Spring Will Come (48 page)

             
“You might make it!” he hollered back.  “I’m a goner.”

             
Hobbs couldn’t explain what made him stop.  Reaching out, he circled his arm around the man’s waist.  “We’re getting out of here,” he said firmly, and the two of them broke into a faltering run.  They were only yards from the river when the ground exploded in front of them. 

             
“Look out!” Hobbs yelled.  He threw the man to one side then leaped to land on top of him.  He felt fire explode in his leg then... nothing.

CHAPTER TWENTY

              Carrie was in her room when she heard the front door slam.  Heavy footsteps climbed the stairs and approached her room.  Something in the sound caused her heart to catch in dread.  She was at the door before her father knocked and opened it just as he raised his hand.

             
“Hello,” Thomas said heavily. 

             
Carrie moved aside, watching him carefully.  Her father walked in, stared around for a moment as if he were dazed then turned to her. 

             
“The reports from Antietam are coming in,” he said slowly. 

             
“How bad is it?”  Carrie asked, trying to put off what she knew was coming.  Somehow she had known it all day.

             
Thomas grimaced.  “Over ten thousand Confederate casualties.”

             
“In one day?” Carrie groaned.  Thomas nodded then walked forward to take hold of her hands.   Carrie braced herself, knowing no amount of preparation could make whatever he was going to say easier.

             
“I saw the lists.”

             
“Robert is dead,” Carrie said woodenly.

             
“No!”  Thomas said strongly.  “He is listed as Missing in Action.”

             
Carrie felt her heart resume its beat.  “What does that mean?” she asked quietly.  She had been feeling a sick dread all day.   Now she felt as if her heart had been cut out. 

             
Thomas frowned.  “It could mean a lot of things,” he admitted.  “He could be wounded in a Union hospital.  He could be a prisoner.  Or...”

             
“He could be an unidentified body,” Carrie stated simply.

             
Thomas nodded reluctantly.  Then he looked at her sternly.  “It also means he could be one of the wounded who have not been identified.  Obviously our medical corps is overwhelmed.”  He released one of her hands and tilted her chin until her eyes met his.  “Missing in Action means no one knows. 
No one knows
,” he repeated firmly.  “You can’t give up hope.  Robert has made it through a lot of battles.”

             
Carrie stared at him then turned toward her window.  “I’d like to be alone, please.”   She could hear Thomas hesitate behind her then turn and leave the room.  She knew he would be there when she needed him.  Right now all she wanted was to be alone.  She was glad Janie was at the hospital.  Carrie walked to her window and sank down to her knees, pressing her hot face into her hands.  She had imagined this moment so many times, yet no amount of imagining could have prepared her for the stark reality. 

             
You don’t know he’s dead!
a stern voice in her head reminded her. 
You must not give up hope!
   Carrie heard the voice and tried to reach out to grab the hope it offered, but fear kept it floating elusively.  Just as she thought she had it in her grasp, it would drift away, carried by the images of Robert lying dead on a blood-soaked battlefield.  Carrie groaned as grief and fear rushed in threatening to suffocate her.   Had she given her all to hundreds of wounded soldiers just to see the man she loved snatched away? 
Robert...Rose...Moses...Aunt Abby...Sarah…her mother...Granite.
  The weight of her losses pressed down like an anvil on her bruised heart, squeezing the life from her until she was gasping for breath.   Vaguely she was aware of a door opening.  She remained where she was, rocking slowly, surrendering to the grief and fear. 

             
“Carrie!” 

             
Carrie pulled away from her father’s touch on her arm.  “Leave me alone,” she whispered.

             
“I won’t leave you like this,” Thomas’ voice was a mixture of firmness and fear.  “You must not give up hope.  There is a good chance Robert is alive.”

             
Carrie knew he was trying to offer her some hope, but dark clouds of fear were making it impossible to grasp it.  She moaned and shook her head from side to side. 

             
“Carrie!  This is not like you,” Thomas exclaimed frantically.  “You have to be strong.”

             
Carrie pulled herself farther away as she heard the exasperation in his voice.  From somewhere, a hysterical giggle rose within her and scuttled into the room.  On its heels came a surge of anger. She was losing control of herself, of her ability to cope.  She opened her eyes and stared at her father.  “Everyone is gone,” she said numbly. 

             
“Who is gone?”

             
“Everyone. Robert...Rose...Moses...Aunt Abby...Old Sarah…Mother...Granite.”  Her voice faded away then strengthened.  “Rose is gone.  I miss Rose so much.”  Suddenly, more than anything in the world she wanted to see Rose. 

             
“I know Rose was your good friend, but...”  Thomas paused, confusion filling his face. 

             
Carrie straightened as a surge of anger became a flood, pushing aside all barriers as it poured forth.  “I know the truth about Rose,” Carrie said coldly.  Somewhere in her mind, she knew she was being unreasonable, but she didn’t care.  “I know who she really is.”

             
Thomas stared at her, his face turning white.

             
“I know my grandfather raped Sarah.  I know Rose is really your half-sister.  I know she is really my aunt!”  Carrie cried.  “I know it all!   I know you lied to me for all those years!”  She stopped, gasping for breath, the torrent of her emotions leaving her exhausted. 

