Sub for a Week (11 page)

By the time we were both bathed and clothed, albeit in flannels that were a little too big on me, we retired to his room. My eyes were closed before the lights went out, and when Daniel rolled over to face me to wish me a good night, I was already on my way to dreaming. There were no thoughts bombarding my mind.
Nothing to wake me up.
Just silent dreams, most of which replayed our scene from earlier that evening.

This must be what subspace feels like.

Chapter Six

After I assured Daniel I was okay for another session, he opted to take the tamer approach.
Dinner.
No sex. No foreplay.
Just dinner.
And given what happened last night, a dinner out wasn't anywhere on my wish list.

Still, Daniel insisted, and when I went to argue, he reminded me that he was the Dom and had more experience in the lifestyle than I did.

"It's just for tonight," he said, holding the door open for me.

I stepped through, and we waited to be seated. Like his penthouse, the restaurant wasn't far from Journeys. Not that it surprised me. It seemed like everything Daniel needed was within a six-block radius.
Must be nice.
I was lucky just to have a gas station on the corner. Everything else required a car, or at least half an hour to walk one way.

A hostess smiled at us when she reached the front of the restaurant.
"Just two tonight?"

"Please," Daniel said, hooking his arm with mine.

The hostess pulled a set of menus from behind a podium and led us into the dining area. Once we were seated and she wrote down what drinks we ordered, she excused herself.

I took off my sports jacket and set it on the booth beside me. Daniel certainly knew how to pick them. It wasn't just any restaurant. It was one of the best in the city. Four stars if I remembered what I'd read in the local paper, and way out of my price range. The same couldn't be said for Daniel.

When I asked how the food was, he told me he didn't go for the food.

"I go for the atmosphere," he'd said.
"Dim lighting.
Soft music.
An adjoining ballroom.
Everything a gentleman needs to impress his little lady."

I smiled at the memory. We were actually going to walk from Daniel's apartment, but when he realized I'd come without a change of clothes, we decided to take the car. He agreed to swing by my place later on so I could pack a few things and check on the plants, even though they liked to die no matter what I did for them.

Daniel told me to order whatever I wanted on the menu, but after seeing the prices, I settled for a simple caesar salad. And even that was too pricey for my tastes.

"Don't worry about it," Daniel said, probably having seen the look on my face. He patted his jacket pocket.
"Disposable income."

"Lucky bastard," I murmured, sipping my wine.

He glared at me over the rim of his White Zinfandel. "Hey, that one almost hurt."

I swirled the dark liquid in my glass, then set it down between us. "Is it safe to talk about...
"
I glanced around the room and lowered my voice. "Can we talk about a few things?"

Daniel smirked and shook his head. "Our lifestyle isn't as secret as you might think."

I sat back.
"Really?"

His grin widened. "Did you notice how the hostess greeted us?"

"Not really, no."

"Ahh, well that's because you weren't looking."

"What was I supposed to see?"

"She didn't make eye contact with either one of us. Most hostesses will, as it's in their training. However, if that hostess is a submissive and knows her customers are in the lifestyle—" he cut himself off with a partial shrug.

"But I'm not in the lifestyle, am I?"

"Perhaps not, but I am, and I'm known rather well within the community.
In fact, a fair portion of the staff here I've seen in Journeys at one point or another."

"And their employer is okay with it?"

"The employers don't need to know, and in all honesty, it's none of their damned business. Firing an employee or giving them flack for enjoying the lifestyle would be like firing an employee because they're gay. I thought you knew this."

"I do. Or well, I knew as much as I've read, but I always thought..."

"That we hid in dark basements and kept to ourselves?" He crossed his arms over his chest.
"Hardly.
In fact, we're one of the most active communities in the
Seattle
area besides gays. If you know where to look, you can usually find at least one of us doing demonstrations and teaching those new to the lifestyle. Hell, even those outside the lifestyle are welcome. We aren't picky. As for Journeys, anything that happens in the
dungeon,
stays in the dungeon." He paused when I started to laugh. "Go on, say it."

"No, no, I'm good."

He rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink. "What happens in Vegas and all
that.
But seriously, I don't ask, and they don't tell. Sure, we might share a brief sense of recognition, but beyond that, I go one way, and they go another."

I pushed my plate to the side and set my hands on the table. "So, there's just one thing that's been bothering me."

"Oh? And what's that?"

"When did you know you were a Dom?"

"Let me tell you something about this lifestyle." Daniel sat back in his seat, clearly full from his meal. "We'll get some couples who come into Journeys thinking this is the lifestyle for them, but trust me when I say it isn't. They tend to try on lifestyles much like you and I try on clothes. I can usually pick out who's the real deal and who's trying to fit in with the recent trends." He tugged on the cuffs of his shirt before looking right at me. "And in case you were wondering, you aren't in this lifestyle because it's a trend. You might not see it, but you are a submissive. Probably always have been, but it took up until now for you to question that possibility and for someone else to recognize it along with your potential."

