Tempted by Dr. Morales (8 page)

CHAPTER NINE

I
N
HIS
NIGHTMARES
he relived it.

Juan had waited for Cate until one and then given in and gone to bed, but he left the lights on outside and in the hall, just in case she changed her mind. He dozed off, trying to keep one ear open for her car, trying to fathom what it was about Cate that held his attention so, when he found himself back in his hospital bed.

‘I felt that!’ Juan said.

Manuel was washing his arm and Juan felt something, a vague sting, but at least he felt it.

His breathing came faster, scared to hope.

It was two a.m., the nurses were doing their rounds the night after his meltdown.

His roommates had all been wonderful.

‘Love you, Juan,’ André had called to him that morning as Juan had woken up. He was so ashamed for what he had put his roommates through, not knowing it was part of the process, not knowing two of them had done it too.

‘Love you, Juan,’ José had called, and Juan had closed his eyes.

‘Does it make me gay if I say I love you?’ young Eduard had called out, and Juan had smiled at the ceiling.

‘No,’ Juan finally answered. ‘I love you guys, too,’ he said. ‘Thank you.’

It had been a day of conversation, a day of comradeship in the room as they’d stared up at the ceiling and joked and laughed. With the nurses’ help they had even video-called each other that afternoon, finally face to face with each other. Eduard had told them about his amazing girlfriend, Felicia, who was currently flying back from a student exchange in France and would be coming in to see him tomorrow.

Juan had woken at two a.m., as he always did when the nurses approached.

‘Not like this!’ Juan’s eyes snapped open as he heard Eduard shout. ‘I don’t want Felicia seeing me...’

Poor man.

Juan closed his eyes in agony as he heard Eduard screaming to Graciela, who was by his side. Poor man. Juan wept as Manuel wiped his tears and Eduard’s deranged, grief-filled rant continued.

Oh, Eduard!

Juan wanted to go over and hold him. He wanted to fix him, to heal him, but all he could do was lie in respectful silence, grimacing over and over in agony as Eduard let out his fears in a room, in a ward, that understood.

Poor man.

Good man.

He looked up at Manuel, saw that his eyes were filling up too, but he gave a small smile of comfort to Juan.

‘It’s okay,’ he said quietly. ‘He will be okay.’

* * *

Juan’s eyes snapped open and his heart was pounding as he came out of the memory. He moved his hands and it was luxury, checked that his legs still moved and then his hand moved to the heaven of an erection he could feel, even if was unsated, and he cried in the darkness, feeling the hell of that night again.

He sat up and gulped water and then reached for his laptop. He blew his nose as he made the call on his computer and waited for the comfort of a familiar face.

‘Juan!’ Eduard smiled as he came into focus.

‘Does it make me gay if I call you in the middle of the night to tell you I love you?’ Juan asked.

‘Bad night?’ Eduard asked, and Juan nodded as he wiped the tears from his face. Their friendship was worth more than gold, silver and platinum combined. It was Juan’s most treasured possession. André struggled with Juan, jealous at his recovery, but they were trying to work through it. José was doing well and had movement in his arms and they kept in regular touch. But it was Eduard and Juan who were closest. The bond they had made back then was unbreakable and Juan smiled to see Eduard’s cheeky grin. ‘Bad luck for you if you are gay,’ Eduard said. ‘Felicia and I are getting married.’

‘Eduard...’ Juan was smiling and crying and then just smiling. Eduard was quadriplegic, with some small movement in his left hand and wrist. How he treasured that movement, how grateful he was for the exercises the nurses had performed over and over so that meant, with special equipment, he could type, could raise a beaker and drink from it. ‘She is so beautiful,’ Juan said. ‘She is amazing...’

‘I know.’ Eduard was serious. ‘Juan, will you be my best man?’

‘We don’t have best men in Argentina,’ Juan teased lightly, but then he was serious. ‘Except, for all that has happened, we do. I would be so proud to be your best man.’

