Neighborhood Watch (13 page)

“Oh. You don’t have to give me this,” Kristin said handing it back.

“No, silly. Of course I do. Sweet things always drive away unhappiness.”

Kristin shook her head.

“Come on in,” she said.

“This house is so nice,” Jean said stepping through the door. “I remember when the

Feinbergs first moved in. I thought Elaine and I were going to become good friends.”

“I thought you said you were good friends in the beginning.”

“I did? Oh, well, only for a short time.”

“What happened?”

“She just didn’t fit in to development life. That’s the way Nikki put it.” Jean followed Kristin into the living room.

“Sit down,” Kristin said. “Did you hear about the incident at the Del Marcos’ this

morning?” Kristin asked as Jean sat on the sofa.

“No. What?”

“Their alarm went off and the security guards went to the house. Either Mrs. Del Marco didn’t hear them ring the door buzzer or . . . I don’t know. They broke into the house through a back window.”

“What happened?”

“It was a false alarm.”

“Oh,” Jean said pressing the palms of her hands to the base of her throat. “Thank God.

We’ve never had a break-in or a mugging or any kind of theft.”

“I saw Mrs. Del Marco.”

“Angela? How was she?”

“Unhappy.”

“Yes, she is very unhappy these days. We don’t like to gossip about each other, but I think she’s having some marital problems. Nikki said that Bill said her husband lost a few big accounts this past month. Financial problems can work like earthquakes and shake a family’s foundation. I hope things straighten out for them,” she added mournfully.

“You said you had that item about me in your notes,” Kristin said.

“Uh-huh.”

“How did it get into your notes?”

“Oh, they weren’t my notes; they were Nikki’s. I just wrote them up. Eileen McShane does some writing, too, but she was very busy this week.”

“Well, how did Nikki get the information?”

“From you at our interview.”

“But I didn’t mention that.”

Jean shrugged.

“Nikki is sort of Mr. Slater’s right-hand man, the one who does all the nitty-gritty.

Nothing much happens here without her knowing about it. She enjoys it.”

“Do you think she spoke to Arlene Hoffman about me?” Kristin asked, fixing her eyes on Jean’s. Jean shifted her gaze uncomfortably and then widened them with surprise.

“What’s that?” she cried nodding toward the rear patio door. Kristin turned and smiled at the sight of the puppy waddling back and forth.

“A toy poodle Teddy bought for Jennifer yesterday.”

“It’s a dog,” Jean said, her voice still thick with shock.

“Yes, it is a dog. A poodle is a dog,” Kristin said slowly.

“But . . . you can’t have a dog.”

“Can’t have a dog? Why can’t I? I didn’t imply I was allergic to animals during the interview, did I? And I know I didn’t tell Doctor Hoffman anything like that,” Kristin said.

“No, not because of an allergy. Because of the CC and R’s. Didn’t you read the page on pets? The only pets we’re permitted are birds in cages and tropical fish. We have no need for watchdogs, not with our security system.”

“People have dogs for other reasons, Jean. What are you talking about? This is a house, not an apartment. I can have a dog if I want.”

Jean shook her head.

“It’s very specifically forbidden. The committee decided. Other developments have so many problems with cats and dogs invading other residents’ property, barking,

screeching, not to mention poop control.”

“Poop control? Oh. Well, we don’t intend to let our dog poop on anyone else’s property.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re going to have to get rid of it.”

Kristin stared at her a moment.

“We just got this puppy. My daughter is ecstatic over it. I think it’s adorable. There is no way in hell I am going to give it away. If you want, you can put that down as a direct quote and publish it in the next issue of the directory,” Kristin said and stood up.

“It’s not my decision,” Jean said. “It’s the committee’s and I’m not on the committee.”

She stood up, too. “Please don’t be angry at me.”

“I’m not. I’m just a tiny bit fed up with rules and regulations at the moment. I think a few people have let this thing go to their heads.” Kristin smiled.

“I have to tell Nikki about the dog,” Jean said sadly.

“You have to do what?”

“If she finds out I knew and didn’t tell her . . . we’re all technically officers in the Neighborhood Watch, all homeowners. Not reporting a violation makes you part of the violation. That was in the last monthly newsletter.”

