The Book of Lies (2 page)

Why is it we find this little rock so hard to leave? If only I were again on the streets of St Peter Port, the kid that I once was, holding tight to our mother's hand. I remember how we pushed our way through the chaos of weeping and shouting. It felt like the whole island was on the move and if ever there was a right time to go, it was then. The Germans were too close for comfort. Everyone knew what they was doing to France – we heard the guns loud and clear – so I was to be packed off to England with my classmates. But as I stood with my teachers on the quay I didn't feel scared. Words like war and death didn't mean too much to me, and England meant the ends of the earth, a million miles away.

Reckon there must've been something evil in me even then, since that day was the first time I'd ever felt special. Before, I was just p'tit Charlie with too-pale skin and twiggy legs who got poked and teased and laughed at, but as we marched up the gangplank I felt something stirring deep inside. I've spent a long time trying to explain what it was that made me do it, and I cannot find a simple, single reason. Perhaps it was the fear and mayhem, perhaps it was the heat, or perhaps it was a bit of island madness. As that bright sun beat down I felt my cheeks burn up, and then I started screaming.

‘I shan't go. You can't make me! You put me back!'

Back then I had a pair of lungs, me, and I could shout myself inside out. I was lashing out with my elbows and kicking like a donkey. Quel tripos! The boat was already moving as I lunged for the side and started going over, and I would've ended up in the water had it not been for Ray. He was right at the edge of the pier, holding on to the railings, leaning over to me. All I saw was a big, brown hand and then I felt this grip so tight it cut off all the blood. I was safe, or so I thought, as Ray Le Poidevoin reeled me in.

‘What the hell do you think you're doing?' someone asked.

‘He's going to stay and kill some Jerries!'

I laughed although I didn't know why, and I clambered with my new friend up onto the harbour wall. Someone tried to grab my shirt. Did I hear my mother shout? I turned to watch the boat move off and the sea open up. Then I turned back to St Peter Port, to the crowds that thronged forward. Nobody could touch me and I thought I was so clever: this was history in the making and I would help to make it. Did I realise then what a dark and damnable history it would be? No, but I should have had an inkling when Ray pointed upwards, into the rich blue, cloudless sky.

‘Look!'

I lifted my head and nearly toppled backwards from the effort.

There were German planes circling high overhead, and they looked like little silver fish. The world itself was turning upside down and would never be righted.

‘Now,
man amie
,' Ray whistled. ‘Now the party's starting!'

13
TH DECEMBER
1985, 5.30
a.m.

[My bedroom,
2
nd floor, Sans Soucis, Village de Courtils, St Peter Port, Guernsey,
³
The Channel Islands, The World]

I'm not a party person. I've never liked crowds of people: all that pushing and shoving and possible sweat. But if I'm faithful to the facts, that's where my story starts. Saturday,
25
th November
1984
to be precise. The day Nicolette had that stupid party. I should never have been invited, and everyone was morbidified that I was.

And by everyone I mean my classmates at Les Moulins College for Cretins, the only all-girls' school on the island. They mostly hate me for no good reason. Just because I sit at the front of the classroom and get all the questions right and hand my homework in early. And they call me Cabbage because of it. Teenage girls are
très
mega horrible, and Nic was exactly like that but prettier. She'd been moved from the Grammar School, having been put down a year on account of her dyslexia. For some people (me) this would've been embarrassing, but my classmates took one look at her long blonde hair and big green eyes and turned dyslexic too.

It was pathetic how they fought to be her friend, scrambling to sit near her and jostling to get her attention. No better than boys now I think of it. I didn't join in because I never do, and maybe that impressed her. I was also busy with my Festung Guernsey
⁴
timeline, which secured me an A+ in our Living History project. There was a bit of a fuss over it, actually, because I'd included quotes from local people who'd had to work for the Nazis, and some of my classmates didn't like seeing their surnames underlined in luminous green. Nic thought it was hilariously funny, though.

