Terms of Service (19 page)

When she woke up, Hannah saw palm trees.  The sun was rising slowly over the water.  Although it took her a moment, thanks to road signs, she suddenly realized she was in The Keys.  The thought warmed her through and through.  The beach for her had always been therapy.  It was always her thinking spot in Wilmington.  It was the one place she could always go to be alone and return home feeling better.

***

“So, I told you we were going to live my dream this weekend, right?”  Gavin began tentatively.

“Yes,” Hannah said staring out the window.  “You sure do know how to dream.”

“Don’t you want to know what we’re doing?”  Gavin was nervous.  What if a weekend of sailing was too much for her?  For the girls?  Then he smiled.  This was Hannah he was talking about.  She could do anything.

“I figured you’d get around to telling me eventually.  Maybe you wanted it to be a surprise.”  She leaned back and sighed in contentment.  “All I know is that I love sunshine, sand, and blue water.  This is heaven to me.”

Feeling better instantly, Gavin reached over and laced his fingers through hers.  He studied her hands.  They were soft and smooth, carefully maintained.  And it was obvious that they were completely unaccustomed to the kind of work he’d be expecting from them this weekend.  Luckily, he packed gloves.  Smiling, he opened the backpack on the floor in between his legs.

“So, Hannah, this is something of a working vacation.”  He pulled out a length of rope.  “The work starts now.  I’m going to need your help.  I’m going to need your contribution.  We’re going to have to be a team.  And I’m the captain.”

Hannah saluted.  “Aye aye, captain.”  She took the piece of rope he passed her.  “And what will I be doing with this?”

“Until we get to the boat, we’re going to practice knots.”  Gavin beamed.

For him, this was something incredibly special.  Not only did he have someone in his life who encouraged him to follow his passions, to be his own man, but he was able to share it with her.  This was his dream.  More than the sailing even, he had always wanted someone to share his life with, someone to be his partner.  In Hannah, he had it.  She just didn’t know it yet.  He could never let her go.  She didn’t know that yet either, but he didn’t need to rush things.  They had all the time in the world.  Gavin was more than patient to let these feelings develop over time.  Oh, but this weekend should help.

They parked in a gravel lot.  Everyone eagerly stepped out of the vehicle.  Hannah took the girls over to the restrooms while Gavin began to unload and talk to the driver.  By the time she reached his side again, he had all they’d packed in a cart.

“Is this everything?” She smiled.

“No, we still need to pick up a few items, food, water, that kind of thing.”  He motioned for her to follow him down the dock to the boat he had secured.

They stopped in front of a large sailboat with a ‘For Sale’ sign on it.  That was the first time Hannah had cause to pause.  Gavin noticed right away and urged her on.  “Come on, Hannah!  We can’t miss the tide.”

“I don’t know what that means.”  She mumbled.

Gavin laughed.  “May you not have to find out.”  He lifted the girls onto the boat and instructed them to sit out of the way and showed them right where that was.  “Hannah, I need you down in the cabin so I can pass you our supplies.  Then I’ll show you how to secure the cabin before we set sail.”

If Hannah felt nervous, she didn’t show it.  She faced this like she did everything else, shoulders back, head high, ready to take on anything she had to.  She climbed onto the shiny teak deck and then down the ladder to take her below deck.  

“I’ll give you a tour later, but there were forward and aft cabins, each with their own head, the galley is in the center with the dining area and salon.”  He gestured from above.  “As you can see, the kitchen is more than fuctional with granite counters, a three burner gas stove, and an oven.  There’s also a marine fridge.”  

Working together, the boat was quickly loaded, and all wore life jackets.  Soon enough the inboard motor was running and they were leaving the slip, heading to the open water.

The girls were busy exploring down below after being instructed not to take anything out of the cabinets.

“Why not?”  Zoe asked.  “We’ll be careful.  We won’t break anything.”

Gavin laughed.  “I don’t want anything to break you, silly.”  Zoe and Rory exchanged quizzical looks.  “If we suddenly hit rough water, anything out and loose can fly around and hurt someone.  That’s why we put everything away.”

“Oh!  Okay.”  The girls spoke in unison then went back down to the cabin.

“Do they always do that?”  Gavin gazed at Hannah.

***

“No, not always.”  Hannah stared off at the perfect cloudless sky, the crystal clear waters.  She could get lost in this moment.  She closed her eyes and simply breathed in everything around her.  It was all so…perfect.  “So, are you thinking of buying this boat?”  She asked Gavin, suddenly interested in the future.

