Never Say Never (21 page)

“Do you realize what you are saying?” I asked.

She tipped her head back and laughed, suddenly giddy.

“Should I say it for you again?” she asked, her tone teasing. Then she faced me squarely and grinned broadly. “I’m a lesbian.” She overenunciated the word proudly before lifting her voice to call out the words again at the top of her lungs. “I’m a lesbian!” I was unable to stop the grin that found my lips. “I don’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“Believe it,” she implored. “And please, stop punishing me because I never loved another woman before you.” Her voice grew quiet.

Is that what I had done? Had I put a label on her and made assumptions based solely on that label? I had. In that brief moment, the truth and wisdom of those words slapped harder and colder than the tiny pellets of ice that continued to pummel my cheeks.

“Weren’t you straight at one time?” she was asking. “Before you fell in love with Julie and realized you were gay?” I looked into her eyes and was overcome. “I never thought of it that way.” I nodded grimly. “You’re absolutely right,” I admitted.

The gusts of wind began to die down as thick, heavy flakes fell between us. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too. I’ve handled all of this so badly. But god, Leslie. If you have any feelings left for me, please don’t push them away. Come home with me. Let’s talk. We have so much to talk about.” She reached for me again, her fingers curling around my arm.

I couldn’t believe that after all the tricks my mind had played on me over the past months, she was actually here, talking to me this way. My resolve crumbled.

“You’re right. We need to talk.” I hesitated briefly, my mood lightening. “I don’t suppose this means you’re going to want to date me again.”

She caught my unexpected smile and laughed a low, delicious laugh. “Date you?” She shook her head. “Nope. I want to marry you.”

“Don’t play with me, Sara.” I stepped away from her.

She reached out both hands to grab my shoulders, her face contrite. “I’m not playing with you.” Fear and doubt weighed heavily between us. “Oh, Leslie. Listen to me.” She pulled me closer until her face was inches from mine. “I love you. Didn’t you know that? I want to love you the way I wasn’t able to before. Without holding back. Without either of us holding back.” I stared into her eyes, wanting to believe her, listening to the battle that raged between my heart and my head.

“Are you sure?” I croaked.

“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. The question is, what do you want, Leslie? How do you feel?” I sighed, wondering if I could say the words, knowing that I had to. “I want a commitment. A real partnership.” She eyed me, a slow smile creeping to her lips. “A marriage of sorts?” she grinned.

Elation threatened to engulf me, and I carefully tempered it.

“Of sorts,” I agreed, feigning nonchalance.

Her grin grew and she nodded.

“And a house . . .” she dangled the sentence.

“In the suburbs. With lots of land,” I finished.

She nodded again, enjoying the game. “With a puppy? Perhaps a kitten?”

“A puppy,” I agreed. “And anything else that needs a home.” My resolve was turning to mush.

“And what else, Leslie?” She reached out and in a single downward motion unzipped the jacket that covered me. Cold fingers reached beneath my sweater, tickling my belly before settling at my waist. “What else do you want?” My knees were weak, and I sobered instantly. “I want you. I want us to be together.” The words fell from my lips unchecked.

Her smile was full, lighting her eyes as her left hand joined the right beneath my sweater. “And how do you feel about me, Leslie?”

I chuckled, finally realizing that she was fishing again, wanting to hear what I’d wanted for so long to tell her. “I love you, Sara.” I reached out to brush her hair from her cheek, swallowing hard. “I’ve always loved you.”

She smiled, leaning into me until her lips were brushing my neck. “At last,” she sighed. “Tell me again.” I closed my eyes and let the moment wash over me as my arms reached out to hold her. “I love you, Sara.” I could feel her smiling. “I love you, Leslie.” We held each other a moment longer before she lifted her head. “If we stay here long enough like this, maybe Dennis will see us and we won’t have to worry about him trying to talk me out of leaving anymore.” She kissed me quickly on the mouth and stepped back, slipping her arm through mine. “Come home with me?”

“I guess I don’t have anything else to do,” I shrugged, smiling.

We turned together to walk along the ocean’s edge, listening to the silent beauty all around us as we trudged through the snow.

“I have a friend I want you to meet,” Sara said as we tried our best to shelter our faces from the driving snow. I raised an eyebrow, uncertain where this was going.

“It’s Tracy. I found her.”

“No!”

“Uh huh. I called her folks and they gave me her number. She forgave me, Leslie,” her voice wavered just a bit.

“Sara, that’s wonderful!” I hugged her tightly.

“I didn’t ruin her life as I thought I had.” Sara was elated, stumbling ahead of me playfully. “She met a woman right after high school, and they’re still together. I told her all about you.” The words were rushing from her lips.

I stopped for a moment, eyeing her carefully. “She helped you figure all of this out, didn’t she. I mean about you. And me.” She stopped to face me, her smile wistful. “Yeah. She really did. Ironic, isn’t it?”

I agreed that it was.

“I told her I was coming home to sweep you off your feet.” She waited for me to catch up, slipping her arm through mine again when I’d reached her. “Am I doing okay so far?” I dipped my head to one side. “Not bad. For a start. But you have an awful lot to make up for.”

She laughed, squeezing my arm. “Ooh, I can’t wait. I’m going to love every minute. Have I convinced you to marry me yet?” She ran off ahead of me again, bending to scoop up a handful of the wet flakes.

“Not yet.” I played along. “But keep trying.”

“I will, Leslie,” she called. “I will.”

My heart singing, I stopped and watched her begin to pack some snow together between the palms of her hands.
Uh oh.

Quickly, I bent to scoop up some snow, straightening just as the snowball splattered across my face. Gleeful laughter floated to my ears. When I opened my eyes I could see her far ahead now, sliding and slipping as she ran away from me, laughing and giggling at the top of her lungs. In a second I was chasing after her, my own laughter joining hers, knowing that this time when I caught her, I’d bury her in snow and cover her with kisses.

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