             
“How...?”  Thomas sputtered.  “You weren’t ever supposed to know...” his voice trailed away.

             
Carrie’s voice was calm and cold now.  “Of course, I wasn’t ever supposed to know.  You expected Sarah, just because she was a slave - just because you owned her - to never tell her only daughter the truth about who she is.  To never tell her she has a twin brother somewhere.  You thought because they were slaves it wouldn’t matter that their family was ripped apart and Sarah would have to live without her husband for eighteen long years.”  She took a deep breath.  “Well, it mattered.  It mattered to them just as much as it would matter to you.  It mattered so much that Sarah couldn’t die without Rose knowing the truth.”  Spent, she sagged to the floor.  “They’re people just like you and me, Father.  Just like you and me,” she repeated.  “You tried to take that away from them - only you couldn’t.  You can’t steal a person’s humanity just because you think they’re less than human.”

             
Thomas was still staring at her with a dazed expression on his face. 

             
Carrie wasn’t done.  “I’m proud Rose is my aunt.  She is also my closest friend.  It wouldn’t matter to me whether she was purple or green.  She happens to be black - she also happens to be white.  I miss her.”  A sudden wave of compassion surged through her.  “You should be proud of her, too, Father.  She is a beautiful, intelligent young woman.”

             
Silence fell on the room as Thomas continued to stare at her. 

             
Carrie gazed back at him, her emotions spent.  She supposed she should be sorry for yelling at him, but she wasn’t.  She had merely spoken the truth.  The shock of hearing Robert was missing had vanquished the last of her self-control. 

             
Thomas finally spoke, his face still ashen.  “I’m sorry I lied to you,” he said slowly.  He opened his mouth to say more, but nothing came out.  His face twisted in a look Carrie couldn’t discern.

             
“Father...” she said imploringly.

             
Thomas shook his head.  “I - I guess I never saw it before.  Rose - she was just one of my slaves.  A product of my father’s passion.  I never really thought of her as my – half-sister,” he said haltingly.  “But, I suppose, she is.”  His voice was surprised.  He shook his head, understanding slowly dawning in his eyes.  “It has been so easy to see her as less than human - just another slave.”  Suddenly he groaned.  “My father lives in her, too.  She is just as much a person as I am.”

             
Carrie sat quietly, watching her father.  She recognized the pangs of self-discovery. 

             
Thomas sank down heavily onto the chair next to her dressing table and stared at himself in the mirror.  “I’ve been such a fool,” he whispered.  Then he straightened.  “But I’m still a Southern plantation owner,” he said in a low, fierce voice. 

             
Carrie knew better than to say anything.  This was a battle her father would have to fight himself.  Just like she’d had to.  She ached for him.  She had fought habits and beliefs from eighteen years of prejudice - he would have to fight over forty.  Forty years of deeply ingrained prejudice and ignorance. 

             
Thomas turned away from the mirror.  “Thank you,” he said heavily.  “I think.”  He managed a small smile.

             
Carrie stayed seated on the floor but smiled back. 

             
Once more silence descended on the room.  All Carrie could hear was the sound of the clock ticking, mingled with the background sounds of the city.  A breeze fluttered in, making her curtains sway gently.  A fly buzzed around her head then darted out the window.  Suddenly all she wanted was to curl up in a ball on her bed and dream the world away.  The wild rampaging of her emotions had left her completely spent.  Somewhere in the last chaotic moments, the beginnings of peace had edged their way into her heart.  She made no attempt to understand it - she simply accepted it.  Anything was better than the black hopelessness and despair that had captured her.   She did not know Robert was dead.  Until she did, she would hang on to hope.

             
“Are you as tired as I am?”

             
Carrie looked up at her father.  “Yes,” she said simply.

             
Thomas stood and held out his arms.  “Come here,” he commanded gently.

             
Carrie stood and moved into his arms, laying her head against his chest as he pulled her close.  “I love you.”

             
“I love you, too,” he murmured. 

             
“I’m sorry I got so angry.”  Carrie could feel Thomas shaking his head.

             
“Don’t be.”  He laughed shortly.  “Your father is just like you.  Sometimes it takes a brick to make a dent in my head - or my heart for that matter.”  He pushed Carrie away from him and looked down.  “Don’t expect me to change overnight.  I have a lot to think about.  A lot of strongly held beliefs to challenge.”  He paused.  “I’m not sure what side I will come down on.”

             
Carrie just gave him another hug.  She knew her father was honest.  He would examine his beliefs honestly.  She was confident the truth would win in time.  There was no need to say anymore. 

             
She changed the subject.  “How often do reports about the soldiers come in?” she asked quietly. 

             
“Twice a day.  I’ll check every one.”

             
Carrie nodded.  “I have to go to the hospital.  Would you like to eat something with me before I go?”

             
“Certainly.”

             
Carrie almost smiled at the relief in her father’s voice.  She hooked her arm through his.  “Well, I think that emotional storm is over.  But that doesn’t mean there won’t be more.  I’m a woman, you know.  I’m entitled.”

             
Thomas chuckled.  “So you are.  So you are.”