Never Say Never (26 page)

Tears run down her face. “That doesn’t make you a bad person, and it certainly doesn’t make you hopeless. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, Aiden, and I don’t mean physically. You saw past my heartache, and I see past yours. Please promise me you won’t take the pills anymore.”

“I promise,” I say, and I seal it with a kiss. I rest my head on her chest and cough. She rubs my back and I close my eyes. Haley made me rest all day, and I’m feeling better, but the stupid cough is lingering. We stay like that for a while, and I’m feeling peaceful and tired now.

She sighs. “I should check on the new guy and Phoenix, and bring the others in.”

“I’ll come with,” I say, sitting up.

“You can stay here or go inside and rest. You’re sick, so really you should rest.”

“You’re my girlfriend,” I say, watching the light return to her eyes when I say the word. “I want to help you.”

“You’re too good to me.”

I just kiss her and look out at the distant mountains as we stand. “You live in a postcard,” I say. “I never knew a view like this was possible from a porch.”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I could never leave this place.”

“I don’t want to either,” I say, and it shocks me how much I’m dreading going back to L.A.. I don’t want to leave Haley, of course, but it’s more than that. I don’t want to be around my fake friends, I don’t want to be pestered and followed by fans and paparazzi, and I don’t want to have to deal with the fast-paced life of being a Hollywood star.

I pull Haley into an embrace, looking at the quiet landscape, breathing in cool, fresh air, and feel conflicted. Not acting scares me. What the hell would I do? It’s not like I can go from being famous to working a regular job, right? There isn’t anything else I’m good at, anyway. And though I don’t need all my expensive shit, I’d miss having the money.

Haley’s eye close and her face tightens. I hold her, wanting to take away whatever pain she’s feeling. She’s so beautiful, so kind, and unlike anyone I’ve ever met. I never believed in soul mates or true love, or any of that shit…until now. With Haley, I feel hope. I feel like she can see me, the real me, and my fucked-up past and still love me. I’m not scared to tell her, to show her, to let her know everything.

“You will,” she says quietly.

“I will what?”

“Leave.” The word is like a knife to my heart. She opens her eyes and looks at me. She drops her gaze to my chest, a line of worry forming between her eyes. “You will leave. You’ll finish filming, you’ll go back home…and then what?”

“I…I don’t know,” I say, taking her hands in mine. “We’ll figure it out.”

Her shoulders sag and her eyes close again, hiding the pain. “Why?” she asks, shaking her head. “You’ll go back, you’ll forget about all this, about me. You’ll find someone not…not grieving, someone you deserve. And you’ll be fine.”

And she won’t be.

“Haley,” I start. I slip my hands around her waist. “I won’t forget about you. I might go back to L.A., but that won’t mean things have to end. I haven’t thought that far ahead, but we’ll figure it out.”

She flicks her gaze to mine. “I have thought that far ahead, Aiden. And I don’t want…” A fat tear falls and rolls down her cheek. I catch it, gently wiping it away.

“I’ll never leave you,” I whisper. “Not completely. Yeah, I’ll leave the set. I’ll leave here and go on another set, film another movie. But it won’t change how I feel about you.”

“Aiden,” she says softly, and the pain in her voice breaks my heart. How can she not know how amazing she is? See how much I need her, how much she completes me. “I…I don’t know.”

She slips her hand into mine and leads me off the porch. We walk in silence around the house, going into the barn. “This is my life. It’s a broken mess right now, but this is me.”

“I know,” I say, not understanding what she’s getting at. “It’s broken but beautiful.” We slow outside the barn. “Let’s take it day by day.”

“Day by day,” she repeats as she looks into my eyes. “I can definitely do that.” We go into the barn, and I help her take care of the horses. I watch as she unwraps bandages, cleans wounds, softly talking to the horses as she works. I play with Aurelia as she brings in the other horses, and it hits me how much I like it here, and how much leaving will really hurt.

I don’t know what kind of future Haley and I have. It’s not something I think about—ever. A small part of me wants to believe that whatever happens, she’ll still be with me. Imagining life going back to the way it was before I met her makes the darkness swirl inside with fury.

The sky is midnight blue and dotted with a million shining stars when she closes the barn doors for the night. I slide my arm around her waist, and we slowly make our way up to the house. I look up, pausing.

“I never realized how bright it was before.”

“It’s not this bright in Billings,” she says. “The light pollution dims the stars.”

I turn to her, drawing her in. “The darker it is, the brighter the stars shine.”

Her lips pull up into a smile, and she tips her head to the heavens. “Something like that.” Her hands run down my back. “What do you want for dinner?”

I can’t help but smile, again getting hit with how normal everything is. Normal and perfect.

“I don’t really care. I’m not a picky person.”

“That’s good. I’m not the best cook.”

I hug her tightly. “We can order something.”

She wrinkles her nose. “We don’t get deliveries out here.”

“Oh right, you live in the middle of nowhere.”

“Hey now,” she laughs. “I like this nowhere.”

“I like it too. Maybe I can bribe someone to bring us pizza with a really big tip?”

“You can try. But it might be cold by the time it gets here.” She narrows her eyes. “Now I really want pizza. Thanks.”

I laugh and kiss her, then see a flash of light overhead. I look up and see another. Time stops and it’s just the two of us, standing underneath the small meteor shower. It’s gone in only seconds, but it’s unlike anything I’ve seen before.

Kind of like Haley.

