Stain (King's Harlots MC Book 2) (29 page)

He stopped hitting his fists against the wall, thank God, but he was still mumbling to himself and throwing things. His clothes were wrinkled from him tugging at them. His eyes were wild, never landing on me again but looking at something in the distance. It was something only he could see.

“Asher,” I said gently, my throat burning. “Please, baby.” All I could do was plead, beg for him to hear my voice and know that I wouldn’t leave him. I wasn’t going anywhere. We had our problems, but we would get out of this. We had to.

Ten minutes later, and I was surrounded by Angel, Coby, Stone, and Dale. All of whom were much larger than me and took up a lot of space. Each of them stood over six feet, weighing at least two hundred pounds. I suddenly felt very small but I was thankful for them at that very moment.

“Shit, man,” Dale rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve never seen him lose it like this.”

Stone just nodded and grunted in agreement.

Angel and Coby only stared after their brother with worried looks in their eyes.

“What do I do?” I rang my hands together, my soul shattering at the love—a small gasp escaped me. The love of my world. My eyes welled. I loved him. God, I had been so stupid to think that I could never fall for him. One kiss and all of these emotions flooded into me, flowing through my veins until all I felt was him.

The guys huddled in front of me, shielding me from Asher. They spoke amongst themselves, watching their brother crumble before them.

“Maybe she should go to him again.”

“What’s that going to do? He’s officially lost it.”

“Have faith in the woman our brother loves.”

“What if he hurts her?’

“He needs us not to judge,” Coby said. “She belongs to him, so that means we protect her.”

They all turned to me, piercing me with hard stares.

I swallowed hard, unsure of what to do. I wanted to go to Asher, but I had no idea how to get through to him.

“He needs you right now,” Angel said. “We don’t know what’s going on, but together we will get him the help he needs. We’ll stay back and remain quiet until you tell us otherwise.”

I nodded, ringing my hands in front of me. Taking a breath, I stepped between Angel and Coby and walked to the man I loved. The man I needed. The man who had given me so much happiness when he couldn’t find that happy himself. I would help him be happy. I would make him see that he deserved it. That he deserved everything. Success, love, family. Everything a man should have.

“Asher?” I reached out for him, hesitating. He had stopped throwing shit around, but he was still mumbling to himself. When I was about a foot away from him, I heard the words that threatened to destroy him. A sob escaped me.

“He can’t do this to me. I won’t let him. He won’t win. Not anymore. I can’t. I’m not a boy. I’m a man. Please don’t hurt me. Not again. So much blood. God. I can’t.”

So long ago, he came to me at a time in his life where he needed a friend. Someone he could trust and count on to keep his shattered secrets. A friend who wouldn’t judge. I was all of those things. And more. I realized then that I loved him since the first time I met him. All of those sleepless nights with him on my floor and me on my bed. Talking about the weather, celebrities, books, and more. He was the piece of me I had been missing my whole life. The part of my world I could never live without.

Reaching out, I placed a shaky hand on his strong back. His body stiffened before he slowly turned my way.

I bit back a cry.

His eyes were dark, taking on a faraway look but bright with fear.

“I’m here,” I said, trying so hard to keep my voice strong and sure. “Whatever you need, I am here for you. Come back to me.”

His pupils dilated, losing focus before zeroing in on me. “I saw him,” he said, his voice rough.

And that was when I felt the others close in on us.

“Who did you see?” I asked, running my hand down his arm. But I knew. It was the only time he would truly lose himself.

His eyes followed the movement, his jaw clenching and unclenching. “My step-father.”

“What-what did he want?”

Asher looked away, moving to pull out of my grip but I only held on.

“Tell me,” I begged. “Please. I can’t help you if I don’t know.”

“You think you can help me?” he shouted. “Do you think any of you can help me? Just let me fucking go. It’s for the best. I don’t deserve you,” he told his brothers before looking down at me. “And I especially don’t deserve you.”

“You can’t mean that,” I stepped in front of him, gripping his shirt tight in my hands. I didn’t care what he said. It wasn’t true. None of it was. I loved him, and I knew he felt something in return for me.

I looked back at Angel. He nodded once. I went to turn back around when something caught my attention in Coby’s gaze. It was almost a pleading for me to help his brother. They knew this was the end. Asher would have to retire or get medically discharged from the Navy. The demons from his past had snuck up on him, and I knew without a doubt that he would get diagnosed with PTSD. It would be a rough time, but I would travel the rocky road with him every step of the way.

Taking a deep cleansing breath, I turned back around and wrapped my arms around Asher’s waist. I was done. I couldn’t handle seeing him break anymore. Whatever happened with his step-father, I would help him get through it. We would jump over this hurdle together.

“Meeka,” his voice cracked. “I can’t. He didn’t even talk to me, and I fucking broke.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks. “I’m here. We all are.” I squeezed him tight just as warm bodies stepped up behind us.

“It hurts. It hurts so fucking much.” Asher ran his fingers through the hair at my nape, holding my head against his chest. It was his signature move. I had come to crave it. All this time, I thought he was doing it to comfort me, but really, he was comforting himself. All from a mere touch. The mind was a funny thing. A gentle touch could make all the nightmares disappear even if it were only for a moment.

“I love you,” I confessed, my voice muffled by his shirt.

