Surrendered (Heart of a Warrior Series Book 3) (7 page)

Chapter Eight

The roar of the engine muffled Nick’s ears but did nothing to mute his thoughts. He’d left. Just left. Angry and hurt. That wasn’t his MO. Not now, not ever.

If any other person had challenged him to defy orders or find a replacement, he would have laughed it off and ignored them. But somehow in the last few months, he’d given Kaylan the keys to his heart and with that, the ability to wound him more than any other person could. He’d given her the ability to crawl under the armor he’d so carefully worn for years. Someone should have told him that a diamond ring created a weak spot.

He knew she’d spoken out of fear, but her words messed with his head. He couldn’t afford that on this op, and neither could she.

Micah sat to his right on the plane and leaned over to yell in his ear. “Did you get to see Kaylan before we left?”

“Briefly. Did you?”

He shook his head. “Called her right before you showed back up.”

Nick studied his best friend. “Did she say anything?”

“It’s what she didn’t say, Hawk. She didn’t say one word about you. What happened?”

Nick massaged his neck, the drone of the plane sounding louder all of a sudden, setting him more on edge. He searched his pocket for his favorite vice. He felt the crinkle of a wrapper in his pocket and pulled out the gum, his crutch when he needed and wanted to stay calm. He felt Micah’s big brother mode rising to the forefront.

“Hawk, why is my sister upset?”

Nick popped the piece of Juicy Fruit in his mouth. The mindless motion and familiar flavor reminded him of nights at the ballpark and his dad cheering him on as he smacked the ball and ran the bases. It tasted like home.

“Hawk.”

Hawk leveled Micah with one look. “Kaylan and I are going to get married. I need you to let us work out our arguments. She’s a big girl, and she needs to learn how to deal with this.”

For a moment, it looked like Micah might snap, but with a small nod, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “She’s just scared, you know.”

“Who’s scared?” Jay shouted. “Ain’t nobody got time for scared.”

“Says the little man,” Colt said, a lazy grin spreading across his face as he poked their resident tiger.

“Little? Who are you calling little? I am full of figure and tall enough to kick your butt all the way to Canada.”

“I just call it like I see it, brah. I forgot to mention big mouth, though. You have no trouble keeping up there.”

“Are you for real?” Jay looked like he was about to stand up and take Colt to the belly of the plane. Titus slapped a hand across his chest, pinning him in place.

“Man, why you gotta get him all riled up right before everyone tries to sleep?” Titus groaned at Colt. “You make my job a lot harder.”

Colt pulled a pen out of his pocket and twirled it between his fingers. “Remember when I told Logan I could show him how to kill a man with a pen?”

“Yeah, and he showed you up, if I remember correctly,” Micah challenged.

Colt studied the black ink pen. “Careful, Bulldog. Your mouth is almost as big as Jay’s.”

Micah’s lazy smile matched Colt’s beat for beat. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”

“I never do.”

“Oh, man, this is about to get good.” Newbie Bates rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

Colt fixed his eyes on Bates. “Why don’t I demonstrate on Bates here?”

Bates’s eyes grew wide in his baby face. “Now wait a minute.”

Quick as lightning, the pen came to a halt at Bates’s jugular. He swallowed, the pen making a black blot as his Adam’s apple bobbed. Colt chuckled.

“Should have kept your mouth shut, Bates.” Nick grinned from his seat across the aisle. “It is never smart to mess with Colt. He always means business.”

“Noted.”

With a sly grin, Colt capped the pen and settled back in his seat. “Wet your pants there, Bates?”

“Guys, bring it on down.” Titus pulled out his headphones and plugged them into his phone.

“Ah, T-Brown, don’t tell me you are taking old man Logan’s job on this trip,” Jay groaned.

“Someone has to corral the kids.” He popped the buds in his ears and shut his eyes.

“How does he do that?” Micah asked.

“Must be some weird, get-in-the-zone thing that happens when you become team lead,” Nick answered.

“Do you want to do that someday, Hawk?”

Nick’s fight with Kaylan raced through his mind again. What would he do if she couldn’t fully accept his job and let him go when duty called? He knew she loved him. So what held her back? And how could he move forward in his career without her support? Short answer . . . he couldn’t. If she couldn’t get on board, something would have to give. But as surely as he knew he loved Kaylan, he knew he was called to be a United States Navy SEAL. He would have to trust the Lord to calm her heart.

“Someday, yeah, I would. I was born to be in the Teams, man. I didn’t even realize it until I finished BUD/S and it hit me that all the late nights, sore muscles, training, and yelling didn’t kill me. Someday something will. But I would rather it come from doing this than anything else.”

