Parly Road: The Glasgow Chronicles 1 (21 page)

  “That wisnae a gun, Colin. That wis an air rifle...jist a wee pea shooter.”

  “They’ve hid the forensic boys o’er oan Dumbarton Road since last night. Youse better pray that there wisnae a gun used oan that windae or the baith ae youse will be oot oan yer arses.”

  “Whit’s it goat tae dae wae us?” Big Jim whined.

  “Ye’ve been fucking aboot wae that wee crew fur far too long noo. They’re still running aboot taking the pish oot ae us.”

  “There isnae any crime associated wae them that’s goat proof attached tae it. We’ve put the lid oan them, despite whit they turnip-heids think,” The Sarge growled, using his thumb tae point upstairs.

  “Whit ye’ve done is chase the wee basturts oot ae the Toonheid oan tae somewan else’s patch. Ye’ve no put them oot ae action.”

  “They’re slippery wee fuckers, Colin. Gie’s a break, eh?”

  “Right, here’s whit youse ur gonnae dae, as a priority. We need tae establish if they’re running aroond wae a gun. Use aw yer contacts.  There’ll be nae questions asked aboot yer methods, as long as it stays oot ae the papers. Hiv Ah made masel crystal clear?”

  “Aye,” they baith chorused.

  “Well, whit the fuck ur ye daeing, staunin there looking at me? Get oan wae it, fur Christ’s sake!”

Chapter Twenty Five

  “Whit aboot the barbed wire then?” asked Skull, doubtfully.

  “Ah gie in. Whit aboot the barbed wire?”

  “Joe, who the fuck’s talking tae you, ya bampot, ye? Ah’m only asking a question, ya hair-lipped fanny, ye.”

  “We’ll get up oan tae the wall itsel and step o’er it. We don’t want anywan tae notice that we’ve been and gone,” said Tony.

  They hid jist walked up North Wallace Street fae Parly Road. Johnboy clocked his granny at her windae and gied her a wave.

  “Ah bet she’s wondering why the fuck we’re carrying two wooden fish boxes each,” Johnboy laughed.

  When they goat tae the deid end at the tap ae the street, the briquette plant wis o’er tae their right.  It wis a big black ugly creepy monster ae a place that hid gantries, chutes and conveyor belts coming oot and intae the building fae aw o’er the place. There wur a couple ae stationary lorries sitting in the loading bays. There wis steam and smoke coming oot ae the tap ae the building and it wis surrounded by a big wall wae aboot five strands ae barbed wire pegged oan tae posts aboot six feet apart aw the way roond the tap ae it. Johnboy wisnae too bothered aboot that. Whit bothered him mair wis whit ran between them and the plant.

  “Okay, try this wan then. How dae we get o’er the canal and back tae here wae the briquettes?” he asked.

  “Right, Joe, ye smart twat…answer that wan then,” Skull chipped in fur good measure.

  They followed Joe’s gaze as he looked up and doon the canal, known as The Nolly by everywan in the Toonheid. The canal itsel wis aboot thirty feet across. Oan either side ae it, auld boxes, hauf sunken prams, bald tyres, wrecked car shells and hauf sunken midgie bins, alang wae heaps ae other shite, floated and bobbed aboot aimlessly. The water itsel, wance it wis allowed tae flow unhindered, looked tae Johnboy tae be at least twenty feet across. Whit they hidnae noticed, wis the car roof, sitting submerged, haufway between them and the other side, which when pointed oot by Tony, could jist be seen, sitting jist under the water. 

  “Hurry up, brainbox…we’ve no goat aw day,” Skull challenged.

  “Skull, they baws ae yours ur gonnae go fur a swim in a minute, wance Ah kick them oot fae under they scrawny legs ae yours, if ye don’t shut the fuck up and let me think.”

  “See, Ah telt youse, he hisnae a clue.”

  They aw looked at Tony, who stood there knowingly, smiling at them.

  “Look o’er here,” he said, walking up tae the edge ae the canal and pointing.

  Oan baith sides ae The Nolly, if ye looked really close, ye could see two stacks ae wooden pallets, tied thegither wae ropes, bobbing aboot in the water, amongst aw the other shite.

  “Ah’m looking, bit aw Ah see is dirty water and auld prams,” Skull said.

  “Right, whit ye’re seeing is baith ends ae a wee bridge. Kin ye see how the pallets ur tied oan tae the metal loops oan the stane at the tap, oan the other side?”

  “Oh, aye,” Joe said, no knowing whit the fuck Tony wis oan aboot.

  “Well, whoever’s built the bridge his turned the pallets in sideways. Whit we hiv tae dae is swing them roond, oot the way, so they’re facing intae The Nolly, and then...”

  Tony walked o’er tae the grass at the back ae the wire company depot, bent doon and picked up two big thick planks.

