Thank You For Not Shifting (Peculiar Mysteries Book 2) (16 page)

Her lower lips quivered as I brushed past her on my way to the door. The questions on both Ruth’s and Sunny’s faces almost had me turning back around and running in the opposite direction. The grilling I would get from those two ladies when they got me alone was going to be a shitshow of epic proportions.

“Not now,” I told them. “Later.” Much, much later. As I walked out the door of the restaurant, I realized I hadn’t eaten lunch. Hell, I hadn’t even said goodbye to Dom. I was a lousy date.

“Get a room,” Delbert Johnson said, as he walked past me into the Blonde Bear. He laughed.

“How in the hell did you…”

He held up his cell phone and played a video of me making out with the doc. Freaking technology! Nothing was sacred.

In my insane jealousy, I’d managed to out my relationship with Billy Bob to the whole entire town. The video would come back to haunt me over and over again. I’d have to put up with kissy faces and knowing looks from every customer who walked into the restaurant. I wondered if I could “call in stupid.” If there were a trial, I was certain a plea of not guilty by mental defect would be upheld. I’d lost my damned mind, and I lost it in front of everybody.

Why was this happening to me?

I went to Sunny’s Outlook, shaken by my sudden claiming and abandoning my mate. I was all twisted up with joy and surprise and horror. I shut the door behind me.

It suddenly registered that I’d entered the main dining room without using my key. Why the hell would Sunny leave the restaurant unlocked?

I headed for the light switch, but as I threaded my way through the tables, I smelled the tang of animal musk and the sweetness of sassafras.

Shit. I spun and headed for the exit, but a sharp sting in my neck slowed my pace. I screamed as terror filled me like a hive of buzzing, angry bees. A hand slapped over my mouth, and I felt dizzy, warm…light headed. Whoever it was, had doped me. No, no, no! In a few seconds, I felt floaty and dreamy.

My heart cried out for my mate, for Billy Bob.

Then there was nothing but endless dark.

I
heard a voice, but it was far away, distorted. I opened my eyes, but I realized I’d been blindfolded. As I reached full consciousness, I heard two voices, but I didn’t recognize either of them.

Something heavy hit against my leg. I wanted to cry out, but my voice didn’t work. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t talk, and I couldn’t move. I could only hear. Panic consumed me. I was trapped. Frozen inside my own body. Terror filled me, but I beat back that familiar foe.
Think, Chavvah. Think!

I remembered Billy Bob talking about how he thought the first two victims had been paralyzed. Is that what was happening to me? I heard the clang of metal against metal, the crunch of feet on gravel, and the roar of a diesel engine. The uneven surface under my back dug into my skin. I had to be in the back of someone’s truck. That narrowed down the suspect pool by about two people. Everyone in town had trucks and so did most of the Jubilee group.

My adrenaline spiked as panic set in—an appropriate response to being kidnapped by an evil, therian-killing bastard. It took a scary confidence to snatch someone up in broad daylight. Damn. I was tired of being a victim!

I tried to scream for help, but again, I couldn’t make my mouth work. Nothing worked.

The truck started moving. The rough ride bounced me around, and the tarp over the top of me rubbed against my skin. I wondered if it was still light outside. Was anyone missing me yet? Billy Bob and I were supposed to meet at three this afternoon. Sunny and Ruth expected me for volunteer work at four. Was it close to those times? Past them?

I focused on calming myself. After my ordeal last year, Sunny had bought me a crap-ton of self-help books. I didn’t read them all, but one had talked about anxiety and panic, and it had said that when “flight or fight” is triggered in someone, it could make it hard to think rationally. Irrational thought was dangerous. Bad decisions were made when people panicked. Keeping calm when you're paralyzed, was not an easy feat. I was failing miserably. It dawned on me my spirit friend had been conspicuously absent.

Brother Wolf
! If ever I needed a guardian it was now.

Little sister
, he said.
I am here
.

I need help
.
I’ve been drugged and taken, and I can’t move. I can’t do anything.
I hated feeling so damn helpless. So weak.
You have to let Billy Bob know what’s happening to me.

I can’t speak to him the way I speak to you.

