My Stupid Girl (9 page)

"Because you’re real." She didn’t
even wait for a response, her gaze immediately turned back to the night. I said
nothing. It was deafening.

"I want to be like you, David,"
she blurted into the night.

"What are you talking about?" I
asked, stunned.

"You’re so..." she paused, stuck,
but looked determined to explain herself. "You are very kind." It
came out slowly, like that wasn't exactly what she meant to say but that was
the best she could come up with on short notice.

"I'm kind?” I barked out a hard laugh.
“You don't know me, Lucy."

She wouldn't be saying that if she knew how
I felt about her before we had officially met.

"I do, a little.” My snort went
ignored and she kept going, “I want to get to know you more, but I see that you
have a heart like God’s. More than anyone else I've ever met, anyways."
She was being serious; I could tell by the way she was looking at me. I,
however, was totally lost.

"I don't even know what that
means," I said.

"Listen, I went to the lake with my
youth group from church. Not one of them tried to save me. I mean,” her face
scrunched up, “I guess Mike did, but when he felt like his life was in danger
he bailed. You, a stranger, ran after me and when you saw the situation get
worse you didn't run away. You actually went in after me. So,” her voice took
on a confident tone like she was wrapping it up nicely, “you’re like God. You
risked your life to save mine. That’s why I want to be like you! A lot of
people talk the talk, but I see you doing it."

She kept her eyes locked on mine the whole
time she was talking. When she was done she reached up to pull the hair out of
my eyes. I quickly grabbed her long fingers but I didn't want to push her away,
which was usually my first reaction. Instead, I redirected her hand, placing
her palm on the hollow of my neck right near my collarbone. She raised her
eyebrows at me. She wanted a response.

"I really have no idea what you’re
talking about." I reached out slowly and stroked her left check with my
thumb. She closed her eyes. She lifted her face up and when she opened her eyes
they were smoldering. No one had ever looked at me like that before. I had this
intense urge to touch her face again.

Instantly a battle had begun in my head and
was now raging. I wanted to be close to this girl, I wanted her in my life. She
had already changed me so much. But here I was, with an opportunity to get even
closer to her, and I felt myself backing off. I was ready to get up and walk
out. Every muscle in my body was practically screaming for me to get away.

Why?

It was simple. I had lived with my father
controlling me for so long that, even when he wasn’t around, I still avoided
human affection from fear of some random, violent change of mood. Or maybe from
anger. Or maybe both.

I had a choice to make in this moment. I
could let my dad win, or not.

I forced my muscles to relax and do what I
longed for them to do. I raised my hand and put it on her right cheek; she
melted into it. I put my forehead against hers, still forcing myself to not be
afraid of this girl, whose breath I could suddenly feel on my face. She put her
free arm around me, we were impossibly close. She moved her head slightly to
the right. Her lips were against mine for less than a second before she jerked
back in surprise.

"What are you kids doing up
here?!" an old man with a flashlight came up behind us, banging on the
iron railings and screaming like someone was trying to steal the whole stinking
lighthouse from under his nose.

"Really, dude? REALLY?!" I yelled
at him and clenched my hands together at my side as I scrambled to my feet. I
had pure frustration seeping from every inch of my body. Lucy looked at me and
smiled.

"I'm sorry sir, I thought we could
come up..." she was trying to explain but he cut her short.

"You need to leave my property this
moment, or I am calling the police." He shined his light straight into my
eyes, completely blinding me. That dang light was so bright that it’d probably
be burning into my retinas in another minute, magnified by my glasses, which
were suddenly the worst thing ever. I started toward the broken door, just to
get the blinding laser of light off me, dragging Lucy behind me. The irate old
man followed, mumbling.

"Dang kids, always climbing up here!
You know you could get killed up here!"

Lucy was shaking from laughter as we raced
down the steps to my car.

I, on the other hand, found nothing funny
about the situation. 

Stupid old man.

Stupid old lighthouse.

Stupid girl!

