Authors: Elaine Allen
No Ordinary Love (21 page)
“Does she know who I am?” he asked enthralled with the look of the girl. His heart was pounding in his chest and his breath was arrested by the fact that her eyes were his eyes. It was something unseen by the observing eye, because the rise and the fall of his chest and his voice remained steady.
Tamika shook her head, surprising Casey, who would have bet her life savings that she had.
“I didn’t think it would be a good idea until everything got settled. I don’t wanna shake up your life, Daemon, and I don’t want my little girl to be put in a position of having to meet you when you’re not ready to accept the responsibility of all this,” she explained. Tamika took a seat on the sofa. Karea followed. “So, no, I didn’t tell her that you are who you are.”
Casey said, “I thought you said that you knew he was-”
“Mooom,” Karea let out as if she were frustrated. Then she began leaning all over her mother. “When we going to Grandma’s?”
Patient eyes looked at the five-year-old. “Karea, give Mommy a chance to talk, please.”
She huffed and her bottom lip stuck out in a pout. “You said we were gonna go.”
“In a minute,” Tamika responded.
“Is it okay to talk about this in front of her?” Casey wondered. All the five-year-olds she knew were surprisingly intelligent and caught on to more than grown-ups expected. Both Cinyah and Yah were smart as hell, and nothing ever got past them.
Although Casey was the one who asked the question Tamika looked directly at Daemon and said, “I didn’t have any other choice but to bring her. We can go in your office, and she can sit out here with Casey while you and I talk.”
Casey frowned. “I ain’t even bout to sit out here while-”
Daemon shook his head. “Is it okay for her to sit out here alone? I would like for Case to be there.”
Accepting that Daemon was letting her know that Casey had a position in his life, Tamika looked over at him. “I guess. It doesn’t make a difference to me, but I don’t have time for no insecure girlfriends. I’m not here for no drama or bullshit.”
Instantly offended, Casey said, “First of all, I am not insecure and bitch, you are the drama. We don’t have time for it,” Casey told her pointing from herself to Daemon as she stepped closer to the sofa where Tamika was sitting. “And we don’t have time for no bullshit.” She pointed at her. “So you better not be lying neither, ‘cause then we’ll have a problem.”
“Karea, go sit on the couch over there and close your ears,” Tamika told her daughter with a little push.
The Barbie Doll stood up. Didn’t mean much to Casey who knew that Barbie’s couldn’t fight. “Girl, I’m not worried about you and no adolescent crush.”
“Girl? You and your scanky ass lucky that I’m not about to beat you down up in here. Coming up in here like your word is the indisputable truth.”
Unwilling to be put in the middle of a cat fight, Daemon said, “Casey,” while pulling her back, in fear that she was going to lose her patience with the situation and actually hit Tamika.
It wasn’t fear that led her to say, “Look, I know that this is a lot to deal with, and no offense, but this really has nothing to do with you, Casey. This is between me and D.” Tamika wasn’t inclined to getting into a fist fight with Casey who she suspected had her by at least twenty pounds and some street fights under her belt. Had she known Casey, she wouldn’t have suspected her of being a street fighter. Yes, Casey had an abundance of mouth. And yes, she was very loud and vocal about her feelings, but it had never come down to her actually participating in a street fight.
Casey nodded. There was no reason to make this woman believe that she was the hood rat that she always thought of her as. Not to get it wrong she was ready to put her foot in Tamika’s ass, but realized that there was a time and place for everything, and now was not that time. Her place was with Daemon. But if, no forget the ifs— there would be no way that she would be in the same situation. But in the event she found herself in a similar one, she wouldn’t want a woman who was just a girlfriend interfering in her business.
“You’re right. Is it alright if I take Karea to the store while the two of you discuss this?”
Daemon eyed both women. “Look, we’re all adults here. You can stay, Case.”
Tamika folded her arms over her chest. “You can take her.”
Casey nodded her head. “That’s okay. You talk and I’ll go out. I need to call Trina, anyway.” She walked to Daemon and planted a kiss on his lips. Then turned to Karea, who had done as she was told and sat with both of her hands over her ears, and extended her own out to the girl. “Come on, Karea; I’ma take you to the store.”
