Rebel Angel: A Sainted Sinners Novel (14 page)

“How do you know what I deserve?” she challenged.

“You should have the whole world, if you want it. All

Aurora dropped her gaze, but nodded. “Okay.”

Ezra leaned close and kissed her once more, slow and deliberate. “Will you sleep next to me tonight?”

Her flashing azure gaze ensnared him, but she shook her head. “No.”

Ezra nodded, though part of him wished she would push harder, insist that the connection between them was undeniable. Certainly Ezra thought it was, but cautious Aurora…

“I just need to know… I need to know you’re sure,” he said. “I only want you if you’re sure you want this.”

Aurora gave him a humorless smile, pulling free from his grasp. She rose, turning toward the door, then turning back. She stared back at him for a beat, her brows knit.

“I will think this through,” she said. “I promise, I will have an answer before I kiss you again.”

“That’s all I can ask,” Ezra said, giving her what he hoped was a comforting smile.

She watched him for a moment longer, then bowed her head and left the room. The door shut behind her, the sound of it echoing through Ezra’s mind.

You did the right thing
, he told himself.
You care for her, so you are taking care with her
.

Still, it was a cold comfort as he sprawled on his bed, achingly alone.

A
urora spent
her night tossing and turning, the trial of truth and her discussion with Ezra weighing heavily on her mind. She thought again and again of the images the trial showed her, the wonderful moments spent with her family, and then the low points…

After her mother and brother died, she was too busy running to really mourn. Her sadness hadn’t come all at once, but over a long period of time. Not just months, but years. Fits and spurts, days where she couldn’t get up out of bed for the agony pressing down on her.

Now, the deepest of her wounds had closed, but she felt… alone. These last few weeks with Ezra brought her isolation to the forefront, made her realize that she’d missed having someone in her life.

Someone who would listen, someone who cared whether she lived or died. Until this month, there’d been no one to notice if she packed up and left town over night.

And sure, her roommate Vesper might have noticed. Might have even put out some feelers in the city, trying to make sure Aurora was okay.

But in a few days or a week, Aurora would have faded away, and Vesper and Kirael would’ve gone right on with their lives.

Even living with Vesper so long had been a step forward for Aurora, better than the fleabag rent by the week motels and hostels she’d previously preferred.

But there was something about Ezra, something that made him… care. It wasn’t just his duty as a protector, though that was the element that brought them together.

He asked about her family. He saw to her comfort. He noticed details.

He
saw
her, really saw her.

For too long, she’d been invisible. By her own design, she’d cut herself off from everyone and everything…

She’d stranded herself, lost at sea.

But here, Ezra offered a life raft. He didn’t ask for anything, just offered himself.

What had he said to her?

I only want you if you’re sure you want this.

But how could she be sure? How could anyone be sure of something like… Well, what would she even call it?

Love
came to mind. She shoved the word aside; it was just too big for her right now. The very word felt dangerous.

But Ezra did offer her so much. He was strong, loyal, steadfast. He was handsome. Beyond handsome. At times just looking at him made her feel like she was in freefall, the world dropping away beneath her feet.

He was intelligent and wise, careful and cautious but also bold if the situation called for it.

Really, there was no question that he was a wonderful man, that they fit together.

The issue lay with Aurora, because she didn’t know what she wanted. She’d been moving so fast for so long that she’d never let her emotions catch up to her.

Now, going slow… it was a challenge.

Rolling over in bed, she kicked the covers off.

There was a niggling voice in the back of her head, bringing up her trial of truth again and again. The pattern it represented, something she should understand.

She mulled it over for the hundredth time, but still couldn’t quite grasp it.

Instead, she turned her thoughts to what she and Ezra had achieved. They’d freed her brother and her mother, Ezra practically walking through fire to help Aurora do what she needed to do.

And yet, she felt unsatisfied.

So what do I want? she wondered. If that’s not enough, what more could I possibly want?