“Not this one.”  He thought for a moment.  “Well, maybe this one.”  I guess if I’m going to do everything I want to, I need a fleet.”  He smiled at her, looking perfectly natural and at home behind the helm.  He was wearing a hat and sunglasses.  He had on a t-shirt and board shorts.  On his feet he wore boat shoes, no socks.

For the first time, Hannah saw who he really could be.  This Gavin was so much more relaxed, at ease, and happy.  Smiling came naturally for him.  Laughter simply escaped him.  His hands gestured as he spoke.  He had lost all the rigidity and stiffness the weight of his life had burdened him with.

A frightening thought came to her as she watched him.  Gavin could have this life.  This was the life he was meant for.  If he chose this, he wouldn’t need her.  She swallowed hard at the lump, which suddenly formed in her throat.  None of it mattered.  She was here to help him and make him happy.  Look at all he had done for her.  This was her way of giving back.  In the meantime, she was already saving up.  She was already preparing for the end.

The sailing was everything Hannah had hoped it would be and more.  The more, of course, was work.  Sailing wasn’t like being in a powerboat where one person steers and the rest sit back and enjoy the ride.  With a sailboat, it’s all about constantly capturing the wind in the sail, and because of that, the main, the jib, constant movement, ducking and listening for Gavin’s warning for the sail to suddenly whip past.

By the time they had reached land, Hannah truly had no idea where they were.  She was shocked to discover they had made it all the way to Nassau by the end of the day.  The girls were in heaven.  They were getting to have all their favorites out of the cooler like grapes, ham roll ups, cheese and crackers.  Sailing was a dream they never knew they had.

“We’re going to stay in this marina,” Gavin said.  “I’ve been here before.  It’s nice and quiet.  The amenities are great and everyone is friendly.  There will be other families with kids for the girls.”

“Sure, whatever you think.”  This was one scenario where Hannah would definitely defer to Gavin’s expertise.  Even if he didn’t know kids, he knew sailing, which was what the moment required.

Hannah did the grilling on deck while Gavin hooked them up to shore power and secured the boat, added a few spring lines in case a storm rolled through overnight.  He taught her how to coil the ropes on the dock for safety reasons.  While he worked, the girls trailed after him like he was the Pied Piper.  Hannah worried Gavin would be annoyed, but instead, he seemed to revel in the opportunity to teach them what he knew.  In turn, they were excited to learn.

Gradually, she felt a shift.  The first time she noticed it was after dinner.  The clean up was done.  The girls had changed into bathing suits.  The towels were hauled out and everyone went swimming.  The girls were sitting on the back of the boat reading to each other out of picture books.  Hannah and Gavin were floating in the water when she was finally able to name it, the feeling.

“Relaxed.”  She sighed.

“I’m glad.  That was my intention.  That was what I wanted for my life.”  He sighed, but his wasn’t the sigh of contentment Hannah had expelled.  His spoke of disappointment, of a life which had been denied, of a dream deferred for far too long.

“Have you considered a career change?”  Hannah nearly held her breath while she waited for his response.  This would be so telling.

He shrugged.  “It may be too late.”

“Why is that?”  She floated closer to him so she could hear every word he said.  When Gavin was serious, when he spoke of what mattered to him, he dropped several decibels, making it difficult to hear him.

***

“I’m too old.”

“You’re thirty-five.”  Hannah laughed.

“I have too many responsibilities.  I have a house, I have the business to run, and I have you and the girls.”  He stopped, afraid he had said too much.  He could tell he’d hit a nerve.

“We aren’t your responsibility.  This is a month-to-month contract, remember?  You can give me notice any time.  I’d understand for this.  Who’d want to give this up?”  She circled him then stopped directly in front of him.  “If you don’t choose this life, make it for the right reasons.  Don’t let guilt hold you back.”  Then she swam to the back of the boat, climbed the swim ladder, and ushered the girls down below for a shower.

Was it guilt?  
Gavin wondered.  Was he finding excuses because he was still seeking the approval he’d never received from his father?  That man was impossible to please.  Was it something else?  He leaned back in the water and stared at the incredible sunset.  He didn’t want to lose her.  If he could somehow be sure she’d be a part of this dream, he’d sell the house and move them down here in a heartbeat.  Maybe if he could get her to love this as much as he did.  There had to be a way.

***

Hannah had tucked the girls in and met Gavin topside.  He was waiting for her with a glass of wine and some fresh fruit.  She leaned back and stared up at the most perfect starry sky she’d ever seen.  It was almost surreal.  “I could get used to this.”

Gavin perked up.  “Really?”

She laughed.  “Yes, I love having you wait on me.”  She winked at him and made herself comfortable on the built in fiberglass bench.