“And Kaylan? A family?”

“The Carpenters and tons of SEAL families do it. It’s what we both want.”

He would just have to trust the Lord to make it happen.

*

Their boots hit ground shortly after two in the afternoon in Afghanistan, and already the sun cast a sweltering glow. The country boasted desert landscape and harsh mountains, the difficult terrain a challenge for American military.

“Family chat in five, ladies. Lose your gear and hustle.”

“Bates, on me,” Nick shouted to the newbie. Talented in comms, the rookie exemplified the SEAL mantra of never quitting. After dropping out of BUD/S the first time due to an ankle injury, Bates hadn’t hesitated to dive back in to the next class. His dedication and loyalty earned him the respect of many in his class. But on his first Support Activity 1 assignment with these experienced operators, he looked young and green.

They dropped their gear by bunks stacked in a row in a simple, long building. The floor, ceilings, and walls were all bare wood and plywood, with a fine layer of dust from the Afghani desert. It made Nick feel like he lived in a box. A couple of moth-eaten couches sat on one end of the long room surrounding a television and an old Nintendo 64, compliments of one of the other teams. Nick doubted they would be playing much. He hoped they wouldn’t be here long, but he mentally buckled down for the duration. They wouldn’t leave, wouldn’t quit until the op was accomplished.

Nick snagged a top bunk and quickly pulled a photo of Kaylan out of his bag. He propped it against the windowsill next to his pillow. “You got a girl, Bates?” He turned to face the newbie who was eyeing Kaylan’s picture.  A couple years younger than Nick and Micah, Bates’s eagerness and excitement for the job spoke volumes to the guys around him, but his large hazel eyes exuded a nervous energy that made Nick slightly uncomfortable. Nick wasn’t worried about Bates’s capability, but in certain moments, he worried about his immaturity. However, he knew SEAL training made men out of boys. Childhood got scrubbed out of you during long nights on the beach “getting sandy.”

Bates tugged a picture from his pocket. A younger, prettier version of himself stared back at Nick. “I got a sister. She’s my main girl.”

“Good enough.” Nick’s mind roved to Natalie, the sister he’d never met. The sister he wondered if he ever would meet. He shook his head and moved to the door, hoping to leave all thoughts of home in the bunkroom.

Bates matched his stride. “Do you think we’re here for that Kahuna guy everyone keeps talking about?”

“Maybe.” Nick shrugged. “Looks like we are about to find out.”

They entered a stark room with scratched walls and floor. Maps hung on several surfaces, and his team had spread out around a couple of white folding tables in one corner of the room. White. He still couldn’t figure out why they tried to maintain the clean white in the desert. War made everything dirty, no matter how you dressed it up.

Several men shuffled, creating a clean path to the corner where a blonde woman with piercing, cold blue eyes took in the room. Eyes that immediately locked on Nick.

Nick swore.

Jake, Nick’s CIA buddy, stood next to her. He lounged against the wall as if he didn’t have a care in the world, but his alert gaze told a very different story.

“Relax, Hawk.” Micah appeared at his side, his hand like iron restraining Nick. Nick took a deep breath, summoning a calm developed from years of discipline. No battles were won in the absence of cool emotions.

“I’m relaxed.”

Nick didn’t have to look at his best friend to know he was smirking. “Relax more. Your muscles are wound so tight, I could beat someone to death with your arm.”

Nick took another deep breath, forcing every muscle in his body to release one by one. With each conscious choice to relax, tension fled, putting Nick firmly back in control. Micah removed his hand but stayed close.

Within seconds, Jake appeared at their side.

“A heads-up would have been nice,” Nick greeted his friend.

“From murderous to bored in two minutes flat. Quite impressive.”

“Don’t play games with me, Jake.”

The man’s gaze drifted to Janus, his usually coifed hair falling limp in the heat. His white t-shirt clung to his skin and his thick gray pants prepared him for hiking in the desert if the situation called for it. “She’s under strict orders not to speak with you.”

She was nothing. No one. Just another informant. Just another criminal providing information in exchange for money or a lighter sentence. In her case, maybe a new yacht.

Nick knew he’d better keep his emotions in check. Micah and Jake watched him. He didn’t need to look in X’s direction to know Senior Chief’s sharp eyes gauged every nuance. Nick knew how to get the job done. He knew how to engage an enemy without fear because he believed what he fought for carried more weight than fear. He could forget this woman.

His mother.

He
would
forget.

Nick nodded. “Let’s get this over with and send her packing.”

