Take Another Look (20 page)

Jane shivered, as if to shake off the image. She didn't want to believe that Hoppy had the vinegar and vitriol inside her to lash out that way, but if not her, then who had done it? The police had never named a suspect, but at least Detective Drum had stopped calling.

“I know!” Harper bounced on Jane's bed. “Let's play cards!”

The burst of enthusiasm snapped Jane out of her funk, reminding her of the way Harper could fill a room. This was not a girl who would hurt someone. This was a kid who loved people.

“Do you know how to play hearts?” Jane asked. When Isabel shook her head, Harper offered to teach her.

They sat on the living room carpet, balancing bowls of popcorn in their laps and leaning in around the coffee table to swoop up tricks and sip cider from wineglasses. The game of hearts got the girls talking about their notions of love. Isabel believed that pure love was about loyalty, while Harper thought too many people confused attachment with love.

“I'm not going to settle for anything less than true love,” Harper said. “There's no way I'm going to marry a man unless he's absolutely right for me.”

“You have a lot of time to figure that out,” Jane said. “But there is no perfect love. Relationships take compromise.”

“Maybe for you, Mom. But I'm not sacrificing myself for a guy.”

Jane patted her daughter's arm. “Good for you, honey.”

“Were you in love with our dad?” Isabel asked sweetly.

Jane blanched as Frank's image pierced her thoughts. That winning smile, those mesmerizing blue eyes that she saw whenever she looked at the girls. She had fallen in love with the beautiful package before she knew what it contained.

“Of course she loved him,” Harper answered, saving Jane. “But she doesn't like to talk about it. It hurts.”

“Oh.” Isabel looked back at her cards and extracted one. “Sorry.”

For the first time, the picture of possibilities stopped wavering before Jane's eyes as it wiggled into the shape of three heads triangulated in the soft light. A blissful family portrait; the magic of three.

Chapter 21

I
t was hardly a huge turnout for the traditional tree-lighting ceremony in Mirror Lake's square. Some diehards felt that the day after Thanksgiving was too early to swing into the holiday spirit, and some conservationists had complained that it was a waste of the town's money to light the giant sequoia for six weeks of the year, even with the new LED lights. But tradition lived on. With the high school chorus singing from a makeshift stage, and an audience consisting of two busloads of residents of an assisted-living home, young families, and a few packs of teens and tweens, there were enough people milling about to give Jane a sense of anonymity as she hung out with Luke.

He had given her a recap of his visit to Spokane and was now updating her on Matt's plans to study for a semester in Spain. “But I've been talking a mile a minute and haven't heard a word about your Thanksgiving,” he said.

“That's what happens when you drive for six hours straight.”

“So how was it?”

“Better than I expected. Isabel makes a mean sausage stuffing, and Chrissy seemed to be opening up to me. I guess she's relaxing around me.”

“Good. How is she doing?”

“Better. She was walking on her own, and she seemed to enjoy the meal. Chrissy and Isabel are heading up to Seattle over Christmas vacation. They're hooking up with Chrissy's sister and some old friends. I can tell that Chrissy is really looking forward to it.”

“And Isabel seems to be full of holiday spirit.”

She followed his gaze across the square to the bench where Isabel, Harper, Sydney, and Emma swayed in time to a Christmas carol from the choir. “That's funny.” Jane chuckled. “I'm happy to have her along, but she was raised Jewish. This really shouldn't be her thing.”

“Looks to me like she's rockin' the Santa cap. Is Chrissy going to be upset about that?”

“She's okay with it. She was raised Russian Orthodox, but converted to Judaism before she married Nick. Right now Chrissy's focus is more on Isabel's social adjustment than religious connection. Apparently, Chrissy and Nick tried to get Isabel to prepare for her bat mitzvah, but she did not seem interested. All that got pushed aside when Nick was diagnosed, and Chrissy hasn't pushed it since then.”

“We can influence our kids in many ways, but we can't control their beliefs,” Luke said.

“True, oh wise one.”

“Are you making fun of me?” One side of his mouth tipped up in a crooked grin.

“Never. You are the wisest man I know, for sure.” If not for the fact that they were both teachers and in a public place, she would have linked her arm through his and kissed him. Mmm. Though it would have been sweet to have that freedom, Jane knew it would curdle her daughter's stomach if Harper caught a glimpse of adult affection. Better to hold back. A little discretion never hurt anyone.

Later, as the event wound down and the crowd began to scatter, Jane was talking with Trish when Chrissy's black Mercedes pulled up to the curb across the square.

“Isabel?” Jane waved to get the girls' attention. “Looks like your mom is here.”

“I'd better go.”

