Riding Ryder (3 page)

Slowly, like an old man, Caleb sat up. “No, it won’t happen, Logan. You say you want to work with me. That means fucking people for a living. That’s what I do. I help them to achieve total sexual satisfaction. Okay, sometimes I can show without doing. Sometimes I help couples that need guidance and encouragement and no actual physical showing. But other times it’s up to me to be the hands-on, or rather cock-in, tutor.”

“Do you honestly think if we became lovers, it wouldn’t mean something?” Caleb continued. “We wouldn’t be serious? Because I sure as hell don’t. And do you think you’d be happy knowing that while one of us was watching TV or sending out e-mails, the other was fucking the balls off a customer, having his balls sucked off? Knowing his cock was deep in some ass or pussy? Could you hack that? I bloody well know I couldn’t. Not with you; it would mess with my mind and my happiness.”

“So, if you want to learn the job, there will be no
us.
Even if you don’t want to learn the job, don’t want to be fully involved, think very carefully what you would be letting yourself in for. I’m committed to my work. What you’ve learned today is such a tiny part of it. Enjoyable for both of us, but still part of my job.”

There was silence. Logan knew he had had the stuffing knocked out of him. Did that mean Caleb hadn’t gotten any enjoyment from seeing him come?

“No, you asshole. That’s not it at all. I got
too
much enjoyment.”

Chapter Three

Running his hand down his braid wearily, Caleb felt ancient. Although when he had chosen to use his gifts he knew it would be hard at times, he hadn’t really considered just how hard it might get. In Logan, he had sensed a common awareness. Something he had not experienced with anyone for a long time, if ever. It was crucifying to have to deny them the chance to explore that certain something. But it would be much worse if they did explore it and then turned love to anger because of how he lived. He waited anxiously to hear what Logan’s reply would be. He knew just how easy it would be for him to fall for Logan big time. And how destroyed he would be when his job, as it inevitably would, came between them. He had been honored to be gifted with his, well, gifts. He would not besmirch that honor, or lessen it, by not using them.

Logan exhaled noisily. “Hell, Caleb. I mean…”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” he said with a sad smile. “I don’t need my gifts for that.”

Logan continued. “You really think that we could have something, but can’t?”

He nodded. “I really do.”

“Well, fuck me.”

Caleb shook his head. “That is just what I’m
not
going to do. Unfortunately.” In spite of himself, he laughed. It was either that or cry.

Logan grimaced. “Certainly gives me plenty to think about. Would I prefer you, even if it means sharing, or share your work? Bloody hard decision.”

“I know, believe me, I know.” Caleb smiled sadly.
Tell me about it.
“No need to decide in a hurry. Stay a while, learn skills. Then decide.”

He waited as Logan seemed to consider, then nodded. “Okay. So what shall we do for the rest of today?”

A big belly laugh of relief erupted from him. It might just work out all right. “Well, considering it’s halfway through the afternoon, do you fancy getting dressed and going for a pint?”

He watched a smile spread over Logan’s face, replacing the hopelessness he had sensed there. “Beaut. You’re on, mate. Where’s my duffle?”

Half an hour later, properly attired for a visit to the village, if one called ragged and faded T-shirts, cut-off jeans, board shorts proper attire, they sauntered along the beach.

“Can we at least hold hands?” Logan asked. “Even if it is just this once?” He sounded so forlorn.

Shit, how can I get him to realize I just can’t hack the idea of loving and losing him?
Caleb was in despair. Even at such short knowledge, he instinctively knew Logan could mean too much to him. With a wry smile he took his hand, pulled him close, and kissed him.

“You will never know just what you mean to me. It almost makes me want to give up my work.”

Logan looked shocked at his statement. “But you can’t.”

“No, I can’t.”

They walked on, each deep in his own thoughts. Caleb didn’t try to see what Logan was thinking, suspecting it would be very similar to his own thoughts, and those were dark and depressing.

At the end of the beach, still hand-in-hand, they crossed the narrow bridge over a rippling stream hurrying across the sand to the sea beyond. Turning away from the beach, they headed down a short, narrow alleyway and through a gate into a tiny pub garden.

“Locals only,” Caleb commented, nodding to the only other couple there. “Insider information. Beer?”

“Please. I’ll leave the choice to you.”

“’Kay. Grab that table there. In about ten minutes we’ll be overrun.” He saw Logan’s look of incomprehension and laughed. “Footie finishes. It’s a nice evening. This is a suntrap. QED.”