The hands fell and curious eyes went to her mother’s as if to ask for permission.
“Go ahead. When you come back we can go to Grandma’s,” Tamika said in a reassuring tone that only mothers possessed.
The moments of bitterness, disgusts and uneasiness passed when Karea’s small hand slid into Casey’s and took hold. There was an intense silence as they exited the front door of the house. Casey examined Karea and saw that the child seemed to be in quiet contemplation.
“Are you mad at my mom?” Karea’s quiet voice questioned as they walked the pavement.
“No.”
Karea stopped and looked up at Casey and tilted her small head to the side and squinted her eyes against the shining sun. “You called her a curse word. And you were in her face.”
Casey smiled sweetly, trying to find the exact words to say to the girl. “Sweetie, sometimes grown-ups say things that they don’t mean. Doesn’t mean we’re mad.”
Eyes wide, she said, “You looked mad. And my mom, she was mad.”
Casey laughed. Children had a way of making you smile although there were no reasons for celebration. She shrugged and pulled the child into a walk. “You’re right, we were mad. It’s just we have grown-up things going on right now.”
“Is he my dad?”
Kids. Smart as hell and nothing ever gets by them even when you talk around the subject they still know
. “Why would you ask that?”
“My mom got a picture of him.”
That stopped her.
“And his name is like mine. I—I can read.”
“Okay. When we get back inside, you can talk to your mommy about it.”
I knew that bitch wanted him. I knew it.
They were at the corner and almost in the store when Casey’s cell phone began to buzz on her hip. With the phone to her ear she said, “Stand right here, Karea. Hello?”
“Case, please tell me that you’ve spoken to Trina,” Chantel said in a quick stream of words.
“Not this morning, why?”
“She had this huge argument with David last night. He asked her to marry him, and she said no and then she left. I called my aunt and uncle; she wasn’t there, and she didn’t go to work today. She’s not answering her cell. I don’t know what she doing.”
A trickle of sweat made its way down the side of her face and she frowned into the sun. Casey wiped her face so she could concentrate on more than the sun and the current baby momma drama.
“You know her Chantel. She probably just needed time.”
Nothing Even Matters
Catrina
She was searching for….
Quiet…
Peace…
Time to herself…
If she could just hold on to any of those longer than ten consecutive minutes, she’d be sane. Yet, Catrina could find none of those, and right now, they were the things that were on the top of her wish list.
Why was it so hard to just let her decision be final? she wondered. Why had saying no been so easy but living with it be so hard? She considered herself to be a smart woman, yet when left in moments of reflection, she felt incredibly stupid. Incredibly weak and lost. Oh, God, so lost.
Why had she told him no?
I told him no
,
she thought as she buried her head between her knees. The distance she’d put between herself and David by running to her grandmother’s home in New Jersey only spanned in miles. At the moment, there was no way that she would be rid of him in her mind.
“You’re going to get grass stains on your pants,” Catherine told her granddaughter. After watching her grandchild for a half hour Catherine decided that Catrina would be ready to talk to her. Already aware of the reasons Catrina had come to her home, she’d planned to be firm. As a child and an adult Catrina’s parents had spoiled her beyond comprehension and to her understanding actually paid attention to her theatrical episodes involving David. “You think that crying is going to solve your issues, girl?” she questioned sternly.
Catrina lifted her head to stare into Catherine’s face. It was almost emotionless except for her eyes which seemed angry. “Gram,” Catrina replied with the tone that implicated ‘don’t start’.
Catherine patted Catrina’s head. “Don’t Gram me. You came to my house.”
She was right of course, Catrina reasoned. Crying had never solved any of her problems. Not when she’d lost her baby, not when she’d finally lost David. “I just need to clear my head.”
Catherine smiled. “And I’m gonna help you. Come inside and sit like an adult.”
A weak smile appeared. There was no doubt that Catherine would help.
