Rapture (12 page)

“You don’t know what? You’re pissing me off, Alika.”

“Well, okay. For one, have you noticed any of this?” I said, extending my arms and rubbing along my skin. “This girl is hued—and Rush
isn’t
. For two, what in the hell do I have to offer a guy like that, who has it all? For three, he has to have a woman somewhere…or a few, shit! I’m nowhere near in his league. I’m just some broke chick from Vegas…who seems to have gotten the game of life all tangled the fuck up.”

“Ugh,” she sighed, rolling her eyes. “
I hate that
.”

“You hate what?” I asked, confused.

“When a woman talks down about herself. It’s pitiful and super unnecessary. Okay, you’re black. So is my mother. Okay you’re financially challenged. You can change that. It’s not a permanent situation unless you make it one. And as far as women go, of course he dates—if that’s what you wanna call it. I’ve seen these broads and they’re the same type every time. He’s long overdue for a real woman. But he needs one with confidence too, and not some chick who sees all the flaws in herself. That shit is not cute, Alika. Move past it.”

She was right. I don’t know what even possessed me to go down that unattractive ass alley. And to bring up the whole race thing was dumb. Clearly, if Rush was on that, he wouldn’t have had his tongue down my throat! Or his hands all over my body…

“Well, damn, girl. Nobody can
ever
say that you’re not a straight-shooter. I like that shit. You’re my kinda girl.”

“See, and I know that. You like it because that’s you too. But you’re holding back because of what you think other people…well, specifically, Hunter, might think. Be you, Boo,” she laughed, reaching over to clank her lemonade glass with my Bahama Mama.

“Well, okay then dammit, I’ll drink to that!”

By the time Gigi brought me back home, the sun was setting, and I was full of energy. Conversation was great and it gave me a lot to think about. I really had to let go of some of the shit that was holding me down. I had never been shut down before for taking negative shots at myself, but Gigi had done it and I appreciated her for it. It was as real as anyone could’ve ever gotten with me.

I looked at all my bags on the floor, and smiled. I was all set for work at Temptation with a few sexy dresses, outfits and killer shoes. I had even bought a Toshiba laptop to get online with and to revisit my blog. I also grabbed a few more hardcover novels to indulge in. I was all set and excited about the new life that was being carved out for me. I ventured into the restroom to check myself in the mirror, and for the first time in a long time, loved what I saw. There were the doe-shaped eyes that I hated at a point because they just seemed too big. But now, I could honestly say they had an allure to them. The dark brown irises, that when I was a little girl, I despised because I wanted them to be green or some other light color. Now I realized that they were beautiful on their own. There was my brown complexion that had a tinge of red to it, courtesy of my great-grandmother who was what black folks call redbone. And then there was my body. I wasn’t skinny at all, but filled out in all the right places, starting with my breasts and my waist that folded out into shapely hips that filled out any pair of size 8’s nicely. “
Wow
,” I said, aloud to myself. Finally, I had begun to get to a place where I found beauty in Alika. It was sudden, but right on time. Then after all the admiration, it was like “screeeech!” when I looked at my head. “Oh, girl! This hair!” I yelled into the mirror when I realized that my pixie needed attention. Note to self: Find a stylist first thing in the morning!

~
11
~

Alika

Monday, October 6, 2014

I woke up feeling bolder than I had ever felt. It seemed where Rush was concerned, I was possibly on my way to turning over a new leaf. More than likely it was as a result of the candid chic-chat that I had with Gigi. I held my phone in my hand with a silly grin on my face, smiling about what I was about to do. It was something that I couldn’t actually believe that I did it until I pressed the
“
SEN
D
” button on the first text:

Me:
Good morning, you up yet
?

Rush:
I’m up early every morning
.

Me:
Good! Want breakfast
?

Rush:
What ya cookin’
?

Me:
Pancakes, turkey bacon, eggs

Me:
Oh! And
—

In the middle of the last text, I heard the doorbell. When I opened the door and saw six-feet-plus, of gorgeous man standing before me, I held up my phone, and chuckled. “I was just about to text you the ‘cut up fruit’ part.”