“See you later. I love you!” Harper gushed, embracing her twin. Although Harper said this to all her friends, Jane was dumbstruck every time she saw this exchange with Isabel.

“Good-bye, Ms. Ryan,” Isabel said sweetly as she trudged across the square.

“Bye.” Looking ahead, Jane noticed that the car's driver was not Chrissy. “Hey, there. Isabel?” Jane called, falling into step beside the girl. “Who's that driving the car?”

“Candy,” Isabel said flatly. “Mom hired her from an agency.”

“I'd like to meet her. Your mother said she's a big help.”

“Sometimes Mom is way too nice.”

“What do you mean?”

Isabel paused beside the large clock at the center of the square; from here, they were out of sight of the car. “Candy scares me. When Mom is resting in her room, Candy makes me stay in my bedroom. That's so she can go out back and talk on her cell phone and smoke.”

“Really? That's not okay. Is she smoking cigarettes?”

“I think so.” Isabel's eyes grew wide. “Do you think she's using drugs?”

Jane was a bit surprised by the girl's naïveté. “Probably not. Have you mentioned these things to your mother?”

Isabel shook her head. “She really likes Candy, and I don't want to upset her.”

“Your mom likes the fact that this aide frees you to spend time with your friends.”

“But I can take care of Mom
and
spend time with my friends. I'm a good juggler. I did it before.”

From what Jane had seen, Isabel had a bright future as an efficiency expert. “Your mom is happy to hire a helper to take the burden off you, but maybe this Candy is just not a good fit. Do you want me to talk to Chrissy?”

“Would you? I'm afraid of what might happen if Candy finds out that I was the one who complained. And there's no time for me to talk to Mom alone. Candy stays at night until Mom falls asleep. It's like having a stalker in the house.”

“I'll give your mom a call.” Jane clapped a hand on Isabel's shoulder, noticing how slight the girl seemed beneath the thick jacket. For a fourteen-year-old girl, Isabel had some heavy responsibilities on these shoulders. “Don't you worry, sweetie. It will all work out.”

The endearment brought a flame of pink to Isabel's cheeks. “Thanks, Ms. Ryan.”

They exchanged a quick hug, and then Isabel stepped around the clock and headed to the Mercedes.

That night, when Jane shared Isabel's concerns about the aide with Chrissy, the older woman was crestfallen. “I've been so pleased with Candy that I didn't question how she's been treating Isabel. Maybe that's just because I've been feeling better. But, of course, Candy can't really take the credit for that. The doctor says it's my new medication.”

“I'm glad to hear that,” Jane said. “And I didn't mean to butt in.”

“On the contrary! Thank you for intervening. I'm going to call the agency first thing Monday morning and ask for a replacement. And please, feel free to call me anytime Isabel opens up to you. It warms my heart that she knows she can rely on you when she needs help. I'm so grateful that you're a part of our lives, Jane.”

Stumbling through a response, Jane ended the call with mixed feelings. While she did not have a sense of family connection with Chrissy, sunny, diligent Isabel was beginning to win Jane over. This kid needed someone to fend for her, and with Nick gone and Chrissy sick, Jane was the only hero in town. For now, she was willing to advocate for Isabel.

 

December brought a distinctive energy to the classroom as the kids were thrilled at the prospect of time off and weary of assignments and vocab tests. Like her students, Jane was eager for the break. She needed some quiet time with Luke, and it would be nice to spend some one-on-one time with Harper, who tried to spend every waking hour with her girlfriends or Isabel or Jesse or some assortment of friends. In the past few weeks, largely with Isabel's influence, Harper's moods had mellowed. Her grades had gone up. These days her explosive energy, the bright presence that could fill a room, now sparkled with a positive light. Jane missed being close to that. With other people around, Jane was now pushed back to the fringes, a distant planet orbiting the sun. That was probably normal for a mom of a teen, but still, she missed having a close connection with her girl.

Perhaps she was a little jealous of Harper's unrestrained affection for Isabel. The discovery of her twin had evoked a blind generosity in Harper. Sacrifices had been made for Isabel: Plans had been changed, a favorite sweater had been lent, and Harper even gave up her bed one night when Isabel slept over. Cued in on Isabel's interest in Christmas, Harper sympathized with the “deprivation” her twin had suffered by being raised without celebrating the Christian holiday. Jane's reminder of the richness of cultural diversity fell on deaf ears. “Everyone needs a little Christmas,” Harper insisted with a snap of blue fury in her eyes.

And so it came to pass that Isabel was included in the caroling, the tree trimming, and the cookie decorating. She accompanied Harper and Jane on shopping trips to the mall. She tied elaborate bows for the gifts under their tree. Harper even insisted that she participate in the “Secret Santa” program at the community center, in which donors purchased and wrapped gifts to fulfill wish lists drafted by needy members of the community.