“Let’s get started,” X’s voice boomed above the noise. The room descended into a restless quiet that came when adrenaline and focus kicked into full gear.

Jake took his place at the front of the room with X. Nick and Micah settled in near Titus, Colt, and Jay. Nick found an odd comfort in knowing they were aware of the full story and still trusted his loyalty, his capability, completely. He relaxed even more, his mind hanging on every detail.

“All right, listen up, ladies. This is Jake. He’s going to share a bit of intel with us, then we’ll dive into op specifics.”

Jake clasped his hands behind his back, his alert gaze roaming over the group. “We recently received information that a known Russian businessman is selling weapons to our friends in the Taliban. As you know, they are always trying to reform and grow new cells. However, this time, we believe he may be about to make the biggest deal in years. Without his second in command”—Jake nodded to Janus—“he is vulnerable. We want to make him even more so. We have an informant that will tell us the location where the next meeting is to take place, but the informant will only speak with this woman. We call her Janus.” A few eyes floated to Nick before landing back on Jake. “We need to meet with the informant, learn the location of the meeting, and take out this cell before they have the chance to get any more weapons. We will weaken his trade options and draw him out of hiding.”

X took over and began to go over op specifics. They would leave first thing in the morning and travel with a Marine unit to a town about an hour away. Janus and Jake would accompany them.

Nick listened carefully, at the same time taking a personal inventory. To his relief he found that the more time he spent in the room with Janus, the greater his power to ignore her. She was a captive, incapable of hurting him or Kaylan.

Kaylan. A pang of regret sliced through him, more potent than any injury he had ever sustained.

Micah jabbed Nick in the side, and Nick snapped to attention, avoiding Micah’s glare. He pulled another piece of gum out and popped it into his mouth. Enough of the distractions. Enough thinking about Kaylan, or Janus for that matter. Women complicated his life, and he didn’t need to think about either one of them on this op. His life and the lives of his teammates depended on it. Out here in the middle of the desert, it was team and teammates over everything.

And for now, Nick liked it that way.

Chapter Nine

Wednesday arrived without Kaylan’s bidding and with it, the memories of Haiti and Sarah Beth. A year had passed, but Kaylan knew she would feel every January 12 with extra weightiness for the rest of her life. Everything had changed—for Haiti, for Sarah Beth, for herself. 

Now, with Nick deployed and their fight still lingering, she felt his absence weigh heavier by the hour. The grief of the day increased her fear that she would never see him again. She fought the ache, but it was tough to keep it at bay.

Her only distractions came in the form of her patients as she planned meals and focused on the diet of each individual. Back home after work, she cleaned the house and whipped up a meal. By the time Megan walked in the door smelling like the ocean, dinner was ready and the house sparkled. She’d lugged her tired body to bed shortly after, praying for dreamless sleep.

Thursday dawned bright, and with the new day, Kaylan’s spirits rose. For the past couple of months, she’d taken to going over to the Carpenters house to give them a date night while she played with the kids. They brought her joy unlike anything else. Tonight was no different. With these kids, she surrounded herself with laughter and chaos. The living room looked like a tornado of toys and dishes had swept through, but she didn’t care.

“Aunt Kaylan, I want you to play with my dolls now. Please?” Molly looked up from her spot on the floor surrounded by dolls, a tea set, and stuffed animals.

“Just one second, ladybug.” Kaylan’s tongue hung out of her mouth as her little car raced around the track. Playing
Mario Cart
with Tanner and Conner reminded her of years playing with David, Micah, and Seth. Only those games usually ended in a fight over who cheated and who really won until Mom took away the controller and sent them all outside to play. “Almost there  . . .”

“Kaylan, you bumped me. No fair.”

“You bump people all the time, Conner. Don’t use that on me when you are losing.”

“Ha. She told you.” Tanner taunted Conner.

“Shut up.”

“Yes!” Kaylan threw her hands in the air and stood, doing a happy dance in front of the boys. “Victory for me. And that was not nice to say, Conner.” She pointed at him. “Your parents don’t let you talk to one another like that, and you aren’t going to do it on my watch.”

Conner mumbled a “sorry” to his older brother while Kaylan smothered her smile.

“Close enough.” Too much like the Richards’ kids growing up. She couldn’t wait to be an aunt for real, but in the meantime, she loved these kids with her whole heart.

“Aunt Kaylan,” Molly called again.

“All right, ladybug. It’s your turn.” The boys resumed their game with just two players while Kaylan sat down on the floor with Molly. The four-year-old had spread out several dolls in various stages of donning princess dresses.

Kaylan snuck a quick glance at baby Nadia in her swing. She hadn’t dosed off yet, but she would soon.

