Slade's Secret Son (13 page)

“She was legally crossing an intersection. The other driver ran a red light.” Lisa flushed at the sharply questioning look he cast her way. “So I read the accident report. I was curious about what had happened.”

“If I’d been a better husband, she and our child wouldn’t have been killed,” he said through clenched teeth. “Nothing can change that fact.”

“If she loved you, she wouldn’t want you to close yourself off like you have.”

“I’m not an easy man to live with. History could repeat itself. I’m not taking that chance.”

The thought that had been nagging at the back of her mind and causing her the most hurt refused to remain in the shadows any longer. “The real truth is that you don’t love me and you know you never will. Someone else might be able to make you take a chance with your heart, but it isn’t me.” Her shoulders straight with dignity, she left the room.

Slade watched her go. She was wrong. Loving her would be easy. But he had failed Claudette. He would not risk that kind of failure again.

L
isa woke the next morning wishing she could take her family and go to a motel, but the evening had ended with a truce on both sides and leaving would only reopen the breach. Saying a silent prayer that Detective Overson would arrest the women today and she could go home, she rose and went into the bathroom.

Her last encounter with Slade played through her mind. It still stung. Splashing cold water on her face, she toweled dry, then stared sternly at herself in the mirror. “You will find someone one day who will love you,” she told the image, adding a nod of affirmation to emphasize her words.

Leaving the bathroom, she stuck her head into Andy’s room. He wasn’t in his bed.

“He’s with his father.” Morning Hawk’s voice sounded from behind her. “They’ve had breakfast and gone for a ride. Slade wants Andy to become acquainted with the land.”

Lisa paled. “Andy’s riding his pony out on the range?”

Morning Hawk gave her an indulgent look. “He is with Slade on Slade’s horse. My great-grandson will see that no harm comes to the boy.” She continued to regard Lisa sagely. “I have listened to the others talking. They all say they want what is best for you, Slade and your child and they agree that what is best is that you and Slade go your separate ways but share in the raising of your child. They’re wrong. I have seen the aura that surrounds the three of you when you are together.”

“And did you see Claudette there, as well?” Lisa asked caustically. “Because she is always at Slade’s side and will always be there.”

“Slade needs you. It is not good for him to spend the rest of his life alone.”

“Slade doesn’t need anyone. And he’s not alone. He has his ghost.” Without giving Morning Hawk a chance to respond, Lisa strode back into her room and finished dressing. She would not allow this ancient woman to cause her to begin having fantasies about her and Slade as a couple again. Before leaving her room, she spent a few minutes building herself a wall against him.

In the kitchen she found Ester humming while working on the crossword puzzle in the paper. “You’re very chipper today,” she said, fighting to keep the edge of agitation out of her voice. She knew it wasn’t fair to be angry with Ester for being in a good mood, but she was in misery and she thought her aunt should at least show some sympathetic pain.

“I had a talk with White Moon. She explained about Slade’s former wife and how he has closed himself off. We both agreed that it was his loss that he wouldn’t open his heart to you.”

So Ester was happy because the women were all in agreement that she would be a good wife to Slade. Well, even Slade was in agreement on that point.
It’s his loss, but I’m the one who’s hurting
, she thought grudgingly, then scowled at herself. She would find someone better than him.

Pushing him from her mind, she made herself some breakfast. She had just finished eating when Detective Overson called to inform her that Dorothy was meeting with Claire and Paula later that morning. If she could get them to incriminate themselves, he and his men would move in immediately. He also had search warrants for the women’s houses, which his men would serve while the women were with Dorothy. He didn’t want them tipped off ahead of time.

Hanging up, Lisa said another prayer that the man would get all the evidence he needed and she could go home and get back to her life.

Too tense to remain inside, she went out onto the front porch, but was too restless to sit. Instead she leaned against one of the pillars supporting the roof and stared out at the vast, open landscape. A sense of aloneness filled her. It was as if a part of her was missing. Slade’s image filled her mind. “No,” she growled at herself. It was Andy she missed, she insisted, and thinking of her son did cause the aloneness to subside…almost.

Leaving the porch, she rounded the house. A large tree offered shade and a view of the corrals and stables. Wandering over to it, she leaned against the sturdy trunk and scanned the landscape. Realizing she was actually looking for Slade, she told herself she was anxious to see Andy, to make certain he was all right.

