My Big Fat Gay Life (34 page)

We lay in silence for a few minutes to catch our breath, then Ryan propped himself up on his elbow and looked me directly in the eye.

“I love you,” he said tenderly, reaching out to caress my cheek. He had an expectant look in his eyes.

I LOVE YOU TOO!
I wanted to scream it out. I wanted every person in the neighbouring rooms to hear it, if they hadn’t already guessed from my screams of passion over the last three hours.

“You know I’m married,” I told him. “You know I love my husband. I should never have seen you twice, yet alone the countless times I’ve seen you over the last six months or so.”

“And why do you keep seeing me?” he asked me, prompting me to say what he wants to hear.

“Because of your enormous cock of course,” I replied, reaching down to fondle it. It stirred in my grasp. “And because of your marketing policy: buy one, get 100 free!”

He threw his head back and laughed with complete abandon.

“That’s a special offer I only offer to very special clients,” he said.

* * *

I rushed home to check on preparations for the naming ceremony, feeling slightly guilty that I’d taken the time this morning to see Ryan. To my relief, everything was prepared and in order. Bars were set up, waiters and waitresses were ready, and the caterers were coaxing the ovens into pumping out mountains of finger foods. The back garden looked like a fairy kingdom, with pink and white balloons, pink and white ribbons, and white lace and flowers.

I quickly showered, dressed, styled my hair, and applied some make-up. When I went back downstairs, Justin and Ruth were there with Baby XX.

“Oh! Let me hold our beautiful miracle baby!” I exclaimed, rushing over to them. I kissed Ruth and Justin, and then held out my arms to receive the pink-swathed bundle. I cooed as I gazed down into her beautiful face. Memories of a newborn Sebastian flooded over me, and tears welled up in my eyes, totally unbidden.

“Now!” I said. “Ruth, grab some champagne. You have months of alcohol deprivation to catch up on. And you,” I said, turning to Justin and nodding at the trail of clothes leading from the front door, “pick up your clothes!”

Ruth declined a glass of champagne and instead took a glass of orange juice from the waiter’s tray, explaining that she wouldn’t drink alcohol while she was still breast-feeding. Justin obediently went to retrieve his clothes and stored them in the entry wardrobe.

At that point, Anna arrived with Donovan. He was in his wheelchair, and had a big smile on his face. He looked handsome in a suit, and he nodded at us. Over the last few months he’d regained some control of his neck muscles and face, allowing him to nod and smile. He could also sit without slumping. Anna studiously avoided looking at Justin’s naked body.

“Look Darling,” I said, squatting on my heels next to him, as best I could in the dress I was wearing. “Isn’t she beautiful!”

Donovan drank in the sight of the beautiful baby girl and nodded enthusiastically.

“Patricia,” I heard a voice call down from upstairs. “I’m ready.”

Excellent! I stood up and turned to Ruth and Justin.

“Allow me to introduce Toni,” I said loudly enough to be heard at the top of the stairs.

This was Tony’s first public appearance as Toni, and the poor kid was petrified! He’d spent hours getting ready, and the result was quite stunning. As Toni floated down the stairs, her feet and calves appeared first. She was wearing high heels that sculpted her calves quite nicely. Then her thighs and hips were revealed, clad in a clinging dress that showed off her high hips, narrow waist, and wide thighs. She had a perfect hourglass figure. It was as though, despite sprouting a dick in the womb, her body had known she was supposed to be a woman. A few more steps down, and she was revealed in her entirety.

Ruth gasped, and then rushed over to hug her.

“You’re beautiful!” Ruth gushed, and she was. Toni had managed to avoid the over-the-top drag queen look that some transsexuals fall victim to, and instead managed to achieve a subtle, understated elegance. Looking at her with a critical eye, I doubted anyone would know that under that stunning exterior a cock was carefully tucked away.

Justin stood back, looking slightly surprised. Then he too walked over and kissed Toni on the cheek.

“You sure do,” he said, echoing Ruth’s observation. I had to hand it to Justin: whenever he steps outside his comfort zone he finds his footing quickly.

* * *

The ceremony was beautiful: simple, quick, and quite moving. I sat on a bench next to Donovan, holding his hand. Anna had wheeled him into the back garden and he was perched at the edge of the paved area, taking delight at the sight of all the guests enjoying the afternoon. Anna appeared at my side.

“Mrs. Parker,” she said quietly, “there are two policemen at the front door.”

Excusing myself to Donovan, I walked immediately to the front door and greeted the officers.

“How can I help you?” I asked politely.

“Matthew O’Brien has regained consciousness,” one officer stated. “We have a warrant to arrest Kento Black for assault with intent to cause grievous bodily harm, and a warrant to arrest Patricia Parker for obstructing justice.”

Trapped. I think we need to create some new words to give more depth and dimension to traps, as there are so many different traps and ways to be trapped. Some traps are inevitable, and we can’t do a single thing to avoid being caught in them. Some other traps can be avoided, yet we seem to go out of our way to ensnare ourselves in them. And yet other traps are created purely by our own actions: we immerse ourselves in them with our eyes wide open.

I’m trapped in a body that’s rebelling and totally non-responsive to my desires. But I can now smile and nod, and I’m happy with that! With hard work and determination, I will walk and talk again. It’s just a matter of time before I escape this unavoidable trap.

