Out of the Dungeon (10 page)

There were a couple of things that were
bothersome about all of this. Sometimes Suede didn't follow through
with plans. And sometimes she followed through, but she'd invite
someone else along, when Vanessa had thought they were sort of
going on a date. And then Vanessa would spend most of the evening
feeling a little bit crushed. Okay, more than a little bit.

Vanessa's disappointment on these occasions
was extreme. The level of her hurt didn't feel normal. But it was a
new relationship, and it takes time for people to get used to each
other, at least that's what Vanessa kept telling herself. She and
Suede just had a few glitches to iron out, that was all.

And yet. Lying here in Roman's arms crying
felt more wrong than right. She let Suede break her wide open on
the stage at the club. And how was it even remotely okay for Suede
to do that, and then leave Roman to pick up the pieces?

It wasn't okay. It had never occurred to
Vanessa that Suede was an addict. And yet all of a sudden hearing
it was like finding puzzle pieces. She tried to think if she and
Suede had ever been to a non-alcoholic venue. The club, Suede's
apartment for coffee, only sometimes after coffee, Suede would
crack open a beer. Or four. And actually, Vanessa remembered Suede
pulling a flask out of her jacket pocket at a coffee shop one
morning and spicing up her coffee. Vanessa had giggled like mad
over the idea of bringing your own Bailey's. But if she thought of
it more like alcoholism, it wasn't quite as funny.

She wondered what Jeff would have to say
about all of this. Jeff was there the first night Suede had kissed
her, and Vanessa had wanted to stay with Suede, go home with her,
but Jeff had been against it, saying Suede was too drunk, and
Vanessa was too drunk, and he dragged Vanessa out of that club and
back to Above the Dungeon, where Jeff was confronted with his own
hurts and relationship issues. That was the night they walked into
the club and discovered Roman and Dare up on the stage. The night
that Dare's ex-fiancée had shown up, as well.

Everyone had gotten a ride on the emotional
roller coaster ride that night; Vanessa pining for Suede, Jeff
trying to control his jealousy, Melissa, Dare's ex, trying to
reconcile the Dare she knew with the man on stage. And Dare, trying
to reconcile the man he thought he was with the new experiences he
was having.

She sighed out loud, and Roman whispered,
"Shh. Turn off your brain and go to sleep."

"I'm trying," she said. "I just can't stop
thinking. Maybe you could sing me a lullaby?"

He laughed. "Get real. Serenades are not my
gig."

"Just a short one?"

Vanessa felt his hand stroking her hair.
"Here's your lullaby. Everything is going to be okay. Repeat."

"What's Dare's story?" Vanessa asked in the
dark. "He seems a little bit, I don't know, WASP for you."

"Tell me about it. He's curious, I guess.
Repressed, maybe. We're a terrible fit, but the attraction between
us has been so intense that we can't seem to slow down."

"Sounds like me and Suede."

"It does," Roman agreed. "Now close your
eyes. Everything will be okay." He was still petting her hair and
repeating the litany in a soft voice when she drifted into
sleep.

She woke up in the night. Roman was hard and
pressing against her backside, and it woke her because her ass was
bruised and sore from Suede's paddle. She arched back against him,
surprising herself by parting her thighs. God, what was she doing?
Humiliating herself. Begging for rejection, considering Roman
wasn't exactly into women.

Except his hips moved, and his cock rubbed
between her thighs. It was like her nerve-endings had been ready
and waiting for this all night. She was wet and moaning, moving her
hand back to trace the line of his hip, his firm ass. She was close
to orgasm already, as if Suede hadn't quite finished the job..

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

"God, yes," she answered, relieved that he
was awake and aware. She pushed her panties down, kicked them off,
and arched more and shifted enough so he brushed across the opening
of her sex. He nibbled the nape of her neck, and then the lobe of
her ear, and sent shivers racing down her spine to her belly, which
turned to liquid heat between her legs.

She let her hand trace from his hip down to
his groin, and wrapped her fingers around his penis, urging him
just a little bit inside. His cock was smooth and hot in her hand,
and even though she couldn't see it, she could tell it was
beautiful. His arms tightened around her, yet somehow he found one
nipple to pinch and roll between his fingertips.