The image of Ezra flashed in her mind, the morning she walked in on him fresh from the shower. Damp hair, dark eyes filled with questions, beautiful sculpted body hidden by nothing more than a white towel.

Yes, yes
, she thought to herself.
You want Ezra.

But there was more, and she knew it. Pressing her hands over her eyes, she struggled for a few moments. Then she sat up in bed, looking around the room. As if she’d find the answers she sought on the mirrored vanity, on the rolling rack of clothes Kirael had delivered.

She rose and walked to the window, staring out at the gardens. All was still and silent. She sat on the window ledge and let herself fade out for a moment, until a soft sound caught her attention.

In the tree closest to her window, only a hundred yards away, she saw the flutter of wings. Two birds swooped down and landed there, identical except for their color. One was black as a raven, the other white as a dove.

The birds sat on the same branch, inches from one another. Heads cocked, they seemed to stare right back at her. Challenging, almost.

It was an odd sight, even in the gardens. She hadn’t seen any birds other than the crystal hummingbirds in the enchanted forest, yet here they were.

Sitting. Waiting.

Aurora stood and pulled the window open, throwing it wide as she called out to the birds.

“Shoo!” she yelled.

Both birds took flight in an instant, rising until their wings were silhouetted against the moonlit sky.

Dark wings. White wings.

Aurora pressed a hand over her heart, feeling the thudding rise of its beat. Dark wings, white wings…

The birds wereas a sign. There wasn’t a moment’s doubt in her mind, only a frenzied moment of understanding.

Two birds, one white and one black.

Two angels, one from Heaven, one from Hell.

“Armeros,” she whispered, sinking down to sit at the window again. “And… Belial.”

The moment she said their names aloud, she knew it was right.

It was madness, sheer and utter madness to think she could take on two of the most powerful creatures in the universe.

And yet… in her heart of hearts, Aurora knew that she had to try. Not just for her mother. Not just for Jackson.

It was for herself, for the heartache and suffering they’d caused. Not just to Aurora, but to thousands or millions of innocent souls, caught up in the war between Heaven and Hell.

Rubbing a hand over her eyes, she realized that the actual fight might be nothing compared to the fact that she’d have to explain herself to Ezra.

She imagined the look on his face when she dropped such a bomb on him.

Hey, I want to kill Armeros and Belial. Cool?

Followed by his expression of absolute horror or furious anger. She could just picture him lashing out.

When will it ever be enough, Aurora?
he’d say.

Exhaustion finally began to weigh on her, so she stood and shut the window. Climbing back into bed, she rolled herself in the comforter and closed her eyes.

She dozed, only lightly, but one thing played over and over in her mind. A moment replayed during the trial of truth, when she stood with her atop a three-story platform. Jackson had talked her into bungee jumping, something she was way too afraid to do on her own.

Somehow Jackson had convinced her to go with him, wearing a double harness. Something about the promise that he’d be by her side… literally strapped to her body.

Then they got up to the top of the platform. Standing there, tightly harnessed together, they both peered down into the ravine below, a lazy river snaking its way past them.

There they were, so close, and yet… Aurora clung to Jackson, threatening his life if he jumped before she was ready. Aurora just stood there, sweating, staring down over the platform, frozen with fear.

Jackson knew her so well, he waited patiently, talking her through her fear.

It’s just one step.

Let go, Aurora.

You can do it.

We’ll both go down together.

Call it a leap of faith…

The joke did the trick, drawing her out of herself and making her smile.

She gripped Jackson’s hand, they counted to three, and then they jumped off together…

A
urora sat straight
up in bed, still feeling like she was falling. Sunlight streamed in the window now, telling her she’d slept long and hard.

Her heart was pounding, but she wasn’t afraid. That moment of terror, the second where she stepped over the edge, it was done in a second. It was hard, but after that, she and Jackson were screaming and laughing and
flying
.

