Redemption for a Rogue (The Regimental Heroes) (3 page)

“I barely write. Now you know the truth.” He let out a sarcastic laugh. “I can also barely read. I am stupid.”

“If you say you are ‘stupid’ one more time, I will be forced to slap you.”

He looked shocked at her words, but then grinned. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would. Do not tempt fate, sir. Lord or not, I will not tolerate this kind of self-belittling behavior from you or anyone. Please trust me, and tell me when you read and write, how do the letters appear?”

“Twisted. I know the words are not correct and I have been told this over and over… but…” he sighed. “That is the way I see the words.”

She scooted her chair close. “A few years back I was a governess for a boy who suffered a similar impairment. He was very bright, but when we did lessons, his eyes and ears saw and heard things… differently. Letters and words were jumbled.” She took out a clean sheet of paper and laid it between them. “Write this sentence: We spell words exactly as they sound.”

John took the quill and concentrated. He wrote:
We spell wrds xatle az tha snd
.

“Your brain told you what to write but processed it differently than the rest of us. The boy I worked with had a pattern. It was certain words and certain letters. He would write…” she took the paper, wrote, and then pointed to the sentence.

Wespellwordsexactlyastheysound.

She continued, “He bunched his words together. Did you have a governess or tutor who worked with you? Did they try and straighten this problem?”

“I had a governess for about a year, but then she told my father there was no hope and he let her go.”

“How old were you?”

He shrugged. “Six or possibly seven. Then I spent the rest of time at boarding schools. It was hell. I always struggled with reading. Math was usually not an issue, but with lectures or books… I was dreadful.”

“Maybe you didn’t have the
right
governess or teachers. You have a special learning issue that needs time to overcome. I will start the boy’s lessons earlier in the day and then come here. If you will allow it, we can work together on your invoices, billings or whatever you wish. I believe with diligent work, I can possibly help you read and write the letters you are troubled with.”

“I can’t expect you to do this.”

Vivienne took his hand. It felt warm and solid in hers. “I can be your eyes and your ears. You have been most gracious to Charlie and me, and this is a way to repay your kindness.  No one will be the wiser, I promise. I will not say a word to the house staff, the boys, or anyone else for that matter. Your secret is safe with me.”

“I can’t do this,” John said barely above a whisper.

“My opinion differs, because I know you’re capable. You just need a little assistance. If I read the invoices, do you understand what needs to be done?”

“Of course.”

“Then I will fill in the forms.”

“Are you an angel sent to watch over me?” The shadow of John’s beard and dark hair gave him an intensely masculine quality.

She swallowed. “No, I am merely the hired governess.”

“I feel you have become much more to Graeme and me then merely a governess.” As he watched her, a shiver ran up her spine. His gaze implied things. Erotic things men and women never spoke of and only shared behind bedchamber doors. “Everything seems to holds less importance, because right now, Vivienne, all I want in the world is to kiss you.”

It was the first time he’d said her name. When she began to contradict his statement, he pressed a finger to her lips and then replaced it with his mouth. He leaned forward in his chair to pull her close. Her breasts pressed against the hard planes of his chest. Vivienne knew it was wrong, but her heart sang from his caress. Gentle. Loving.

As his mouth caressed hers, he opened a world of sensation from just his lips. His hands remained at the nip of her waist. She wanted his large hands on her breasts, toying with her aching nipples. Sanity left her, as she sighed on the brink of complete surrender.

Vivienne reached to touch his hair. It was soft and much longer than her husband’s. Guilt swamped her. This was the first time she’d thought of Lucas in days. It wasn’t Lucas’s fault that he was gone, but she had to believe what she told Graeme, it wasn’t her fault he’d died either. She wished Lucas was still alive, but he wasn’t. John was.

John’s kiss was so sweet it made her desperately want him. Her body ached for the feel of a man pressed again to hers. Vivienne put a hand against his chest to rest on the thin linen of his shirt and he inhaled from the intimate contact. Beneath her fingers was the steady, fast beat of his heart. John’s hand cupped the covered curve of her breast, and her breath rushed over his ear as he kissed a trail down her throat to where her own pulse strummed.

Suddenly he broke away. Their breaths mingled, and he said roughly, “Not here, not now. I cannot be with you here as I wish.” 

She dropped her gaze. “I understand, I am not who you should be with. You will find a fine lady with proper blood.”

“Vivienne, I have held a deep attraction for you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. That is not the reason. You deserve more.”