“Huh.  I thought that maybe you meant sailing the Caribbean with me.”  Before she could react, he stood and ducked below deck. “I’m going to grab our sweatshirts.”

If his intention was to get her wondering, to confuse her, he had succeeded.  Hannah didn’t know what to think.  All she was certain of was Gavin planned to share the same cabin with her for the remainder of the weekend.  She was more than okay with it.  She had decided while she was reading to the girls she was going to live the next month with abandon.  Then if he decided come summer to move, she would have many happy memories to tide her over for the rest of her life.

Maybe that’s why it happened.  Maybe that’s why when he came and sat next to her, wrapped an arm around her shoulder, she leaned into him.  She’d only had half a glass of wine, which was no excuse.  Yet somehow she still felt free enough to bury her face in his neck.  She could feel the stubble of his face against hers.  His hand slid up and down her arm.

“Are you cold?”  He murmured into her hair.  He tousled it some before planting a kiss on her forehead.

All she could do was stare up at his eyes and slowly shake her head.  No, Hannah wasn’t cold in the least.  At the moment, she was going up in flames.  It took so little effort on his part to make her feel.  She was very nearly ashamed.  Hannah had never thought of herself as easy, but if he made the right moves then he would have more than a cuddle buddy in bed.

***

Gavin couldn’t stop touching her.  He was testing.  He knew it.  He’d never had game.  He’d never been the smooth guy with all the moves who could talk or trick any woman into bed.  That wasn’t his style at all.  He had always been more deliberate, more open.  Only Hannah was different.  She deserved more, someone better, even better than he.  Ah, but he wanted her, wanted her more than he had ever wanted a woman.  He wanted something good and pure.  Yet while he should have been overwhelmed with the pressure to do this right, he knew, just knew intrinsically with Hannah it would be right.

He kissed her forehead.  It was safe, sweet.  Then he kissed the bridge of her nose and sucked the section between her eyes for just a moment.  Her eyelids fluttered shut and her body responded.  She was leaning into him, leaning closer and closer.  He could tell she didn’t want the contact to stop.  He didn’t either.

Gavin stood and pulled her up with both hands.  There was a hint of a question in her eyes, but he carefully kissed it away.  He kissed her more deeply, their tongues intertwined in a way which felt both fiery and completely natural all at the same time.  Hannah’s hands found his face, his neck, his hair.  She was pulling him impossibly close.  Gavin lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

Chapter Fifteen

Somehow they made it to the cabin, to the queen berth they were sharing.  Hannah couldn’t say how.  She gave it a good deal of thought when she woke in the morning to the sun streaming through the hatch.  She could catch bits of blue sky and she had to get out and go topside.  She had to clear her head.  Hannah grabbed the first piece of clothing she could reach.  It was Gavin’s shirt.  She tried to find panties, but they weren’t on the floor.  She struggled to remove Gavin’s hand from her hip without waking him so she could get some much-needed air.

What was she thinking?  Clearly she wasn’t.  She was all about living in the moment and feeling last night.  Look what happened.  It was definitely going to lead to an awkward morning.  How was he going to act?  How was he going to treat her?  He would probably never respect her again.

Hannah sat down topside.  Gavin was in the berth below her.  With the hatches open to let fresh air circulate, she could hear every move he made.  He was still sleeping soundly.  It would give her time to process, and she had plenty to process.

There was plenty of kissing.  There was the frantic removal of any piece of clothing they were wearing.  The man could work a bra.  With a snap, she was completely unhooked.  Seriously.  A snap.  It was like a parlor trick.

There was more kissing.  Oh, he knew what to do with those lips.  He hit every spot, most more than twice.  Hannah was breathing harder just remembering.  His hands were perfect, just the right combination of rough and soft.  The way his thumbs felt as he rubbed her nipples.  Ah, then the way he captured both breasts in his hands and licked and nibbled and sucked all over them.  She could feel them hardening at the memory.

Gavin had kissed his way down her stomach, kissed even lower, kissed her most secret places deeply, lovingly, licking and sucking and caressing.  Hannah could feel herself getting wetter and wetter.  No man had ever made her feel like this.  Ever.

She was about to remember the best part, the part where he finally ended her misery, finally slid deep inside her.  He filled a void, one she had never filled before.  Her heart would never be the same again.

Then he was there, staring at her from the steps.  She was so lost in the memory of the previous night she never heard him get up to seek her.  “Come here,” he said in a deep seductive voice.

For once, she didn’t feel like she was losing something to give in while he ordered her around.  This was completely different.  He didn’t need to say ‘please.’  She could hear the urgency in his voice, the need.  In seconds, she had the answer to her question.