And when Slade and Andy did finally come into view
and she experienced a rush of pleasure, she assured herself that it was due entirely to the sight of her son.

Spotting her under the tree, Slade guided his horse toward her.

“Mommy. Meee ri-idee,” Andy spouted proudly, sitting up as straight and tall as he could in front of his father.

“I see that,” she replied, concentrating only on him and avoiding looking at Slade as much as possible. The fact that Slade had not even attempted to deny the final accusation she’d flung at him last night was a wound that was festering more and more by the second.

Slade lifted Andy off the saddle and lowered him to the ground. Remaining seated in the saddle, his expression shuttered, he said, “You were wrong last night. If I was to ever love another woman, you would be at the top of the list.” Then, giving his horse a nudge, he rode away.

Lisa stood staring after him. Had he only said that to trick her into changing her mind and staying? She found it difficult to believe Slade Logan would lie. He was the most honorable man she’d ever known. Hope started to sprout, then Andy tugged at her hand, reminding her of his presence and her cynical side put a quick stop to the new bud. Slade was very attached to his son and might say anything to keep Andy, it argued. “Besides, even if he was being honest, he’s also a man with a will of iron and that will of iron is determined to not love me,” she reminded herself out loud.

“Mommy?” Andy studied her with a questioning look on his face.

“It’s nothing important, sugar,” she said, kissing him on the cheek, then guiding him to the house.

But at the door, she paused to look back at Slade. He’d
never looked more ruggedly handsome and her blood heated. “Please, let Detective Overson call soon and tell me it’s safe to go home,” she pleaded under her breath.

It was early afternoon when her plea was answered. She got a call from the detective saying Claire and Paula had been taken into custody.

Going out onto the porch where Slade was sitting in a rocker, dozing, she woke him. “It’s over. My family and I can go home now.”

Slade sat for a long moment scowling at the distant landscape. Breaking his silence he said, “We’re going to have to work out some kind of visitation schedule for me and Andy.”

“That’s going to be a little difficult with the distance between us, but you’re welcome to come visit whenever you like and he can come here every so often.”

“Any chance you’d consider moving back to Lubbock?”

She hated admitting even to herself that it hurt being in his presence, knowing that he preferred a ghost to her. “No.”

The grim expression on Slade’s face told her he didn’t like her decision, but he nodded his acceptance.

“I’m going to make plane reservations for us as soon as possible.” Without waiting for a response, she strode back into the house.

Three hours later after she’d signed the papers Slade’s lawyer had drawn up, she, her mother, her aunt and Andy boarded a plane for Seattle.

Watching the plane take off, Slade experienced an intense sensation of aloneness.
Better to feel lonely than guilty for causing the death of someone I lo—
He cut that
thought off. “I care about Lisa, but I don’t love her,” he assured himself curtly. The words felt like a lie.

Leaving the airport he drove to the cemetery where Claudette was buried. There the memories of his grief were the strongest and he used them to fortify the wall that kept Lisa out of his heart. The thought that she had already penetrated his defenses taunted him. It was best that she’d left, he told himself.

Several hours later, Lisa paced the living room floor of the house she shared with her mother and her aunt. It was late, very late. Andy and the others were in bed, but she couldn’t sleep. She missed Slade.

“Ooh, I hate admitting that,” she groaned angrily.

Seeing light from under the door of her mother’s room, she knocked lightly, opened the door and found her mother reading. “I can’t sleep, either,” she said. “I’m going to my office and put things in order.”

“Can’t that wait until morning?” Helen asked, regarding her daughter worriedly.

“No.” Without giving her mother time to protest, Lisa closed the door and left.

At the office, she sorted through her mail, jotted down the phone numbers left on her answering machine by possible new clients and tried to not think about Slade. But his presence lingered. So acute were her memories of him, even with her eyes open she could visualize him there with her.

“Why couldn’t he be someone who is easily forgettable?” she mumbled. That answer was easy. If he had been, she’d never have gotten mixed up with him in the first place. Leaning back in her chair, she closed her eyes and his image became so strong, it was almost as if he was in the room with her. Frustration raged through her
and she found herself reconsidering the possibility of having a life with him. Then, in the background behind him a faint ghostly image began to appear. She popped her eyes open and cursed under her breath.