‘I don’t want you to come home if you are not ready. I understand why you had to get away...’

‘You tell me the date and I will be there. Nothing would keep me from being there to share in your day.’

‘We are sorting the date out. Juan?’ Eduard’s tone changed to being tentative. ‘There is something I wish to discuss with you. We’re so grateful, but you don’t have to keep paying for my pills.’

‘Are the pills working?’ Juan asked, and grinned as Eduard gave a shy smile back. This was no crude conversation, there was nothing they did not discuss, and Juan, loaded with survivor guilt, refused to leave anything out of bounds.

‘Yes,’ Eduard said. ‘We have sex and it is getting better. She enjoys it, I think, and I love her pleasure.’

‘Then that money is there,’ Juan said. He knew the tablets were expensive and the young couple could not afford many, knew what must sometimes be on Eduard’s mind, so he said, ‘If I kill myself doing all this crazy stuff I have left money for you in my will. You will be pleasing your beautiful Felicia all your life, my friend.’

‘Thank you.’

‘No need,’ Juan said, and he meant it.

‘I tried what you said with my mouth,’ Eduard said, ‘and she was not faking!’

‘I’ll teach you more tricks another time,’ Juan said. No, it was no crude conversation—younger, far less experienced, Eduard had cried and cried to Juan about losing his ability to make love to Felicia, had doubted that he might ever please her again. But even as Juan smiled, it faltered. His tears were coming again, and he felt guilty because he was the one walking and yet he was the one crying. ‘Sorry, Eduard, you don’t need this today...’

‘Hey!’ Eduard said. ‘It’s me.’

‘I know.’ Juan looked at his friend and nodded, because they had agreed it went both ways. For it to work, Eduard had to be there for him too. How different Juan was from how he had once been—how much his priorities had changed since that day.

‘I was going to call you on Sunday,’ Eduard said. ‘I know it will be a difficult day.’

It would have been Juan’s first wedding anniversary.

‘It’s not just the wedding anniversary,’ Juan admitted. ‘I like someone, Eduard. For the first time in what feels like for ever there is someone that I cannot get out of my mind and yet I cannot get her into bed.’

‘You can.’

‘I leave a week on Tuesday.’

‘You have to leave?’

‘Yes,’ Juan said. ‘My visa expires and anyway I don’t want to get too involved.’ He trusted so few now, had sworn never to let go of his heart—to just love them and leave them. ‘She reminds me a bit of your Felicia, she is loyal, she is so serious...’ He smiled as he spoke. ‘She is so sensible and cautious but I am sure she is wild too...’

‘You’ve got it bad,’ Eduard said. ‘Have you told her about the accident?’

‘No.’

‘Will you?’

Juan shook his head. ‘No, I don’t want her sympathy.’ He shared it with no one apart from the people who already knew. ‘I don’t want to even try to explain what happened, what it was like.’ Juan thought for a long moment and Eduard patiently sat through his silence. ‘I don’t want to get involved or anything. Really, I just want it to be a week on Tuesday and to be gone...I think.’ Juan honestly didn’t know how he felt. ‘Perhaps it is just that she has said no. Perhaps that is the reason I can’t forget her. If I could sleep with her, maybe I’d get her out of my mind.’

‘Have you cooked for her?’ Eduard said, and Juan grinned. ‘Has she had the full Juan treatment?’

‘No.’

‘Go!’ Eduard said. ‘Sort it now.’

Juan laughed.

They chatted a little while longer then said goodbye and Juan found himself naked in the kitchen at three a.m. He lit the gas under the frying pan then he went and put a towel around his hips to save the precious bits from any oil splashes.

Hopefully he’d be needing them tomorrow night!

CHAPTER TEN

C
ATE
WOKE
TO
the heat of summer and the scald of her own thoughts about Juan, insisting she should be proud of herself.

Imagine how much worse you’d be feeling if you’d slept with him,
Cate tried to tell herself as she took her uniform off the line and quickly ironed it.
Imagine how much worse you would be feeling if you’d gone and got involved with him,
Cate told herself as she drove to work.