5. IN OVER MY HEAD

Driving Lucy home was torture, pure and
unadulterated torture. Worst car ride of my life. Oh, and let’s not forget that
time where a bunch of Christians had stripped me and left me in a car to freeze
to death. Even that one did not compare to the ridiculousness of the one where
I drove Lucy home.

She sat next to me, in the passenger’s seat,
with her feet up on my dashboard. Her head rested back against the seat, gazing
out at the dark scenery that sped by us. She looked as calm as could be. Her
hands drummed against her knees. I could feel her glance shift in my direction
every once in a while. If she caught me looking at her she’d smile. 

"Could you put your feet down?" I
said coldly. Her hands stopped mid-drum and she slowly turned her head in my
direction.

"Excuse me?" She straightened her
legs so they were completely straight, exaggerated even, her foot touched my
windshield.

"Lucy, if we get into an accident,
you’re going to be sucking on your knee caps. Although, I’m not sure you'll
notice because you’ll be dead!" She didn’t respond. I pressed on, “Maybe
they can use your kneecaps to identify your charred corpse, because your teeth
will be all messed up from swallowing your lower legs.”

She guffawed. "David, I hate to break
it to you, but we’re in a Volkswagen. If we graze a dog we‘ll be in trouble, so
does it really matter where my feet go?”

She still had her feet up. I glared at
those feet and shook my head. I didn’t try again, just stared at the edge of my
headlights. Stone silence in the dog-killing Volkswagen. After a few seconds,
though, she put her legs down. I looked over at her and she stuck her tongue
out at me. I may have cracked a smile. A little one. A very tiny, morose smile.

"So, what are your plans after high
school?"

"Not sure, you?" I answered back.

"No clue either.”

"Well aren’t we just a pair of budding
entrepreneurs?” I said, with building irritation. The small talk was making me
crazy. Had she not been up in the lighthouse just now? I felt like my body was
going to combust into a bazillion pieces and there she sat staring into space
like she didn’t even care.

This was the first time I’d ever had any
girl show me any kind of attention and I was apparently having a much harder
time shaking the whole experience off than the bombshell next to me was. But
what was I thinking? She was probably used to it. Everyone was passionate about
Lucy. This kind of evening was probably nothing new to her. Which made me feel
like an idiot.

She must have noticed the smoke coming out
of my ears.

"You ok?" She asked, reaching up
and moving a tiny piece of hair behind my shoulder. I pulled away half an inch,
but still let her touch me.

"Fine." I answered her quickly.
Curt is a word old people use that seemed pretty appropriate.

"Yeah? ‘Cuz you look like a pouty
little baby right now." She put it bluntly. A sly smile inched its way
across her amazing face.

"What would I be pouting about?"

Her face lit up. "I’m hoping it’s
because you have to take me home? Maybe it’s because we were about to kiss and
a crazy old man interrupted us. Maybe because I look wayyyy better than you
ever did in these pants.” She chuckled a little. When I didn’t chuckle back she
gave me a big, cheesy pout complete with scrunched eyebrows. I instantly felt
stupid but still couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself.

It felt good to hear her say "almost
kissed" when referring to me, though. She noticed me smiling and punched
my arm with her fist, before grabbing it and shaking it a little.

"Cheeeeeeer uuuuuuup,
Daaaaaa-viiiiiid!" She sang. I didn’t respond, but let my smile grow,
visible through my curtain of hair. I felt considerably better.

Almost kissed. Booyah.

It had started to rain again, forcing me to
go slower. Slower was fine with me. I liked being in a warm car alone with
Lucy. It was kind of a long drive and I kept catching myself relaxing. I would
realize, from time to time, that I’d just gone a few minutes feeling totally
comfortable. Once I realized it though, I would instantly go back to feeing
awkward.

I had serious issues. We all know this by
now.

At Lucy’s direction, I pulled into a
neighborhood called the West Mountains. Giant houses planted on football
field-sized lots made me think of a Richie-Rich version of tract homes. Though
they were huge, every three houses looked the same. I cringed a little,
remembering that me and my friends made fun of the people who lived here on a
pretty regular basis.