Leaving the office, she drove home and went to bed. But even in sleep there was no escape. Slade haunted her dreams.

Late the next morning, as she splashed cold water on her face to try to rid herself of the lingering grogginess of a bad night’s rest, the truth suddenly struck her. She was jealous of a ghost. “And there is no reason to be,” she snapped at the image in the mirror. It was Slade’s guilt and fear that kept him from opening his heart…not Claudette.

In her mind’s eye she saw him watching her board the plane. His jaw had been set in a hard line and he had a grim expression of acceptance on his face. The imagery continued and she pictured him alone in his home, letting his guilt eat at him, robbing him of any joy. And she had brought joy into his life. He’d relaxed with her, smiled and laughed. And he’d been tender. Her body trembled at the mere thought of his caress.

A look of purpose spread over her face. Morning Hawk was right. Whether Slade was willing to admit it or not, he needed her. And then there was Andy. He’d formed an instant attachment to Slade. “And he should have a chance to have a full-time father.”

A tint of embarrassment at her own weakness turned her cheeks pink as she also conceded that she wanted to be with Slade. No other man could ever have the hold on her heart that he did. “Besides, it would be stupid to give up a good man,” she finished.

Marching into the kitchen, she found her mother and
aunt there feeding Andy his midmorning snack. “I’m going back to try to make a go of my marriage to Slade.”

Both women looked at her in stunned silence.

It was Helen who found her voice first. “You’re going back?”

“If you’re doing this for Andy’s sake, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Ester chimed in.

“I’m doing it for my sake and Slade’s. Whether he knows it or not, he needs me. And I need him. He makes me feel complete. I’ve tried not to, but I love him. And he’s always been kind and good to me.” A grimace spread over her features. “He also frustrates the heck out of me, but then it’s been my observation a great many men are the main source of frustration for the women in their lives.”

“True,” Ester agreed.

Helen continued to regard her with concern. “Are you really sure this is the right thing to do?”

“My gut instinct tells me that it is.”

“Just remember that if things don’t work out the way you want them to, you can always come back here,” Helen said, rising and giving her daughter a tight hug.

“Absolutely,” Ester added, joining in the hug.

It had been five days since Lisa had left. And, each day, instead of being less and less on Slade’s mind, she haunted him more. Having Katrina and Boyd around had been a distraction but they’d now moved back into their own place. Left to himself, ever since he’d come home today, he’d been sitting in his favorite chair in the living room, in the dark. His sense of aloneness was so intense it was like a physical pain. Memories of the intimacy he’d shared with Lisa taunted him and he wanted her in his arms.

Then there was Andy. Just a smile from his son made him feel glad. “It’s better this way,” he said out loud, using the sound of his voice to add substance to his words. The image of Claudette slamming out the front door, followed by the one of her lying on the table in the morgue, burned into his mind like a hot brand.

The sound of a car pulling into his driveway brought a groan of irritation. He was in no mood for company, he thought as he switched on the porch light and stepped out the front door.

For a moment Slade froze at the sight of Lisa’s car. He thought maybe he was hallucinating. Or maybe it was someone else and he just thought it looked like her car. Then the driver climbed out and, even in the pale light of the moon, he knew it was her.

Recovering from the shock of seeing her, fear raced through him. Whatever had brought her back had to be serious. Striding down the porch steps, he reached her in moments. “What’s happened now?”

“Nothing,” she said stiffly.

Slade regarded her skeptically. “Nothing?”

Lisa studied him. His expression was shuttered, giving her no clue as to whether he was glad to see her or not. But then, she’d expected the wall to still be there between them. Her jaw firmed with resolve. This time she would not walk away without a fight. “I’ve decided that you need me and Andy needs a full-time father.”

“You’ve decided to try to make our marriage work?”

His tone was harsh. If the hand on her arm hadn’t tightened so possessively, she’d have been certain he was going to tell her that he’d changed his mind and wanted her to get lost.
I’m making a big mistake
, she thought, panicky. Still, she heard herself saying, “Yes.”

Realizing he was still holding on to her, Slade released his grip.
This isn’t safe
, his inner voice insisted. But he could not make himself send her away. It was his duty to take care of her and his son, he told himself. “Then we should get you and Andy inside and settled in,” he said in a businesslike tone.