want to stay with you." She ran her thumb under my eye. It'd started to swell.

Tristan picked her up off the ground. "No-one's going anywhere." He held his hand out to me. "You can't drive, your eyes about to swell shut." He helped me up, and the same time looked around us. "Y'all can get back inside, everything's fine. There's nothing to see here." He chuckled to himself. "I've always wanted to say that."

28

Logan

I sucked in a breath with a hiss.

"I'm sorry," she grimaced.

"It's fine." I ran my hands up her thighs. She sat on the counter in her bathroom. I stood between her legs while she tried to clean my face and the mess that Ethan had created. "You're not freaking out over the blood. It doesn't bother you anymore?"

She shook her head, and quietly repeated, "I'm sorry. He had no right to do this to you."

"Yeah, he did." Truth. "We fucked up, Amanda. We shouldn't have been sneaking around behind his back. We wanted to live in our own world—our own little bubble—it had to burst at some point. This was the bursting point."

She sighed. "He didn't have to hit you."

"I would've done the same." I moved her hand away from my face and kissed her wrists. "I mean, I knew that he'd be pissed, but not like that. But you—you knew, didn't you?"

She swallowed, and nodded slowly.

"What the fuck did you expect would happen, Lexi?" Loud shouting from the hallway caught our attention. Ethan's voice echoed through the house.

Amanda's eyes went huge. "Oh no . . ." she muttered.

Moving me to the side, she hopped off the counter and tiptoed to her closed bedroom door, putting an ear to it, as if we actually had to strain to hear them.

"Fuck you, Ethan. You think acting like a dick is going to make me want to move in with you? No fucking way." Her footsteps got louder as she got closer.

"Baby, come on." Ethan was right in front of the door now. "You already said you would, you can't just take it back."

"Bullshit," Alexis snapped. "Watch me. And you can watch me walk out of your fucking life, too."