Authors: Robert Hamburger

Real Ultimate Power (24 page)

BOOK: Real Ultimate Power

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Does it feel like you've had amnesia for years and you just now remembered that you're the king of the sweetest country on Earth and you own a gigantic bicycle that can seat over a hundred people?

225

Francine, I love you, but you need to speak English once in a while.

226

For further information about kicking, please see
Exhibit D
,
Appendix and Exhibits.

227

What did you do that for? I spent forty bucks on that!
âJohn, ed.

228

Why did you bring that other kid over?

229

I told youâI had to baby-sit you and one of Ms. Evans's boys at the same time.

230

So what now? Are you best buds with everybody in the neighborhood? Are you some kind of friend slut?

231

No. But you have some REAL Ultimate Issues.

232

By issues, you mean Power.

233

Hey, come here.

234

Yeah, what?

235

Is the coast clear?

236

What?

237

The note, I saw it. I've come to take you away from this place.

238

KIDNAP ME?

239

Yeah!

240

Do you mean it?

241

Of course! I got the car running and I made a little bed for you in the living room. There's a refrigerator box for you to play in and everything.

242

But what if you stop liking me after a couple days?

243

Well, you're going to have to trust me. I'm taking a risk too, you knowâyou might tear apart my house or rip up the carpet, but I trust that you won't.

244

But what if I accidentally rip up the carpet and I really didn't mean it, but, at the time, it looked like I did. Then what?

245

Just get in the fucking car!

246

What's your problem?

247

I'm sorry. I wasn't attacking you. I was only verbalizing my frustration, and I value your opinion. You're just not what I expected, and you surprised me.

248

Well, you're not that great either.

249

Well, maybe we should just call this whole thing off!

250

Maybe we should!

251

Dad, do you know where Francine's at? I can't find her anywhere.

252

She ran away
.

253

How do you know,
Dad?

254

Well, I'd run away too if I had to hang out with a retard everyday.

255

She wouldn't do that!

256

Well, she's gone. Get used to it.

257

John.

258

Yeah.

259

Take this.

260

This is your book. What do you want me to do with it?

261

I'm leaving and somebody has to spread the word about ninjas and most, importantly, REAL Ultimate Power. Plus, I'm done with everybody's crap, even yours.

262

I'm not the enemy, man. I was just trying to help you out. Everyone was in their own way, I guess. What about your parents? Don't you think they'll worry?

263

Look, amigo, sometimes there comes somebody, maybe once every couple thousand years, who is just too sweet for parents. I have a feeling that person is me.

264

So this is it, huh? Do you need a ride?

265

I don't need a ride to where I'm going.

266

Alright, whatever.

267

Galapagos turtles are members of the reptilian family. These animals are found on the Galapagos Islands and at zoos for people to look at. They are best known for their size and age. They can get up to two-hundred-years-old! (Encyclopedia Britannica, Volume G, p. 57.)

268

If you didn't do that well on the test, you can still be a ninja. So don't get too worried.

269

Francine.

270

Yes, Robert.

271

Where are we?

272

I don't know. Are you pumped?

273

Are you kidding? I'm ALWAYS pumped.