No Regrets: Jani Kay (Firebird Trilogy Book 2) (13 page)

I leaned forward, took his hand in mine, and squeezed. “Thank you, Kurt. I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done without you. You’ve been such a great help.”

“I care about you, and about Lily. I want her to be okay.” The pain in his eyes was impossible to hide and the way the corners of his mouth turned down, made me want to comfort him. Dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep added years to his face. He looked so much older than his twenty-five years.

“You’re so tired. Come lie on the bed and sleep for a while.” I pulled him to the bedroom. He followed without protest. Sitting on the edge of the mattress, he removed his shoes and placed them neatly under the window. Dawn had made way for a gloomy day, dark clouds hanging pregnant with rain. I drew the curtains and pushed him back against the pillow, covering him with a blanket.

“Lie down with me, please,” he said softly. “You need the rest too.”

I crawled onto the bed and lay beside him, my body still aching although the fever had broken. Kurt turned on his side, staring at me for a long moment. He reached out and brushed my cheek with his thumb, then laced his fingers with mine and closed his eyes. Moments later, he was breathing deeply and steadily, fast asleep. Brushing lightly over his brow with my fingertips, I tried to rub the lingering frown away. After a while, his face softened and he started snoring.

Kurt was a godsend—I’d be completely lost without his friendship. I’d come to understand that when the universe removed someone significant in my life, somehow, I was always given someone special to make up for it. When my father died, I got Julian. When I had to let Alain go, I got Kurt. I squeezed my eyes shut, anguish twisting my heart.

Please, please, God—I’m not ready to say goodbye to Lily.

It ripped my heart to shreds that she was in hospital, unconscious. That someone invaded her person, violated her and wanted her dead. It didn’t make sense. Dread crept up my spine. Some sick bastard was out there and meant her harm. My mind raced, trying to figure it out, but ran into a dead end every time.

Thank God, for the man who saved her. I needed to thank him and his wife for taking her to the hospital. I shuddered as the alternative played out in my mind.

I swallowed hard. The lump in my throat burned until I just let go and felt the warm tears run down my cheek onto the pillow.

My poor, poor Lily
.

The ordeal would scar her gentle soul for life—shit like that couldn’t be undone. Healing her body would take time, but the aftermath of the attack had far reaching consequences beyond the physical. I didn’t want Lily to live in fear for the rest of her life, to be afraid and suspicious of strangers.

The bastard who attacked her had to be found. He had to pay for the damage and suffering to an innocent young woman. Anger seethed through my veins, as well as a sense of hopelessness that there was nothing I could do to change it. If I could turn back the clock, or take her place—if those were real options—I’d do it in a heartbeat.

I turned away from Kurt, muffling my sobs into the pillow. His arm came around me and held me to him. Even in his sleep, he was shielding me. I drifted off to sleep, exhaustion taking over my body and mind, freeing me for a while from pain and regret eating at me.

B
etween New York and London, somewhere over the inky Atlantic Ocean, Grant Industries’ private company jet had hardly taken off when my phone buzzed. Irritated, I grabbed the phone and snarled at it. I found it impossible to sleep on a flight, and just when I’d managed to doze off, some idiot was calling. I didn’t recognize the number on my screen, but the country code was from Germany. Frowning, I contemplated ignoring the call, but a little voice told me to answer it. What if it had something to do with Rebecca?

My heartbeat picked up as I realized it was indeed a very real possibility. I hit the green button, hoping she was okay.

“Mr. Grant?” The German male voice sounded tired and anxious. I heard the sounds of a car engine in the background. A pang speared my heart as I answered him. “Yes. Can I help you?” I asked curtly.

“It’s about Rebecca Clarke. She said you were her boss.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. “Yes. Is anything wrong? Where is Rebecca?”

“First off, Rebecca...she is...okay.” The slight hesitation suggested otherwise. And
okay
could mean anything. I sucked in a breath, waiting for him to continue. “It’s her sister, Lily, who is in an induced coma. I just wanted to let you know...Rebecca is taking it badly.”

He chose his words carefully, diplomatically even, keeping his tone neutral as if he had training in doing so.

“Who are you?” I barked.