“You had me at pancakes. I was already on my way,” he smiled, bending down to peck me on the cheek before breezing through the door. He looked handsome in his signature black tee shirt, sweats, pristine white Nike tennis shoes, and dark, ruffled waves.

“Come on, you!” I followed behind him as he animatedly sniffed his way toward the food. I had the perfect view of his toned physique, nice ass, and slight bowlegged strut. Had I been brave enough, I would’ve had that plate of his made. His pancakes would already be cut into nice little squares glazed with warm syrup, and on a tray. The covers would be pulled back on one side so that he could slide in, after which point, he could slide right into me! But I wasn’t, so instead I motioned for him to sit in his seat while I played hostess.

“I’ve never smelled food like this coming out of this guest house! Usually everyone is up front harassing chef for feasts.”

I wanted to tell him that I was free to be feasted upon, or that I was free to feast upon him
.
Whichever one floated his boat. “I’m glad you took time out to join me,” I remarked, handing him his plate of food, and setting a glass of orange juice next to him.

“I’m glad you invited me for breakfast. I was just gonna throw me a smoothie into the blender.”

“Well, now you’ll be well-nourished.”

“Well, now I will,” he flirted, across the table as he took the first forkful of food into his mouth.

I turned away to give attention to my own plate of food because I was already on a one-way trip to staring at the very lips that I had sucked on days earlier.

“Mmm, this is good,” he complimented, his mouth full. “This is very good, Alika.”

“Thanks! I’m glad you like.
Sooo
, I’m excited about Temptation opening this weekend. Are you nervous?” I queried. “Or, you feel like, you got this?”

“Yeah,” he stated cockily, with a smile. “I got this.”

“Well, alright then, big man on campus!”

“Hey, it’s here now, right? Only thing I can do is dive in headfirst and have confidence that it’ll all work out. Gotta stay on my A-game.”

“I don’t see you having a problem in that area, Rush. This thing is gonna be amazing. Watch. I can’t wait!”

“I’m glad you’re excited. In a sense, it’s our trial run so if you see anything that you think could be better don’t hesitate to let me know. We’ll keep a working list until it’s perfection.”

“Okay, I’ll do that.”

I watched Rush in between our meal. He wanted me to think he didn’t have anything floating through his mind, but I knew different. He was either nervous and didn’t want to show me that because of that good ol’ male ego thing.
Or
there was something more, that he just didn’t want to involve me in. I wanted so badly for him to confide in me about whatever was bothering him. I already knew that while he was very open around those he cared about, there was a part of him that was also extremely private.

“Rush…” I called to him, to get his attention.

“Yes?”

“What’s on your mind? I
know
there’s something there. I could tell when I came up yesterday morning before Gigi and I left. I won’t harass you or anything. But I just want you to know that I’m here if you need to talk. You know you can talk to me,
right
?”

“Thanks, Alika. You’re a sweetheart. I appreciate that. But it’s nothing really. I’m just anticipating the opening, that’s all. I mean, I have my sister coming to celebrate her birthday, and I want that to be right for her. I have to do all these last minute check-ins to make sure everybody who is a part of this opening is onboard with what they have to do. I have to set up meetings with staff on both sides to get any last minute issues addressed. So, you know just all kinds of minute stuff.”

“You have a full staff, Rush. You don’t have to be the one to make sure things are good. At some point, you have to relinquish some of the power. From what I’ve seen, you have an insanely devoted group of people around you. There’s Bart, your business manager, Gigi, your personal assistant, the amazing cast…both old and new,
and me
. And if you needed, you could always hire another assistant, or expand Gigi’s duties. And again…
there’s me
. Because I’m sure that a lot of the logistics that you’re handling are administrative in nature. I’ll gladly help you tie up any loose ends. We’ve all got your back.”

Shit, and your front too!

I noticed that Rush was hanging onto my every word. That’s when I realized that I’d been on autopilot and talking up a storm, and quickly lowered my eyes back to where my food was.

“Why do you do that, Alika?” he asked, placing his fork onto the plate of his now-devoured meal.

“Do what?” I inquired. Knowing full well I already knew what he was talking about.

“Deny yourself. That day downstairs at Chaos, you pulled away when you knew that you really didn’t want to. You’ve avoided eye contact several times when we’ve found ourselves in that predicament. So again, I ask: Why deny yourself the things you want?”