It was one of the best moments in her life. She’d never felt anything close to it, except the moment when she’d held on tight and let Ezra fly her straight up to Heaven.

Call it a leap of faith…

Maybe it didn’t resolve her feelings for Ezra, but perhaps the trial of truth had highlighted one important thing.

Many of the best moments in her life had started with a leap of faith. Aurora opening herself up to someone, being open with her mother or brother.

And yes, there were times in her life that her openness had hurt her. After her mother and Jackson died, she’d wanted to die, too. She’d closed herself off, played it safe, never let herself stick around long enough to trust anyone.

But if she wanted something, wanted anything as badly as she wanted to defeat Armeros and Belial, she’d have to take a risk.

And that risk started with Ezra, with telling him what she wanted to do. If he refused, threatened to leave, she’d find a way to do it on her own.

But if he stayed…

If he agreed to help her…

Maybe her leap of faith would bring her more than just vengeance.

There was only one way to find out.

Throwing back the covers, she rose and got dressed.

To her surprise, Ezra was still in his room when she went looking for him. After searching the house, she ended up outside his door, knocking lightly.

After a moment of muffled thumping and cursing from the other side, he opened the door. He was still shirtless, his hair tousled in a way that only managed make him look sexier.

“Hi,” she said, mustering her courage.

“Mmmf,” he muttered.

“You look tired,” she said, biting her lip.

“Yeah, well. I have a lot on my mind,” he said.

She could feel his gaze traveling up and down her body as he leaned in the doorway. Her face heated with both pleasure and embarrassment; she loved the thought of Ezra finding her sexy, but she was also a little ashamed that she’d lost him a night of sleep.

Not only that, but she hadn’t come to any real conclusion about their future, either.

“How about I make you coffee?” she offered.

His gaze snapped up to hers, instantly suspicious. “Why?”

Aurora had to laugh at that. “You’re cranky in the morning.”

“I usually don’t talk to anyone before I have my third cup of coffee,” he admitted.

“Which is why I want to make you some coffee. I want to talk, but not until you’re…” she paused, then waved a hand. “More you.”

Ezra frowned at her. “This is me.”

“Just… come into the kitchen when you’re ready,” she said.

He gave her a wary glance, but nodded and turned away. He didn’t bother to close the door as he rummaged through his suitcase, expression dark as a thunderclap.

Aurora swallowed down her anxiety and headed to the kitchen, going through the motions of making coffee and tea. She even laid out pastries, since Ezra seemed to prefer them.

He appeared a few minutes later in jeans and a t-shirt. Barefoot, which Aurora found attractive for reasons she didn’t quite understand. The big bad Fallen angel, barefoot and sipping coffee as he sat next to her.

His facial expression wasn’t nearly so charming. He looked like he expected her to punch him right in the stomach at any moment.

Just say it, she told herself. Get it over with.

Once he was settled on a kitchen stool, coffee in hand, she took a deep breath.

“I want to punish Belial and Armeros,” she said.

Ezra sputtered, spitting coffee back into his cup. He sat the mug down, giving her an odd look. After a moment, he actually laughed. Leaned his elbows on the bar, dropped his face into his hands, and laughed long and hard.

Aurora watched him, baffled.

“Ezra?” she ventured after a moment.

He raised his head, looking at her with a grin.

“You want to fight Armeros and Belial,” he said, shaking his head. “Is that all?”

Aurora crossed her arms, feeling defensive. “I know it’s a lot…”

“It’s a suicide mission,” Ezra said, his amusement fading.

“Ezra…” she said, winding herself up for an inspirational speech. “I know I have no right to ask for your help, but—”

“I’ll do it.”

“I—” she started, then stopped. “What?”

“I’ll do it. I’ll help you.”

“You will?” she asked, starting to wonder if he was joking.

“Maybe I didn’t make this clear before,” he said, leaning back in his chair and giving her a thoughtful look. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, if you asked.”

She stared at him for a long beat, her heart in her throat.