Mason jars sat waiting on the coffee table to be filled with Catherine’s homemade mixture of iced tea and lemonade in a glass pitcher sweating off its chill waiting to be poured. “I thought you could use something cold,” Catherine spoke after a long waiting silence from the yard to the living room. “Your mother hardly ever cried as a girl, and that’s all I see you do.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I just had to get away and I don’t expect that you’ll take my side, or even understand what I’m going through. I don’t even know what I’m doing.”
Catherine sat as she handed a glass of tea to Catrina. She sipped and then sniffled.
“Love isn’t easy. I’m not going to take sides because there is no correct one to choose. There are faults in both of you. But you’re both adults and need to deal with this as if you are. You make a decision, you stand by it. You don’t run from it. You should take control of your love life as you have your career. I don’t see people walking all over you in business.”
Catrina shook her head. “It is not that easy, Gram. I love him. It sounds stupid but I love him. I just don’t see a way to hold on to him.”
“Why would you be with him if you didn’t think that he could love you the way you deserve to be loved?”
After a sip Catrina answered, “I know that he loves me. It’s just all the rest that gets in the way. What’s the saying: ‘Sometimes love just ain’t enough’?” Catrina stood up. Suddenly the room seemed to become very small. “God, Gram. Did you know that Daddy told him about the baby last year? And do you think either one of them said anything to me about it? The whole time I’m saying things like; ‘I can’t trust you’ and ‘I’m scared of you,’ and—”
“What bothers you the most? That he knew about it and didn’t say anything, or that you aren’t the one who told him?”
“I know that I should have told him and there isn’t much more I can do. You can’t take things back, there’s no rewind button in life.”
“No, there isn’t and no you can’t. He asked you to marry him, and you said no, right?”
It hurt. There was a lump in her throat that was hard to swallow. “Yes. I said no and he’s going to leave.” She shrugged again and buried her face in her hands.
Looking pass the past to a new day
Memories both bittersweet and precious all have their place
Been through a lot, but no more than I could face
Endured no more than my heart could take
Nothing that I would think to forsake
I let go of the past
And took in a deep breath
I’m ready to embrace what’s next
Whatever comes my way
I’ll find a way to cope
As I breathe the fresh air of a new day
My lungs fill with hope
Catrina Price
2009
All Grown Up
August 2009
Casey
Love had never been simple for her, Casey reflected. She had no memories of her mother or father. She could not recall ever being held tightly by the stranger who’d left her with her grandmother. The death of both her grandmother and uncle had left marks on her young heart. Those factors were enough to damage weaker people, Casey assumed, but her heart didn’t allow her to feel as if she were less due to the circumstances of her early life. She’d had an angel in Ms. Serena which she knew made the difference between her and others who didn’t have someone to love and cherish them. So all in all, despite her earlier hardship, Casey would have sworn that her life was somewhat a fairytale at the early age of twenty. She felt she had everything once Daemon had finally allowed their love to have a life.
Loving Daemon Hicks had not been simple either. Casey smiled to herself as she traced her fingers down the hand sewn lace of her veil. Now, finally eight years later, the three carat princess cut diamond that weighed heavily on her finger for the past two years was finally going to be joined by a wedding band. In three weeks, she’d be Mrs. Daemon Hicks.
Hadn’t she spent her entire youth and snatches of her twenties loving him and nobody else? Loving hard when they were together and carelessly when they were apart. She silently prayed to Jesus Christ for forgiveness for that visit to Appletree Street and the resulting abortion of a child she’d created with another man four years before. The reckless one night had left her life, and heart forever changed.
Then a year later there was a miscarriage and a bout of depression that followed over losing the baby and her guilt of the abortion. At the time, Casey was sure that God was punishing her for years of inattention to her professed faith of Christianity. She felt secure that Daemon loved her through all of that.
There were no secrets between the two. The hardest moment was four years ago she had told him about her pregnancy and confided in him that it wasn’t his baby. There was a stressful point when she decided that she’d get rid of it, and he suggested that she keep it. Though at the time Daemon seemed supportive and obliging, Casey knew that he would change. She knew that she wasn’t woman enough to accept all the things that would have come with having some other man’s baby.