“I have no family lineage. I am no one.”

“No one?” He kissed her softly and then said, “You should know by now that I do not care about titles or bloodlines. Once again, you must have me confused with another lord.”

“I have you confused with no one.”

“That is good because I would like to think I am the only one in your thoughts. You are becoming the only one in mine. As Lord of this manor, I will choose who I spend time with and I feel in the future, I will be spending many of my days with you.”

“Society will not approve and people will talk.”

“Let them. It will give them something to do.” He smiled. “I will see you again, here, tomorrow?”

“Before I go, I do ask one thing.”

He cocked an eyebrow.

“Will you come and say goodnight to Graeme and then tuck him in bed? It would mean the world to him.”

John took her hand and then pulled her to her feet. “That is an easy request. I have grown very fond of the boy. But he is very lucky to also have you in his life. Almost as lucky as I.”

Chapter 5

The afternoons flew by as Vivienne spent mornings with Graeme and her son, and then worked late and tirelessly into the night. For him. The more time they spent together, the closer they all became. It began to feel like… a family.

John often requested dinner served in the study so the boys could play in the corner with wooden soldiers while he and Vivienne completed the daily invoices.

Collins rolled a wooden cart into the study and placed silver trays on the sideboard. The smell of roasted meat and potatoes made John’s stomach growl. He was busy, as usual, and hadn’t eaten much throughout the day.

Collins looked from him, to Vivienne, and then to the boys. A slight smile curved his lips. He looked pleased. In all the years Collins served under his father, had John ever see Collins smile? John expected to see a frown or hear gossip about his time spent with Vivienne behind closed doors, but the staff seemed to encourage it. He wasn’t about to argue.

John dismissed Collins and then lifted the tray’s lid to inhale the marvelous full-bodied aromas. He glanced to Vivienne. Hunched over the desk, she held a quill in hand. An auburn curl fell over her forehead and a delightful frown creased her beautiful brow. A feeling of complete and total well being washed over him.

Is this what life should be? Could be? Happy. Content. Had he ever felt this before? His heart twisted. After so many years of wanting, could these three people give him everything he’d wished for?

He slid the lid back over the meat and announced, “Let’s eat dinner before it grows cold.”

Vivienne looked up for a second before going back to the paper in front of her. She shook her head. “There is still which needs to be done. You and the boys eat. I will take a bite later.”

John moved to her, drew the quill from her hand, and placed it on the desk. He placed a thumb under her chin and then kissed her.

“The boys,” Vivienne said. Her cheeks blushed pink from his outward show of affection.

He tipped his head their direction. “They are playing. Nothing gets between boys and wooden soldiers. Someday these games will be replaced with a distraction of a beautiful woman.”

“That is a long time off. For me, there are the invoices.”

“They will still be there for
us
, after we eat.”

“What does this mean?” She pointed to a number of columns on the page of the ledger.

“Woman… you are insufferable! You should run a workhouse and not serve as a governess.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Vivienne smiled slyly and pointed once again to the column of numbers.

He realized he never wanted her to leave. John knew at that moment and without a doubt, he’d fallen in love with her.

John insisted Vivienne accompany him on a visit to the estate of his best friend Ellis and his new wife, Callie. He surprised Vivienne with a new dress made of pale yellow silk and ivory lace. Something as simple as a new dress pleased her so much. Making her happy was suddenly very important and she looked beautiful in the dress. Vivienne could stand next to any lady of the ton
.
John couldn’t take his eyes from her. Her skin and hair glowed like sunlight. He wanted to kiss her again. He desired for her to be his and it was almost impossible to refrain in wanting more intimate contact.

When they arrived, John took her satin-gloved hand and helped her from the carriage. It was wonderful to see Ellis and he realized how he’d missed their visits. After introductions, Callie invited Vivienne to walk around the gardens and left ‘the men to discuss the matters of the world’.

Ellis sipped his brandy and raised an eyebrow. “So… the last time I saw you it was your father’s funeral, and the time before that I dragged you home from a pub. These weren’t the most socially pleasing events of our friendship. It presented little time to talk. Are you here to tell me something’s changed in your life?”

John smiled. “Yes. Everything has changed. First, please let me apologize for my terrible behavior that night at the pub. I cannot blame you for wanting to shoot me dead in a duel.”

“You remember that?” Ellis asked.

“I remember it all. I was not inebriated; I was only pretending as such to start a fight.”