“I’m a friend of Rebecca’s and I found your number on her phone. My name is Kurt Muller, and I am an intern at the hospital. Lily was attacked and is in a coma. I’m on my way there now to see her. That’s why I’m calling you. I'm worried about Rebecca.”

I cut him short and peppered the young medic with questions. “So Rebecca’s
not
hurt? Only her sister? What happened?” Rubbing the stubble on my chin, I pursed my lips together as I waited for his reply. With trembling fingers, I loosened my tie before it throttled me.

Kurt blew out a long breath before answering. “Rebecca is messed up. She’s not taking it well and needs support. I had to leave her alone at her place because I didn’t want her to see Lily yet. Her sister is battered and bruised. Possibly raped. She was left for dead in an alleyway.”

“Jesus. How did that happen?” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to form an image of what he’d just told me. I unbuttoned my shirt around the collar, feeling as if there was no air getting to my lungs.

“Listen, I’m just stopping at the hospital. I need to go. Please call Rebecca and talk to her...calm her. I’ll let you know more details soon.”

Before I could say anything more, everything went quiet. I sat like that for a minute, thinking about my options. Fuck the meeting I was on my way to; this was much more important.

Rebecca.
She
was the most important thing in my life.

With my mind made up, I called the flight attendant. “Two things,” I said to her as I held my fingers up in a V, “tell the captain we are going to Munich instead of London, and bring me a triple scotch.”

She blinked a few times, looking at me as if I’d lost my mind. Maybe I had. But where Rebecca was concerned, rational logic did not apply. She nodded and scurried off to do as she was told.

“Thanks,” I murmured absently when she brought the drink. I threw it down my throat, grimaced, then held the glass to her and nodded. Her eyes were bugging out of her head. In all the years Anita had worked for me, she’d never witnessed me downing a drink like that. Usually I took my time, enjoying the taste.

“I’m okay. Just some bad news about...a friend,” I assured her. She nodded and went to get a refill.

Dialing Rebecca’s number, I wondered how she’d react if I showed up on her doorstep. If she’d be pissed off at me because I’d broken our agreement not to contact her for two weeks. But I couldn’t stay away. The week that had already passed was hell enough. I couldn’t let her go through this ordeal alone. For a brief moment uneasiness settled in my gut about the German doctor. If Rebecca hooked up with him...
I hope to God not
. I didn’t know if I could handle her having yet another man in her life. It was wearing me down.

Within two rings, she answered her phone. She must’ve been holding it in her hand, maybe waiting for the German to call her. Jealousy spiked through my body.

“Hello. Kurt?” Her voice was barely above a whisper when she answered, thick with crying. My heart squeezed in my chest. If only I could hold her in my arms this minute and tell her everything would be all right.

“Rebecca, it’s me.” I lowered my voice, trying to sound calm and soothing, hiding the anxious edge in it as much as I could. She didn’t need to know how worried I was about her.

“M-Max?”

The way she said my name without any fight or animosity worried me more than if she had yelled at me and been her usual feisty self. I wiped my brow and hummed softly into the phone.

“Mmmm...I’m calling to hear how you are doing. Your friend, Kurt, told me what happened. I'm on my way to Munich. I’ll be there in approximately eight hours.”

She sucked in a long breath. “You’re coming here? I thought you were in London.”

“The flight was delayed. Bad weather. I changed course to Munich. We’re just waiting for airport clearance to allow us to land when we get there, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“No. Don’t do that. Don’t change your plans on my behalf. I...we will be fine.”

“We?” I couldn’t help it. The jealousy monster lurking in my mind was showing itself.

“Kurt is helping me...I'm just waiting for his call. In fact, I should get off the phone so he can get through when he rings. Thanks for your concern. I’ll let you know when I have more information.”

Fuck. Stubborn as always. Even in times of crisis she pushed me away. I wasn’t having it any longer. It was time she understood that. As for the young doctor, he’d best stay out of my way if he knew what was good for him.

“I’ll be at your place soon after we land. No arguments. I want to be there, Rebecca. Don’t you get it? Is it that difficult for you to understand that I care about you?”

Silence.

“Rebecca?”

