One Wild Night (5 page)

“What? No way. You couldn’t do better than me. If we were to
get together, then we’d be like the perfect couple,” Ashton stated, frowning
and looking at me seriously.

I looked him over; even I knew he was a good-looking guy. I
guess if I absolutely
had
to bat for the other team then he would
probably be my ideal guy. “I guess,” I admitted. “We would make one hot couple.”

He nodded in agreement before both of us frowned and looked
away. “Okay, this conversation has gone far enough. I need a drink,” he
suggested before throwing his arm around my shoulder and practically dragging
me to the minibus.

As we pulled away from the side of the road, I could hear
sirens in the distance. Obviously, they’d called the cops thinking they were
getting robbed or something. I metaphorically crossed my fingers, praying this
night didn’t end in a high-speed chase. Rosie would not be pleased if I used my
one phone call to call her and tell her to come bail me out of jail the night
before our wedding.

Thankfully, we managed to get away before the cops showed up.
No one had actually seen us there, or the minibus we were driving in, so I was
pretty sure we’d made it. Ashton had already said he was going to anonymously
send them some money tomorrow so they could fix their window he’d smashed.

As we headed into the latest bar, which we made sure was a
long way from the scene of our crime, a pretty blonde waitress sauntered over
to our table. I watched as her eyes surveyed the group of twelve rowdy
superheroes who sat in her section. I could practically see her unease because
she thought we were going to cause trouble.

“Hi there, guys. What can I get for you?” she asked.

Rick was sitting with his back to her, so he hadn’t seen her
approach. He turned in his seat, and his jaw nearly hit the floor as he leered
at her – and not in the discreet way, either. I was actually surprised he wasn’t
drooling on her shoe. I must admit, she was pretty, but no girl ever compared
to my Rosie so I didn’t even bother looking, really.

“Holy crap. Wow, you are… wow. I mean, no… it’s… I’m… no…
but… crap,” Rick stuttered before frowning and turning his back on her. She looked
a little taken aback as she blushed and looked at the back of his head as he
practically squirmed in his chair.

I laughed quietly. Rick was terrible with girls. He wasn’t a
bad-looking guy, but he just had no confidence at all. “Can we get a round of
tequila shots and a beer each, too?” I asked. She nodded politely, shooting the
back of Rick’s head another glance and sauntering off towards the bar.

“Wow?” Seth teased, nudging Rick, who leant forward and banged
his own head against the table a couple of times.

“Why do you guys let me talk to girls? Seriously, I should
just never talk to a member of the opposite sex again,” he whined. “That was so
embarrassing! Can we leave?”

My dad shook his head quickly. “I need to rest my ass a
little while.”

We all laughed and talk turned to why they had chosen the
tattoos in the first place. When my dad started going on about how in love with
his sexy wife he was, I tuned out and pretended I was adopted.

When the waitress came over again, Rick looked anywhere but
her. He looked beyond awkward. I raised my glass. “To more drinking?” I
offered. They all cheered and chinked their glasses against mine in a toast.

“And more dancing,” George added as he tapped his glass on
mine.

An hour later and my face was starting to get numb. I’d had
enough of drinking already. It was after midnight and we’d been drinking for
hours. If we kept this up, I was pretty sure that one of us would need our
stomach pumped before the sun rose.

“I’m telling you now you can’t drown a freaking goldfish!
Goldfish can’t drown, you idiot!” Seth cried, shaking his head as he walked
back from the bathroom with Rick staggering behind him.

“I did! I put my hand in the tank, stroked its back and it
freaking drowned! I’m a fish murderer!” Rick stated, frowning sadly.

Fish murderer? Christ, I need to stop that boy drinking,
because he’s going to burst into tears and wail about how he hadn’t been laid
in weeks if he carries on.
That was his usual pattern. It started with gibberish
and stuff that didn’t make sense, moved on to the impossible – hence, drowning
a fish – then later came the crying.

“Someone buy him a coffee!” I called at exactly the same
time Seth did.

Ashton laughed and shook his head wickedly. “No one’s having
coffee tonight. I just ordered another round of drinks!” he chirped, picking
one up and waving it at Rick, trying to tempt him. Ashton grinned and turned
back to me as Rick downed the shot. “I told Anna I’d make him puke tonight,” he
said.