Why not?
The tiny bit of Zen I’d found was disappearing rapidly
.

Why does the wind blow?

Don’t be a dick.

I am not trying to be a semblance of male genitalia.

My irritation did for me what nothing else could. It pushed back at the fear.
How long have I been gone?

Seconds. Hours. Days. Years. I have no concept of time.

I was beginning to regret calling for him.
Do you know who has me? Who is the killer?

I can only see you.

Again, not helpful. My frustration level rose like a hot balloon on a cold day.
What good are you?

I am here.

If my eyes hadn’t been paralyzed, I would have rolled them. Hadn’t Brother Wolf said he’d brought my wolf to the surface and that he’d somehow manipulated my genetics to change me so that he could speak to me? Could he change my body in other ways?

Can you help me flush the drugs from my system
?

He remained silent for a moment. When he finally spoke, he said,
Maybe
.

That one little word gave me hope.
How
?

You must focus on your creatures. It will take both wolf and coyote to burn out the poison. Even then, I’m not sure it is possible. Your coyote has gone dormant.

What? How?

Two nights ago, you embraced the wolf. Coyote is a jealous creature.

Illogically, I was offended.
How do I unoffend my freaking biology?

You must embrace both beasts as part of you. You must be both.

Fundamentally, I understood what he was asking, but Ruth had been right when she said that we had one form and one form only. How in the hell was I going to be both?

It is in you, Chavvah Trimmel. You have been both. Your coyote is still there. It just needs to be found again.

Won’t the wolf run off then?

No. I will not allow it.

Well, la-di-da.
I hated to admit it, but once again, the voice in my head, the one I now knew as Brother Wolf, had given me hope. I concentrated on my coyote, searching for her. I felt a nudge, but it wasn’t her. It was the wolf.
This isn’t working
.

You are not a quitter or a coward, child
.

So now I was his child?

When you act like one, yes
.

I hadn’t meant for him to hear me whine. Frustration, fear, and shame boiled to the surface, and I fought like hell to keep the three counter-productive emotions in check. I fought for courage, searching my mind and my soul, for lack of a better word, to find what I hadn’t even known I’d been missing.
Where are you, Coyote? I need you
.

I could feel the tickle of a presence, different from the wolf, but still not within my reach.

I need you. You are a part of me
.

I squeezed my eyes shut and licked my dry lips, once again, exerting my thoughts to find her.

I blinked. I could move my eyes now. I’d licked my lips. The drug was wearing off. I threw all of my emotions behind my silent plea.
Come to me. Join with me
. Billy Bob had said I’d turned into a timber wolf. How long had it been since I’d shifted into coyote form? How long had I been without her and hadn’t even noticed?

Since the full moon before my kidnapping. A year ago. Son-of-a-bitch. No wonder I had an empty place inside me. I’d created it. In accepting the wolf, I’d pushed aside my first form.
I’m sorry
. I told her.
I’m so sorry for leaving you behind
.

A soft whimper startled me. Me. I’d whimpered. Tears wet my cheeks. I could move my index fingers and my thumbs now. When my toes began to wiggle, I breathed deeply, fighting to keep a hold of both wolf and coyote. All the time I’d been captive, all the awful things those men did to me, I refused to transform. I refused to be part of their games. I’d buried my coyote, and she was having a hell of a time finding her way back. Brother Wolf said I needed them both.

I focused on the energy building around me. I accepted who I am. What I am. I’d wanted to live in the therian world. I’d wanted the community, but still, I’d resisted fully embracing my shifter side. Why did I hold back? Why was I so afraid to let go?

I could hear my mom’s words, “We’re not animals, Chav. We’re human beings, forced to live like animals on the full moon.” I thought she was wrong. I had never agreed with her about what we were. So, why did I only change when it was forced on me? I could be shifting every day, but other than when I’d been afraid two nights earlier, I’d only shifted on full moons when my beast could be in charge.

I concentrated on how good it had felt to transform into a wolf the second time that night, how the night air ruffled my fur, the scent of freshly blossomed wild roses, and Billy Bob. I remembered how safe he made me feel, even on four paws. My brain skipped forward to last night when he’d told me he loved me. When he proved it in so many ways how much he wanted me, and how I was the only one he wanted. Not Sunny. Not Bethany. Me.