  “...put wan ae these planks between us and that auld car that’s jist under the surface ae the water, then use the second plank fae the roof ae the car oan tae the pallets oan the other side…and hey presto, we’ve goat oorsels a wee bridge.”

  Silence.

  Nowan spoke fur a good minute. Aw they could hear wis the sound ae birds and the distant rumble ae cars and lorries driving o’er the wooden bascule bridge in the distance which took ye fae Glebe Street up oan tae Pinkston Road.  Tae Johnboy, it wis like the scene when Moses parted the water in the film, The Ten Commandments. It wis pure dead brilliant, so it wis.

  “Where did aw this come fae?” Joe asked, wae a sweep ae his haun towards the pallets.

  “Ah don’t know. Ah spotted it the other day when Ah wis up here, following Horsey John and Tiny.”

  “Whit the fuck wur they daeing up here?” Skull asked oan behauf ae Johnboy and Joe.

  “Ah followed them because they wur carrying a sack. Ah thought they wur maybe gaun tae hide some goodies, bit it wisnae whit Ah thought it wis.”

  “So, whit wis it?” Johnboy asked.

  “They came up here and slung the sack intae The Nolly. Christ only knows how they didnae clock me. Bit, anyway…wance they’d pissed aff, Ah managed tae fish it oot ae the water.”

  “And?” Skull demanded, impatiently, spreading his hauns, his face twisted like a dafty.

  “It wis full ae kittens.”

  “Kittens?”

  “Aye, there wur six ae them.”

  “Dirty basturts!”

  “Aye, Ah wisnae too sure whit tae dae wae them and then Ah noticed oor wee bridge set-up here. It took me a while tae work oot whit it wis at first, bit wance Ah did, Ah goat the kittens across and set them free oan the other side.”

  “Aye, the stable cats ur always popping oot kittens. This is obviously where the basturts come tae droon them,” Joe said, looking up and doon the canal.

  “No wanting tae change the subject, bit Ah cannae swim,” Skull announced, peering fearfully o’er the side ae the canal wall tae the mucky water below.

  “Stoap whining like a wee lassie, Skull. Who the fuck kin swim? Ah know Ah cannae, and Ah’m no intending tae start learning noo,” Joe said, pushing Skull towards the water.

  “Tony, Ah think it’s brilliant, so it is. And Ah kin swim,” Johnboy said, tae the other two.

  “Kin ye?” Skull and Joe said at wance, looking at Johnboy the same way they’d aw jist looked at Tony when he’d shared his discovery wae them.

  “Aye, Ah learned when Ah wis a wee snapper.”

  “Whit’s it like then?” Skull asked him.

  “Whit?”

  “Being able tae swim.”

  “It’s like…if the two ae youse don’t pick up a plank each while Ah swing roond the pallets oan this side, ye’ll baith get a lesson oan whit it’s like,” Tony said tae them, then turned tae Johnboy.

  “And you, Flipper...Ah’ll haud the pallets at this end steady. Ye jump doon oan tae them while Dafty and Dafter, o’er there, push the plank oot intae the canal towards the car roof…minding tae keep their weight oan it at this end at the same time,” he said, glaring at them.

  “Whit if Ah fall in?” Johnboy asked doubtfully, peering o’er the edge.

  “Then swim, ya
diddy, ye!” Skull shouted, tae laughter fae the other two.

  Johnboy jumped doon oan tae the first pallet, using his hauns oan the canal wall tae steady the wobble in his legs.  He then swivelled the pallets roond so the two longest pallets that wur tied thegither ended up jutting oot intae the water.  It wis wobbly as fuck. Joe and Skull pushed the plank oot o’er the side fae the edge. Johnboy took the weight and pulled while they pushed.

  “Noo, make sure the other end is o’er the tap ae the car roof, Johnboy.”

  “Ah’m no sure it’ll haud oor weight,” Johnboy squealed, feeling the pallets under his feet wobble and start tae sink.

  “Johnboy, get oan wae it, ya prick, ye,” Skull shouted as him and Joe continued tae laugh. 

  Johnboy thought that he’d goat it first time, bit the weight ae the plank oan the other side drapped it intae the water aboot two inches short ae the car.

  “Pull back, ya pair ae fud-pads, ye,” Tony shouted, as they heaved it back aboot hauf way.

  “Don’t bother tae gie’s a haun here, Tony.  We’ll manage oorsels,” Skull said sarcastically.

  “Right, go!” Tony shouted, as Johnboy wobbled like a drunken jakey wae his shoes four inches under the water.

  This time, Johnby goat a connection and the plank landed oan the edge ae the roof. He wis jist aboot tae clamber back oot when Tony stoapped him in his tracks.

  “And where the hell dae ye think ye’re gaun?” Tony barked at him.

“Ma feet ur soaking. Ah’ll need tae come oot.”

  “Seeing as yer feet ur awready soaking, nip across tae the car roof and shove this other plank oan tae the other pallets, withoot the plank drapping back intae the water. The plank will need mair than the two inches this plank is sitting oan,” Tony advised.