“That’s funny, because she made me promise the same thing
about you,” I joked.

Half an hour later and we’d had two more drinks. The
waitress had just taken our order for another. The whole time she’d been at our
table, she kept flicking little glances at Rick but, by the look of him, he
hadn’t even noticed.

When she walked away to place the order, I nudged him in the
ribs. “Dude, what’s wrong with you? She’s giving you the come on!” I hissed,
looking at him like he was stupid.

He frowned. “Who was?” he asked. I rolled my eyes and nodded
towards the hot blonde waitress who he’d embarrassed himself in front of
earlier. His frown deepened as he shook his head forcefully. “No way, she’s
like a goddess,” he protested.

“Talk to her,” I insisted, sitting back in my chair as she
sauntered over with a tray full of alcohol. I nodded encouragingly at Rick,
kicking his foot under the table, but maybe I’d done it a little too hard
because he yelped and jumped in his chair before he composed himself quickly
when everyone looked at him.

“I’ve put these on your tab, okay?” the girl said, smiling a
friendly smile.

Ashton told her that was fine, and I motioned with my head
for Rick to talk to her again, but he looked like he was struggling to remember
how to string together a coherent sentence. I rolled my eyes and turned back to
the girl just as she was about to walk off.

“Excuse me. I was just having a little bet with my friends and
I wondered if you could help me out with it. I said I’m the hottest guy in the
bar tonight, but they don’t believe me, so I just wanted to get a girl’s
opinion. Am I, or am I not, the hottest one from my group of friends?” I asked,
raising one eyebrow curiously. I crossed my fingers and hoped this wouldn’t
backfire and she wouldn’t start hitting on me or something.

Her eyes flicked to Rick; a blush rose in her cheeks as she
shrugged. “I don’t think you are,” she answered.

I faked shock. “You’re kidding me! So you’re more attracted
to one of my friends than you are to me?” I asked, shaking my head with mock
disbelief.

Again, her eyes flicked to Rick for a split second as she
nodded. I kicked him under the table again, and he choked on his drink that he
was nursing. He literally spat it everywhere, spraying my dad who was sitting
opposite him in the booth. I burst out laughing as he continued to choke. Whiskey
even dribbled out of his nose. The waitress gasped and patted his back, looking
at him worriedly. Everyone ignored my dad, who jumped up and was practically shrieking
like a little girl while rubbing his face with his hands, wiping the drink
away.

“Oh, my gosh, are you okay?” the girl gasped, fussing over
Rick, wiping his chin with a napkin as he struggled to catch his breath.

He nodded. “Yeah. Don’t worry, I do this all the time,” he
croaked.

“Smooth,” I muttered, rolling my eyes.

The girl burst out laughing, and everyone at the table
flinched. She must have had the most annoying laugh in the world. It was loud
and shrill, like Janice from Friends crossed with a chipmunk wielding a
chainsaw.

Rick didn’t seem to notice the laugh, though; he just
shifted uncomfortably in his seat as she continued to rape our ears with the
atrocity that should be recorded and used as a torture device.

“You’re funny,” she said, smiling at him warmly.

His eyes flicked to me as if he was asking what he should do
or say. I nodded encouragingly and willed him to do well. “Yeah, better to play
the clown than the… umm… I don’t know the rest of that or even where I was
going with it,” he mumbled, shaking his head and slapping his forehead with his
palm.

She let rip another of those atrocious laughs and Seth
sucked in a breath through his teeth, shooting me a horrified glance. I just
shrugged; Rick hadn’t noticed, so that was a good thing.

I tuned out of the conversation, engaging the boys in talk
about football so Rick could try his luck without an audience. A couple of
times she laughed that god-awful sound, so he was obviously doing well with it.

After ten minutes, he punched me on the arm, grinning like
an idiot as he waved a napkin in front of me. “I got her number! Can you
believe she’s still single? Why on earth would a guy not have snapped her up
already?” he asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

Because when she laughs, it sounds like someone is slowly
strangling a cat to death?
“No idea. Maybe she was waiting to meet her Superman?”
I offered, nodding down at his costume. “Anyway, we’re about done here, so we’re
heading to a club so my drunken father-in-law-to-be can bust some moves.”

He frowned. “Yeah, maybe. So listen, I can’t leave yet,
okay? Can we wait like ten minutes or something?” he asked, wincing and looking
at me pleadingly.

