Never Say Never (9 page)

I blink and take in a sharp breath. I’m in the hospital parking lot. There is no fire. Mom is not calling to me. A tear runs down my cheek. I hold on to the bumper of the SUV I ran into and shakily get onto my feet. Heels click as I hurry back to the car. I need to get my phone, call Lori, and tell her I need her. Now. And maybe I really do need those pills.

I pull back on the door of her car. It’s locked. “You have got to be fucking kidding me!” At least she had the keys. I toss my head back and look up at the stars. “Do you think this is funny? Seriously, why? Why me?” I shake my head. “I’ll never know, because you’ll never fucking tell me, because you’re not real!” I shout to the heavens. I put my head in my hands and wince at the pain.

Right. I had gotten cut. Sighing, I start toward the hospital doors, knowing I should wash the nasty parking lot grime off before it gets infected. I keep my head down as I walk, not wanting to deal with anyone. I freeze outside the doors that lead into the ER waiting room, the only way into the hospital this late. My breath catches, and I’m in the middle of the fire again.

The last time I was in the hospital was after that night. I can’t breathe. I can’t move. I’m frozen in place and the fire comes closer and closer. The heat hurts and I close my eyes, ready to embrace it and let it take me.

The doors slide open, but I can hardly hear the footsteps over the roar of the flames.

“Haley?”

The accented voice is deep, calm, and familiar. I open my eyes. I never expected this.

“Aiden.” His name slips through my lips, and I look into his dark eyes before I have a chance to process what’s happening. I’m shaking, still able to smell the smoke that clings to my body, and bleeding.

“Are you all right?” he asks, and he moves toward me, limping slightly. His dark hair is pushed back out of his face, and he’s wearing Wranglers and a flannel shirt. He looks so different from how I’m used to seeing him—well, seeing him on TV, that is.

“Yeah,” I say right away. “Are you?”

Our eyes meet and that same feeling goes through me, like he can see deep down inside me, past the makeup and the dress, past the façade I’ve put up, knocking down walls and staring right at my dark and broken heart.

I want to run away.

“I’ll live,” he says. “Twisted my ankle on set today. I didn’t want to come here, but you know, insurance and all that shit. I had to make sure it wasn’t broken. It’s not even sprained. Just sore.”

“That’s good,” I say, pushing my hair back.

His eyebrows push together and he reaches out, taking my hand. The moment our skin touches, I shiver. “You’re bleeding.” Carefully, he brings my hand to him, flipping it over. “And you said you’re all right.” His eyes run over me, as if he’s just now realizing I’m dressed like I belong on a street corner. A smile pulls up his lips and his eyes sparkle. “I’m guessing you have an interesting story to go with this.”

I see the redheaded woman he’s with cross her arms and stare at us. She checks the time on her phone and sighs. I smile back at Aiden. “No, I really don’t.” Unless he considers freaking the fuck out and reliving the worst moment of my life over and over interesting. “And I really am okay. My friend had to bring her boyfriend something.” I tip my head. “He works here. I, uh, fell and came in to wash the blood off my hands.”

Aiden just looks at me, eyes hovering over my breasts before coming back to my face. “I wasn’t sure if it was you,” he says. “They gave me a shot of pain medicine. Nothing too strong, but strong enough to make me feel a little out of it.” His fingers sweep over mine and he drops my hand. “You look good.”

I stop smelling smoke. The fire in my mind is reduced to ashes just by talking to Aiden. The ER buzzes to life around me. “Thanks. And you look…” I take my time looking him over. The jeans are tight in all the right places. He has on a western belt, hidden behind the untucked plaid shirt. His look is complete with cowboy boots and spurs. “Different.”

He laughs and rakes his fingers through his hair, messing it up. “Tell me about it.”

My gaze lingers on his boots. “Your spurs are upside down.”

He looks down at his feet. “Really?”

I nod. “Yeah.” The spurs are long and sliver, with a gold wheel at the end. They’re the kind of spurs I hate, the kind that border on abusive. Oh, Hollywood…do some fucking research once in a while instead of going with what looks good.

“Thanks,” he says, and he lifts his foot up for a better look. “How can you tell?”

I laugh. “I don’t know how you can
not
tell.”