“Right, Einstein, will do.” Caleb watched Logan settle himself before turning to the hatch that opened on to the bar. A roar from inside showed they had arrived at the perfect time. By the time he returned to Logan with their beers, the little garden was full.

“Shove up.” He put the beer on the table and, against his better judgment, sat next to Logan on a long bench.
I’m a glutton for punishment.
Already there were two other couples sharing their table. “Cheers.” Caleb proffered his pint.

“Cheers. Cozy, isn’t it?” Logan saluted him before taking a long swallow, a man with a thirst.

Watching, Caleb’s mouth was dry even though he was drinking. What he wouldn’t give for just one night with Logan. To feel that mouth on him and those arms around him. Ah well, he could dream. And get mighty uncomfortable in his cut-offs.

He wriggled and saw Logan glance at him.

Understanding flooded his face. “You too, mate? Fucking shit, ain’t it?”

Caleb nodded.

“Hey, Cal, how’s it going?” One of the escapees from the bar saluted him.

“Fine, Johnny. You?”

“Apart from we were robbed, going well. That manager needs stringing up. Know what I mean? You here long?”

Caleb shook his head. “Away tomorrow, so no doubt Rex will be visiting.”

Johnny laughed. “No problem. I’ll do the usual.” He moved to the other end of the garden with his friends.

“Cal?” Logan queried.

“Mm, Johnny is insistent I’m Cal. He runs the farm next to the cottage, sort of caretakes it for me. Doesn’t bother me what he calls me, as long as it isn’t rude, so Cal it is.”

He watched as Logan glanced around; he assumed he was checking if anyone could overhear their conversation. It seemed unlikely.

“Later,” he said mildly before Logan could speak. “I’ll show you later.”

“I’ll never get used to you doing that. Bloody unnerving to know you read me.”

“You wait. After I’ve shown you how, you’ll be reading me as well as I read you.” He ignored the
yeah, yeah.
“You want another pint, or shall we wander back? There is beer in the fridge.”

Logan smiled, and the tingles went all the way along Caleb’s spine.
Fuck, shit, and bollocks. Life sucks at times
. He hurriedly stood up. “Home?” He watched with relief as Logan nodded, drained his glass, and followed suit.

He indulged in the luxury of his arm around Logan’s shoulder while they strolled back. There were a few people on the beach as they left the village, but after a few hundred yards, the beach was deserted except for the two of them.

“Swim?” he asked, unzipping his cut-offs and pulling his T-shirt over his head.

Logan looked at him in amazement. “Are you mad? The water looks bloody Baltic. I’m used to St. Kilda and Bondi, not St. Freezing and Ball-Shriveling.”

Caleb hooted and ran toward the gentle surf. “Wuss. Aussie wuss.”

“Who are you calling a wuss?” Logan laughed at him.

Turning, Caleb stood waist-deep in water, while Logan ripped his clothes off and followed him into the surf. He heard the sharp intake of breath as the water hit Logan.

“Good grief, you might not want my balls, but I sure as hell do,” Logan spluttered. “I was right. It’s bloody, fucking Baltic.”

Caleb smirked. “You need to get right under.” He hooked his leg around Logan’s thigh and pulled. They both fell and landed facedown in the sea. Spluttering, laughing, he rolled over and over, taking Logan with him, before getting up onto his knees and standing, then helping Logan to do the same. “Still there.” There was happy satisfaction in his voice as he patted his balls and looked down at Logan’s. “None of them dropped off yet. Come on, warm-water boy, I forgot you only swim in a lukewarm ocean; let’s go and get you thawed out.” They ran, giggling like a pair of schoolkids, picked up their clothes, and headed for the path through the gorse.

Logan’s lips were blue in spite of the heat of the sun, and Caleb was conscious of a pang of remorse. “Bugger, Logan, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how cold it would feel to you. I’m used to it.”

“Nn-no p-probl-lem,” Logan stuttered. “Not if it means you’ll give me the kiss of life.” He leered hopefully and produced a pathetic-sounding cough.

“Sorry, no can do, but I’ll run you a hot shower if you want.”

Steering Logan through the house to the bathroom, turning the shower on, and pushing him under the jets without pulling him close and feasting on his mouth was a feat Caleb accomplished with difficulty. Logan wasn’t helping matters, holding onto his hand and tugging.

“Bet you are cold as well. Let me warm you.”

Caleb groaned. “Logan. Don’t go there, please.”

