Read Running From Mercy Online
Authors: Terra Little
Running From Mercy (19 page)
“What would you argue?”
“I don't know,” he admitted, sounding conflicted. “I think if it were me I'd want to know the truth. But then again what purpose would it serve at this point?”
“Then why bring it up? Did you think I'd want to do something like that because Paris isn't here or what?”
“It's been known to happen.”
“You know me better than that. Telling her now would kill her and she'd probably hate my guts for the rest of her life. Maybe when she was three or four, hell, even ten, we could've sugar-coated the situation and explained it away, but not now. Nothing I could say to her would excuse what I did.”
“So we just go on the way we have been? Leave her with me?”
“You're her father, Chad. Where else would I leave her?” She searched his face, trying to uncover what it was he was getting at with little success. His eyes were clear and focused, but utterly blank. She was trying to read him and he was reading her. “Are you working your way around to telling me that you don't want her anymore?”
“I'm working my way around to telling you that I want to take Nikki with me when I leave Mercy, Pam. For good. I want to know how you feel about that.”
She said the first thing that came to her mind. “Paris will be here all alone.”
“Paris isn't here, Pam. She's in my heart and yours and Nikki's, but she isn't here. She'll go wherever any of us goes and we could always come visit. You could too.”
A strangled sound clogged her throat. She dropped into a chair, leaned forward and laid her head on her folded arms. “Where would you go?”
“Seattle.”
Her head popped up. “With Nate.” Chad nodded slowly. “You've been thinking about this for a while.”
“I have. I've gone there a few times, and Nate and I have talked about it off and on over the years. Don't look so put out about it. You've been to Seattle to visit Nate plenty of times, and at least it's not a place you mind visiting. This could be a good thing for you and Nikki. It's closer to California too.”
“Can you do this, though? Just pack everything up and move across the country? Can you afford this?”
“Easily. I have some IRAs and stocks that have done extremely well over the years. There's also the savings accounts we had, though that's mostly for Nikki's college expenses . . .”
“Use it if you need to,” Pam said quickly. “I've saved for Nikki's college since the day she was born. There's no problem there, believe me.”
“All right,” he said carefully. “Then there's the money from Paris's life insurance to be factored in, some of which she left to you. We need toâ”
“I don't want it.” She jumped up from her chair and paced the length of the porch anxiously. “Put it away for Nikki, use it however you think is best, but I won't take it.” She had a thought and glanced at him sharply. “Donate it to the children's home. I don't think she'd mind that.”
“She'd like that idea a lot.”
“She would.” Pam stopped abruptly and bent over at the waist. She braced her hands on her knees and took deep breaths, stayed like that for a long time. When she straightened, tears rushed to her eyes and filled her throat. She laid her head back, studied the ceiling and let herself cry.
“She was a special person,” Chad said softly. He came up behind Pam and turned her in his arms, pressed her head into his chest as his arms slid around her waist. He dropped a kiss on the side of her face. “She was the kind of person God puts on Earth to remind the rest of us that good does exist. You remember how she would follow us around when we were up to no good, harping about you, me, and Nate growing up to be career criminals?” Pam laughed and sobbed at the same time, nodding. “And the time we smoked a joint and convinced her to smoke it with us? She threw up all over Miss Merlene's new couch and got us run out of the house . . .”
“With a broomstick,” Pam finished and cracked up.
June 27th
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Dear Diary,
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I think maybe Jasper was right and I'm glad I listened to him. I never stopped to think about how the old folks would see my leaving Mercy. I figured they would be happy to have me gone, since I did my best to create as much havoc as I could back then. I had a ball doing it too. You remember, don't you? I wasn't trying to punish them when I left; I just needed to get away. I didn't know they would want me to remember them.
Apparently, I did forget where I came from, though, because the old folks in Mercy are a trip and a half. How could I forget my duty as a Mercy young'un? I was supposed to acknowledge them in all my ways, right after God, and I forgot to do that. I'm sorry about that now.
I went by the funeral home today and let Jasper put me to work. He has a woman who works there part-time, but he says she doesn't “do like I did.” I think he just wanted somebody to drink beer and talk shit with. I stayed anyway and ended up helping him organize his files. They were bad back in the day but now? Oh my God. I hope he remembers the system I set up for him. Hell, I hope he doesn't ask me to explain it again because by the time I finished I'd had four beers and I couldn't tell you what I did, really.
I wanted to go and sit a while with Moira, but I didn't want to take the chance of running into David. I definitely don't want to see him again just yet. He really pissed me off and you know why, so I won't get into all that again. Suffice it to say, I'm done trying to make friends for the next little while.
Now if I could just get Nikki to stop asking all her ridiculous questions, I'd be all right. She keeps pressing me about me and her dad, wanting to know if we were really serious or not. I guess it's a foregone conclusion that we had a thing for each other and she wants to know exactly what kind of thing it was. (Thanks a lot, Paris!) I didn't know Paris was keeping close tabs on what Chad and I were doing the way she obviously was. Sneaky little heifer. Good thing she didn't know the absolute truth, huh? At least not until the very end, when it was obvious that I'd been with someone and I had to tell her who.
