SOLO (15 page)

"When did you know about it?"

Christ, she can't even look at me. She's playing with a loose thread on her skirt. I've hurt her. I should have talked to her about this. I should have dragged her perfect ass out of that rehearsal hall to tell her what the fuck was going on. "I'm the one who suggested it to Sharma."

"What?" Her hand bunches into a fist before it leaps to her chest. She's guarding her heart. I can see it.

I put my hand on the seat between us. I want to reach out to her but I know she'll pull back. "It was weeks ago, Libby. Right after we met.  I brought up a solo. I told Sharma to arrange it."

Her chest heaves as she pulls in a breath. "You told her to arrange it because you wanted me to have it?"

It sounds logical until you jump to this moment in time when the solo is a go and Libby's not the one belting out that song on opening night next week. "That was my intention back then."

She shakes her head slightly. "I don’t get it, Alec."

"I wanted you in my bed, Libby." That's the place this needs to start. It's when this twisted mess began. "I knew if I offered you a solo, you'd fuck me."

"You're saying that the part was created just so you could fuck me?"

I nod. "I'm a pathetic piece of shit, Libby. I would have done anything back then to get you to fuck me."

A small smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. "I'm not touching that."

I reach for her hand and she doesn't resist. I cup it in my palm. "I fucked up. I should have talked to you about it. Sharma was handling it all. She said she'd hold auditions for it and I knew you wouldn't want me involved."

"Why were you there that day? Why were you at the auditions then?"

"I had no idea what was going on until she told me in the hallway before you started singing." I yank her hand to my mouth, brushing my lips across her fingers. "I wanted to pull you out of the room to give you a warning but there was no time, Libby. I wasn't expecting to be there either."

She blows out a heady stream of air. "You sure go to a lot of trouble to get laid. I told you I didn't want anything."

I'm ashamed. It's not something I've felt often. I own up to what I do with women. I'm the guy that buys pussy. I may not call up a prostitute but what I've done in the past is the same. When I want a woman, when I crave her, I'll find out what she wants and give it to her in exchange for her body. "I know, Libby."

"Why didn't I get it?"

I turn to look at her face. The bruise to her ego may not be on full display but I see it. I saw it when she turned to look at me in the jewelry store two hours ago. "We agreed to a vote. Majority wins."

She nods her head in gentle understanding. "Did you vote for me?"

It tears me the fuck apart that she has to ask that. It's killing me inside that I can't tell her what I'm feeling for her. "I did, Libby. I did."

***

I'm not a juggler. If I was in the circus I'd be one of the tight rope walkers. They risk life and limb to cruise across a tiny thread of hope. That's what's happening in my life right now. I have a thread of hope that opening night isn't going to be a fucking disaster.

"I've arranged the car to pick up Mr. and Mrs. Morton from the airport." Lance takes another look at his legal pad. "You're sure they don't need a hotel reservation?"

"They're staying at my place." I feel my stomach wrench with the words.

"Do you want me to make a hotel reservation for you then?"

Who knew Lance could be funny? Maybe having a male assistant isn't all that bad.  "That's not necessary. I have other places I can stay at if it's too crowded. "

"Alright." He taps his foot on the floor. "I was wondering about something, sir."

"No, you can't have a raise." My eyes stay glued to the contract I'm trying to skim over before five o'clock. "I pay you too much already."

He shuffles his feet nervously. "No, I don’t want a raise. That's not it."

"That's good to know." I stop to look up. "What the hell has you so jumpy?"

"I know you're bringing them here for opening night of the musical."

"Thanks for the reminder."

He looks across my desk at me. "I know it's not my business, sir, but it's been years since it happened."

Christ. No. Just no.

"Don't," I hold my hand up to silence him. "We're not discussing this. How the fuck do you know about any of it?"

"Mrs. Morton, she…well, she…" he stumbles along, tripping over his words. "She explained everything when I called to confirm her airline reservation."

Of course she did. She'll tell anyone who gives her an ear. She can't shut the hell up about it. It's been five fucking years and she'll never stop. I can't do this. I can't talk to Lance or anyone about this. "It's none of your fucking business."

"If it helps, sir." He keeps talking. His god dammed lips keep moving and more and more random bullshit is falling from them. "If it helps, I think she needs to let go."

I'm the only person in the world who thinks that. I've never expressed it. Now, my assistant is standing in front of me, saying what I've wanted to say to Margaret Morton for years. She does need to let go. We all need to let go. The past is in the past and unless I can pull a fucking rabbit out of a hat, my past is about to collide with my future.

Libby

"Have you ever gone on an audition and you just knew. I mean have you ever felt that a part was made specifically for you?" I try to slow my breathing down. I'm not sure the words I just threw at Claudia made any sense at all.

"Oh my God, Libby." She grabs hold of my shoulders, shaking them furiously. "Are you talking about your audition for Falling Choices?"

I nod my head, afraid to give my voice to the motion. If I say it out loud, I'm making it more real. I can't get my hopes up again. I can't believe that a part is mine only to have it slip away. I did that with the solo and although I've settled into feeling happy for Claudia about it, I don't want a repeat.

"Tell me what happened." She holds tighter to the edge of my sweater. "I want to hear it all."

I don't want to repeat it back. If I do that, I'll pick it apart and find fault in myself. I've always been that way. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to performing and I just want to ride the high I'm feeling right now. "I don't want to jinx it." I grab hold of her hands.

