No Alarms (5 page)

So she’d managed four words, seven if you counted the title, in half an hour, and she knew that was as far as she was going to get. Anything more and Trish would see what a waste of effort she was, same as they always did.

‘And then I worked out that if you go back to the master screen, from level five, through Control T, you get a list of all the codes.’

It was Mark’s voice interrupting her thoughts, his excited talk carrying along above the train lines. Sharon looked up. He was with Chris, his only friend, the two pairs of chubby white legs keeping step with each other, their heads down so they hadn’t even seen her. Good timing she figured. The sort of timing that can make a half idea seem whole.

‘Hi boys,’ she said, smiling because she knew it’d make them feel nervous. They both stopped, standing fidgeting with the straps of their heavy school bags.

‘What do you want?’ Mark asked.

‘Just you,’ Sharon said standing so she blocked their way forward. ‘Chris, you can piss off home.’

She looked at Chris who glanced sideways at Mark, uncertain. Mark nodded, just once, a small movement like even the thought of disturbing the air frightened him, and Chris took a nervous step to the side.

‘Ah, yeah, see you later then eh Mark? I’ll ring you tonight.’ And if you’re not there I’ll call the police, he meant. Sharon
smiled again. Knowing she’d never be that pathetic made her happy.

‘Yeah, okay,’ Mark squeaked back and Chris ran off. Mark looked up and then quickly away, as soon as Sharon caught his stare.

‘What is it?’ he mumbled. It wasn’t the first time she’d stopped him like this, to get some homework off him.

‘You’re coming back to my place.’

‘Eh?’ He went instantly pale, like there was nothing he could think of that would scare him more. ‘Um, now?’

‘Yeah now.’

‘I, I can’t. I’ve got my paper run.’

‘It’s not going to take long,’ Sharon said, knowing she wouldn’t have to argue. He’d do it.

‘What is it I have to do?’ He tried, like that could make a difference.

‘Can’t tell you. It’s something I have to show you.’

Which was true and better. It sounded frightening too. Mark’s face tightened even more.

‘Um, later maybe. What about tomorrow? I’ve got a free last.’

Sharon could see all the fear turning to desperate hope, till she grabbed his wrist and jerked him forward. With her other hand she pulled out her lighter.

‘Like the smell of flesh burning then do you?’

She flicked down and the flame appeared, dancing in the breeze like it was itching for the chance.

‘No, of course not, I mean okay, I’ll come with you. Just not too long okay?’

‘Maybe.’

Sharon could tell he’d never been this way before. It was in
the way he walked, keeping close, like she was his protector, even though she scared him half to death. She found herself becoming angry with him, for being such a wimp, and the angrier she got the faster she walked, till she could hear him puffing behind her, struggling to keep up.

It must have looked crazy, her swinging in through the front door, this little blob of wheezing behind her, not knowing which way to look, or even where to stand in a place like this. Kaz was in the lounge, TV up way loud, and the look she gave them was classic. ‘You could do better than this girl’ it said, and Sharon had to agree.

‘Mum, this is Mark.’ She didn’t usually bother with introductions but she could see how small it was making him feel. ‘We’re just going down to my room. Don’t disturb us.’

And Mark’s face went even redder, although you wouldn’t think that was possible, and the ‘hello’ his lips stumbled over didn’t sound like a word at all.

‘Right, sit down,’ Sharon ordered as soon as she’d slammed the bedroom door behind her. Mark balanced the edge of his arse on the end of the bed, because it was that or the floor, which was covered in clothes that needed washing. ‘Okay, I want you to write something for me.’

‘Homework?’ He asked.

‘Yeah.’

‘I don’t know why you bother. If you’re not going to do it yourself. You won’t learn anything,’ he protested.

‘I am going to do it myself. I’m just going to get you to write it out, so there aren’t any mistakes, okay?’

She glared at him.

‘I suppose.’

‘You’ll do better than suppose you little shit,’ Sharon hissed. She grabbed Mark hard, each hand with a fistful of collar, and lifted his startled frame off the bed. Then she swung him hard against the wall, hard enough for the room to shake. Kaz wouldn’t come running. She’d seen him. She’d know there was nothing to worry about. Sharon leant forward so her face was right in his and his expression contorted, like his features were trying to escape. ‘And you won’t tell anyone about this. Not a fucken single person. Not even any imaginary friends you might have. Get it?’