She had almost convinced herself she was proud for resisting, but it actually felt horrible, walking into the department and knowing she wouldn’t see Juan.

That she probably wasn’t ever going to see him again.

These last few weeks, when she should have been missing Paul, when she should have been trying to get over a two-year relationship, when she should have been sorting out what she wanted from her career, instead her thoughts and emotions had all been taken up with Juan.

Funny that a heart could be so raw and bruised by a man she barely knew when it was not damaged by the man she had spent two years with.

It surely just showed how right she had been to end things with Paul.

Cate looked at the roster, devoid of Juan’s name, and thought of the sky jump next Sunday.

Her last chance to see him.

A farewell shag before he flew? Oh, God, she was actually thinking about it, Cate realised.
That
was how much she regretted saying no last night!

‘How was Christine’s leaving do?’ Harry yawned. He had been working all night and was now about to go off duty until Monday.

‘Good,’ Cate said. ‘Who looked after the twins last night?’

‘Mum.’ Harry sighed.

‘Are you having any luck with getting a new nanny?’

‘I’ve got a couple of people to see next week,’ Harry said. ‘But most of the people on the agency books want to live in the city, not a good hour away from it, and I’ve got the consultant interviews too.’

‘Any luck?’

‘Nope.’ Harry shook his head. ‘Same problem I’m having with the nannies—all the good ones want the bright lights of the city. Honestly, Cate, I need to sort something out as soon as I can. I can’t keep just dropping everything and coming in because we don’t have enough staff...’ Harry shook his head. ‘At least I don’t have to think about it for a couple of days now. The department is Dr Vermont’s problem this weekend. I’m going to spend some quality time with the twins.’

‘You have a good one,’ Cate said.

It was, thankfully, a busy morning, so there wasn’t much time to dwell on Juan and the night that had never happened, but it was there in the back of her mind, just waiting for her thoughts to turn to it, and Cate was determined they would not.

She was heading off to lunch, having decided to spend the hour sorting out what would be her office come Monday. She did not want to sit in the staffroom and join in the post mortem about last night. There always was one after a department do. As the late staff trickled in, more and more would be revealed—who’d got off with who, who had said what, and people were already talking about Christine and the fool she’d made of herself last night.

Cate simply didn’t want to hear it. She was just about to hand the keys to Kelly when she saw a well-dressed woman, looking a little lost, and Cate asked if she could help her.

‘I’ve been told to come here to get my mother’s valuables,’ she said. ‘I don’t know who to ask for.’

‘I can help you with that,’ Cate said. ‘Do you have the receipt?’

‘Yes, it’s in my bag.’ She started to open it.

‘It’s okay,’ Cate said, ‘you can give it to me when you need to sign.’

Cate walked with her towards Reception, where the valuables safe was located. ‘What ward is your mum on?’ Cate asked, really just making polite conversation.

‘She was on the emergency medical unit, but she passed away last night...’

‘Oh.’ Cate turned in surprise. She was used to upset relatives coming down to collect their loved one’s valuables but this lady didn’t seem upset in the least. Cate had assumed she was just collecting a relative’s things to take home. ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ Cate offered.

‘It’s a blessing really,’ the lady said as she handed her the receipt and Cate looked down and saw Elsie’s scrawling signature on the piece of paper. ‘She just sat in her bed or her chair all the time, staring at photos. She couldn’t really get out—it’s no life!’

Cate didn’t really understand the blessing. It might have been considered a blessing if Elsie had suffered a serious stroke or had been struggling with dementia, or had been in chronic pain. But, no, as she filled out the paperwork and Maria chatted on, it became apparent that Elsie had passed peacefully in her sleep—the nurse had gone to check on her at two a.m. and had found Elsie deceased.

Yes, perhaps it was a blessing to slip away like that, but as Cate handed over the envelope that contained the necklace and rings, tears were stinging at the back of her eyes. She wondered if the daughter had just sat down and spoken to her mother—if she had found out all the wonderful things her mother had done, all the stories Elsie had still been able to tell—would it have seemed such a blessing then?