"That's a good idea." She nods in agreement. "Can you imagine if you get it?"

I can and I have. I auditioned for a lead role. That would mean I'd be the star of the show and it even though it's a touring production, it would give me more stage time than I have now with my part in Selfish Fate. I'd have to leave New York but the only thing holding me here is Alec and we're still moving along at the same pace we have been all along. I know it can't last forever. Men like him don't commit to anything beyond the foreseeable future. My career is my first love so I need to stay focused on that and the lead role in Falling Choices will open a lot of doors for me.

"My parents will be here next Tuesday. Do you have to work at the store that night?"

I hesitate. It's the night before we open. I was hoping to spend it with Alec. "I'm only working on my days off from the musical now."

"So you'll come meet them for dinner?"

I rub my forehead. If I see them for an early dinner I'll still have time to see Alec before bed. "Sure. I know how much it means to you."

"It means everything, Lib." She hugs me tightly. "Family is everything to me."

***

Family is nothing to me. Wait. That's not completely true. It's a royal pain in my ass. My father is proving that to me now.

"That's all well and good, Libby but it's not a career you're going to be able to sustain in the long term."

I pull my smartphone away from my ear. How is it possible that he can yell at me from half way across the country and it stings just as much as if he was standing directly in front of me? "It's a big deal. If I get it, it means I'll be the lead."

"If you get it?" he hisses the words out, one by one. "If you get it? You haven't even gotten it yet."

Thanks, dad. Way to burst my confidence bubble into ten million little pieces. "I have a good chance."

"You don't know that," he presses. "It's not a sure thing. If you come back to Denver, I'll give you a job."

I rub my temple, the first bite of a migraine pulling itself to the surface. The job he's offering may come with a tidy salary and a nice benefits package but it's an entry level position that I'm over qualified for.  I worked for my father's company during summer breaks throughout high school and college. I know the inner workings of the hotel business. I can save him money, streamline the operation and create more jobs, but he won't listen. The only reason he won't is because I'm not his son. My brother won that crown and now sits in a plush office, pulling in a seven figure salary while doing absolutely nothing at all.

"Did you hear me?" he barks into the phone.

"It's impossible not to hear you, dad." I sigh before continuing, "I'm not coming back there. I have to see this through. You know this is my dream."

"Dreams don't pay bills, Libby."

"Thanks for the tip." I stare at my phone wondering why I answered in the first place. "I need to go. I love you." I do. They're not empty words. My dad is my dad. I can't deny that.

"I love you too and the job is yours whenever you want it."

I don't want it. I want my life here. I want all of my dreams, including the ones I have about Alec Hughes, to come true.

Alec

"Alec." My name is nothing more than a whisper when it leaves her mouth and presses into mine. She's on top of me, her hair falling into my face, her tits resting against my chest. I'm buried completely inside of her and I'm holding onto her for dear life.

I circle my hips beneath her, pushing my cock into her beautiful body. "Libby," I say her name to replace the million things I want and need to say to her. They're all the things I should have said weeks ago but I haven't. I won't. I can't.

She eases herself up, her hair forging a path across my face and chest. I breathe in the scent. I hold it along with my breath.

"I think about you all the time, Alec."

Fuck. Please, God. Not now. Please.

The words rip through me. Her face is so beautiful. She's leaning back, her hands resting on my thighs, her beautiful body on full display. This isn't fair. It's not fucking fair. "I think about you too."

They're five simple words that can't convey their true meaning. When I wake up, Libby's face is there, first in my mind. As I wander through my day, she's there in my thoughts. I look at the pictures on my phone dozens of times a day. I sit outside the rehearsal hall knowing she's inside. I want to go upstairs and watch her rehearse. I want to encourage her, applaud her, and celebrate who she is. I want to steal her away from that shitty apartment she lives in and move in here with her. I want this to be my life.

"I love having sex with you."

The words are strong and filled with need. "I love it too," I whisper into the calm space between us. "Fucking you is incredible."

She shifts her hips slightly so there's pressure on my balls. I'm close. I can feel it. I need to slow the need. I can't come yet. I still my body.

"I haven't had that many lovers," she confesses as her hand glides across her breasts. "None of them were like you."

I knew that. It's not an assumption based on ego. I could tell by the way her body responded to mine. I could tell by the way she tightens when I slide myself all the way in. She's not used to the width or the length. It's almost too much. The faint flash of pain that grazes across her eyes told me everything the first time.

"I've had many lovers," I stall my breathing to moan when she rocks her hips slightly. "None of them were like you."

A smile covers her mouth and flows into her eyes. "I'm different?"

She has no idea. "You're not like anyone, Libby."

"I like that." She arches her body, pulling her hips back and then slamming them forward again.

I can't take it anymore. I grab her face with my hands, tugging it to me. "Libby, I…" I lose my voice in her kiss. Her lips are soft and plush. She pulls my bottom lip between her teeth as she fucks me hard, her body grinding into mine.

I need the control. I have to have it. I wrap one arm around her waist and in one quick movement she's on her back. I hover above her, staring down at her. "Fuck, you're so beautiful."
              Her lips part. "Hard, Alec. Fuck me hard."

I reach for her hands, pinning them to the bed above her head. I need her like this. I need to see this vulnerability one last time. I fuck her tenderly. I fuck her with deep thrusts. I fuck her until she screams out my name and then I follow her into my own intense climax.