"Turn left up here." Lucy pointed
to a street glittering with street lights and falling rain.

"There, number 1480." She sat up
excitedly, happy to be home. Although I recognized it, being happy about being
home was a foreign feeling for me. I found myself longing for it. The sparkling
face of 1480 didn’t hurt. It would sure be nice to park in that driveway every
night. I pulled to a stop in front of her house and realized instantly that I
was at a loss at what to do. I’d been too busy being mesmerized by the house to
realize we were at her house. I turned the ignition off and looked up at her.
The rain got a lot louder as soon as the engine died.

"Want to walk me to my door?"
Hope burst out of her voice, even though she spoke softly. Her tone encouraged
me a little, until I actually thought about what should happen at the door. I
desperately fought the urge to push her out the door with my combat boot and
speed away. Just one kick would take care of this situation.

"Sure." It came out in a whisper,
totally destroying my attempt to not sound scared to death. What was she
thinking should happen? Did she already have a picture in her head of how this
was going to go? I was in way over my head here. In a rush of adrenaline,
before I actually did kick the gorgeous girl out of the car and leave her in a
spray of rainwater, I jumped out of my door and ran around the other side to
get hers.

I tried to pull myself together, trying to
get rid of the image of shoving her forcefully onto the giant lawn and running
back to the safety of my car.

Her hand was out like she wanted me to take
it but, like the awesome guy I am, I pushed my own hands deeper into my
pockets.

When we reached the front stoop, paved with
some kind of textured tile I’d never seen before, she turned around to face me.
She still looked completely at ease while I was having a mini-meltdown.

"Thanks for the ride," she said.
Her face looked even kinder than usual.

"Thanks for bringing me my car,"
I said, rubbing my shoe over the tile. The rain had soaked it to a deep red. It
was probably from Italy or something. 

"Oh yeah, what would you do without
me?" she answered sarcastically. I just smiled.

She patted her hands against her legs and
looked down at her feet. Kill me now, please.

"Well…" she was starting to sound
defeated, "If you ever want to hang out, you can call me. I think you have
my number." She now had a hint of rejection in her voice and she was
blushing furiously.

"I’ll call you, Lucy," I said
quietly.

She beamed at me, flung her arms around my
neck, and hugged me tightly. I had just managed to pull my hands out of the
depths of my pockets and was starting to return the hug when she pulled away a
little. My hands, behind her and moving in for the hug, stopped her abruptly in
front of my face. She stared at me for a split second before moving. Her face
turned the tiniest bit and her lips kissed my lips very quickly. I had hardly
felt it but I knew it had happened. My entire body going numb was my first
clue.

She managed to break out of my zombie-iceman
hold, smiling that killer smile.

"I’ll talk to you soon, David."
She turned around and put her hand on her door knob, but it opened before she
turned it. Her Dad’s face appeared at the crack of the door. I’m sure I looked
like a turtle. I felt like a turtle. Unable to move off the priceless
Renaissance tile, I was concentrating all of my willpower on my shoulders,
trying to convince them to fold inward so my head had somewhere to hide. They
did not cooperate. Traitors.

"Lucy, David! Hi." He opened the
door the entire way and held his hand out for me to shake. My hand shot up all
by itself. As he shook it he didn’t seem to notice my apprehension. With a
daughter that beautiful maybe he was used to teenage-boy-statues on his front
stoop.

“Come on in, come on in!” He managed to
pull me in far enough to shut the door. They didn’t mind me dripping onto the
priceless indoor tile, I guess. "How are you, son?"

Lucy disappeared into the house leaving a
trail of water, and me with her father. 

"Good." I answered quickly.

"How’s your grandma’s?" He
dropped my hand, finally, and I instantly shoved it back where it belonged. In
my pockets.

"It’s fine." I realized that
everyone must know by now what had happened and why I was living with my
grandmother. Stupid small town. The dad just looked at me with concern in his
eyes. Awesome second impression. First impression, fear for his daughter’s
life. Second impression, extreme pity.