Smother (7 page)

She looked at Ryan. It was his. All of this was him. What was the point of not telling the truth? Ryan winked at her as a reptilian smile slowly molded to his lips. It was a game to them. All of it was a bizarre game and she and Amber were the contestants this round.

Reese said to Ryan, “This is your house.”

He inclined his head.

The car, the house, the drugs, the money—she understood now.

She fell back a step when she realized how dangerous of a situation she’d ignorantly stepped into. Wanting to escape the darkness led her into more of it. Daniel put a hand on her wrist, his hold not hurting, but firm enough to let her know she wasn’t going anywhere. She looked at him, took in the silky grin as he shrugged, and met Ryan’s gaze once more. She told herself she was lucky. She and Amber both were. Because they could require so much more than what Reese was about to give them.

Think of that. Remember that. Don’t forget it.

“Join me.” Ryan said it encouragingly, but with steel ingrained in his tone.

“If I don’t?”

“I think you know that’s not an option.” His skin glistened with water and sweat and the look on his face was hungry. “Beat it, Daniel.”

Daniel’s mouth twisted and his eyes flashed, but he left without a word.

“Come here, Reese.” He gestured to her, his expression authoritative.

She went to him.

“Undress.”

She did.

His nostrils flared and he partially stood as he reached for her. Ryan was muscled, each part of him finely etched and distinct, but he still wasn’t what she wanted, still puny in comparison. Her hip hit the seat as she landed and sharp pain pulsed there. The water scalded her, instantly changing her pale skin pink. She closed her eyes and prayed that it was fast, that they would let her and Amber go when it was over. Ryan’s skin was hot, his hands rough, his mouth searing. All of him singed her.

Reese felt nothing. She was that little girl again, that dead girl that couldn’t feel anymore only to feel too much when it was over. Who was she? No one and nothing. Reese Ward didn’t exist, didn’t matter.

“You’re going to be mine tonight,” he promised. One hand caressed her throat, the other roved over her naked body. “And you’re going to enjoy it.”

She wanted to tell him no. She wanted to cover herself and run. She’d never had that conscience before, the little voice that told her she didn’t have to do something. A flash of thunderstorm eyes slammed into her heart, ripped an edge of it off. It was because of him. And it was because of him that she didn’t say no, that she let Ryan touch her without trying to stop him. Because she was who she was and Leo was who he was.

She was the kind of person that drowned and he was the kind that swam.

Reese hated it, but there was always that sliver of her messed up brain and body that enjoyed it, thought she deserved it, and reveled in the attention. That part was deluded into thinking it meant she was special. She knew it was wrong, and yet, how did she end the one thing she understood?

Her head filled with the voices until they reached a crushing pinnacle, and she was inwardly screaming among them. She didn’t know where they came from, but she thought they were her—all the broken pieces crying to be put back together, and unable.

Have you ever stood by a rushing stream and closed your eyes to better listen? It’s strange how that works—you go still to enjoy something always moving. And when you stop to focus on the sound of the lapping waters, it’s calming. You stand in the middle of a chaotic existence and find peace. She is the storm, and what am I? I’m the one frozen by her tumultuous wonder. ~ Leo

It was late in the evening by the time they dropped her off. Most of the drugs were out of her system, but a residual fogginess remained. Amber called out a halfhearted goodbye and she waved limply back, eyes on the apartment building. Amber hadn’t woken up until Reese shook her to consciousness, long after it was all over. Her friend didn’t have a clue what had happened, about the real kind of men Ryan and Daniel were, and when Reese told her to stay away from them, she’d laughed it off.

You can’t save her. Don’t try.

She shuddered and dropped her eyes to the ground as she walked. Her hands tightened into fists. She was sore and wondered if she’d bruise. Reese had showered there, but it hadn’t been enough. It would never be enough. She refused to think about it, telling herself she would never have to see them again, but she knew there was a possibility she would, if for no other reason than to punish herself more.

Why do I keep doing these things? Why can’t I stop?
The
thoughts echoed through her brain until they overlapped and turned into a maddened litany.
Why do I keep doing these things why can’t I stop why do I keep doing these things why can’t I stop why do I why why why stop.

Her head throbbed and her mouth tasted like sandpaper. As Reese walked, she looked up and saw the one person she’d rather not. Even so, her steps lightened at the sight of him, like he could make it all okay. Save her, redeem her. Wash away the bad. Make her good. Leo could remove the last few hours from her soul.

His stride was determined, eyes downcast as he left the apartment building. Her shoes scraped against the pavement and his head shot up, slate-colored eyes immediately locking on her and taking the air from her lungs. They both paused, lost in what they were looking at. Leo wore a long-sleeved waffle shirt and worn jeans with black boots, his clothing tight against his impressive build.

As he looked at her, his eyebrows dipped low and his mouth twisted. Displeasure radiated from him, evident in how stiffly he stood. And even so, a faint softening around his eyes as their gazes met contradicted the rest of him. There was a dangerous element to him that could be ignored due to his quiet nature, but there was another part overlooked as well. It was there, in his eyes, before it faded away.