Cate headed to the office and surprised herself when she started to cry, and it wasn’t just over Juan, and that he was gone, her tears really were for Elsie. Death was commonplace here and so, of course, there were tears at times, although not usually for an elderly lady who had died of natural causes. Elsie had been so lovely and Cate had been so glad to know her even for a little while. She blew her nose into a tissue and when the phone rang in her new office, Cate picked it up with a sniff and gave her name.

‘Are you crying because you regret not coming back to mine last night?’ She heard his deep voice and smiled into the phone.

‘Of course I am.’ Cate attempted sarcasm, although she was speaking a bit of the truth.

‘Or are you crying because you miss me?’

‘It’s just not the same here without you, Juan,’ Cate teased, and then told him the real reason for her tears. ‘Actually, I just found out that Elsie died in the night. I know she was old and everything...’

‘She was a complete delight,’ Juan said. ‘She had a wild side to her, you know...’

‘I heard about it!’ Cate smiled. ‘So, what can I do for you?’

‘Well, this morning I went on a culinary trip of the Mornington Peninsula. We caught our own fish and then when we got back we cleaned and prepared them and were taught how to cook them...’

‘That’s very tame for you.’

‘I can be tamed at times...’ He said it in a way that had Cate blushing. ‘So, I have some beautiful fish steaks that tonight I’m going to prepare with a
chimichurri
sauce, which I will serve with cucumber salad. I don’t have a deep fat fryer so I cannot do
papas fritas
...’

‘Sorry.’ Cate frowned, not just because she didn’t understand some of the words, more that she did not understand why he was reeling off a menu.

‘French fries,’ Juan translated.

‘Haven’t you heard of frozen chips?’

‘I don’t believe in them.’ Juan tutted and Cate found herself both frowning and smiling at his strange response.

‘So,’ Juan said. ‘Do we get to say goodbye, just the two of us? Will you join me tonight for dinner?’

Cate thought of Bridgette and the nurse of the future. She thought of Elsie and her Frenchman and then thought of a life with too many regrets, and even though she had been teasing him before, yes, Cate would miss Juan when he had gone.

It might as well be for a reason.

‘Fish and salad sounds lovely.’

‘Good.’

‘What time do you want me to get there?’

‘Whatever time suits you,’ Juan said. ‘I’ll see you when I’m looking at you.’

Cate put down the phone. She couldn’t wait until he was looking at her!

‘No regrets, Elsie,’ Cate said to the room.

* * *

She didn’t feel quite so brave at six p.m.

What to wear when you knew it would be coming off?

Yes, she could eat her fish, have a lovely conversation and then go home—he wasn’t going to be tying her to the bed, or maybe he was?

Strange that Cate shivered just at the thought, when she had never thought of such things before. But what she had meant was that Juan wasn’t going to be forcing her.

She was consenting to be bad.

For the first time in her life.

Cate put on the lilac skirt and it would have to be the black halterneck again, though she loathed the strapless bra that squashed into her breasts and made her look like she had four. Then she remembered, with a thrill low in her belly, how easily he had removed it and the exploration of his hands during their one kiss.

Cate left it off.

Hardly daring, as she didn’t have the biggest bust, but for sensible Cate it felt reckless.

And it felt even more reckless when she took off her skirt and shaved in a place she rarely did, her fingers lingering on her mound as she thought of Juan and what was to come.

‘Me,’ Cate said with a shocked giggle, and then dried herself and put the lilac velvet panties on.

She stopped for some wine on the way to Juan’s, asking for help to choose one that went well with fish. She took the suggestion of a nice refreshing white but, as she approached his house, Cate worried about bringing wine—if she did, would he assume she was staying?

Was she staying?

Of course!

Cate had no idea what she was doing, even if Juan might think it easy for her. The thought of getting through the meal, knowing there was this big sexy slab of Argentinian for dessert, made her glow like the bush fires that were still raging.