“Just looking, boss.” Logan’s tone was light and teasing. He was indeed looking.

Caleb noticed his cock rising to the admiration. Then found himself incredibly angry. How dare Logan mess with his head and the rest of him like that? Because now he was pulling him closer.

“To share the spray.”

Caleb’s rage broke out. “Okay. Okay! You want to fuck? Then turn around, and we’ll fuck. But remember, next time, it won’t be your ass I’m pounding; it’ll be someone else’s. Or I’ll be deep inside a warm, sweet pussy. You want to know that? After I’ve filled you? You might not want anyone else, but you’ll have to share me. And you can’t come first in line.

“
Shit,
Logan. Stop being so damn selfish. I want you so much, I’m aching. And you, you fucking prick-teaser, know the score.” He stopped, appalled at himself, ashamed of his outburst. Furious, he wiped a stray tear from his cheek. He didn’t remember crying. “Sorry. That was uncalled-for,” he said quietly.

“No, no, it’s me who should be sorry.” Logan sounded subdued, shaken. “I was stirring, and you’re right, it’s not right. Want me to leave?”

“Oh for god’s sake, no.” Caleb shook his head, his braid escaping its ties, the locks flowing down his back to his waist. “No. I have a feeling I’ll need you, even if I can’t have you.”

“You can have me as little or as much as you want, mate. That’s a promise. Platonic or erotic. And, er, as I’m up and ready, how about my next lesson?” Logan was obviously trying for a hangdog expression, but he didn’t quite succeed.

Caleb laughed. “You look like a kid trying for an hour’s extension to his bedtime.”

“Well, there’s a thought. I’d definitely like to extend my bedtime. Gonna show me how?”

Why not?
“Inside or out? We can put the patio heating on.”

“Out then. None of those pesky midge things here?” Logan asked.

He shook his head and finger-combed his hair. “Not here. Over at the house? It’s in the west, so there are plenty; it’s all very different there.”

“Well, let’s make the most of the great outdoors, then.”

Caleb took the outstretched hand and led Logan to where the beds were waiting.

Chapter Four

“Any bed?”

Caleb opened a door in the base of one of the pedestals, the top of which held an array of lamps. He took out two foam squares and threw them at Logan, who caught both in one hand.

“No bed yet. Set those on the grass about three feet apart, will you? I’ll just put the heaters on.”

Logan did as he was asked, then sat on the grass, his back against one of the beds. He watched Caleb’s graceful body move around the patio. Life sucked. There he was, for the first time in ages, with an almost continuous hard-on for a man, who was seemingly in just about as bad a situation, and was told it was no-go. Somehow, he knew this feeling wasn’t lust. How on earth could he deal with this curve life had thrown at him? It was fine telling himself to build a bridge and get over it, but he didn’t have the stones, didn’t want the stones, to do that. He wanted Caleb.
Well Logan, that’s just bloody tough
.
That guy has a gin-trap mind. And if he says no, well, tough shit, mate. His “no” doesn’t seem like it is a “yes” or “maybe.”

Logan watched as Caleb moved to sit down on one of the foam squares and then gestured to the other. “Sit on there, please. Can you cross your legs like this?”

He waited until Caleb assumed the lotus yoga position and copied him, then glanced at Caleb’s hands as they lay loosely on his thighs, his fingers circled.

“Have you ever done any yoga, Logan?”

He shook his head. “Nah, but I’m reasonably fit and supple. Windsurf and surf back home. Run a bit.”

Nodding, Caleb smiled. “Good. I’m going to show you something that may or may not blow your mind. I wouldn’t do this for just anyone; well, not as early in a relationship, professional or otherwise. I want you just to watch. Don’t try to analyze or understand. Just look. And feel. Will you?”

Logan’s reply was prompt. “I will. I promise.” This was it. At last he would learn more about the man who had interested him long before they’d met.

“Okay then. Are you comfortable there? I’ll stay here. I need to be able to show you this in a totally open way. This is the best position for it.”

“I’ll be fine.” He hoped. “Er, what exactly are you going to show me?”

“How to come, Logan,” he was told. “By yourself, no props, no aids—visual, manual, or artificial. Just you, your mind focused just on you. You won’t be able to do it easily, if at all. Certainly not on your first try, either. But this, this is true and total sexual satisfaction. Without this, I would not be me, nor able to help others.” Caleb laughed suddenly. A deep, joyful, sexual laugh that had Logan’s toes curling. “This side of me is for me only.”