“I think I need another brandy and an explanation.”

“I felt if I acted the part of the drunken fool, my father would not expect anymore of me than he ever did. I have always feared being in charge of the mill, but now my father is dead and I must take responsibility. People depend on me.” John nervously tapped a finger on the desk. “I struggle with reading and the understanding of words. It holds me back.”

“I am already aware of this from our classes.”

“Yes… well. Vivienne is Graeme’s governess. She thinks I process things differently than others. I twist words and letters. No one ever told me this is possible to overcome.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything about these learning issues?”

“You wished for me to admit I suffered from mental retardation?” John’s temper flared. “Admit to you? My best friend?”

“Those were your father’s words. Not mine. I never felt that. You were always a smart lad. I knew you struggled with bookwork, but I was never sure how to help. I wish you’d asked if that was the case. We all have fears of what we cannot accomplish and how other will perceive us.”

“You have never feared anything.”

“You cannot be serious.” Ellis laughed but there was sarcasm tingeing it. “I was shot in the war. I walk with a cane. You don’t think I feared I would never be the man I once was? I was broken and ready to end it all when I returned from the Crimean.” Ellis tipped his brandy snifter his direction. “I fear many things, old friend. I suffered greatly. Spencer, Clarke, and I have created a closed session ‘poker club’ or this is how we refer to it. We meet once a week and speak of things that we cannot say to others. ‘The club’ has helped. Well, let’s say, the club and the love of a good woman. Who is this Vivienne again and who is she to you?”

“Graeme’s governess.” John smiled. “A ‘poker club’”.

“Only a governess? You’re changing the subject. The club will be there if you need us. I can already see a change in you and I hope we can thank Vivienne for this. She seems like a fine woman. Very beautiful, isn’t she.”

“Yes, she is and has a giving heart.”

“After all the years with your father, you deserve that in your life. I am sorry, John, but I cannot say I was ever fond of the man. He treated you… well, all of us, despicably. Now after your brother’s unfortunate death there is only you. How is Graeme?”

“He’s a wonderful boy, and I have grown extremely warmhearted towards him. But he needs a mother.”

“I assume we are speaking of Vivienne?”

“She also has a son. Her husband died in the Crimean.”

“Two boys. My, I do say, that will be as much as one can manage.”

“Yes. We’ve… I have grown close… to all of them.” John took a sip of brandy but said nothing more.

“Love. It’s a strange and wonderful thing. If we are lucky, it happens to the best of us. Bachelor life is amusing for a while, but when you come home to a warm and welcoming woman in your bed, I tell you man, this is the life.”

He and Vivienne fell into a pattern of what John could only refer to as ‘comfortable’. Every afternoon, she arrived at the study with the boys in tow and then she and John would work through the daily paperwork. In the morning, John took the invoices to the mill and completed his tasks simply with no trials or tribulations. She proved to him it was possible.

The time he spent on work with Vivienne was beginning not to be enough. When she finished the invoices and left in the evening, he found he wanted her to stay.

John sipped on a cup of hot tea and attempted to gather confidence. Rising from the chaise, he came to her. “I worked on the lessons you asked.” He handed her the papers. “It is getting easier by the day to understand the words I struggle with. You were right, I needed the right governYess.”

“You hate our lessons.” She smiled and looked at the pages. “There is more here than I asked. You completed extra?”

“I added words… of my own.”

She flipped to the second page and her hand stopped, hovering over the black, bold letters.

“If you can read what I wrote, what does it say?” he asked, softly.

She met his gaze, but said nothing.

“I hoped to address enough of the letters in the correct order that you would understand the meaning, but if not, I will repeat what I wrote.” He reached in his pocket, produced a velvet box and opened it to reveal a ring. Dropping to one knee, he took her hand. “Vivienne Ravenhill, will you marry me?”

“Marry you? I… I can’t,” she stuttered.

Before that moment, he’d never seen her flustered. She was delightful.

“I mean, you don’t mean, I can’t. I have a son.”

“So do I. If you say yes, I will have two sons. I will also have you and I will be the luckiest man on earth. Please, Vivienne. Make my life complete.” He took her hand and slid the ring on her finger. “This ring belonged to my grandmother. When I think back, I remember she and my grandfather were happy. There was happiness in my family, and I want that again… I… I need that again. With all my heart, I love you.”

She started to cry.

He took her in his arms, and when he looked up, the boys were next to them.