My Blue River (27 page)

Wow!
All I could think was,
wow.
In one passionate, heat-of-the moment act, with someone she didn’t even truly love, Claire had derailed her entire future. I couldn’t decide if I felt sorry for her or angry.
Should I hug her or smack her?

I knew I needed to set aside how irritated I felt. Claire and I had become good friends and right now what she needed was my support.

“So how did your mom and Garrett handle this?” I asked as I pulled her to sit on my bed. I put my arm around her shoulders. She moved ever so slowly and it was visible that discussing her impending future was nerve-wracking for her.

Claire continued to look over to the window, lost in what I assumed was a reflection of the moment. She finally replied, “Well, my mom actually handled it better than I thought she would. Garrett was an ass about it but he’s no relation to me. I really could care less what he thinks, but I do need to be nice to him for a while because I’ll be living with them until the baby is born. After that, I plan to move to Middleburg. There’s a lot of subsidized housing there and I think it’ll be better to be away from all the disappointed eyes that’ll be staring in my direction.”

“Hey, look at me.” I pulled her by the chin to face me. “I’m sure you’re not the first or the last girl to get pregnant as a teenager in this town.”

“No, I’m not, but I’m the most recent and I’ll be the focus of gossip.” She turned back to the window. “I can’t stand it here anyway. At least Middleburg is bigger than here, right?”

“Yeah, that’s true. You know, you can still do some sort of schooling.”

“Maybe. Someday. I just can’t worry about that right now. All I can think about is this baby.”

“I can imagine.” A silence fell between us. I wanted to ask so many more questions like, why aren’t you considering adoption? But the moment didn’t feel right as she kept rubbing her belly like she was already in love with her baby. Her tummy didn’t protrude the slightest bit, but she knew a life was there inside her. “You actually seem pretty calm about this.”

She turned back around and looked at me. “Well, I have had nearly two months to process all this and you haven’t.”

“Two months! You’re two months pregnant and you’re just now telling me!” I reflected for a moment then sucked in a breath of knowledge, “The ski trip! The time we went skiing and you guys got a room and spent the night! Oh…my…” my voice trailed off at the realization. Claire had been right about one thing today. She should’ve never put herself in that hotel room with Ethan.

“Yep. That’s the scene of the crime. Oh, Addy, I couldn’t bear telling you. I knew you’d be disappointed. I’ve ruined our college plans. I’ve ruined everything! I’m so sorry!”

She went from calm to crying. Instinct took over and I turned and hugged her. She fell into my body as though they were the arms of a loving mother and she was a five-year-old girl who had been waiting forever for some sort of physical comfort.

“You don’t need to tell me you’re sorry, Claire. I love you.” I had only told my dad I loved him, but telling her I loved her flowed through my lips naturally and I meant every word.

We cried together for nearly an hour until she started to joke about how her belly would look at graduation. I was relieved to know she planned to finish high school. That was her first smart move of the year. She offered to still visit me in California but I think we both knew it would never happen.
This is a shocking change in plans
.

22.  Spring Fever

I spent hours on the internet searching for the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for Jack. Nothing seemed perfect until I came across a guitar on eBay. It was a unique guitar with mountains and a river, a
blue
river, etched on the body of the guitar.
He is going to love it!
It cost me a small fortune, but he was worth it. It was the first time I had come to appreciate my job at Brody’s and although it was not my ideal job, it was certainly a paying job. It was nice to have money of my own especially when it enabled me to buy something special for Jack.

We decided to drive to Middleburg for our Valentine’s Day dinner. I mentioned I was growing weary of The Cattle Club and I knew we would be eating there on prom night. I joked he still owed me for last summer’s oyster festival fiasco so he made reservations at a seafood restaurant in Middleburg, saying it was worth the forty-minute drive.

There was no hiding or wrapping Jack’s present so I simply hung a large, red bow on it and handed it to him when he arrived. I was right. He loved it and even strummed a quick song on it before we left. He offered to teach me a few chords someday, which I gladly accepted just for the chance to watch him play.

I felt ashamed for noticing he wasn’t holding a present for me in his hand and I found no large boxes, or any boxes for that matter, in the Jeep. I couldn’t help but wonder if Jack hadn’t gotten me a gift, then I felt ashamed for wondering.
Of course he got me something!

