Raw: The Ultimate Mc Collection (151 page)

Just my luck.  Just my stupid, fucked-up, perverted luck.

It was entirely too much.  

First, I heard Colt screaming, a mournful scream I will never be able to forget, and then, after I had come running to him, and seeing Jesse lying in a pool of blood behind him, and then meeting Colt’s pain-filled eyes - it was a scene that would haunt me forever.

I didn’t know what to do.  I felt everything all at once - terror, horror, disbelief, anger - and then in an instant, I broke.  It was too much, way too much - and all I could do to survive was shut down.  Otherwise, I would have died from agony right there on the spot.

As Colt and I tried to pull ourselves together, he turned away from me and walked out onto the balcony.  I listened to his angry muttering through a thick fog, everything playing out right in front of me, but not registering.  All I could think about was getting out of there. Escaping. Getting away from all this pain.

And there was only one place in the whole world that I knew of that I could go to.

I quickly dressed and packed my things, all the while staring at the rumpled sheets on the bed.  Our bed.  

If only I could remember.  If only I could go back in time, keep myself from drinking too much, then none of this would have happened.  It was all too late.  It was way past too late.

I walked out of the bedroom with my bags.  Colt was still on the balcony, his back turned to me, his head in his hands.  The door to the penthouse was open.  I could see Jesse’s boots poking out of the blanket Colt had placed over his body in the hallway.  My stomach churned as I walked past him, yet I made myself look down at his cloaked frame.  

I shuddered, and quickly ran down the hall away from the horrible mess I had created.  I had no idea how to fix any of this.  I couldn’t fix it. There was no solution, except to remove the original cause.  And that was me.

Outside, I ran out into the pouring morning rain.  King was standing just under the awning, chatting with one of the valets.  When he saw me he smiled but his face fell quickly when he saw the look on my face.

“Ma’am, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“Give me your keys!” I said, my impatience rising, as I gestured to his waiting car.

“Ma’am, I’ll be happy to drive you anywhere you wa —,” he began pulling the keys out of his pocket and I snatched them from him.

“No!  I need to be alone!” I ran to the driver’s side, sank into the seat, started the ignition and put it into gear.  When I looked in the rearview mirror as I drove away, I saw Colt run out of the hotel, waving his arms, my name on his lips, but the sound of his voice was quickly carried away by the whipping rain.

I felt bad for him, I did.  But it was better this way.  It was better for everyone if I was out of their lives.

****

Thirty minutes later, I was headed East out of Portland, the rain falling so heavily that I could barely see ten feet in front of me.  I followed the signs to get out of the city, my memory of how to get to the cabin almost as foggy as the windows of the Lincoln.  

Semi-trailers flew past me on the highway, throwing up huge sheets of water into my windshield. As I gripped the steering wheel, tears ran down my face, not doing a lick to help with my vision.

Even though it was early in the morning, it was dark and grey outside, the clouds hanging low and forming an eerie mist that lingered over the thickly forested hills on either side of the interstate.

If I could find Highway 26, I knew it was a straight shot from there.  Luckily, the signs were clearly posted and I didn’t have to stop to ask for directions once.  

The scenery, what I could see through the rain, was beautiful, but it did nothing to lighten the load in my heart.  Jesse’s death was brutal.  I never imagined things to go this far.  I was bewildered and in shock.

I drove in a trance, my only goal was getting to the cabin, and then I would figure everything else out.  I would find the cabin, find someplace to get some supplies, and then I would hunker down and disappear from the world, for however long it took until I felt like I could face anyone again.

I hadn’t thought much past that.  I couldn’t.  I couldn’t bear to think about the look on Colt’s face.  I couldn’t even imagine what he must be going through, his brother brutally slain like that.  Because of me.  Because of a woman who couldn’t even remember making love to him the night before.

I wasn’t worthy of his friendship, let alone his love.  What had I been thinking? Once I was settled, I would call him, explain to him how sorry I was, and tell him to go back home.  To his club, where he belonged.  Far away from my poison.

As for me, as for the tour, my career, all those people that depended on me - I just couldn’t go there.  It was the last thing I could think about, because it was too painful. The guilt would engulf me completely if I thought about it, if I thought about them, all of them. There were so many.

No, I just couldn’t.  It was the only way to get through this day, this night.  Tomorrow, I would reevaluate everything.

CHAPTER TWENTY

COLT

When I hung up the phone, I sat down on the couch, my heart heavy, my soul filled with worry for Jett, anger and disbelief, despite Jesse’s covered body that lay ten feet away from me.

Once I realized Jett had left, I chased after her but I was too late.  It took everything I had not to punch out King right there on the sidewalk for letting her go.  Remembering Jesse’s body outside the penthouse door, I ran back upstairs, pulled his body into the room, and tried to keep my shit under control.

I tried to decide what I should do.  I had no idea.  The first call I made was to Rusty.  I hated giving him the news, hearing the pain in his voice when I told him about our fallen brother.  I apologized over and over, but he wouldn’t have it.

“Colt, you didn’t fucking kill him, goddammit, stop it!”

“But if I hadn’t left him out there, none of this would have happened,” I said.

“You don’t know that.  Listen, I’m going to gather the brothers and we’ll be there as soon as we can.  It’ll take a few hours to drive up, so hang tight.”

“I gotta go find Jett, Rusty.”