The woman puts her phone in her purse and comes over. “What are you doing, Aiden? You have to get back. You need off your ankle.” Her eyes flick to me, full of judgment. It confuses me for a millisecond, then I remember what I’m wearing. I guess I can’t blame her. I look like the typical Hollywood fangirl whore.

“The spurs are upside down,” he tells her. The woman looks at him like he’s lost his mind. “Haley told me.”

Her eyes move back to mine and she purses her lips. “And you’re taking her advice because…?”

“Because she knows horses,” he says.

“Wait, you’re
Haley
?” the woman asks like she knows me. I just nod, unsure of exactly what’s going on. “Oh, oh! Haley, the reporter.”

“That’s me.”

She flashes Aiden a look that says,
You better behave
, and leaves, telling him she’s going to get the car.

“Your hands,” he says suddenly. “You should go see someone about it.” He beckons to the ER. We are still in the vestibule, the little covered section that closes us off from the night but keeps us from the actual waiting room.

“No,” I say. I am just scraped up, and even if it’s bad, I’m only going to the ER if it’s life or death. I’m still paying off my medical bills from the fire. “Really, just some soap and water is good enough.”

He takes a step forward and the interior doors slide open. The attendant behind the desk is watching us. Thank God for HIPAA laws.

“You don’t have to come with me,” I say, and a bit of hurt flashes over his face. “I mean, you should be resting, right? You probably have a lot of filming to do.”

He shrugs. “You know I had three broken fingers for the first half of shooting the last season of
Shadowland
, right?”

My curls sway around my face when I shake my head. “No, I didn’t know that. You couldn’t tell at all.”

He smiles, and I’m a goner when he does. “That’s a compliment.”

We walk in silence through the waiting room, and he leans against a wall when I go into the bathroom. The cuts burn as I rub soap over them, picking out the little pieces of gravel from under my skin. I like the pain. It reminds me that I’m alive.

I should feel excited that Aiden Shepherd is waiting outside the bathroom for me. I should be obsessively fixing my hair and cleaning up the smudges of eyeliner on my face from crying.

But I don’t. I’m hollow inside, my heart a pile of ash in an empty cavity in my chest.

I press a paper towel to my palms, holding it there for a few seconds before tossing it in the trash and leaving the bathroom. Aiden is still waiting for me. He’s on his phone, smiling at whatever he’s typing. The door swings shut behind me and he looks up.

“Better?”

“I think so.” I hold my hands for him to see. “Not so bad, right?”

He puts his phone in his back pocket and I distantly wonder how it fits. Those jeans are tight. His fingers sweep over the back of my hand.

“Yep. Better.”

“So,” I start. “How did you hurt your ankle?”

He laughs and looks a little embarrassed. “I, uh, fell off the horse I was riding.”

“Oh. I’ve fallen plenty of times.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, but you’ve ridden more than me, so it’s not as bad.”

“Hey, everyone falls.” Then I’m hit with another wave of sadness.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m a walking disaster. “You just get back on.” My voice is small, and my eyes fall to the floor.

“Yeah, thanks. Hey,” he says quickly, and I look back into his eyes. “We should go riding together. You can give me pointers. I kind of suck, and I’m not used to being bad at anything.” He runs his hand through his hair again, laughing. The scar on the inside of his wrist is covered with makeup. “Maybe those pain meds are stronger than I thought. I shouldn’t have admitted that.”

“I…I can’t.” The air leaves my lungs and I’m spinning. Riding. Giving lessons. That was something I did before the accident and haven’t done since.

He raises an eyebrow. “You turn me down for drinks and now riding. You can just tell me you’re not a fan or something so I can stop trying.”

I close my eyes and shake my head. “No…it’…it’s not you. It’s, uh…”

“You’re really giving me the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ line right now?”

My fingers shake and the scars prickle. I try to take in a breath but fail. I falter on my heels.
Total walking disaster.
If Aiden were smart, he’d get the hell away from me.

“You don’t understand,” I say.

He takes my hand again, looking at the tiny scratches on my skin. “Then help me understand. You’re different, Haley, and I can’t decide if that’s a good or bad thing. You’re a curious thing, that I know for sure.”

I swallow, my throat suddenly thick and dry. “It’s complicated, and you really don’t want to be around me.”

He laces his fingers through mine. “That makes me want to even more.”