We talked about Claire’s news that had been delivered to me only a couple of days ago but as it turned out, Jack had known for a bit longer than me and was sworn to secrecy. I felt a twinge of jealousy that Claire was still closer to Jack than me. We decided there was no point in feeling depressed over something we couldn’t change and decided to sing a few songs together. I was finally comfortable enough to sing in front of him even though my skills paled in comparison to his. He joked that through his fine tutelage, I no longer needed that bucket to carry my tune in.

Once we entered The White Marlin, I immediately knew it would surpass the likes of The Cattle Club. Everything about it screamed “too expensive,” but Jack insisted he could afford it. He also kept insisting I needed to simply enjoy the night, reminding me that my dad wasn’t his only employer and tonight, money was no object. Our meal was incredible and rivaled many seafood restaurants in San Diego. Honestly, I was a bit shocked.

As we shared a huge mountain of chocolate cake for dessert I offered, “So, I have a confession to make, Jack.” His eyebrows shot up with curiosity.

“Oh, really?” he asked.

“Yeah. It’s humbling really.”

“Now you really have my attention.” He smirked.

“Ha! Ha! Very funny.” I pulled a face then continued, “Umm…it’s about Rover.”

“Rover? Your beloved Land Rover? Oh my gosh! Is he okay?” he mocked, as if Rover were a small child or pet.

“Funny. Yes. Umm…well, I’ve decided it’s too much of a vehicle for me and honestly, I hate paying for the gas.” I hated to admit he had been right all along about Rover, but he was. I had only liked that it was a Land Rover, but it was too big for me, too expensive and I thought maybe someone might be impressed that it wasn’t a Ford or a Chevy, but it turned out I was only fooling myself.

“And?” asked Jack, knowing I had more to say.

“And…I was hoping you could take me back to Pete Sells and help me pick out something else.” He started to laugh. I could tell he wanted to say “I told you so,” but he spared me his gloating. I hung my head with humility until he pulled my chin gently up to face him. He leaned over to me for a quick kiss.

He dropped the sarcasm. “You know I’d do anything for you. Taking you to see Pete would be my pleasure. Besides, I love to car shop. Let’s go next weekend.” I could already picture the older, small-sized truck he would talk me in to and I giggled to myself.

By the end of dessert, tiny beads of sweat formed on Jack’s forehead. He wiped his forehead, then his brows and seemed nervous—really nervous.

“You have spring fever, Jack?” I teased.

He looked up at me. “Umm…what? What do you mean?” He seemed unable to focus.

“You’re sweating. I asked you if you have
spring fever
. Get it? It’s almost spring—you’re sweating—spring fever—ha ha?” But he barely laughed in response to my joke. In fact, he didn’t seem amused. He seemed too nervous, which was now making me nervous.

“I’m fine. Really. It’s just warm in here,” he insisted. It wasn’t warm at all, in fact, I felt chilly. Something was definitely going on with him.

When he said he had my gift and pulled out a small, black, velvet box, I began to sweat, too. My heart beat faster. It was a ring-sized box
. Would it be a ring? What type of ring would it be—engagement, promise? Would I accept it? Would I pass out?
My heart was pounding so hard that I thought I could see it beating through my blouse. Jack wiped his brow one more time then slid the box across the table to me.

“Please, Addy, accept this gift.”

I sucked in a break and slowly opened the lid. It was a beautiful and very unique opal necklace, which matched my birthday opal earrings.

“Do you like it?” he asked.

“Like it? I love it. I do! I love it!”

“Are you sure? You look disappointed.”

“Oh, no, Jack. I love it! I was just wondering how you found something to match the earrings so perfectly. The earrings are so unique but you got them in October,” I said as I inspected the necklace.

“I guess it’s time for my confession,” he offered.

It was my turn to be curious and my eyebrows shot up. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah, umm…actually…I drove to Idaho and found the opals in an opal mine, then I designed the necklace and earrings myself and had Tawnie, the jeweler, make them.”

My mouth fell open. I was speechless. I felt bad I hadn’t known back in October Jack had personally designed my earrings. I was continually amazed at the extent of his thoughtfulness and now wished I had had the skill to hand paint the blue river onto his guitar myself.

I gently pulled the necklace from the box. Jack helped me put it around my neck and hooked the clasp for me. “Glad I wore these.” I pointed to my opal adorned ears.

“Me, too.” He smiled and kissed me again. “There’s something else.”

“Another gift? You shouldn’t have.” I pretended to protest with a coy smile.

“No. It’s not a gift. Just something I want to say.”
Uh-oh
.
Were we at those three little words? I knew that’s how I felt but I wasn’t sure I was ready to say them. Would he say it? Was I ready to hear it? Would I say it back?
I started to breathe heavily.