***

Gavin’s desire for her had merely been stirred by their encounter the previous night.  For her comfort, he had left the lights off.  This morning, for his pleasure, he would show her in every way possible how he felt about her in the light of day.  It felt more honest.  He wanted her to see it in his eyes.  He wanted her to feel it as deeply as he did.  While Hannah may have recognized the urgency in his voice, there was an even greater urgency in his actions.

The moment Hannah was within arm’s reach, she was hauled down to their berth.  He did it quickly, effortlessly, as though he had done this hundreds of times.  It was like a movie only better because she was living it instead of watching it.  She was feeling it instead of imagining it.  Even if it all ended tomorrow, she could feast on these memories for the rest of her life.

She started to protest.  “The girls are going to wake up soon.”

“I’ll shut the hatch so that they can’t get into trouble.  I’ll turn on the television so they have the Disney channel to distract them until we’re ready to get up.”  He left the berth and did everything he had mentioned in seconds, did it before she had a chance to protest, did it and returned before she could second- guess the sanity of her actions.

He was naked and already ready for her.  Immediately, she reached for him, grabbed his engorged cock and ran her hand down the length of it.  She closed her hand around him.  Soon a drop of pre-come had collected at the tip.  Without hesitation, she leaned in and tasted it.

Gavin was about ready to come undone.  He marveled at her.  She was exploring him without guile, checking him out without teasing, and yet it was quite possibly the sexiest experience of his life.  He knew the difference was his heart.  Love changed everything.  His breath caught for a moment at the realization.

***

Hannah heard the sound and was bolstered by it.  She imagined she was doing something right.  Oh she was, but it had little to do with the manner in which she was holding his business or licking him.  Before she knew what was happening, Gavin was lying on his back and pulled her on top.

“I want to see you,” he said as he grabbed her hips and guided her so he was pressing against her wet entrance.

She threw her head back, prepared for the glorious feeling which came from sharing her body with his.  He didn’t wait long.  He didn’t disappoint.  This time it was Hannah whose breath caught.  Her eyes shot open and she saw him watching her.  His blue eyes cut into her.  He was staring with such awe, like she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.  Her heart started pounding insistently in her chest.  He was touching her, caressing her like she was precious to him, like he was trying to imprint the memory of this moment forever in his mind.

Somehow, Gavin was everywhere.  He was kissing and caressing every part of her.  He was making her burn and ache for him, even though he was already in her, filling her.  Closing her eyes, to savor the experience, she already knew she wanted more.  She wanted all of him.  Dear lord.  She wanted this
forever
.  Her eyes shot open.  Had she still been on top, she might’ve run, but somehow Gavin had managed to smoothly flip her on her back so he could control his depth, so he could control the experience a bit more.

When they had finished, magically, simultaneously, Hannah stared up at him with awe and wonder.  Gavin smiled down at her, his hand cupped her cheek, and he ever so gently kissed her lips.  It was right there on the tip of her tongue.  It almost slipped out.  It would have been the most natural thing in the world to say.  
I love you
.  Still, she couldn’t do it.  Somehow it would make her more vulnerable than she had ever been before.  Speaking those three little words was so much more intimate than sex.  Everything changed when love was involved.  So she had heard.

***

Magically, amazingly enough, Gavin had his wish.  He managed to live his dream for the weekend.  It was perfect.  It was everything he had hoped to experience and more.  Only, it was just as he had feared.  This one weekend, long weekend though it may have been, wasn’t going to be enough.  One weekend away with Hannah on a sailboat in the Caribbean was never going to be enough.  Instead of sating his craving, he faced his worst fear.  Going back to the office after this, trying to keep his head in the business, trying to be satisfied with a life on land instead of a life on the water was going to be impossible.  

He thought about what Hannah had said.  Maybe he really could change his life.  Maybe it wasn’t too late.  All he knew for sure was he couldn’t do it without her.  He wouldn’t want to.  The weekend had shown him they were compatible, the girls were happy at sea, and they could be a family.  Now he just had to make it happen.  He had a lot of changes to make, a lot of business to get in place, and he couldn’t entrust any of it to Hannah.

***

The drive back to Charlotte seemed so much longer.  The sky seemed to darken the farther they went from The Keys.  Gavin wasn’t speaking.  He had stopped speaking the moment he settled into his seat.  He had pulled out his iPhone and was busy working on it, had been working on it continuously since they left the marina.  One time Hannah glanced over and noticed he was responding to emails.  The next time she saw he seemed to be doing some kind of search.  The third time she looked his way, he was busy creating a list or making notes on the note app.