Somehow, it seemed wrong to sweep Isabel away like that. “It feels like cultural brainwashing,” Jane complained to Luke.

“Except that Isabel is into it,” he pointed out. “You might say she drank the proverbial eggnog.”

It was true. Isabel was savoring every aspect of Christmas. “Thank you so much for letting me share your holiday,” she told Jane one night when they were preparing hot cocoa for a group of carolers that included most of the girls' basketball team. “I always knew I was meant to celebrate Christmas. When I was little, I used to pray on Christmas Eve that Santa would come to our house. I wished with all my heart, but it never happened. But now, celebration with you and Harper makes up for all those disappointing Christmas mornings.”

“I'm glad you're enjoying it,” Jane said. She wanted to point out that Isabel would not be here Christmas morning; Chrissy was taking her to Seattle for a small reunion with Chrissy's sister and mother. Secretly, Jane was looking forward to having Harper all to herself for Christmas. But she didn't press the issue with Isabel, who was aware of the trip. “It's nice that you're open to other customs and beliefs.”

“It's more than that,” Isabel insisted. “I've realized I'm not really Jewish at all. Christianity is the religion of my heart, and I'm grateful that you and Harper helped me see that.”

“Really?” A flash of guilt stung Jane as she wondered if they had taken all this too far. She should have insisted that they celebrate Hanukkah, too. She should have researched other traditions of Russian Jews. “We weren't trying to convert you. Let's not jump to any rash judgments,” she told Isabel. “You're still young.”

“But I know my heart.” Isabel touched Jane's arm in that maternal gesture that defied her age. Her demeanor said that everything was under control:
I got this.
“It's all coming together this Christmas. I received the best gift ever—my sister and my mother. Nothing can ever top that.”

Isabel reached out for an embrace, and though Jane took the girl in her arms, guilt circled her. “Listen.” Jane leaned back. “That's sweet, but it's not totally true. Chrissy is your real mother. She raised you, and I know she loves you. Very much.”

“I know, and I love her, too.” Warmth sparkled in Isabel's eyes. “But you're my mother, too,” she said in a low voice. That content smile puckered her lips as she lifted the tray of cocoa and carried it out to the kids.

She's right, Jane thought. The realization left her feeling off-balance. Was Isabel expecting a relationship that Jane could not fulfill? It reminded her of the receding tide of Christmas spirit; once the gifts had been unwrapped and the candy stocking-stuffers consumed, the crushed ribbons and crumpled wrappings were a sea of disappointment. She hoped Isabel would have better luck achieving her wishes.

 

“Is Isabel here yet?” Harper called down the stairs.

“Any minute.” Jane was surprised to see that the usually punctual Chrissy and Isabel were nearly ten minutes late.

“What about the pizzas?”

“Luke will go pick them up as soon as Isabel and Chrissy arrive.” Jane checked the items assembled on the kitchen counter in preparation for the birthday celebration. Paper plates and cups. Napkins. Juice boxes and water bottles. Plastic forks and spoons, and a cherry-chip cake covered with bright pink frosting in honor of Isabel's penchant for the color.

“Looks like we're all set,” Jane said, snitching a dab of icing, “minus one guest of honor.”

“Who will be happy to see a very pink cake.” Luke patted Phoenix's flank, and the dog leaned into him. “I can't believe Harper let that go. I know she's a chocolate fiend.”

“She's been deferring to Isabel on a lot of issues. It makes me pleased to see her unselfishness and guilty to realize I'm not quite as accepting as Harper is.”

“Don't beat yourself up. It takes time for revolutionary change to sink in.” He glanced at his cell phone. “Speaking of time, it's getting late. Do you want to give them a nudge? Maybe Isabel forgot it's her birthday.”

Jane let out a laugh. “That is one thing teenage girls do not forget.” She paced to the French doors off the kitchen with the phone pressed to her ear. Isabel picked up on the second ring. “Hi, honey. Are you and your mom on your way over?”

“I don't think so.” The words were drawn out, regret as thick as molasses.

“What's wrong?”

“Mom isn't feeling well. I'm sorry. I thought we would be able to make it, but . . . she says no. There's no way she can drive right now.”

“Oh, dear. Harper's going to be so disappointed.” Jane stared at the pink cake, thinking how unfair it was for Isabel to miss her party. It didn't seem right for a teenage girl to be stuck serving as a nursemaid on her birthday. “I know you don't have an aide right now, but do you think Chrissy would be okay on her own for a few hours? Do you want to ask her? I'd be happy to swing by and pick you up.”

“Really? I would love to come, but . . .” There was a shuffling sound. “Hold on and I'll ask her.”