“Aunt Kaylan, pay attention.”

“Sorry. All about you now, munchkin.” Kaylan chuckled at the little girl in front of her. A tiara sat on mussed blonde curls and big blue eyes stared intently at the dolls around her.

“We are missing a prince.”

“Why do we need a prince?”

“The prince always rescues the princess, Aunt Kaylan.”

“What does he rescue her from?”

“Whatever isn’t happy in life.”

Kaylan picked up a beautiful, brown-haired doll and a red-head doll that resembled Arial from
The Little Mermaid
. “Maybe the princess doesn’t need rescuing. Maybe she can be brave enough on her own.”

Molly made a face at Kaylan. “Maybe. But isn’t it always better when there’s a prince?”

“Sure, baby girl.”

“Mommy has Daddy. You have Uncle Nick. Aunt Liza has Uncle Titus. I don’t know who Uncle Jay, Uncle Micah, or Uncle Colt are rescuing.”

“Maybe they haven’t found their princesses yet.”

Molly put her hands on her hips. “They better hurry up.”

Kaylan laughed. “I’m sure they will someday.” She ran her fingers through Molly’s tangled curls. “And who do you have, baby girl?”

Molly crawled into Kaylan’s lap, bringing her dolls with her. She searched through the mess on the floor to find a crown for the doll in her hand. “That’s easy. I have Daddy and Jesus. And Daddy says my other prince will come someday, but as long as I have Daddy and Jesus, I’m just fine.” She flashed her bright blue eyes in Kaylan’s direction and smiled.

Kaylan’s spirit crashed. She’d begged Nick to stay home because she needed him, and somewhere along the way, she had forgotten that she didn’t. She wanted him. Wanted him more than anything in life. But she
needed
only one thing. Jesus. He never left her alone.

Kaylan held Molly while she played, basking in the childlike trust of a little girl in her father. How much more should Kaylan trust her heavenly Father? All her life, she’d learned that God was a loving Father who desired to give her good things. Her dad had been an excellent example of that. After Haiti, she had learned that God wasn’t good just because good things happened, but that goodness itself was intrinsically part of His character. So if He was a loving Father who desired to give her good things and didn’t withhold any good thing from her, then it made sense that even His “no’s” and redirects were an act of love on her behalf. Didn’t it?

Her mind flew back to Thanksgiving when she was ten. She’d gone Black Friday shopping with her family and found a new bike. It had been shiny and sleek with a horn on the handle, and it had been on sale. But her dad said no. She’d thrown a fit, causing her parents to drop her off at her grandparents before continuing their Black Friday shopping.

Then on Christmas day, she’d understood. Her dad had bought her an even better, prettier bike. Her dad wanted to give her the best. He knew she wanted something in a moment that would fade. He knew what she really wanted is what he finally gave her—the best kid’s bike on the market. Oh, for trust like Molly had, to trust Nick, to trust her Father, to trust His care for her, even in seasons when emotions overwhelmed good sense.

She checked her watch. Right on schedule. “Ten minutes before we need to start getting ready for bed.”

“How about an hour?” Conner bartered.

“Twenty minutes and a bedtime story.” Kaylan picked up another doll and began to dress her in a sunny yellow dress.

Tanner groaned. “Bedtime stories are for babies.”

“I’m not a baby,” Molly piped in, “and I still love bedtime stories.”

“Just proves my point,” Tanner sighed, his eyes still glued to the television. Within minutes Conner cheered while Tanner swatted him with a pillow.

Conner dodged his brother and ran around to kneel by Kaylan. “I have to wait to go to bed until my dad gets home.”

“And why is that?”

“He promised to give me his Trident to take to show-and-tell tomorrow.”

Kaylan ruffled his hair. “I’m sure he can give it to you in the morning.”

“He has a doctor’s appointment in the morning, and someone is coming to pick him up and take him so Mom can take us to school. Please, Kaylan, I need to wait.”

She leaned in close so Molly wouldn’t hear. “Let’s go ahead and get ready for bed and be quiet about it. Then you and I can wait for your dad. Deal?”

Conner fist-bumped Kaylan. “You get the award for coolest baby-sitter ever.”

“How about you get me a medal for that, and we’ll call it even?”

His grin looked so much like Logan’s. “Deal.”

The next twenty minutes turned into a whirlwind of pajamas, toothbrushes, quiet protests, a quick bedtime story for Molly, and finally lights out.

Conner and Kaylan tiptoed back into the living room and sat down for another game of Mario Cart. They had been playing only a half hour when the key scratched in the lock.