“Okay,” she whispered. Fuck me. It was the first time she’d given in so easily. Things were worse than I thought.

“Hold on, okay? I will call in favors and resources to help find your sister’s attacker. The first forty-eight hours are crucial. We’ll do everything we can. I promise.”

Her breath hitched. “What if Lily doesn’t survive this?”

“One step at a time. Don’t overthink this. We’ll handle it as we learn more.” My heart was racing, but I kept my voice even and calm.

“Yeah, I guess you are right. It's killing me waiting...not being able to see her.”

“I know, sweetheart. Stay positive. I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

“Good girl.”

“Max? Thank you,” she whispered on a shaky breath.

A smile twisted my lips. Good God, what lengths I had to go to for her to thank me, to give in and accept my help.

“Get some rest. See you soon.” I hung up, sat back in the seat, and closed my eyes.

The time had finally come to act on the next step in the charade that was my life. This was suicide, but there was no other way. I had one more call to make.

The phone rang out. Fuck. I dialed again.
Pick up, dammit.

A sleepy voice answered, “Maxwell. Do you know what fucking time it is?”

“Yes. But this can't wait. Pull the plug. It's time to come clean.”

W
hen I woke, Kurt was gone and I was once again alone. He’d covered me with a blanket and left a note by my side.

Rebecca,

Thank you for letting me sleep. I have gone home for a shower then back to the hospital. I will call when I know more. Eat something nutritious.

Kurt.

I had a shower and changed into fresh clothes, but I couldn’t eat. My stomach was in a knot. I felt trapped in the apartment and useless at my inability to help my own sister. Time was crawling—this day would never end. Waiting for news from Kurt and the police was torture. Eventually I called the contact number Kurt had programmed into my phone.

Sergeant Weiss, although polite, sounded frustrated he had no news to share. He assured me they were doing all they could and had every available resource on the case. I thanked him and sank into the couch with a cup of tea. Even that made me burst into tears again when I thought back to the many times Lily and I had tea together in happier times. I was an emotional mess, my nerves frayed, the smallest thing triggering a bout of fresh sobs.

I never knew I had so many tears inside me.

My phone rang. Hoping it was Kurt ringing with news about Lily, I didn’t even look at caller ID before I answered.

“Rebecca, it's me.” Maxwell’s deep calm voice threw me off guard. My heart skipped a beat. I’d missed his voice and just hearing it had a soothing effect on me. I should’ve been mad he broke our agreement; instead, I clung to his words as if they were a lifeline.

Sweet Kurt. I’d told him everything about Maxwell after I returned from New York two days earlier than planned—well,
nearly
everything—there were some parts Kurt didn’t need to hear. He’d nodded and said ‘mmm’ a lot as I explained my confusion. In the end he agreed I’d done the right thing.

Kurt was also the one to talk me into waiting before deciding if my resignation was final, encouraging me to take up Maxwell’s offer of two weeks leave. Maybe he saw through my denial of having feelings for my boss.

As if misery needed company, I turned to my favorite songs whenever I felt this distressed. It was as if the music nailed the feelings I found difficult to express. I hit the play button, only to have Lana del Ray’s sultry voice strike me right in the chest.

‘You’re no good for me, baby, you’re no good for me’. Each note wrenched my heart.

Maxwell.

I wished I’d spoken to him more if only to hear his soothing voice. The dark hours I’d spent alone made me desperate for his company. I lied when I said I didn’t need him. As much as I denied wanting him to come to me, deep down I was longing for him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay in the special way only Maxwell could talk to me.

‘But, baby, I want you, I want you,’ Lana crooned and it nearly ripped my heart out. Because the yearning, the pure want was driving me fucking crazy.

I’m insane. Lusting for what I can’t ever have.

I already had enough worries on my hands; I didn’t need further complications. As good as he made me feel, Maxwell was trouble.

When would I learn my lesson? Fall for the right guy? I rubbed at the ache in my chest. All I wanted was love. Was that so wrong of me? To love and be loved completely by one man.

With no idea how to handle my emotions, drained from everything I’d been through these past twenty-four hours, I turned off the music before I became a blubbering mess.