Six Secrets of Powerful Teams: A Practical Guide to the Magic of Motivating and Influencing Teams (8 page)

Word #3: Why

The third word often used without understanding the implication is “why.”

“Why” carries a sense of blame to it. For example, “Why did you break the glass?” One can see that the usage of “why” is not about receiving an answer but about rebuking for the actual breaking of the glass because there is no good answer for this question. A wisecrack answer might be, “Because I like to see you get mad…” Actually, it is just the right answer to such a question.

Review both case studies and notice how many times the word ‘why’ appears in them.

Ashley, who leads a meeting, wants to regain control.

Ashley tries to gain control back and asks Tina, “Why do you think this is now relevant for our meeting? Let’s try to get back on our planned agenda.”

In this case, Ashley is blaming Tina by asking her the question. Ashley would have been better off saying: “Tina, I would like get back to our agenda. I think these are issues relevant for another meeting.”

The word “why” carries guilt and finger pointing in team communications. It is better that we leave it out of our messages because it doesn’t have any positive impact on what we are saying. Rather, it is clearer to state what we want to achieve or alternatively ask information-gathering questions using the word “how.”

For example, Ashley might ask, “Tina, can you please explain how these figures affect the transfer to operations?”

Notice that while “why” structures a closed ended question, “how” questions are open-ended and investigate the process that led to a certain consequence.

Thinking Alert: The “whys” don’t contribute to clear communication; instead, they add guilt and finger pointing, so it is better to drop them.

Word #4: But

The fourth word often used without understanding the implication is “but.”

If I had a dollar for every time a member on my team used the word “but,” I would be a millionaire. Of the five words, “but” is probably used the most. “But” is a funny word; it’s not necessarily negative, yet the way that we use it in constructing sentences creates a negative message.

For example, “I really like you, but I’m leaving,” or “You did a great job buying groceries, but you left them out on the kitchen floor,” and a bit more subtle, “I like your suggestion Chris, but I think Jennifer’s is better.”

The word “but” negates the first sentence and accentuates the second sentence.

Review both case studies and notice how many times the word ‘why’ appears in them.

For example, read Ed’s email:

“Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the way that you reported detailed information in the status report,
but
we should make sure that we are consistent with how we communicate our actuals.”

What is it actually saying? On the one hand, Ed is appreciating the way that Beverly was reporting information, but then he totally negates it by saying that it is more important to make sure that the team is consistent with communicating the actuals.

In workshops and seminars, teams push back, saying that “but” is actually very important and they have to use it. That’s fine with me. However, instead of “but,” maybe it is possible to use “and.” Let’s examine it together in Ed’s email.

“I appreciate the way that you reported detailed information in the status report
and
we should make sure that we are consistent with how we communicate our actuals.”

How does the message sound now? Ed appreciates Beverly’s contribution, and at the same time, he would like her to be more consistent with communicating the actuals. It is a subtle yet powerful change, especially if you’re the recipient of the email.

This is not to say that you should weed out all the “buts” in your communication; sometimes it is important. If you monitor your meetings, you will find that “but” is used haphazardly and too often. The impact of “but” is that many of our compliments are deluded by our criticism, such as, “You’re a great colleague, but sometimes you really freak me out”—where is the emphasis in this sentence?

Thinking Alert: Weed out half of your buts. You won’t regret it.

Word #5: Don’t

The fifth word often used without understanding the implication is “don’t.”

To understand the conundrum with don’t; Do watch
my video and observe the third secret
.

The main issue is that the mind cannot create “don’t.” In other words, in order to negate something in our thoughts, we first have to create it; only then can we negate it. That is why saying “don’t” sometimes leads to the opposite result.

This is most apparent in children. Young children have not yet separated cognition and behavior. This interesting phenomenon was first established by Jean Piaget, who was a
Swiss
developmental psychologist
and
philosopher
known for his
epistemological
studies with children. It leads to interesting responses when we ask children not to do something. For example, when you tell your little girl, “Don’t hit your brother,” what is the next thing that happens?

Naturally, she hits her brother.

Most parents view this as subversive behavior, but this is not the case. Because the mind does not think in terms of “don’t,” the little girl’s first thought is of hitting, and because young children do not separate thought and behavior, she carried out the mentioned action. It was only after a second or two that she understood she was not supposed to do it. 