There I was initiating, prodding, and telling Rush just how available I was to him, and he had managed to reverse the situation back to me.
Ha
!
Ha
! I never saw that coming. The man made me nervous when he called me out. Just when I thought I had it all together and that my big girl panties were on tight, I couldn’t even convince myself to latch on to the damn opportunity! Here’s your opportunity! Take it!

I paused a few seconds to allow his words to marinate, and then responded. “Because I’ve made one bad mistake too many, and maybe I’m afraid to repeat history. You inadvertently drag people you care about into it when you do that.”

“History can only be repeated when you don’t learn from your mistakes the first time. If you feel that you’re challenged in that area, then that’s a problem,” he chuckled.

“I’m not a slow learn, Rush. I just want to make sure that I’m…uhh…
right
.”

What the hell, Alika
!
Are you serious right now
?
What the fuck happened to all that renewed boldness? A crock of shit, much
?

“Okay, well when you feel like you’re
uhh
…
right
…be sure that you go after what you want with confidence, and certainty, because some situations you enter, have a single entrance. Meaning, once you’re in, you’re in. Likewise, some opportunities don’t always present themselves a second time.”

He stared me dead through to my soul when he made that statement and my entire heart valve warmed up streaming into both my body’s northern and southern regions—from the area around my neck, to the hidden jewel between my legs. I got it. He was telling me that once I walked in that it would be for keeps. But he was also telling me that the opportunity to be with him may not always be there. I had a response on the tip of my tongue, but then Rush started to speak again.

“Breakfast was good. Thank you for thinking of me.”

If only you knew. I think of you all the time
…

“No problem. I’m glad you liked it. I love cooking, it’s therapy for me.”

“Damn, so you cook and mix a mean drink, huh?”

“Drinks…plural, sir. And I still you owe you that as well.”

“Yes, you do. And I’ll be here to collect, or at Temptation. Wherever you wanna serve it, I’ll be there.”

Sigh
…

“Sounds good to me. When we get through this week and get you over that hurdle you’re straddling with your nerves, I’ll mix you up a real cool adult beverage.”

Dammit. Straddling and cock in the same sentence. You’re on a roll, Alika. Stop starting what you’re too much of a pussy to finish.

“I’ll hold you to that,” he said, rising from his seat. “What do you have going on today?” he asked.

“I was planning to get familiar with this iPhone and probably read a little bit.
Maybe
. It’s all still up in the air. As you can see, I’m still comfy casual with these pajama pants and Tinkerbelle t-shirt, so I’ll see how it goes.”

I rose from my chair to walk him to the door, and then continued watching for a bit as he headed home. Once I was back inside, I went to grab my phone, and took it into the living room. After the TV was on and turned to Bravo, I went ahead and loaded Match me Up, the online dating app because I needed to remove my account altogether. I was beyond done with those online “hookup” sites.
Done
! When I had cleared out all my photos and clicked the “Cancel Account” button, I checked for the confirmation email, and then removed the app all the way from my phone. I breathed a sigh of relief, and then opened Facebook where I was met with seven inbox messages, and several notifications. I never tripped off of the notifications because more than likely I was being tagged against my will, and invited to play stupid ass games that I had no intentions on entertaining. However, when I clicked on my inbox, to my surprise, all of the messages were from Tracie. The first few were one-liners asking me when I was coming back for my stuff and whether or not I wanted her to put it all into a storage unit in my name, and that she’d wait to hear from me before proceeding. But then the follow-up messages were a different tone, and concern-filled. After I looked through the entire message thread, I drafted my response to her:

Hey T!

It’s good to hear from you. I’m okay. Actually I’m better than okay. Things couldn’t have a more surprising turn, but nothing to do with that fraud ass Curtis. Without going into too many details, I’ll just say that you were right. Shit wasn’t cool. I should’ve listened because you were only looking out for me, in the first place. When I get a chunk of time to chat, I’ll give you a call and fill you in…on everything. For the time being, if you could hold on to my clothes and shoes and all that good stuff, I’ll make arrangements to either come get them, or have them shipped to me.

p.s. thank for caring. Muah!