At first, it bothered her.  At first, she felt the distance between them.  Though they had been relaxed leaving the Carolinas, though they had spent an entire weekend alone together as a family during the day and as lovers at night, everything seemed to change when they were heading home.  She sighed. They slept a good portion of the way home, just as they had on the way down. Only this time, Hannah’s head was wedged in between the seat and the door.  Gavin had been sitting up stiff and serious.  She didn’t even contemplate snuggling up to him.  There was nothing warm and welcoming about him at the moment.  It hurt her heart he was a world away.

As soon as they walked into the foyer early Monday morning, Gavin smoothly slid around the girls and went to his study, shutting the door behind him.  The girls looked up at Hannah expectantly.  “Well,” she said slowly, “it’s going to be time to leave for school in about half an hour.  Let’s get unpacked and then get going.”

The girls rushed up the stairs giggling.  It was Show and Tell Day and they had much to share after their big weekend adventure.  There would be no trouble convincing them to go to school.  Hannah wondered if Gavin was going to work.  He really should’ve left by now.  She walked over to the study door.  Her hand was balled into a fist.  She wanted to knock, but he felt so far away.  She felt anything but normal.  Before the weekend, she would have just knocked and walked in.  Now she didn’t know what to do.

She turned on her heels and walked upstairs.  Maybe Amy could give her advice.  And fast.  She didn’t want to make the girls late.

“So, how was the trip?”  Amy was thrilled to be speaking to Hannah.  It had always been their thing, keeping in touch, sharing every little moment together.  Only since Hannah and Gavin started this new arrangement, the calls had dwindled.

“It was good.”  Hannah was quiet and non-committal.  She knew if she said just the right thing, Amy would see through her, know the truth of the weekend, and she really didn’t feel like being reprimanded or reminded she was making some huge mistake.

“Well, I guess that means you slept with him.”  

Sighing, Hannah responded sadly, “Yes.”  She stood up and started pacing across her bedroom floor as she spoke.  “I’m so stupid.  Everything was great and then I had to ruin it.  I just wanted him to have a nice weekend.”

“You slept with him.  I’m sure he had an amazing weekend.”  The sarcasm was dripping from Amy’s voice.

“Well, you wouldn’t know it to see him today.”  She balled up her fist and growled.  “Uggh.  I swear I hate him half the time.”

“Oh my God!” Amy shouted angrily.  “When did you fall in love with him?”  Hannah could hear her kick her feet up onto her desk.  “Was it the sex?  Have I taught you nothing?”

Hannah flopped back on the bed.  This felt more normal.  This was how they had always talked on the phone.  “I don’t know when it happened.  It wasn’t the sex, but that didn’t hurt.  I just think…it just felt like…there was more to him, you know?  Suddenly he let down his guard, he was real, and
that guy
was truly loveable.”  She sat up suddenly when she saw how late it was getting.  “I gotta go. The girls need to get to preschool.  And I need to figure out what to do with myself today.  I’ll call you later.”

By the time she returned, Gavin was gone and she breathed a sigh of relief.  The last thing she needed was for him to be home in the study all day.  After speaking with Madge for a few minutes, she moped out the door to the studio.  The art, the quiet, always made her feel better.

Soon she had music playing on the radio.  Then she was rolling out coils.  Somehow all of those rituals and routines helped her to shake the sadness she’d been feeling since the ride home.  Before long she was even humming to herself or dancing and singing, if she knew the song.  Finally she was back to feeling like herself, and that’s when she saw the shadow in the door.

Gavin was home.  He had found her in the one place she was pretty sure she was never supposed to be, judging by the look on his face.

“What are you doing in here?”  He practically snarled the words.

Hannah had been ready to be pleasant.  She had been ready to let him make up with her.  She had even considered continuing their love making here at home, just to be nice, because he clearly needed it, and because he seemed so much happier and relaxed.  It had nothing to do with her feelings at all.  Then he had to open his mouth and ruin everything.

“Seriously?  You haven’t spoken to me in nearly a day and those are the first words you want to utter to me?  What about…thank you, Hannah, for the lovely weekend.  Or maybe…thank you, Hannah, for encouraging me to follow my dreams.  How about even…hey, Hannah, I had no idea you were artsy.”  Her hands were on her hips as she spoke, but she took them off so she could walk over to him angrily and show him just how upset she was, by the way, her arms flew around at her side.

Eyebrows raised, Gavin watched as Hannah made her way to him, stopping only when they were nose to nose, which was really more like nose to mid chest.  He was going to speak, but before he could, Hannah interrupted again.

“I’m pretty sure that you have broken at least three common courtesies that you are so quick to harp on, in the last 24 hours alone.  Want me to count them out for you, chief?”  Her hands were on her hips again and she was leaning closer to him with each word, in emphasis of how angry she was.