“Nothing?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he said, his tone slow and sure.

“Oh. I just thought… you seemed… kind of angry,” she said, feeling relieved.

“I thought you were going to tell me…” he said, then cut himself off. “Never mind.”

“Ezra,” she said. “I wish I had all the answers you need.”

“We need a plan,” he said, changing the subject. Letting her off the hook, more like. She’d never met anyone so determined not to push her into a decision.

Ezra stood, picking up his coffee. She rose and followed him, a little awestruck.

She’d anticipated his anger, dismissal, perhaps even a moment in which he threatened to keep her from trying to do something so dangerous. Instead, he gave her his support, without question.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, settling on the open window ledge.

“Well… I don’t think we have to kill them, which is the good news,” she said.

Ezra arched a brow. “I’m listening.”

“It occurred to me that everything they’ve done… Belial getting Aragoth to trap my brother, Armeros deceiving my mother to capture her soul…” she slowed, took a breath. “Those things are wrong. Like, morally, objectively wrong.”

Ezra only nodded, watching her intently. She took courage, and pushed on.

“So if they were caught in the act of trying to harm a Null, that would be… bad. For them, I mean. Right?”

“I think if Le Medcin had direct proof, he wouldn’t hesitate to rain fire and brimstone on anyone who disrupted the balance.”

“What if we could give him proof?” she asked.

Ezra sat his mug down. “What are you thinking?”

“What if we could engineer a situation where they were both caught trying to tip the scales? Two big birds, one stone.”

Ezra’s eyes narrowed. “You want to bait them.”

“Essentially, yes. I was thinking that we could leak our location, somewhere big and open where nothing can be hidden. We bring witnesses, parties who are neutral enough to swear to what’s happened.”

“And what? You’re standing there, defenseless, waiting for Armeros and Belial to attack you?”

“Well, I am hoping that they will have to fight each other first, so at least I’ll only have to go up against one of them.”

“We.”

“Sorry?”

“We are going to fight them. I’m willing to go along with your plan, but there’s no way in Hell that I am letting you go in there alone.”

“It needs to look that way,” she said. “I thought… I thought we could stage a very public fight.”

“And once we’ve got them there, what are we supposed to do with them?”

“I don’t know. Trap them, somehow. How does Vesper trap demons when she’s working as a bounty hunter?”

Ezra sighed. “Orbs. She has these glass orbs that she can smash at a demon’s feet, it traps them temporarily.”

“Long enough to turn them over to Le Medcin?”

“I think so.”

They both fell silent, thinking.

“City Park,” Ezra said after a minute.

“Sorry?” Aurora asked.

“It’s the only place I can think of that we could try this. It’s big and open, but not close to too many people.”

Aurora nodded, turning it over in her mind. “I think that could work. How much space do you need to clear for two opposing angels to fight?”

Ezra’s critical expression almost made her laugh, despite the seriousness of the moment.

“You know how insane this whole plan is, right?” he asked.

Aurora glanced out the window. “You don’t have to be a part of it.”

Ezra reached out and closed his hand over hers, squeezing it tight.

“Yes, I do. I go where you go,” he said.

“Right. My protector,” she said, feeling very much like they were retreating back to the first days of their time at the safe house.

“No,” he said sternly.

She looked up at him, biting her lip.

“No?”

“Aurora…” he said, shaking his head. “Don’t start a conversation you aren’t willing to finish.”

They locked gazes, Aurora’s heart and mind filled with a thousand things she wanted to say. None of them seemed right, though. When she dropped her eyes, Ezra released her hand and stood.

Not unfriendly, just… distant. Quiet.

“Ezra,” she said, wishing she had the words he wanted to hear.

He only shook his head. “We have a lot to do. Why don’t you start a list of tasks, and we can split them up. If we’re going to go through with this crazy plan, I’d like to get it over with sooner rather than later. Meanwhile, I need some breakfast.”