“Dad’s here!” Conner dropped the controller and jumped up to greet Kim and Logan as Logan wheeled his chair through the door.

“Hey, champ, what are you still doing up?”

Conner’s gaze filled with admiration as he greeted his dad. “You promised I could take your Trident with me to school tomorrow.”

Logan grinned at his son. “I did, didn’t I? It’s in the velvet box in my top dresser drawer. Why don’t you go get it out and bring it here?”

Conner raced off. “Conner, do not wake your siblings,” Kim called after him. In their small house, it wouldn’t be hard to do.

“How was the movie?” Kaylan asked.

Kim placed her hand on Logan’s shoulder. Kaylan admired their synchronicity, never more than a few feet apart, normally touching in some way, united, together. Would she and Nick reach that stage of oneness? She hoped to someday.

“It was good. Thank you so much for watching the kids. With four of them now, it’s hard to get moments to ourselves.”

Logan covered Kim’s hand with his own as Conner hurried back into the room, a small velvet box in his hand.

“You found it.” Logan wheeled to the couch and Conner sank into the seat next to the armrest, as close as he could get to his dad. Kim and Kaylan smiled, watching the scene. Would she have a son who looked up to Nick that much? Kaylan didn’t doubt it. Nick was as strong as he was gentle, and if the way he treated the Carpenter kids was any indication, he would make a great dad.

Another pang stabbed through her heart. How could she have been so ugly to him before he left?

“Dad, will you tell me the story again?”

“Sure thing, champ. Do you want to hold it?”

“Yeah!” Conner held out his hands as Logan placed the gold Trident pin on his son’s palms. Conner stared at it in awe.

Kaylan and Kim looked over the couch as Logan talked to Conner. “I had finished all of my SEAL training except one last part.”

“The Trident swim?”

Logan grinned at his son’s familiarity with the story. “You got it. The Trident swim. We had to wear our cammies and drag a rucksack with a bunch of clothes.”

“Was it heavy?”

“You bet. The water made the clothes even heavier, but we took turns swimming with it held between us and a buddy.”

“And someone else swam with a sledgehammer, right?”

Logan nodded. “Yep. A guy named Cameron was the strongest swimmer in our class and carried the hammer the whole way.”

“But you’re pretty strong, too, right, Dad?”

Logan chuckled. “I can hold my own. But when we work as a team, we all take turns carrying the load, and each man uses his strengths to help the team.”

“What’s your strength, Dad?”

“I have the biggest mouth.”

“Dad . . .” Conner laughed. “You do not.”

“All right. All right. So after we finished this really long swim in the ocean, we stood in a line in the surf at attention. We were soaking wet, and our commander came around and pinned each of us with our Tridents.”

“Did you bleed?”

Logan looked up at Kim and Kaylan with a knowing grin. Kaylan knew that after the official ceremony, often the true initiation came when new team members had their pins punched into their chest. They bled together and now could fight together. Or at least, that’s how Nick explained it.

“SEALs can handle a little blood.” Logan grinned at his son. “Now why don’t you tell me about the pin. Do you remember?”

Light filled Conner’s eyes as he began to point to each element on the pin. “The anchor represents the Navy. The gun . . . ”

“What kind of gun?” Logan prompted.

Conner’s forehead crinkled in thought. “It’s a . . . flintlock. A cocked flintlock, right, Dad?”

“You got it. Why is that important?”

Conner’s face glowed and Kaylan wondered if they had another little SEAL in the making. With his dad teaching him, Conner would learn from the best the Teams had to offer. “It means SEALs fight on sea, air, and land. The pistol stands for land, and it also means SEALs are always ready to fight the bad guys.”

Logan chuckled at his son. “Something like that. You skipped one.”

“Oops. The Trident represents the ocean. They call you frogmen because you like the water, right?”

“SEALs love the water. What else do ya got?”

“The eagle. It represents air. And doesn’t it mean freedom, too?”

“Yes, eagles are a symbol of freedom in the United States.”

Kaylan bent over the back of the couch, taking a closer look at the bird. “I always wondered why its head is bowed. I always picture eagles as proud and regal.”

Logan turned to Conner. “Do you want to explain it to her, champ?”

Conner twisted on the couch to look at Kaylan as he pointed to the eagle. “His head is bent to show people that a warrior’s strength comes from humility. Doesn’t the Bible say pride comes before a fall? I guess the SEALs believe that, too, Aunt Kaylan.”

Kaylan smiled at the little SEAL aficionado while Logan and Kim beamed with pride for their son and the lessons he understood at a young age.

“Thanks for teaching me a thing or two, Conner.”