My skin began to vibrate as I let his love fill me. As I embraced everything it meant to be his mate. I was wolf. I was coyote. I was woman. This would not be the end for me. This was not how I would exit this life.

The truck stopped suddenly, and I knew I had precious minutes before my captors came for me. I welcomed my beasts, allowing them to change me, allowing all three of us to become one.

The blood coursing through my arteries sounded as if I’d put a conch shell to my ear. Waves crashing on a shore. Through the noise, I heard a man say in a warped and hard to distinguish voice, “I have her. Don’t call me an idiot. I was careful. No one saw me take her. Too many people watch her, so I took the opportunity. We only have one more day. The sacrifice has to happen before tomorrow’s full moon. And we both know the third sacrifice has to be Chavvah Trimmel. We’ve known for almost a year she would be your salvation. Our deliverance. She was destined for us, and if this works, she will be our last. I’ll call you when I have her prepared, until then, cover for me.”

There were pauses during the conversation that I assumed was the other psycho responding, but even in animal form, the drug made the man sound as if he were talking underwater, and I couldn’t hear the person he talked to at all. It felt weird being without my senses. One thing was certain, there were two of them. Maybe even more. Why did they think they needed me?

I focused on my breathing. I had to keep calm, stay sharp. Stay ready. When the tarp was pulled back, I leaped from my position on the bed, snarling and scratching out with my paws, as my kidnapper fell back, scrambling to get away. I didn’t stick around to fight him. Even with my advantage, he could have a gun, and it was too dark after being pitched under a tarp for who-knew-how-long for my eyes to adjust quickly enough to catch a glimpse of him.

I could hear frantic shouting behind me as I took off deep into the woods. Gun shots rang out, making me glad I ran as quickly as I did. The man had smelled heavily of sassafras, and I promised myself I would force Babe to ban the substance from town if I got out of this alive.

The woods were dense with pines, elms, maples, and oak trees. Rocks, ditches, and underbrush didn’t slow me down as I sprinted as fast as I could in the opposite direction of the killer. The moon was waxing gibbous, not quite full, but it would be tomorrow night. I was thankful I could still think for myself, even though on many levels, I wished my beasts could take over. In my race to get away, I realized I had no idea where I was.

I crossed three small streams, jumped over a few more ditches, some fallen timber, ignoring the smells of squirrels and raccoons (the real ones, not the therian variety), and I didn’t stop until I found myself at the edge of a large lake. I didn’t recognize the area. Densely forested woods and various bodies of water surrounded Peculiar. It had rolling hills and large flat areas. I certainly hadn’t explored them all. Even so, I felt sure I was still in our community’s land. The bridge had been shut down to the town. No one in. No one out.

I stopped and listened, sniffing the night air, drawing in a thousand scents around me, surprised at how easily I could distinguish each one. Having both wolf and coyote in me had its benefits. I didn’t smell any humans. No predators. I waited. Other than a few brave tree frogs and crickets, I heard nothing else coming from the trees. Had I really escaped? Had I really managed to get away from the man who’d planned to make his
third sacrifice
?

Without meaning to, I transformed back to my human self. Naked, tired, but finally feeling safe, I let the relief wash over and around me.

You have done well, little wolf
.

“Thanks,” I said. “Where have you been?”

I was summoned
.

“Billy Bob?”

Yes, the gray wolf called. He is worried for you. His mate.

I didn’t like how pleased Brother Wolf sounded on that last bit. “Did you tell him I got away?”

Yes. He says to tell you he will tear heaven and earth apart to find you. He will not rest until you are safe and in his arms.

“Tell him that’s kind of personal stuff to be relaying through a third party, but that I appreciate the sentiment.” I know Brother Wolf saw me in his plane of existence, not in this one, but I wondered… “Tell the doc that I’m near a large lake, maybe the size of two football fields, the moon’s reflection is to the right side. I didn’t smell any human scents, so I don’t think I’m near any homes.”