I braced myself. This was a very exciting and important moment for us. “Okay, what did you want to say?” I swallowed hard.

He paused. He, too, swallowed hard. He leaned close, held my hand, looked me in the eyes and said, “Please don’t leave.”

In my head I thought,
What!?
My lips couldn’t speak. Those were not the three words I had expected to hear and technically, counting the contraction, they were four.

“Please…don’t leave for college. I’m not sure my heart can take it.” Jack attempted to smile as he said those last words.

“But—I—have to—leave.” I had to look confused because I was confused. I was shaking my head while my mind was still processing the fact he hadn’t said
I love you
over a romantic dinner and processing his request for me to stay. I must have sounded like a wide-eyed, medicated person. First, the ring box didn’t contain a ring and then his three little words weren’t
I love you
, not to mention I didn’t know if I was ready for all that anyway.
Why am I freaking out
? But I knew why. It was exactly what I wanted. My heart knew I wanted to wear Jack’s ring, I wanted to hear him say he loved me and I wanted his last name
.
But my mind said,
“Stop it, Addy. You’re only eighteen.”

Jack sat back in his seat and looked down at his lap. He looked frustrated as he let out a heavy sigh.

I finally found my bearings. “Jack.” I pulled his chin up and forced him to meet my gaze. “I really,
really
, don’t want to leave you but I
have
to go to college. My leaving doesn’t mean we have to break up. I’ll be back for breaks and we’ll talk every day. We can do this. We can.” I tried to sound confident in my conviction.

“But you
could
go to college in Montana. Then we could be together all the time or at least more often,” he protested.

I shut my eyes. I didn’t want to argue on Valentine’s Day, or ever for that matter, but especially on what was to be a special night for us. “Can we please save this conversation for another time?”

Jack opened his mouth to speak, but decided otherwise. He relented. “Sure. We’ll talk about it another time.”

I leaned close to him. “Jack, I love—this necklace.” I touched the opal around my neck. He forced a smile.

********

Jack’s Journal

Monday, February 14

I took Addy to the best, fanciest seafood restaurant in Middleburg for Valentine’s Day—The White Marlin. I had each moment planned out. I was going to give her a promise ring I bought at Tawnie’s. I had the promise ring in one pocket and Addy’s opal necklace in the other. I couldn’t decide so I took them both. At the last minute, I panicked and ended up giving her the necklace instead of the ring. Then, I was going to tell her after dessert that I loved her and all that came out was
Please don’t leave
. What the hell was that? I know that’s how I feel. Why couldn’t I get the right words to pass through my lips?
Please don’t leave
nearly started an argument because after it came out, I decided to roll with it and see if she’d break at all. She’s pretty firm on this college thing so I’m worried I’ll never get her to stay and time is running out.

She gave me a sweet guitar as a V-Day gift. I love it but I feel guilty. It must have cost her a lot of money. She seemed to love the opal necklace. She was wearing her opal earrings so that worked out nice. She seemed impressed that I picked out the opals myself and designed the earrings and necklace as well. She of course looked beautiful…breathtaking really.

I guess the night worked out the way it was supposed to but it wasn’t what I imagined. I put the ring back in my desk drawer. Like me, it’s just waiting for the right moment to take Addy’s hand.

********

“Happy Birthday, dear twerp…” I sang to Aaron as I handed him a present. He shot me a nasty look so I said, “Oh, sorry, that’s right. I was going to lay off the name calling.” I gently punched him in the arm. He smiled in return.

Aaron looked really good these days. His eyes were bright and clear and his words coherent. I was proud of how well he had been doing in his battle with addiction. It helped that both Jeff and Troy were grounded for some reason that Aaron had probably been involved in, but not caught at doing. I was just happy he saw his sixteenth birthday today.

“Thanks, snoberel…I mean, Addy.” He offered a one arm hug. I wrinkled my nose and pretended to be revolted by the idea of hugging him. As we stood facing one another, I noticed we were nearly eye-to-eye now. He had grown two full inches since our move to Blue River.

My gift to Aaron was a set of art supplies. As he opened it I said, “I didn’t want you to forget my project.”

“Project?” asked Aaron.

“You know…the drawings of the pictures I gave you.”

“Oh, yeah, glad you reminded me. I did forget.” My heart sunk. If Aaron had forgotten, then he hadn’t started yet, which meant he may not finish before I left in August.
Dang it! I really wanted to take some of Aaron’s masterpieces to college with me.