I raised one eyebrow at that. “Why’s that?”

He looked around conspiratorially, obviously checking no one
was listening to us, before turning back at me. “My suit is freaking lycra. Not
very forgiving in the, er, crotch department, if you know what I mean…” He
trailed off, looking uncomfortable as he nodded down to his lap. He moved his
arm and I burst out laughing when I saw he had a semi-boner. Looks like the
girl had a lot of effect on him in the short time he was talking to her.

“Pervert,” I teased, smirking at him.

He shrugged. “She is hot as sin. Can’t help my hormones. I
haven’t been laid in months,” he grumbled.

I slapped his shoulder supportively. “Hopefully, that’ll
change real soon. A lot of girls like playing dress-up,” I teased. Now that I’d
thought about dress-ups, and I knew we had a few minutes, I decided to sneak
off and call my fiancée. “Be right back. I need to drain my lizard,” I
announced.

I staggered into the bathroom, just needing to hear her
voice; I was missing her like crazy. The phone rang a couple of times and then
her voicemail kicked in. I sighed as I listened to her message.

“Hey, this is Rosie York, soon-to-be Rosie Peters. Sorry, I
can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message, I’ll call you
back as soon as I get done ravaging my soon-to-be husband on our honeymoon.”
Beep.

I burst out laughing. I closed my eyes and smiled as I spoke
to the empty line. “Hey, Stripes. I was just calling to say ‘hi’ and see if you
were okay and still planning on showing up tomorrow. I bet you’re giggling too
much with your girls to pick up the phone. Tell Anna I’m gonna make Ashton puke
and that Rick is well on his way to getting laid by a big-breasted blonde
waitress who laughs like a chipmunk that’s sucked up a helium balloon, that’ll
please her.” I laughed and shook my head. I could feel the alcohol sloshing
around in my system, making me feel a little lightheaded, so I leant against
the wall of the stall to steady me.

“So, I’m pretty wasted, I think. Umm… if you’re there, then
pick up, because I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I’ll always love
you, Rosie York. Just like in that movie, you know, that crappy one you made me
watch the other week… The
Body Guarder
or whatever,” I mumbled, frowning
trying not to think of the horrifying chick flick she’d subjected me to a few
weeks back.

“So… you are coming tomorrow, right? Not gonna stand me up,
are ya?” I joked, plopping myself down onto the toilet and getting comfortable.
“Because I love you, you know that, right?” I mumbled. Then the song hit me,
the one from the movie; it suited what I was saying perfectly. “Oh! I got it!”
I cried, then immediately burst into song, singing ‘I will always love you’ –
badly – down the phone to her voicemail. I chuckled to myself after a couple of
choruses; she was going to tease the crap out of me for that tomorrow! “We
should watch that again. Hey, know what they should do? They should make an
X-rated version of that movie. Now that would be hot! Ooh, maybe
we
should make the X-rated version. That would be even hotter!” I cried, getting
excited, already planning where to get her one of those little metal outfits
that Whitney Houston wore on stage. I looked down at my Zorro costume and
frowned. “Or maybe you could work Whitney and I could be Zorro? I already have
that one,” I added, chewing on my lip.

I heard a beep where I had run out of time and I frowned,
debating on whether I should just call her back. Maybe she’d even answer this
time. I sighed. I guessed I needed to go and see what state my dad and
father-in-law were in. I’d probably been in here too long already. Rick must
have calmed down by now so we could leave. I stood up and frowned at my costume
again. I shook my head at my friend’s choice of fun tonight and then proceeded
to empty my bladder, swaying on my feet as I laughed at nothing. 

As I stepped out of the toilet stall, still pulling the
costume back into place, I spotted Ashton, Seth and Wayne sitting on the edge
of the sinks. All of them were looking at me and grinning.

Oh, crap, they heard me! How much did they hear?

“Hey, you okay?” I asked, trying to go for casual.

Ashton nodded, fighting a smile. “Yeah. So, you speak to
Rosie?” he asked, chewing on his lip as Seth and Wayne giggled like little
girls. I nodded, sucking my tongue over my teeth, not wanting to commit to
anything. “She get turned on by your terrible singing?” he continued, laughing
as Seth elbowed him in the ribs.