Grownups first have to create an existence before negating it. If you ask someone not to think of a green elephant, he/she will first imagine the green elephant and then try not to think about. Quite the conundrum.

Review both case studies and notice how many times the word ‘don’t’ appears in them.

For example, in Ed’s email:

“You
don’t
want to make mistakes while reporting—that is understood. We should work together as a team.”

What is Ed actually saying? Is he asking the team to make mistakes? When you tell someone, “don’t make mistakes,” you might actually be causing that person to fail because he/she will focus on the mistakes while reporting. How can Ed phrase the sentence differently?

“Please report correctly. We should work together as a team.”

This way it is clear the behavior Ed would like to see.

Thinking Alert: Describe the behavior you would like to see, rather than the behavior you don’t want to see.

P.S. With children, it is much the same. If you want to stop a behavior, you can also use this knowledge by describing to the child what you want to see, i.e., instead of saying, “Stop doing that” or “Don’t do that,” say, “Do this,” or “Do that.”

CHAPTER

FOUR

Summary of Concepts

As we come to the conclusion of Six Secrets to Powerful Teams, let me summarize the key points that will make your team powerful:

• Know your team development stage
  
• Assess the team roles you have and figure out how to augment them
  
• ALWAYS remember the 6 Secret:
  

1. The power of self-disclosure – expose a vulnerability and take a risk, change the context of how the team interacts;
   
2. The Incredible impact of Me – take it on yourself, insist that people speak for themselves in the first person;
   
3. The Magic of Simple Gestalt Concepts – introjecting, retroflecting and projecting – notice them and a door to a magical realm opens;
   
4. The focusing on the ‘Here’ process – everything happens right here and now, use this power to challenge the team in tough spots;
   
5. The Practicality of Perception – too much niceness can be overbearing, use De Bono hats to insist on perception and different points of view in decision making;
   
6. Revealing ideas of NLP and the use of words –
   Why
   should
   I
   don’t
   try
   to
   but
   you away – but it is time to say farewell ;-)
   

Thank you for your time, I hope you found this book useful.

All the simple concepts within are tested and enable you to better manage and lead your team. This guide is also relevant for team members who require collaboration from fellow team members. With this guide you will achieve remarkable results:

• Your team will perform better;
  
• You will effectively motivate your team better;
  
• You will understand how to influence the team members to make them work well.
  

It doesn’t stop here – this book is relevant to ANY team – families, friends and any interaction that is more than just YOU!

Now go and conquer you team!

I’ll be happy to answer your questions. Feel free to contact me @
[email protected]

You’ll find more about teams and team leading in
Building Highly Effective Teams How to Transform Teams into Exceptionally Cohesive Professional Networks - a practical guide
a free excerpt is offered just here:

From developing a vision to staying focused on short- and long-term goals, from talking about the tough stuff to having fun whenever possible, these traits help project leaders build high-performance teams. Which ones do you already do well, and which ones might you work on?

More than anything, team leaders of high performance teams are visionary leaders. They don’t start by looking at where their team is; they start by looking at where they want their team to be. Based on that, they work their way backward to figure out how to get there.

A vision is a picture of where you want to get to, not the path to get there. It’s what the team will look like when it’s reached its goal. But just having a vision isn’t enough; the team leader must become infectious with the vision, getting the team to buy into it and make it their own. The vision may start with the leader, but it doesn’t end there. That vision becomes the team’s vision, not just the leader’s vision.

Slogans are a great method to communicate visions—something short that encapsulates the vision and gives the team something to buy into. One of the best was created by Herb Kelleher, former CEO of Southwest Airlines. His vision, and the slogan that went with it, became the yardstick by which every decision in his corporation was made. Everyone from the boardroom to the back room understood that slogan and bought into the vision that it contained.

Kelleher’s slogan was, “We are THE low-fare airline.” You don’t even have to be in the airline business to understand that; all you have to do is read it. New employees could have as much understanding of corporate culture and philosophy as the most experienced manager just by understanding that simple phrase. It captured the vision that Kelleher had for Southwest Airlines, making it something that everyone could buy into.

While not every vision is shared so eloquently, every leader should strive to do so. The clearer and more simply the vision is stated, the easier it is for team members to buy into it.