Toni is trapped in the body of a male, and since discovering the trap she has taken great strides to escape it. I hope she doesn’t try to escape the trap too quickly. She needs to live life as a woman for a long time before making any drastic decisions, such as breast implants or gender reassignment surgery. As she appears now, nobody would realise she wasn’t what she appeared to be unless they were in an intimate situation with her. Her make-up was perfect: understated and flawless. Her dress showed off all the right curves. She portrayed the complete illusion of being a beautiful young lady.

My brilliant, smart, talented son had managed to ensnare himself in the trap of an abusive relationship. He saw it coming, yet he didn’t sidestep it. I’m utterly devastated that he’d suffered such horrendous mental and physical abuse at the hands of Matt, but if I look at the situation objectively it’s clear that Sebastian placed himself in that position willingly. The Universe must have needed to teach him a lesson.

Enough musing! I spent far too much time inside my own head these days. Our home is filling up with guests for the naming ceremony, and I need to be there mentally.

I sat in my wheelchair in the large reception room, smiling and nodding at all the guests as they arrive and make their way outside to the rear garden where the ceremony is to take place.

Kento arrived with Ian and cordially introduced Ian to me as though I were a dignitary. I’d never met Ian before, but I liked what I’d heard of him throughout the months in the care home and since I’d come home. Kento gave me a hug but Ian looked uncomfortable, as though he couldn’t decide whether to hug me, try and shake my hand, or just smile at me. I grinned at him, trying to put him at ease. Kento used to be caught in a trap of his own making: vanity and selfishness. He appeared to have escaped that trap with elegance.

Ruth’s brother, Rory, arrived and I watched Ruth rush over to greet him with a hug.

“Where’s Barbara?” Ruth asked him, craning her head around to peer behind him.

“She’s moved back home to her parents’ house,” Rory said. “It’s not going to work out.”

“Oh Rory, I’m so sorry,” Ruth said comfortingly. Observing Rory’s behaviour throughout the afternoon, it became clear as to why that relationship had ended: his eyes were constantly drawn to Justin’s cock as though it had its own gravitational field. Rory had been trapped in a relationship with a woman, and was now trapped in the struggle to come out of the closet despite his fears and anxieties. He’ll get no sympathy from me. Support? Sure. But no sympathy: coming out should be easy to do. Closeted people blow it all out of proportion in their own minds, making it an insurmountable obstacle to escaping the trap when it should just be a tiny speed bump.

The baby girl’s grandparents arrived, and she was passed around between the four of them like a party favour until the ceremony started. Ruth and Justin’s friends and loved ones all arrived over the course of an hour or so. Sebastian was the last to arrive, surprisingly.

“Holy shit!” he exclaimed, placing his hands on Toni’s shoulders and looking her over. “You’re beautiful!”

Anna appeared from my room and wheeled me onto the rear patio for the ceremony, then quietly disappeared again. She was good: efficient, caring in her gruff manner, aware of when she was needed and, more importantly, when she wasn’t needed. Patricia sat on the bench next to me and took my hand. We both looked to where Justin and Ruth were standing with their baby girl.

“Hi everyone,” Justin called out, addressing the entire gathering. “We’ve gathered you all here today to meet the newest member of our family, and to bear witness as we introduce her to the Universe.”

Justin was naked, of course, and was holding his naked daughter in his arms. Ruth held his arm, beaming brightly. It was a touching scene, worthy of immortalisation in a photograph by a talented photographer such as Anne Geddes.

“We call upon you all, our friends and family,” Justin continued, “to support and love her as she grows, and to help Ruth and I in our efforts to shape her into an individual being with her own beliefs and morals.

“Here, on this gorgeous sunny day, we present the Universe with Kyra Wynne. Kyra, derived from the Egyptian for Sun, and Wynne, derived from the Welsh for pure.

“Kyra Wynne Todd,” Justin continued, looking down at his daughter, “meet your family!”

Ruth, Justin, and Kyra were overwhelmed with people, and I contentedly sat and watched. Patricia and I glanced at each other and smiled.
Welcome Kyra!
I wanted to shout out loud.
May you always avoid the traps in life!

* * *

The afternoon progressed well. The guests milled around drinking and eating, blissfully unaware that Kento and Patricia had been arrested. Sebastian and Ian had slipped out quietly to try and resolve the situation.

Oh Patricia. What have you gotten yourself into? You built a web of deceit and lies, and Matt has sprung the trap shut around it.

“Matt,” I heard Sebastian’s voice. It came through in my dreams, stirring me to wakefulness. I opened my eyes to see Sebastian standing by my bed. He looked angry, not at all bereft and upset like he should be at seeing me in this condition.

“Sebastian,” I croaked, attempting a smile. My throat was sore from the tube that had recently been removed. “How are you?”

“Fucking angry,” he replied. “How could you tell the police that Kento attacked you? You know he didn’t lay a finger on you.”

“I know no such thing!” I exclaimed, widening my eyes with feigned innocence. “I remember him attacking me in your apartment.”

“You spiteful bastard,” Sebastian hissed. “He humiliated you by scaring you into pissing your pants. You just want revenge.”

Obviously, I’d lost Sebastian. He was no longer in my thrall, but I could recover from this.

“It’s not true,” I said. “He smashed my head into your coffee table.”

“Bullshit. Kento could no sooner do that to someone than fuck a woman.”

“If you want me to lie to the police and tell them it was an accident, I need something from you,” I said, squeezing tears into my eyes, trying to look sorrowful and pathetic. “If you ever felt anything like love for me, you’ll help me end this.”