Ezra went to the kitchen, leaving her sitting on the window ledge. She felt wooden and hollow, longing to give Ezra what he so clearly needed from her.

Once she’d drawn up a to-do list, Ezra elected himself for all the tasks outside the safe house. He left with nothing but a wave of his hand, and she couldn’t help but feel disappointment.

From him, certainly, but also from within herself.

On her end, she spent her day and most of her evening planning as much as she could. It was late when Ezra returned, passing through the kitchen with little more than a comforting smile for her.

“Tomorrow night,” he said. “It’s set. I’ve laid all the groundwork that I can.”

He was clearly worn out, so when he headed to bed early, she could hardly protest.

Grabbing a novel at random from the living room, she went to her own room and lay in bed, feeling as though she might crawl out of her skin.

She thought of nothing but Ezra, not even bothering to open the book.

It’s probably the last night of my life, and what am I doing? Moping over a guy who’s moping over me. Could I be any more stupid?
she wondered.

She closed the book with a thump, glaring at it.

I refuse to waste the night reading Jane Eyre, of all things. It’s time to be a grownup instead of a scared little girl.

After final a moment of indecision, she stood and rooted through her clothes rack. She flipped through her garments, hunting for a silky black bag that hung amongst her dresses and blouses.

“Bingo,” she said, grabbing it.

She carried the bag to her bed and unzipped it, drawing out a few silken slips. She’d bought them on impulse, dreaming of the day she might need them.

Today is that day
, she told herself.

She chose the simplest one, bright white silk with thin straps. She undressed and shimmied into it, blushing a little at how short it was. She stepped into the matching silk panties, the fabric slipping up her legs like a caress.

She wondered if she should put on a little makeup, but decided against it. Instead, she unbound her hair from its braid and let it surround her like a curtain.

Taking a deep breath, she left her room before she could lose her courage. She knocked on his door as softly as she could.

No answer. She turned the doorknob and let herself into his room.

Ezra lay on his side, deeply asleep. He’d kicked off the covers, exposing the broad expanse of his muscular back and legs.

For a moment, her heart dropped to her feet. She’d missed her chance tonight, that much was clear.

Still, she stood and watched him sleep. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest was soothing, and his scent was heavy in the room, clean and masculine and comforting.

She moved over to his bedside, tugging the blankets across his body. He stirred, opening one eye.

“Mmm,” he mumbled. “Rora.”

He didn’t seem quite awake, but the lure of him was too strong for her to resist.

“Ezra, can I sleep here?” she asked.

“Mmm,” he said again, raising his arm.

Making a space for her. Aurora crawled onto the bed and lay next to him, feeling as though she was doing something that bordered on being wrong.

Ezra muttered something else in his sleep, reaching out to grab her by the waist. He dragged her over until she was pressed close, turning her so that she aligned with his body. He shifted, nuzzling the hair at her neck, and pulled up the covers over her.

An electric shiver crept up her spine. Her body warmed, tightened. Ezra was teasing her without even realizing it.

His hand found hers, his arm curling to hold her tight, and he settled into sleep.

The soft, regular sound of his breathing, the warmth of his big body…

Slowly she relaxed and let him lull her, pulling her down into the depths of slumber.

Ezra woke with something tickling his nose. He blinked, raising his hand, and then went stock still.

Only inches away, Aurora was curled up beside him, sleeping quietly. Her hair was spread out everywhere, under his face even as he’d slept.

The comforter and sheets were at the foot of the bed; he always kicked the blankets off in his sleep.

The shining copper waves of her hair covered most of her top half, but from the waist down he could see that she wore nothing but white silk. A short white teddy, which rode up at the back to give him a glimpse of white panties.

Ezra’s cock had stirred the moment he found her so close; her outfit was nearly enough to drive him out of his mind. He reached out to trail his fingers over the curve of her hip, wondering if this moment could possibly be real. It would be cruel to wake from this dream.