As soon as she let him go the tears came, like her grip on him had been holding them back. He slid down against the wall till his arse met the floor and buried his head in his hands so all she could see was his red hair going up and down in time with the snotty breathing. Sharon waited for him to get over it. She knew he would. He had no choice. He rubbed his eyes and looked at her, like there was a part of him half expecting an apology, but that was never going to happen. So he stood back up and got his bag, took out pen and paper and sat back down on the edge of the bed, ready.

Mark took it all down without asking questions. It was easier, just saying it, and the more she said the quicker the words came, a list of hates piling up so high she almost lost sight of Mark sitting there, and got a bit loose with the descriptions. He didn’t seem to notice though, he was too busy trying to keep up, his little knuckle going white around the pen, his face screwed up in concentration. He only let the look slip once, halfway down the list.

‘And I hate those guys when you look them in the eye they look back at you like they think you’re the biggest piece of trash
they can imagine. But then other times, when they don’t think you’re watching, they’ll be letting their eyes wander all over you, trying to get a look up your skirt if they can, like them hating you doesn’t matter at all.’

He blushed at that, just quickly, but he still wrote it down.

‘And I want it done tomorrow,’ was all Sharon had to say when she was finished spewing her ideas out into the room, more ideas than she knew she had. ‘Typed up on a computer, not in your handwriting.’

‘Um are you sure this is what they wanted?’ Mark moved to the door, like he was scared she might attack him again.

‘Yes I fucken am. You think I’m stupid or something?’

And he wasn’t so stupid to try to answer that. She heard his feet breaking out into a trot as he headed down the hall.

Mark wasn’t at school the next day. Probably the first time he’d ever wagged, Sharon reckoned. Showed he was scared of her. That was good. Justin was there though, still avoiding her in the corridors, his big purple bruise slowly fading to yellow. She’d decided she was never going to talk to him again but it wasn’t the sort of decision designed to last. So she cut English and followed him across the field to the bike shed, where she’d seen him heading at the end of interval. She came up round the back, so he wouldn’t get a chance to walk away, and paused for a moment at the rusting iron wall, just out of sight, smelling his second-hand smoke on the breeze. It was somehow cool, being that close and him not knowing she was there.

Sharon wasn’t expecting to hear his voice though, talking
normal, or as normal as he ever talked.

‘Just whatever really,’ she heard him say. ‘I got nothing till after lunch.’

‘Want to come round to my place then?’ Madeleine’s voice, ugly and unmistakable. As unmistakable as the feeling in the back of Sharon’s throat, taking her totally by surprise. The sort of feeling that forces you to swallow, then sets up an echo in your stomach. Jealousy. Weird. She’d never really thought of Justin that way. She couldn’t deny it though, any more than she could deny the way her face was getting hotter as she waited for the reply. ‘Want to come round to my place?’ Slut.

‘Nah, might just head home.’ Good one Justin. Always said you had standards.

‘That’s a shame.’
Why don’t you just take your clothes off while you’re at it? In case he’s missed the point.

‘You want me to tag along? I’ve never seen your place.’

She wouldn’t give up, not Madeleine. At least not till she caught another scent to follow.

‘Nah, don’t think so. Sorry, I prefer not having people there. It’s my place to be by myself, you know what I mean?’

‘Sure,’ muffled through corrugated iron but Sharon could still hear the disappointment, enough to tell she’d got the hint.
He let me come round. Showed me his map even, had me back for dinner too! Wouldn’t do that for you though, cos you’re not worth the effort.

‘Well, thanks for the smoke. See you round eh?’

‘Sure.’

Sharon listened to the footsteps and backed up a metre. It was okay. She was heading out the other side, off towards the station. Sharon waited until she heard Justin lighting up another
cigarette then walked around the front, trying hard to look natural, like she’d only just wandered across and was surprised to see him there. Casual, doesn’t-matter-one-way-or-the-other surprise. Not as easy as it looks.

As soon as he looked up she knew she’d failed. Even with the bruise he managed to look like the clever bastard he was, the sort who’d seen right through her. Who knew she hadn’t just wandered over for a smoke, maybe even could see the way she’d blushed only a minute before, when Madeleine had tried to stake a claim.