“The last thing I want is for you to get into trouble, Jean. Please, go right to the telephone and report my puppy.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules.”

“I’m just following orders,” Kristin said.

“What?”

“It was one of the famous refrains at Nuremberg.”

“Where?”

“Doesn’t matter now. It happened a long time ago,” Kristin said. She looked at the box of candy and then seized it, tearing off the cellophane and ripping off the cover to pluck a chocolate out of the box. Jean shook her head when Kristin offered her one, and then Kristin put one into her mouth and smiled.

“You’re right. Sweetness takes away sadness,” Kristin said.

6

THE FIRST THING
T
EDDY NOTICEDwhen he arrived at home was how dark the

house was. It was an overcast day and the gloom seemed to drape from the trees like Spanish moss in the Louisiana bayous. He pulled into the garage and entered the house through the kitchen. The lights were off there, as well as in the dining room and the kitchenette. When he stopped at the living room, he saw that all the lamps were unlit. At first he didn’t notice Kristin sitting in the wing chair. She was so still and so quiet in the shadows. So he started down the hallway to the bedrooms.

“I’m right here, Teddy,” she said. He turned, squinted, and grimaced.

“What are you doing sitting in the dark? Why aren’t there any lights on? Where’s

Jennifer?”

“Those are easy questions,” she said. “I’m sitting in the dark because there aren’t any lights on and there aren’t any lights on because I didn’t turn them on. Jennifer’s playing in her room. Next?”

“What’s going on now, Kristin?” he asked stepping into the living room.

“Nothing,” she said. “Actually, I should amend my response. I did turn on this lamp, and I sat here reading this fascinating book.” She held up the two-inch-thick Emerald Lakes homeowners Covenants, Conditions, and Restrictions, but in the shadows Teddy didn’t recognize it.

“What’s that?”

“Here they would call it the Bible, the covenants, the commandments. Let me illustrate,”

she said as she snapped on the lamp. She opened the book, smiled at him, and began.

“Drapes: All drapes and curtains visible from the street or common areas shall be either the color and pattern of the original drapes and curtains or a color and pattern approved by the board and its authorized committee.”

“Huh?”

“Wait. This gets better,” she said. “Power equipment and car maintenance. No power

equipment, hobby shops, or car maintenance (other than emergency work) shall be

permitted on the property except with written approval of the board. The board will consider the effects of noise, air pollution, dirt or grease, fire hazard, interference with radio or television reception and similar objections.”

“I don’t understand why you’re reading this stuff, Kristin.”

“You don’t? You should have read it more closely, Teddy. The board is not going to like finding out you’ve been here all this time and haven’t.”

“C’mon, Kristin, every homeowners association has that stuff and you heard that it’s all just basic common courtesy and things that help maintain our property value.”

“Not much of an excuse, Teddy. Sorry. In fact,” she said, flipping a page and reading, “it is expected that each and every adult resident of Emerald Lakes will be line by line familiar . . . how do you like that expression? Line by line familiar? Line by line familiar with all the covenants, conditions, and restrictions for Emerald Lakes. Ignorance of these covenants, conditions, and restrictions will not be a justification for violating any. Nicely put, don’t you think?”

“All right,” Teddy said. “What did we do?”

“I should get to that, shouldn’t I? Okay.” She flipped the pages and held up the book.

“Pets. Except for caged birds and tropical fish in aquariums no bigger than six feet in length, three feet in width and three feet in height, no animals, reptiles or insects of any kind shall be kept in any residence. This specifically refers to dogs of any breed and cats of any breed.”

“No dogs?”

“Uh, uh, uh, Theodore Morris,” she said, wagging her right forefinger at him. “Ignorance is no justification for violation.”

“Let me see that,” he said stepping across the room. She handed him the document and he read. After a moment he looked up. “Jesus. Who would ever think—”

“That you couldn’t keep a pet in your own home? There’s a lot more in there, Teddy, a lot more.” She took the book back and turned the page. “Did you know, for example, that when and if you want to sell your Emerald Lakes home, you must use the Emerald Lakes real estate office and have your prospective buyer approved by the association?” She gazed up. “You look like you didn’t know.”