Ryan honked the horn as the car sped off. She flinched at the sound and looked away from Leo, but not before she caught his unwavering stare on the sports car as it zipped down the street. Her skin crawled, her insides raped even though she’d never told them no. Reese clutched the bathing suit to her side and her hand trembled around it. It was dampening her shirt with cold wetness and she shivered as it sank into her skin, and deeper, into her being.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes,” she lied.

Leo’s eyes darkened as he looked her over, seeing all she’d rather he didn’t. Her crimes were not visible, but even so, he knew them. She wanted to hide from him at the same time she wanted his arms around her so that she could hide from herself, from those men, from every man but him. Nothing about her made sense.

His jaw went tight. “Who was that?”

“No one,” Reese answered, wanting it to be true. She never wanted Leo to know those men. She wanted to forget them as well. She swore Leo could see each place they touched her—that he knew what Ryan and Daniel had done to her even though she’d never tell a soul.

“Those aren’t good men.”

“How do you know?”

She didn’t think it was possible for his jaw to tighten any more, but it did. “Just know.”

“Am I fired?” Reese asked slowly, wishing the drugs would clear completely from her brain, even if only for this conversation.

“Do you want to be?”

She swallowed and looked down without answering.

Yes.

No.

“You’re hurting yourself.”

Heat flooded her skin and she snapped her head up to glare at him. “No. I’m not.”
I do this to stop hurting.

Leo moved toward her and she straightened, careful to keep her gaze on his. When he was close enough that she caught his clean scent and felt the heat of his body, he stopped. Reese wanted to close her eyes and let him wrap around her, just for a little while, just until she could forget who she was.

“You do things to fly, but you always fall.” The low rumble of his voice was soothing.

“Shut up,” she whispered.

“We all fall, eventually.” His voice was even, and yet she caught a hint of sadness within the syllables.

When she focused on him, and really looked at his eyes, she didn’t see pity in them, and she didn’t see judgment. Reese saw understanding, maybe compassion. He was telling her something, but if she didn’t want to hear it or even see it, she wouldn’t. He was leaving it up to her. Leo should know better than to expect her to be responsible for anything, even herself.

“Can’t save you, can’t fix you.” He paused, making sure she was listening before he continued. “I can only tell you, you’re worth both.”

She stared at him as she took in his words, turning them this way and that. Reese studied them inside her head, wanting to believe them. She could drown in them if she let herself.

It was easy to push away people you didn’t understand; it was harder to want to be around them when you did. What did that say about Leo?

“See you Wednesday.”

He walked by her without another word. She stood there, back stiff, heart pounding. Frozen by empathetic words from an aloof man. She never knew what to expect from him, or maybe she always got what she didn’t think she deserved. It sounded the same, but they were two very different things.

Restless and unable to distract herself at home, Reese decided to show up at work an hour early on Friday to do some cleaning around the place it didn’t need. When she unlocked the door and walked inside, it was to find that Leo had a visitor.

Dressed in dark colors, silent and still, the stranger was almost as tall as Leo, but thinner. His hair was black and his eyes were brown, the wrinkled face turned her way an unknown tale of a hard life. Both of the men were standing, far enough away from one another to show their discontent with the other.

The air crackled with disquiet, and as their gazes went to her, it amplified.

“Hey.” She nodded at them.

“What are you doing here?” Leo questioned, eyes unwavering from her.

“I was going to clean the shop. As you can see, it’s a pigsty,” Reese joked. The place was spotless.

“It’s fine. Come back when you’re supposed to.”

“It’s not a big deal,” she said, heat blossoming in her cheeks at his dismissal of her and the continued silence of his guest.

“Exactly,” he responded coolly. “Don’t make it into one.”

Her eyes continually returned to the black-haired man, unspoken questions building on her lips the longer she stood in his presence.

Who was he?

What was he doing here?

What was he to Leo?

Why was he looking at her like that?

The direct intensity of his gaze made her nervous. There was nothing desirous in it, nor predatory. He studied her like he had no choice, eyes drawn to her for whatever reason.

“Seriously, I’m just going to—” Reese gestured and began to walk toward the closet that housed the cleaning supplies, but Leo’s voice halted her footsteps.

“Go home,” he told her in a way that made her want to sprint from the tattoo shop.

He was different today. His voice was sinister, and there was a warning in his eyes, ferocity kept locked up in the guarded way he stood. Leo didn’t move, but was posed to act in an instant if needed. Her stomach flipped uneasily as she looked at the stranger once more. He wanted to protect her from him, whoever he was. If he felt she needed protection from that man, then so did Leo. She wasn’t going anywhere.

Reese met Leo’s gaze as she answered. “No.”

Exasperation and angered tightened the corners of Leo’s eyes.

Indefinable emotion flashed in the stranger’s eyes and he turned away so that she was given a view of his wavy head.

“Who are you?” she demanded as he strode for the door.

He glanced at her—a second of brown eyes connecting with brown—his look monumental in its sternness. He didn’t pause by her and he didn’t move faster. The man kept his pace steady to ensure she knew how little significance she and her words had on him.

“Hey!” Reese called after him. She reached for the doorknob just as the door closed after him.

“Don’t,” was all Leo said, but the force of it halted her fast.