I pull my hand back, refusing to fall for his charm. It was easy to do. From his brooding eyes and charming smile, to his body so hot you could fry an egg on it, he could fool you into plummeting off the steepest cliff for him.

But he wouldn’t catch me. Not ever. He’s Aiden Shepherd. That’s what he does, who he is. And I have to be smarter than that. I promised to make a difference in this world, to right the wrongs and restore my own faith. Aiden is the last thing I need.

“You shouldn’t.” And now my eyes are filling with tears, and I’m angry with myself for being so weak, for crumbling so easily. It’s easy to fall apart when nothing is holding you together. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. A tear rolls down my cheek.

He steps closer and wipes it away. “What happened to you?” His eyes meet mine, and I can see the pleading, the desperation, and the fear.

“It’s not what happened, it’s what didn’t happen.”

“Tell me?” he asks, so quietly I almost don’t hear him. He puts one hand on my waist. His touch is warm and gentle. I want to move in, to bury myself in his embrace and just feel.

I take a step back. “Why do you care?”

The same confusion he showed when I turned him down for drinks is back. He shakes his head. “I don’t know. You’re different, Haley,” he says again. “It’s weird to be treated—”

“Like normal?” I interrupt.

“Yeah,” he says, not seeing how offensive that is.

“Because you’re not normal? You’re better than everyone just because you’re famous?”

“Well,” he starts, and the look on his face is all I need. He thinks it’s true, that he should be treated better, given a gold star by everyone, just because he’s an actor. “Wait,” he says when he sees the abhorrence in my eyes. “That came out wrong…even though I didn’t say anything. Listen, Haley.”

Someone walks toward us, and I turn to see Lori stop dead in her tracks. Her jaw drops and she looks from me to Aiden several times. Then she sees my tears and rushes over.

“Are you okay?” she asks, putting an arm around me. “What did you do to my friend?” She turns on Aiden. Lori can channel something dark and evil that makes her five-foot, four-inch frame terrifying. “Did you hurt her?”

God, I love my best friend.

“I…I didn’t,” Aiden says as he puts his hands up.

“It’s okay,” I say, tipping my head up. It’s not okay, not at all. I’m a bumbling mess and I haven’t told anyone about the flashbacks. “I got bored waiting for you so I came in. Aiden was here.”

“You got bored?” she says, knowing it’s bullshit.

“Yes. I’m fine,” I press. My eyes go back to Aiden of their own accord. “Aiden, this is my best friend, Lori. Lori, this is Aiden.”

He puts on his meet-and-greet smile. The charm melts away Lori’s anger. She shakes his hand and fumbles over her words, gushing about the season finale of
Shadowland
. I step back and let them talk. I need to get it together. Each day should be easier, not harder. I should be feeling better as time passes, healing little by little every day, but I’m not. I feel like each day passing rips into me more and more, killing what’s left of me. The visions are coming on stronger, and I know I am becoming more and more unhinged each time I get pulled into the past.

“Well,” Lori says. “I’m going to get the car. Take your time, Haley.” Her eyes widen with excitement, and she stands there for a few seconds before turning and leaving.

“This is kind of awkward,” Aiden blurts. He looks surprised at his own honesty. He could blame it on the pain meds. “Like I said, I’m not used to getting turned down.” He takes my hand again.
Dammit. Stop touching me. No, not really. Keep doing it.
“Go out with me, Haley, just once. Then you can decide if you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” I say, involuntarily moving closer. “But I don’t know you, and you don’t know me.”

“Why do I get the feeling you don’t want me to get to know you?”

I pull my hand back and rest it over the patch of scar tissue hidden under the cardigan. “Because I’m not the kind of girl you usually hang out with. You won’t want to get to know me.”

A coy smile pulls up his lips. “Now who’s being presumptuous? I’m taking you out, Haley Parker. And by the end of the night, you won’t want to leave.”

I can’t help but smile too. “You know, you’re kind of cocky.”

“Let’s leave my cock out of this until I buy you a drink.”

My smile widens and I shake my head in disbelief. “Fine.”

“What’s fine? The part about me taking you out, or the part about my cock after I—”

“Taking me out,” I say, blushing

He gives me his trademark smile. “What the hell is there to do for fun around here?”

Fun? What is fun? My mind actually comes up blank when I try to think about things I used to enjoy. I haven’t felt happiness in so long.