“Right.  Okay, call her manager.  Make him come to the hotel, when he gets there, make him stay there with Jesse. Don’t let him call the cops, under any circumstances.  I’m going to have the Portland chapter of the Bastards come over to stay there until we arrive. They should be there pretty quickly.  We’ll take care of this internally.  We’ll find this prick that’s responsible and we’ll make sure he pays.  We’ll find Jett, too.  See what you can find out in the meantime.  Try to get a line on where she might have gone.  My bet is the killer isn’t finished.  Jett still isn’t safe.”

“I hear you, Rusty.  Thank you, brother,” I said, choking on my words.  It took all my willpower to stay there, to make the calls that followed, and not just get out there and look for Jett.  I had no idea where to look, though.

First, I called Seth.  I didn’t tell him what happened, I just insisted he come to Jett’s room immediately, and I did the same with Sam.  They were all staying in the same hotel, and Sam arrived first.

When I yanked open the door, she was staring at the blood stain on the carpet in the hallway.

“What happened!” she exclaimed.

“Get in here,” I said, grabbing her arm and pulling her in.  When she saw the covered body on the floor, her eyes widened and she screamed.

“Shhh!” I said, putting a hand over her mouth.  “Don’t make a sound, understand? No screaming.”  

She nodded and I removed my hand.

“Is…um…is that Jett?” she said, her voice high-pitched with fear.

“What? No! Fuck. No, that’s Jesse.”

“Oh.  My god!  Did you kill him?” she asked, slowly creeping back towards the front door.

“What! No, for fuck’s sake! Why would I kill my brother?”

“Well, I don’t know…” her shoulder relaxed slightly.  “Then who did?”

The knock on the door interrupted us, and I left her staring down at Jesse’s body as I went to open it.

Seth was also staring at the blood when I opened the door.

“What the hell happened?” he asked.  When he saw the anger on my face, he started backing up into the wall.

“Come in!” I barked. He shook his head, his eyes filled with fear.  “Now, goddammit!”

He jumped, and his feet started moving.  I slammed the door behind him, and he stood over Jesse’s body, staring down at it silently.

“What happened?” his voice was barely a whisper.

“I don’t know. I was here with Jett all night.  Jesse was guarding the door, and when I opened it this morning, I found him lying on the ground.  Someone slit his throat.  He bled out,” I explained, my words mechanical and sounding as if they were coming from somewhere else.  

“Oh, my god!” Sam exclaimed, sinking to the couch and shaking her head.  “Who could have done something like this?”

“Who do you think?!” I growled.  “Crazy Jack!”

“No way,” Seth said, his eyes still glued to Jesse’s body. “No way.”

His denial pissed me off even more. It seemed so obvious to me, why would it be anyone else?  

“Who the fuck else would it be, Seth?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, finally raising his eyes and looking around the penthouse.  “Where’s Jett? We should call the cops. Did you call them already?”

“No fucking cops!  My club is on the way, and we’re going to take care of this ourselves.”

“What? That’s absurd,” he said, pulling his phone out of his suit pocket and beginning to dial.  I grabbed his phone out of his hand, and put it in my pocket.

“I said no cops, goddammit.  The cops aren’t going to help, they haven’t helped so far.”

“Where’s Jett?” he asked again.

“Well, I’m hoping you can help me with that.  She was very upset when we found Jesse’s body.  She ran out, she took King’s keys and she fled by herself.”

“She’s alone? Now?” he said.

“Yeah, so you can see why I’m alarmed, right?”

“Did you try to call her?”

“Of course, you fucking idiot! Her phone is turned off.”

“Well, fine,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “But why did you let her go?”

I was beyond aggravated with him, and my anger erupted as I wrapped my fingers around his scrawny little neck.

“I didn’t let her do anything, you little fuck.  She left when I wasn’t looking.  She blames herself for all of this.  But you know who I blame, motherfucker?” I was growling, my voice deep and rumbling in my ears.

Seth didn’t say anything, he couldn’t.  His hands flailed around as he tried to escape my grip.

“I blame you,” I said, seething with fury.  “You don’t give a shit about Jett.  All you care about is her image, her fame, and whatever money you’re scamming out of this whole fucking game.”

His eyes were tearing up and beginning to bulge out of his head.  I shoved him backwards onto the couch before he suffocated.  The last thing I needed was another dead body.

“Now,” I continued, pacing in front of the two of them like a caged tiger.  “I need to find Jett.  She told me about a cabin she bought a long time ago.  She said it was somewhere in the Pacific Northwest.  I have no idea where it is, but if I was betting, that’s where I’d say she was going.  So where is it?”

Sam just shook her head and shrugged.

One look at Seth and I knew he knew exactly what I was talking about.

“You’d better starting talking fast, you fuck,” I said, towering over him.

“I remember the cabin.  It - it was a l-long time ago.  I tried to talk her out of it, but she insisted on buying it,” he said, his voice shaking with fear.

“I bet you did.  Where is it?”

“About an hour outside of Portland.  A town called Rhododendron, it’s at the foothills of Mt. Hood.  But I really doubt —,” 

“Shut up!” I interrupted him.  “What the address?’

“I - I don’t know.  She never told me.  She insisted on having a place that nobody knew, she completed the sale on her own, did all the paperwork herself. I don’t even know if there is an address, it’s down some secluded logging road in the middle of nowhere. She didn’t want me to know where it was, I don’t know why…” his voice trailed off.