She hooks her arms around me, and a breeze blows her hair across my face. I tuck it behind her ears and look into her eyes. The words are inside of me, begging and pleading to be let out.

“Haley,” I start. “I meant what I said, you know.”

“You said a lot of things,” she replies with a smile.

“About me not really leaving you.”

The smile fades away. “I…I don’t know, Aiden. I don’t want to think about it, because I know it will happen, and when it does…” She shivers in the cool night air. “I don’t want to get hurt.”

“I won’t hurt you,” I promise. “Haley, I…I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I know it’s crazy, because we haven’t been together long at all, but I feel like I’ve known you for years, like you see me, the real me, and accept everything. It hurts to think about
not
being with you. I…I think I love you.”

Tears roll down her cheeks and she tenses, which is not the reaction I’m hoping for. She pulls away, shaking her head. “Please don’t tell me that.” Her voice is tight as she tries not to cry. “Don’t tell me you love me.”

“I can’t lie.” I put my hand on her cheek, turning her face in. “I am in love with you.”

“No. You…you shouldn’t. I’m not what you need, Aiden. I’m sorry, but you’re wrong. I’m no good for you.”

My eyebrows push together and cold tingles make their way down my back. I just poured my fucking heart out to her. “Haley…why?”

“I’m scared,” she whispers.

“Scared of what?”

“You.”

I feel like I’ve been sucked under icy water. I put my hands on her cheeks and kiss her, not knowing what else to do.

“I’m already broken, Aiden. If you break my heart, I won’t survive it.”

“I won’t break your heart. I won’t hurt you.” I put my lips to hers, tasting salty tears as I kiss her. “You might be broken, but I love every shattered piece of you.”

“Oh, Aiden,” she cries, and her arms go around me. My mouth finds hers, and I can’t kiss her hard enough. Tears stream down her face.

“I love you,” I say again. She doesn’t say it back, but she doesn’t tense. She just kisses me harder and pushes her hands under the hem of my shirt. We stumble back, and I push her against the side of the barn. Bugs swarm around the light outside the door. I pull back to swat them away.

“Let’s go inside,” she pants, taking my hand. We hurry through the yard and into the house, picking up right where we left off. She peels off my shirt, throwing it on the kitchen floor. A trail of clothing leads to the living room, and soon we are making love on the couch again.

I hold her when we’re done, not intending on letting her go anytime soon. She closes her eyes and puts her hand over my heart, feeling it beating. She might not be ready to say she loves me yet, but I’m not giving up. Not now, not ever.

Chapter 21

My heart is racing and I’m lying still. It’s just after three a.m., and Aiden and I just had sex. Again. We both fell asleep quickly, but Aiden’s insomnia struck, and he woke up after just an hour of rest. After tossing and turning until he couldn’t take it anymore, he woke me up by softly stroking his fingers against my clit. I have to be up in three hours, but I’m not complaining. He can wake me up that way anytime he wants.

His lips press against the back of my neck, and his arms slip around me. I relax against him and close my eyes. His breathing slows as he drifts back to sleep. Everything is perfect. I should be happy, elated.

Aiden is, well, Aiden Shepherd, the famous, insanely good-looking actor. The fact is salient to me, but I don’t feel starstruck around him anymore at all. He’s just Aiden to me. Just himself, and he is fucking wonderful.

And he told me he loved me.

My heart skips a beat when I think about it. I do love him, don’t I? I want to, and I want to believe him. But I can’t shake the feeling that this is all a phase for him. Being away from the crowded, materialistic city he’s used to, away from constant social media feeds, paparazzi…it can feel like a different world, and it’s easy to lose yourself to something exotic.

Would his feelings be the same when he goes back to the life he lives? I’m just Haley, a small-town girl barely getting by and dealing with a loss. What makes me so special?

Carefully, I turn in his arms and look at him.
He
is special. He is more than some famous actor. There is so much more to him than he lets on, and it’s beautiful. I want things to work between us so badly it hurts. I wish I could ask Mom for advice, and for a split second my brain tells me to ask her in the morning as she frantically moves about the kitchen, getting ready for a long day of work in the barn.

I close my eyes, my heart sinking. Mom is gone. There is no one else who will talk to me as honestly as she would have, and no one who would be able to see Aiden for who he is and not what his job is.

Mom, I miss you so much.
I’m so lost, so clueless. I have an amazing man lying naked next to me—a man who tells me he loves me—yet I can’t let him in because I’m scared.

Exhaustion pulls me into sleep again, and I dream about Aiden and fire.

I grab my phone, silencing the alarm before it wakes up Aiden. It’s Sunday morning, the last day of my weekend. I go back to work tomorrow, go away from Aiden. I flop back down, my eyes closing. I’m not ready to get up yet, not at all. But the horses need to be fed, stalls need to be cleaned…along with a slew of other barn chores.

I kiss Aiden and get out of bed. A cool breeze blows through the open window. Aiden is lying on his stomach, blankets tangled around his legs. The top of his bare ass is showing. I admire it for a few seconds then cover him up, making sure he’s warm. Actually, he feels hot. Too hot. Shit, I hope his fever didn’t come back. I can’t remember if he took his antibiotic last night either. I’m not going to wake him up yet, so I silently grab my clothes, go to the bathroom, and then head out to the barn.

Chrissy follows me, her nose down in the grass, sniffing her way to the barn. I slide the heavy door open and am greeted by a chorus of whinnies. I smile, my heart warming at the sight and sounds of my horses.