I was about to say something when the hostess returned.

"I don't mean to interrupt, sir," she said. "I'll just get these out of your way."

Daniel and I helped her with the plates, and she scurried off.

"Sir?"
I asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. "Isn't that a bit ... much?"

"Not in the least. You figure saying sir in public is so common, most folks don't even bat an eye."

"I guess not, but she wasn't even looking at you."

"Like I said, it's a submissive thing. I've seen her in Journeys, but I'd never rat her out. And even though I don't require other submissives to recognize me outside the dungeon, many do so anyway. It's a sign of respect. That's all."

"Does that mean I should be calling you Master?"

"If you were a slave or a full-time sub, then yes. However, our play is limited to the bedroom until you feel comfortable enough to go public. It's not for everyone, and it isn't something I expect all my subs to do."

"But you have had some, haven't you?"

"Yes, but every sub is different. The ones I order to call me Master in public are the subs who crave public humiliation. It's how they're wired and a part of our play. Those who are more private, like
yourself
, only need to do it behind closed doors. Make sense?"

I nodded. "So, you said in the beginning that you were poly, but aside from Maddie who works the front desk at Journeys, I haven't seen anyone who might be a sub to you."

"Maddie's never been mine. I don't believe in working with my subs."

"How come?"

"The same reason couples should never go into business together—distance. We need our time apart."

"If not Maddie, then who?"

Daniel traced the outside of his napkin. "I'm between subs at the moment."

Fuck.
And I knew this too! I'd only been offering him therapy for months.

"I-I'm sorry. I know we've had our sessions, but when I'm with you I—"

"Forget." He passed me a knowing smile. "It's hard not to compare this relationship to the one we had online. It's almost like I'm two different people, right?"

"It is. In our discussions you always seemed ... sorry. I don't mean to bring it up. But when I'm with you..." I let out an exasperated sigh. "I'm so failing at the therapist thing right now."

"That's because you're trying to do the sub thing."

My eyes shot up at him. "What?"

He gestured at me. "You've only looked at me a handful of times tonight. During dinner you were moving your food around on your plate even though I could tell you were hungry. You were also playing with your skirt. We're on even ground in here, and while you've asked me some very bold questions, your body language is still submissive."

"You really do notice everything, don't you?"

"It's part of my job.
Reading
body language is what I do best."

I licked my lips.
Met his gaze.
"And what is my body telling you now?"

"Truthfully, or what you're trying to make me believe?"

I furrowed my brow. "There's a difference?"

"Julia, Julia." He shook his head playfully. "You still have a lot to learn. Yes, I'm well aware of the fact that your mind has been elsewhere most of the evening. However, even with you wanting your body to show arousal, your submission and coy behavior are overlapping it. This isn't to say I'll be able to call it as I see it all the time, but for now, you’re submissive, but you're also curious. Now that you've had some experience in the lifestyle, you want to know more. This is why you've been asking so many questions, which is healthy. Your submission is also the reason why you're being a little more discreet than usual."

"You know, it was a lot easier to talk to you over the Internet."

"That's because the focus was on me, not you. It's uncomfortable in that spotlight, but it's essential for what you want to achieve this week."

"And what is it I'm trying to achieve, oh wise one?"

"A better understanding of the lifestyle.
More than that though, you're hoping for a better sense of self. And that's something I can provide, so long as you trust me and we move at my pace."

"I trust you," I said, reaching across the table for his hand.

He set his hand in mine and gave it a squeeze. "I know you do, but you're driven by your needs, which isn't what this lifestyle's about."

"Umm, last I read, it had everything to do with it."

"Do we enjoy sex? Sure, but so does everyone else. Communication and the relationship as a whole are just as important as the flogging, the bondage and the sex though. This is why our relationships are a little more ... involved than most. It requires a lot of trust, by the sub in her Dom and also for the Dom to trust in his abilities as well as the safety of his sub." He set a handful of twenties on the table and grabbed his jacket. "Come on, there's something I want you to see."

Once outside, Daniel led me down a side street and stopped outside a small shop nestled in the corner. But before we could go in and see what waited beyond the tinted windows, he pulled me to the side.

"You know the game where you fall back and hope your partner catches you?" he asked.

"The trust game?
Yeah, everybody does."

"Think of D/s like that. In the beginning, the Dom only lets the sub fall back a little, but with every turn, he lets her fall just a little more. He'll continue to do this until he feels her limits have been met, but we're all about pushing boundaries, and it can't be done without a partner you can trust."

"But aren't all relationships like that?"

"Unfortunately, no.
For D/s to work, it's not just one partner trusting the other. It has to be a shared trust, and anytime that trust wavers, it needs to be addressed.
Reassessed.
This is something you don't see in most relationships."