The almost-pain made her groan out loud, and
she reached for her clit, stimulating herself, winding herself up.
Roman was sliding just an inch of his cock in and out, the shaft
still in her hand, and it felt good, but it wasn't enough.

"Fuck me, please," she said. "Please?"

He made a noise, like he was choking back a
groan, and rolled her over with his weight, so she was flat on her
belly beneath him, and he thrust his full length into her. His cock
was hard and hot and perfect, and she felt like she'd been waiting
for this for days.

Would she regret it in the morning? Would he?
It was impossible to say, but Suede ditched her, and Jeff got hurt,
and so all she and Roman had tonight was each other. They could
worry about tomorrow later. Like tomorrow.

The fucking was phenomenal. Gay or whatever,
Roman knew how to work inside a woman, and Vanessa startled herself
with the sounds that were coming out of her mouth. His weight was
crushing, punishing, and she could feel his muscles contracting
along her spine, his legs on the outside of her thighs, forcing her
legs together, his hands twined in her hair, yanking her head back,
pulling so hard she almost screamed. It was like animal sex, raw,
hungry, and sweaty as hell.

And when they were done, they clung to each
other, rafts in an ocean. Vanessa was finally fulfilled, content,
and able to sleep.

T
he smell of coffee
told her it was morning, and she stretched, her body feeling oddly
sore, but her psyche much better. Roman had been right, sleep
helped, a lot.

Okay. So she had to figure out how to protect
herself from her own attachment to Suede. Thinking of herself as
Suede's girlfriend had put her on a permanent high for the past
couple of months, delightfully preoccupied, filled with a sense of
elation from morning until night. She loved being in love with
Suede. She had loved men, and now she loved a woman. And that
wasn't the whole of it, not by far.

She loved talking to Suede, the smooth
whiskey sound of Suede's voice sending shivers through her stomach.
And bright, God, the woman could be bright. Even if she could also
be inconsiderate and incredibly dense.

But the only way Vanessa would be able to
protect herself would be to find a way to back off.

A moment of despair struck. Regular life
involved Jeff being incapacitated in the hospital. Pain. Probably
rehab. Everything and everything and everything changing. Which was
a whole lot less fun than playing with Suede.

She went to the kitchen in search of the
coffee smell. Roman was at the table, phone to his ear. She fixed
herself a cup, trying not to eavesdrop, but failing. Apparently
Roman was talking to someone at the hospital. He was holding his
head up with his free hand braced against his forehead, and he
sounded exasperated. "I wasn't avoiding turning in the insurance
papers." He listened more. "No. I can't give you the group or
policy numbers off the cards over the phone. There aren't any. No,
not cards. Policies. All right, fine. I'll work with Katie on the
application this week. Okay, today, then. Fine."

He snapped his phone shut and sighed.

"Avalanche. It's not bad enough that Jeff is
hurt, but the hospital is calling, on a Saturday for God's sake,
about who they should be billing."

"I'm sorry." Vanessa said. "Sometimes things
get worse before they get better."

"I'm supposed to bring proof of Jeff's income
to Katie on Monday so she can get an application for state health
care started. Jesus. I don't want to get involved with state
programming."

"I hear you. But what else can you do?"

"I don't know. I can't even imagine what
neurosurgery must cost."

"I wouldn't even try," Vanessa said.

There was a chirping noise, her phone
receiving a text message. She looked around, and saw it on the
counter next to the coffee pot. She picked it up and looked at the
screen. A text from Suede.

"Suede," Vanessa told Roman. "Do I even want
to know?"

Roman shrugged, then said, "Yeah, I expect
you do."

Van called up the message. It said,
Good
morning, darling. Our impromptu fundraiser made over three hundred
dollars for Jeff. Can you believe it?

Vanessa showed the message to Roman.
"Business as usual," she said. "She has no idea that I was
upset."

"Nope," Roman said. "And she won't know
unless you tell her."

"So, should I tell her?"