“Hey, Michele Lancaster told us the CC and R’s were not much different from any

homeowners’, so I didn’t go over it with a fine-tooth comb.”

“You don’t need a fine-tooth comb for this, Teddy. The restrictions are in bold, black and white letters. Yes, our garage door can’t be kept open because it’s unsightly, and yes, we can’t have vehicles, especially trucks with advertising parked in our driveway for a prolonged period, and yes, no motor coach, trailer or camper can be driven on our

development streets, but did you know we can’t change a bush, plant a new tree,

rearrange the sidewalk, add exterior lights or change the exterior lights without prior committee approval? We can’t even increase the wattage in the bulbs!”

“Wattage in the bulbs?”

“It’s called a uniform lighting code. All the approved wattage for the light fixtures is listed here.” She flipped a page. “Here’s one I especially love. Any gathering consisting of more than twenty persons must be approved by permit. So, if you want to have a house party, you’d better think hard about who you want to invite.”

He shook his head.

“No dogs?”

“Yes, no dogs. Jean was here today to apologize for what she had included about me in the directory. She more or less confirmed that Nikki Stanley got the information from Arlene Hoffman, my doctor’s wife. I’ll see about that during my doctor’s visit tomorrow.

Anyway, then Jean saw Mr. Sniffles and nearly passed out with shock. She told me . . .

no, apologized, I suppose would be the more accurate way of putting it, that she would have to turn us in.”

“You’re kidding. She turned us in?”

“Yes. The way it works is this . . . she’s a member of the community and all members of the community are technically members of the Neighborhood Watch, so if you or I or

Jean sees some violation and don’t report it, we’re conspirators.”

“Well, I can understand their point. We should all care, but . . .”

“I know, kind of reminds you of children turning in their parents in a faraway land called Nazi Germany.”

“Really, Kristin . . . Nazi Germany?” He started to smile.

“They had Eileen McShane call. She, too, apologized, but said she was calling officially as a member of the Neighborhood Watch because she had been informed we had a dog in the house. She asked if that were true.

“ ‘I cannot tell a lie,’ I said. ‘It’s true.’

“She read me the restriction word for word and told me where to find it. I told her where to put it.”

“You didn’t?”

“More or less. I think my exact words were we were going to use the book of CC and

R’s for poop paper for our dog. She thought that was an unfortunate thing for me to say and told me she didn’t like to be the one who enforces the laws, but someone has to do it.

I told her I felt sorry for her and ended the conversation.”

Kristin sat back.

“Mr. Sniffles is in Jennifer’s room with her. Why don’t you go in and tell her she has to give the puppy up? Read her the CC and R’s.”

“You think I wanted something like this to happen?” he cried, his arms out.

“No, Teddy, but I think you had better figure out a way out of it.”

“This is unreasonable,” he said. “I’m sure they have some sort of appeal procedure.” He thumbed through the book until he found what he wanted and nodded. “You can appeal to the board of directors for a variance. I’ll call Phil Slater.”

He turned and went to the phone in the kitchen, hesitating only when he lifted the

receiver.

“Where’s the directory?”

“It’s in the stove.”

“Stove?”

“Yes. I like keeping it in the stove,” she said. He stared at her a moment and then opened the stove door. It was there.

“You are really cracking up, Kristin. You know that.”

“You can’t crack up in Emerald Lakes, Teddy. It’s expressly forbidden in the CC and R’s.”

“Very funny.” He looked up Slater’s number and called. Kristin sat back in her chair to listen and watch. “Philip, Teddy Morris. You have a minute or is this an inconvenient time?”

“No, it’s fine,” Philip Slater said. “How can I help you, Teddy?”

“Well, I just found out that I violated a rule by buying my daughter a toy poodle puppy.”

“I see. Yes, that’s something specifically restricted.”

“I realize that now, but I think this dog is so innocuous, a true house pet, it couldn’t possibly annoy or bother anyone.”

“Nevertheless, Teddy, it’s one of our rules. You had the CC and R’s before you even completed escrow.”

“I know. I just . . . missed that section for some reason. Anyhow, I read where we can appeal to the board for a variance.”