The in-between, before my life went to hell, was my secret. Mine and Chad's. As small as Mercy is, we managed to keep our relationship between the two of us. And it's a good thing too, isn't it? Paris would've blabbed that too, and Nikki would really be on the scent. Not that she isn't on the scent now, mind you. I see the way she looks at me and Chad when all of us are together, like she suspects something. Thank God she doesn't know what we've done. I wouldn't know where to begin explaining the complexities of what is happening to her. What would I say? That I can't control myself and that he can't, either? All she will see is that her father and her aunt are fucking. But we've never simply fucked. There was always love there, even in the very beginning. I think we both knew that we'd stumbled across something precious all those years ago.
Nikki wouldn't understand that, though. She's not old enough to fully comprehend all that happened and why. Shit, I'm still a little shaky on the whole deal myself, to tell you the truth. But I do know one thing. It's so good being with him again, feeling his touch and experiencing his intensity. Doesn't matter that it's wrong, I can't make myself turn him away when he comes to me. Even more reason for me to get the hell out of Mercy and soon. That and the anxiety attacks. Four since I've been here, and that's not good.
It might be harder to leave this place again, but I have to do it. I won't say that I'll never come back this time, though. Paris is here and she will surely draw me back, whether I want to come or not.
I feel so guilty about loving her husband, but then you know that. You know that I have always loved him, and I think it's my curse that I always will.
Pam
“Pam,” Chad barked. She didn't move, didn't even hear him, she was sleeping so hard. He pulled the covers back and tipped the can of soda he was holding over just far enough to send a stream of liquid splashing down onto her back. She jumped like she'd been shot, then gasped as his mouth slurped at her skin, cleaning up the mess he'd made. He caught the last drop and sucked it up along with a mouthful of skin, then sank his teeth into one of her ass cheeks. “I know you ain't sleep now, girl. Wake up. You been sleeping all day.”
Pam cracked one eye open and peered at the alarm clock on the bedside table. “It's just now one o'clock. That's not all day.” She had climbed in his bed around eleven, after he'd left to go to his last two classes for the day.
She was supposed to be in school, but instead, she'd skipped out and hopped on the early morning bus headed to Atlanta. It dropped her off right down the street from GSU, where Chad was waiting to bring her back to his dorm room. She came at least twice a month on Fridays and they had it down to a science now. He could sneak her into the dorm and into his room without being caught, with his eyes closed. She stayed all day and then returned to Mercy with him later in the evening.
“I brought food and if you want some you better wake up and stake your claim because I'm hungry as hell.” He laughed and shook his head when she bolted upright in bed, pushing her hair out of her face and sniffing as she looked around the room.
“What did you bring and where is it?”
Chad sat on the side of the bed and looked into her eyes long and hard. She was buck-naked underneath the covers and sitting up, so he had a lovely unobstructed view of her breasts. They were high and tight, begging to be kissed, but he'd skipped his first two classes making love to her, so he refrained from indulging himself. Besides that, he had other things on his mind, and he needed to see her face to look into her eyes rather than stare at the body he damn near worshipped.
“What Chad? Where's the food?” Lines of confusion creased Pam's forehead. There was no food in sight and he was looking at her like he didn't know who she was. She reached out and tugged on his arm playfully.
“I just wanted you to wake up, girl. I didn't bring food because I'm taking you out. You thought I forgot today's your birthday?”
She scratched her arm, thinking. “Damn, I forgot myself. How old am I today?”
“Eighteen,” he said.
“Shit.” She glanced at the clock again and mentally calculated. “Paris should be off from the work-study thingamajig by now. I better call her and tell her happy birthday.” She went to climb over him and only made it to the point where she was straddling his lap before he stopped her with a hand on her waist.
“Call her later. Talk to me now.”
Pam reared back and searched his face, surprised by his tone. “What's up with you?”
“I love you,” Chad said softly.
“And you're mad about that?”
“What do you think?”
“I think you better love me or else I'm going to jail today.” He laid his head back and shot deep laughter toward the ceiling. Pam linked her hands around his neck and shook him. “You think I'm playing?” He fell back on the bed and took her with him, still laughing.
“Girl, if you're playing with me, I'm the one who's going to jail,” he said, when he could talk. “You love me?” He watched her eyes close and listened to her purr like a contented kitten as his hands massaged a path from her waist to her shoulders. Finally, she looked down at him through slits, sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and nodded. “Say it to me, Pam. Tell me.”
“I love you,” Pam whispered. Suddenly shy, she pushed against his chest and sat up. “You know I do. What are you doing?”
Chad bounced her around on his lap as he pushed his hand in his front jean pocket. He sat a small box in the middle of his chest and folded his hands under his head, watching her watch the box. “You gonna stare at it all day or are you gonna open it? It's for you. Happy birthday, Pam.”
“What is it?” She reached for it, then snatched her hand back, reached for it again.
“Open it and see.”
“Chad . . .”
“Open it, Pam.”
She cried out and covered her face when she saw the pretty gold ring nestled inside the box, with the perfect round diamond perched on top.
Thinking that she didn't like it, Chad rose to his elbows and used one hand to touch her neck. “I know it's not much, but . . .”
“It's perfect. Put it on, put it on,” Pam chanted, bouncing on his lap impatiently. She looked away from the ring long enough to give him a beautiful smile, then she was transfixed by the ring again.
She held her hand out for him to slip the ring on her finger, but it was the wrong hand. Chad brought her right hand to his mouth and kissed her palm, then gently lifted her left hand. “Marry me, Pam.”
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