Authors: N. E. Bode
The Anybodies (17 page)
WELL, IT SEEMS THAT MY OLD WRITING TEACHER
got his hands on this book somehowâanonymously, maybe even slipped under his front doormat in the middle of the nightâand he wrote me a letter of response. I have enclosed a shortened version of his letter. I had to cut a good bit of it because it is longer than the book I wrote, but here is the shortened version:
Dear N. E. Bode:
Stop! Please do not continue writing this silly and idiotic nonsenseâ¦.
[Here he went on for 63 pages categorizing what exactly he found silly and what exactly he found idiotic.]
Firstly, I don't enjoy being called a “dusty windbag.”
Should I remind you of my many various literary awards?
[Evidently the answer to this question was yes, because he went on for 78 pages detailing his wondrous career.]
Secondly, you are not a good writer, just as you were not a good student. In fact, you were the worst
[here he used a word that I cannot repeat]
student I ever had. Always tardy, always shuffling around to sharpen a pencil or get a drink of water. Don't think I didn't notice you reading other authors' books hidden in your lap during class time. Your papers were always stained with jelly and, more than once, I had to wake you up in the middle of one of my most interesting speeches!
[Here he included the most interesting speeches that I may have slept throughâ329 pages.]
Thirdly, you say that this story is true, but
who
is going to believe
you
, N. E. Bode? I ask you again: Who will believe?
Who indeed!
Sincerely,
I will not reveal the windbag's name. That would be disloyal. But you know that I know that he knows that we all know there is more to tell. In fact, as Fern starts to
learn new talents by reading
The Art of Being Anybody
, she goes away to a summer camp especially for aspiring young Anybodies. There is a mystery that turns us back to the family of Oglethorp Henceforthtowith, author of
The Art of Being Anybody
, especially his grandson
BORT
O. Henceforthtowith. (
BORT
spells his name exactly as it is written here, capitalized and underlined, and it is pronounced loudly and with emotion. He isn't Bort. He's
BORT
, if you follow me.) Oh, there is much to tell. And in the words of my famous writing teacher: Who will believe?
Who indeed!
SPECIAL THANKS TO: FRED CHAPPELL (WHO
IS
A
magician and not a nervous magician's rabbit!), Alix Reid (who believes, indeed!), David G. W. Scott (you brilliant rascal!), Glenda (quite an outlandish character in her own right!), Bill (whose imagination is vast and astonishing!), grandmothers everywhere (especially my Southern belle!); and to my smart young readers: Anna Galati, Matthew Marshall, Shana Mattes, Molly, Cece, Phoebe, Finneas, and Theo.
Special thanks to Julianna Baggott, who gave me the go-ahead to go off. (If you're a grown-up, you should look for Julianna's books, which are, so far, these three novels:
Girl Talk
,
The Miss America Family
, and
The Madam
; as well as a book of poems:
This Country of Mothers
. If you aren't a grown-up, you should wait
until you are and then go find them.)
And special thanks to
you
, yes,
you
! Are you really surprised? You shouldn't beâafter all, I did dedicate the whole entire book to you. If it weren't for you, this book would be fairly useless, wouldn't it? I mean, it could prop up the uneven leg of a chair or something, but that would be a pretty sad destiny for a book! So, thank you. Really.
The Nobodies
THE ANYBODIES
. Text copyright © 2004 by Julianna Baggott. Illustrations copyright © 2004 by Peter Ferguson. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
Adobe Digital Edition April 2009 ISBN 978-0-06-190591-9
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