  Johnboy looked at him, and then at the other two, who baith looked back, grinning.

  “Knobs!” Johnboy muttered, turning tae face the plank.

  “Aye, so ur we, Johnboy!  Noo, hurry up and dae whit ye’re telt,” Joe sang, fair enjoying himsel.

  Johnboy picked up the second plank.  He could feel the plank under his feet sagging, the further he goat oot intae the middle.

  “Ah’m no sure aboot this,” he whinged.

  “Hurry up, Johnboy, and stoap yer whining, ya whinger, ye,” Skull shouted tae guffaws fae the other two.

  “Ah don’t know whit the fuck ye’re laughing at, Skull.  Ye’re next,” Tony said drily.

  “Fur Christ’s sake, don’t make me laugh,” Johnboy shouted, still wobbling like he wis daeing the twist.

  When he goat tae the car roof, he noticed the distance between him and the pallets oan the other side wis no as wide as the first part ae the bridge.  Efter a few false starts, he managed tae connect the plank tae the pallets.  Efter another wobbly, bouncing run, he landed oan the pallets oan the other side.  He then turned the coupled
bobbing pallets lengthways, until they wur facing oot intae the canal.  He pulled the plank further towards himsel until it wis securely oan the pallet.

  “That wis wan ae the scariest things Ah’ve ever done,” he shouted.

  “Right, sling o’er the fish boxes,” Tony said tae the other two, ignoring Johnboy’s hint fur a wee bit ae praise.

  Johnboy darted and ducked oot ae the way as the boxes came flying o’er, landing aw roond aboot him.

  “Right, Skull…whitever ye dae, jist keep yer eyes straight aheid ae ye, and don’t look doon,” Johnboy said encouragingly, as Skull wobbled oan tae the plank.  “Oh, and ignore the wee crabs, it’s only the big wans that bite.”

  “There’s no way Ah’m stepping oan tae that sinking plank,” Skull yelped, jumping back oan tae the pallets.

  “Oot ae ma way, Skull, ya wee shitebag,” Joe said, as he pushed by him and hauf walked, hauf ran across the two planks, followed by Tony, ten seconds later.

  “Is he serious aboot the crabs?” Skull whined at Tony fae the other side.

  “Skull, get the fuck across here or we’ll leave ye behind,” Tony warned him.

  Skull took a deep breath and imitated Joe and Tony’s quick hauf run wobble. He managed the first and second planks okay, bit jist when he wis aboot tae place a fitba boot oan tae the pallets oan the far side ae the second plank, Joe let oot a howling shriek.

  “Christ’s sake, Skull, watch oot fur that big fucking crab!”

  Wae that, Skull landed in the water.  It didnae happen in slow motion like ye saw in the films, Johnboy thought tae himsel.  Skull submerged like a thrown javelin and shot up like a dart. Wan second his Celtic tammy seemed tae be floating in amongst aw the rubbish and the next he wis wearing it again.

  “Help! Help me, ya basturts!” he spluttered, flailing his erms, surrounded by aw the shite ae the day, as Tony bent doon and grabbed him by the scruff ae the neck and dragged him oot.

  “Joe,
ya
dirty basturt, ye. Ah’m gonnae kill ye fur that, ya fucking wanking tadger, ye,” he wailed, spluttering like a wet dug.

  “Aw, shut up, Skull. Ah wis only kidding ye.  Kin ye no take a joke?”

  While they wur arguing wae each other, Tony and Johnboy heided back and repeated the process by pulling the planks oan tae their side ae the canal so as no tae leave a trace ae their bridge.

  “Right, let’s go and check oot how we’re gonnae get oor hauns oan some briquettes,” Tony shouted, interrupting the blazing argument that wis in full flow.

  When they goat tae the wall, Joe put his back tae it and held oot his hauns, clasped thegither. Wance Tony wis up, he stepped o’er the barbed wire and spent a few minutes jist looking up and doon, figuring oot their next move.

  “Right, Ah’ve goat it. Up youse come and start slinging the boxes o’er.”

  “Ah’m gonnae get you fur that, Joe, ya
poxy basturt, ye,” Skull whinged, shivering in the sun, as they climbed their way up oan tae the tap ae the wall, while Tony drapped doon the other side, intae the yard.

  There wur mountainous square blocks ae briquettes as far as the eye could see, aw stacked neatly. Each block wis aboot fifty yards square. The blocks nearest the plant building hid steam gently rising aff the tap ae them. They’d obviously jist been made earlier in the day.

  “Right, here’s whit we hiv tae dae. Jump doon here and we’ll make steps oot ae briquettes up against the wall. Wance we get the steps high enough, we’ll put the briquettes intae each box and dump them o’er the other side. Hiv youse goat that noo?” Tony asked.

  “Nae bother.”