"Up to you," Roman said, shrugging. "I'll
leave you with your coffee to figure it out while I look for Jeff's
most recent check stubs. This is the one situation in which we can
be glad gay marriage isn't legal – Jeff's part time income will
qualify him for state health care."

"Nice," Vanessa said. "There's an upside to
everything."

She tried to think of what to say to Suede.
She ended up texting a simple
Cool.

Yeah, no shit, eh? We should talk to Roman
about putting on a real fundraiser.
Vanessa almost laughed out
loud. Suede had no idea Vanessa was in a position to ask Roman
about something like that right now. Should she say that? Would it
lead into the conversation they should be really having, like how
Suede abandoned her last night? Vanessa didn't know what to say, so
she didn't even answer. And Suede kept texting.
We could set up
a pole, auction off potential dancers. Plus tips.

Maybe.
Vanessa answered. Text wasn't
the best place to bring up a serious subject like You abandoned me,
so Vanessa didn't. But what she did say was,
I'm at Roman's
place now. I can ask him if we should do something like
that.

And then her phone rang. Suede.

"Hey," Vanessa said into the phone.

"Good morning, and what the fuck are you
doing at Roman's?" Suede asked. "That's bizarre."

"Is it?" Vanessa said.

"Well, yeah. I mean, you don't normally hang
out with Roman. Do you?"

"No. In fact, until last night, I've barely
had a conversation with the man."

Vanessa could almost feel Suede staring at
the phone. "Well, I suppose. I mean, Jeff and all."

"No," Vanessa said. "It had more to do with
being naked and humiliated on the stage in front of the whole
club."

"What do you mean, humiliated? You were
beautiful, baby. A little rest, a bottle of water, a couple of
drinks, and everything should have been beautiful. But let me
guess, you skipped the drinks."

Vanessa didn't drink much as a rule, so it
hadn't even crossed her mind to dull her submissive experience with
alcohol. She hadn't been capable of thinking much of anything.

"I was a bit of a wreck."

"Yeah, but I saw Roman take you downstairs. I
knew he'd take good care of you."

"But he shouldn't have to."

"Aw, baby. They were throwing money like
crazy, and I had four different people begging to be next. I
couldn't disappoint everyone."

No, just me,
Vanessa thought.
It
was okay to disappoint me, so long as the admiring strangers were
happy.

"Well, whatever. The point is I didn't shake
it off all that fast, so Roman brought me to his place, served me
hot cocoa, and tucked me in for the night."

"Served by Roman? La ti dah! He wouldn't like
that getting out."

Vanessa rolled her eyes. She didn't think
Roman would care if it did. And even if, all Suede was doing was
basically changing the whole subject. "It wasn't a big deal,"
Vanessa said.

Suede gave a low chuckle. "He probably didn't
want to be alone, anyway. Did he come on to you?"

No, the way it went down was that I came
on to him,
she thought, but said, "Not at all. He wouldn't do
that. I told you, I was wrecked."

Suede chuckled again. "I have that effect on
people."

Oh my God, really?
Vanessa couldn't
believe this. "Anyway, I'll ask Roman about a fundraiser,
okay?"

"Yeah, do that," Suede said. "Talk soon.
Kiss-kiss."

And that was that. Roman hadn't come back
yet. Vanessa wondered if he'd heard her on the phone, and was
deliberately slow in returning in order to give her privacy. She
went looking for him.

She found him sitting on the side of Jeff's
bed, holding a piece of lined notebook paper in his hands, and
staring into space.

"Roman?" Vanessa said softly. "Are you okay?"
He didn't look okay, he looked pretty much how she'd been feeling
last night. Shell shocked.

"Jeff the writer," he said, and held the
paper out to her. She took it and sat next to him.

The weight of this chain is

Almost more than I can stand

To watch another bend to

The will of my Master's hand.

How can I keep my heart content

While averting desperate eyes

Pretending I am whole and perfect

While keeping fear in fine disguise?

This part of me is dying

That reveled under lock and key

But how can I ask for unhappiness

For the man who is Everything to me?

It was dated just a week earlier. "Holy
shit," Vanessa said.