When she got to the bottom of the hill, she was just about to turn the car round and go home, but the thought that he might see her doing that forced her to push on. She was determined not to appear nervous, absolutely determined to enjoy her one wild night, and, taking a deep breath as she approached his home, Cate parked and climbed out.

Juan opened the door before she knocked, took the wine and grinned, and she was relieved when he didn’t welcome her with a kiss, for she was almost petrified of touching him.

‘Did you go to the store on the corner of Beach Road?’ Juan asked.

‘Yes, why?’

‘He suggested this one to me, too. I am still not up on Australian wine.’ Juan led her through. He was wearing black jeans and a silver-grey shirt and there was his bottle already open. He was chopping up cucumbers, it would seem, and sexy music was on.

‘We put this one in the fridge...’ Juan said, and took it. He went to get a glass, but first he seemed to remember what he had forgotten to do at the door. He gave her a brief kiss on the cheek, a sort of European greeting kiss, which was very nice and very friendly and very tame...

She glanced down to see that he was barefoot. Cate had never found feet sexy, but his were: he had very long toes, which made her aware that her own toes were curling. His eyes were looking not at her but at her oiled and scented body and at two thick nipples that were poking out like two mini-erections. There was a throb between her legs and, for safety’s sake, she should have worn a bra, Cate thought.

‘You’re shorter without your high heels on.’ Cate said and, as she spoke, even Cate didn’t recognize her own voice—it was thick and loaded with lust—and it was then she found out how nice the wine she’d bought was, because she got a taste, and not from the glass.

He wedged her to the kitchen bench and she was kissing him back. Frantic, hungry, pre-dinner kisses. She wondered what on earth she’d been worrying about, wondered why on earth she hadn’t spent the last few weeks being slammed up against his kitchen bench or taken on the floor.

‘Sorry,’ he breathed, prising his face from hers. ‘That’s why I didn’t kiss you at the door...’

‘It’s okay.’ Cate understood, she understood completely.

‘I’ll get you a drink,’ he said, ‘and then...’

Oh, what was the point? She was hauling him back now, because they
had
to have sex, they absolutely had to. Cate had never
had
to have sex before—it had never been an absolute command. Juan was kissing her again, lifting her up onto the kitchen bench and undoing the tie on her top.

‘God, I’ve been wanting you for weeks,’ Juan said.

She was naked from the waist up on the kitchen bench; she’d never been devoured like this before.

Not once.

Not once had she known the bliss of absolute unbridled lust. His tongue was at her nipples, licking, nibbling, sucking. He uttered breathless words that he would get to them later, that now, just now... ‘I have to be inside you.’

Cate’s hands were just as busy as she almost ripped off his shirt, because she wanted to,
had
to, see the bits of him she hadn’t seen before. She wanted to prove to herself, as if she needed to, just how delicious he was. Cate pulled his shirt down over his shoulders but it was difficult to get the last bit over his arms as he was face down and buried in her breasts, but the second his hands were free Juan was lifting up her skirt. It was as if she’d known him for ever, as if it was completely normal to be heading for the zipper she was sliding down. Her only regret as she ran her hands over his delicious length was that, when she’d got ready for tonight, she had even bothered with panties.

Time really was of the essence but it didn’t deter Juan; his fingers parted her and he was stroking her, his mouth a hot, wet demand on the senses in her neck.

‘I want to see you,’ Cate said, as she just about pushed him off. She looked down at the sight of him huge and erect in her hands and moaned with want.

‘We have to go to the bedroom,’ Juan breathed. He went to lift her but she resisted, frantically patting the bench for her bag. Yes, she was taking a chance tonight, but not a chance like that—and the groan of relief from him as she pulled out some condoms was her delicious reward for being sensible.

‘Good girl...’ Juan said, grabbing the foil.

He had it on in an instant, and she should be ashamed of herself, Cate thought, except she wasn’t.