‘What do you want?’ he asked straight off. Not aggressive, just asking, to show he knew there was something. He shuffled sideways on the dirt floor so there was room beside him and she lowered herself into the space Madeleine’s arse had kept warm.

‘Just on bike patrol. I volunteered.’

He smiled and she took the chance to bring out her own cigarettes. Not a good time to scab. Even though she knew it was him who’d dumped on her, pretending he’d told Simon when Simon didn’t know anything about it, getting her hopes all up for nothing, she still felt she owed him. Not very in control. Not very Trish. She tried to swallow the feeling with the smoke but neither’d stay down forever.

‘So what are you doing here anyway?’ Sharon asked.

‘Just waiting.’

‘What for?’ She knew she was meant to ask. He had that little smile starting to pull up on the side of his mouth.

‘You.’
Bullshit.

‘Yeah right, so that’s why you keep avoiding me, cos you want to see me. Makes sense.’

‘Does actually.’ And Sharon shut up, because she wanted to believe it. He let the silence take hold then interrupted it gently.

‘I couldn’t talk round school you see, and I knew as soon as I said anything you’d want to know about the other night and I couldn’t risk anyone hearing.’

‘Yeah, so why didn’t you get me a message or something?’

‘Didn’t have to,’ he said, blowing out a thin stream of smoke the way they do on a movie, to show how up themselves they are.

‘So?’ Sharon said.

‘So what?’

‘What did happen? How come Simon didn’t know, when you said he did? What were you doing?’

‘I sort of screwed up,’ he shrugged, like that explained everything.

‘Oh, well in that case sorry for asking.’

‘Settle,’ he said, still smiling like it might have been some big joke. Not to Sharon it wasn’t.

‘Why the fuck should I settle? Do you know what a pain in the arse it was getting those letters? I got chased, ran down this fucken bank just to get away. And the cops came sniffing too, had to bullshit my way out of it. Just so you could screw up and make me feel bad.’

The way they were sitting so close, squashed down into the one corner where there were no bike racks, it was impossible to get properly angry. You’d have to be standing up for that. Maybe it was why Justin stayed so cool.

‘Look, I invited you round cos he’d said he needed a girl to help with a job. He hadn’t told me to find someone exactly but
I knew it’d be sweet. He’d used the mail thing before. I was just trying to show some initiative. I was going to tell him but he only just got home before you arrived so I thought I’d bluff through it, pretend you were just a date or something, tell him later, after you’d gone.’

That word ‘date’, said by him like that, it made her feel strange, the sort of strange that had her suddenly aware of the point where their shoulders were touching, where before she hadn’t even noticed. Didn’t mean he could go and make it into her fault though. She knew where this was going. She wasn’t that thick.

‘Then you showed him the bag and it all went sort of wrong.’

‘Because you didn’t fucken tell me what was happening you fool. Why didn’t you say? You had the whole fucken dinner to say?’

‘I just forgot. I was just, well, I was just having a good time, didn’t want to ruin it.’

Answer for everything haven’t you? Bastard.

‘Yeah, well you deserve that then don’t you,’ she said, pointing at the bruise that didn’t look quite as bad close up.

‘Probably do,’ Justin nodded, smiling again. Sharon didn’t get that, the way he could see it as funny. There’s nothing funny about some bastard hitting you. ‘It’s turned out okay though. That’s the thing.’

‘How?’

‘That’s why I’ve been waiting to talk to you. Simon wants you to help us on a job.’

‘Nah.’ Sharon’s heart jumped at the possibility, but she’d seen Simon’s face, when she’d shown him the bag. It couldn’t be right.

‘Why nah?’

‘You’re bullshitting me again, same as before. It’s not funny you know.’

‘I’m not,’ he said. ‘You don’t know Simon. He can be weird sometimes. He doesn’t like surprises. But he calms down, and I told him you’d be good. You can’t pull out now. Then he really will be pissed.’

‘What’s the job?’

‘Can’t say,’ Justin said.

‘Fine. Then I can’t do it.’

‘No, you don’t get it. I don’t know what it is. That’s how it works.’

‘When?’ Sharon asked, because she knew she couldn’t let it go, even if it might be bullshit. Because if it wasn’t…