Asher pulled my head back, staring intently into my eyes. His thumbs brushed over my cheeks, wiping the tears away. “Say that again.”

“I love you,” I repeated with more confidence. “I’ve been in love with you since the first day we met. But you are so damned intense, I’ve never had the courage to say it.”

Asher searched my face before crushing his mouth to mine.

I sighed, leaning into him, and poured all of the love I felt for the man into that kiss.

I barely noticed the guys leaving us alone, giving us some space.

All I could focus on was the man staring down at me. My hand grazed up his chest to his heart. It beat rapidly beneath my palm but his body had finally relaxed.

When we were alone, Asher pulled me into his arms and knelt with me wrapped around him.

I sat there quietly in his arms, afraid to let him go. Afraid of losing him forever. It felt like hours since either of us spoke. The only movement came from Coby when he wrapped Asher’s knuckles in bandages. He left right after, not saying a word.

“I know you don’t want to, but you need to talk about what happened.” I grabbed Asher’s hands gently, brushing my thumbs over his damaged knuckles. “Your brothers need to know.”

Leaning his head against the wall, he let out a shallow breath. “Right now all I can think about is you telling me that you love me.”

My cheeks heated. Looking down between us, I played with the hem of his shirt. “What happened to you years ago scares me. As each day passes, you lose yourself. I can see the darkness that you try so hard to fight. You told me once it’s why you joined the Navy. You felt it was safer for you and whoever you came across. It took you away from the man who tried so hard to destroy you. But as selfish as it is, it took you away from me too.”

Asher shifted his weight so I was straddling his lap. He wiped a lonely tear that had fallen down my cheek. “I want to tell you that I’ll be okay. That I won’t have another episode. But seeing him triggered something. I know I need help, but I don’t want to sit there and talk to a fucking shrink about my problems. I know I have shit to deal with. I’d rather talk to you and that’s it. I don’t need anyone else. No one else can help me through it like you can.”

“You need your brothers,” I said softly.

“Of course I need them, but you—” Asher pinched my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “I can’t live without you. What I feel for you scares me. It terrifies me more than the fear I felt as a child. Because I know that if something happened to break us apart, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“Nothing will happen to us.” I cupped his cheek. “I promise. Whatever happens, whatever you need; I will be there. If you go see a shrink, I’ll be right there by your side. But you need to see someone.”

“I know, but I don’t want to take a shit load of pills for the rest of my life.”

“Maybe there’s another way.” I shrugged. “Whatever you decide to do, I will be behind you a hundred percent.”

“No,” he said, his voice firm. “I want you at my side. Not behind me. We’re equal, Hummingbird. Remember that.”

Fresh tears welled in my eyes, threatening to escape. God, this man and how he could make my heart melt in a shitty situation.

His eyes moved back and forth over my face. “I love you, Meeka. I love you so damn much. I can’t tell you how thankful I am that I broke into your bedroom that first night.”

I laughed which came out more like a sob. “Well, it wasn’t like you were a stranger or anything.”

“I remember the first time I saw you in those sexy as hell pajamas. With your perky little tits and tight as fuck ass.” He groaned. “God, the things I wanted to do to you that night.”

“You could have,” I whispered.

“And then what? Your dad would have fucking killed me or chopped off my dick and fed it to me.”

“But you could have kissed me, at least. All this time, I thought we were just friends but then when you did finally kiss me—”

“What?”

“I knew I was done.”

“Baby, I was done the first time you smiled at me.” He rubbed a hand down his face, the dark mood once again taking over. “I know I need help, but I can’t do this without you.”

“I’ll be here. Every step of the way.”

He kissed my forehead, then my nose, and placed a soft peck on my lips. “I love you. Fuck, I love you so damn much.” His voice wavered. “Don’t ever doubt that. No matter what happens. Know that I am yours.”

My heart swelled. “And I am yours.”

“WHEN I
was a child, I was abused by my step-father. Nothing sexual, although, what he put me through was almost as bad.” I explained to my brothers what had happened in my shitty start to life. My mother dying only made my step-father worse. I told them about the blood he would make me clean up after he would destroy the pureness of the women he fucked. He was as bad as Charles, if not worse. I was a kid. There was no way I could have proved what he had done. He was a prestigious man in our small town. The only people who knew his dark and dangerous secrets were Meeka and myself. And the women he ruined.

“What happened today?” Angel asked, sitting across from me at the dining room table. He placed a bottle of water in front of me and waited. All eyes were on me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at them. Meeka sat at my side, holding my hand tight in hers, listening intently to what I had to say. Although she knew everything, I was getting to the part I hadn’t told anyone. A darkness was unleashed back in the day. Charles had been right. Everyone had a darkness of their own.

“I saw him.” I took a breath and another before I continued. “I went to the store to get some food. He was there. I haven’t seen him in years. When I was finally big enough to defend myself, I threatened to kill him if I ever saw him again.” I looked at Meeka. “But I didn’t because of you. As much as I wanted to rip him apart for what he did to those women and to me, I couldn’t do anything to lose you.”

Tears welled in her eyes.

God, I hated making her cry but I needed her to hear what I had to say. “Because of you, I’ve been able to move past this. But now with Charles breathing down our necks and seeing my step-father, it triggered something.” And that something was dark. It hovered over the years until finally, it brought me to my knees.