But that wasn't why she invited me to her party. The truth is, she was the new girl in class and she invited everyone.

Even Vicky. Vicky Senner lives down the road from me and our mums have been friends for ever. She's called Stig because she's dark and hairy and is a champion builder of dens. Before Nic came along, she was the closest thing I had to a best friend, and we agreed to go to the party together.

I was (I'll admit) excited, and I was curious to see inside Nic's house. She lived on Fort George, one of those modern fancy housing estates
⁵
Dad used to call a TRAVESTY, and as per ever he was right. Les Paradis looked exactly like Nic's birthday cake – all sickly-rich and cream-coloured. It had chandeliers in every room and gold-plated knobs on the banisters.

Therese Prevost, Nic's mother, gave me the full guided tour.

Therese is very important to this story although I'm sure she'd rather not be. She's extremely beautiful, like an older and more French-polished version of Nic. You could easily make the joke that they were sisters, except that Therese had done all the fussing older women do: she'd had her hair multi-coloured at
Josef's
in Town Church Square and her lips tattooed a dried-blood red. And she always wore heels – this explains why she walked so slowly. I sometimes thought she floated across a room, and she had this way of holding her hands out to each side like she was waiting for her tan to dry.

The first time we talked properly was at the party. I was hiding in the kitchen, chatting away merrily to absolutely no one, and Therese wafted in. When she realised I was alone she smiled politely.

‘Is everything OK?' she asked.

I made a joke about how I had lots of imaginary friends who were all very funny and not remotely dangerous.

‘Ah,' she nodded, ‘I'm always talking to myself as well. I say you get a better class of conversation that way. People frown on it but I find it therapeutic.'

I spread my hands flat on her Italian maybe-marble worktop and told her she had excellent good taste. That's when she showed me around the house. I was especially impressed by the automatic blinds in the conservatory and the impulse jets in the shower. There were also mirrors everywhere, which reminded me of the house of Victor Hugo, the famous/tortured writer.
⁶
He'd lined his walls with mirrors so as to spy on his family and send them all mad. This was after he was thrown out of Jersey for smoking cannabis and kidnapping street children.

Therese was definitely riveted when I told her all of this, and I'm sure she would've liked to hear more if Nic hadn't interrupted.

‘Sounds like a fucking perv to me,' she said, leaning against the doorframe.

I remember how she smiled as I spun round to face her. She could say the meanest things and still look so angelic.

Of course I told Nic she was very wrong, and that Victor Hugo was an artist-genius type, and therefore eccentric/not appreciated until dead.

After an awkward silence (which I'm used to), there came the screams from the sitting room. I hoped someone had been mutilated, but they were only playing Twister. We found Vicky crushing Shelley Newman, who had straddled Isabelle Gaudion, whose skirt had somehow vanished. And they thought I had problems.

Nicolette looked at me, rolled her eyes and nodded to the stairs. She didn't look back as I followed her up to her bedroom, she didn't even turn round once we were inside – she just went and stood by the window with the light surrounding her. Then she raised up her arms to pull her hair off her shoulders and spun back, flashing all of her midriff. That was one of her little moves. She always wore short tops that gaped and therefore showed her skin.

‘Sit down.'

I plonked myself on the deluxe-goose-feather-down-duvet-you-can't-even-buy-in-Creasey's and watched Nic crouch in front of me. She was rummaging under the bed for something.

‘Your mum's nice,' I said, trying not to look down her bra.

‘She's a dumb whore.'

I'd only ever heard of whores in the Bible and Jackie Collins, so I got a bit excited.

Then Nic stood up and I saw the bottle – whisky. It had been hidden in a sock. She unscrewed the top and took a long gulp, and then offered it to me.

‘Thanks,' I pretended to examine the label. ‘Whisky is my favourite tipple.'

She laughed. ‘Do you always talk like an old man?'

People are generally impressed by my use of the English language, so I was annoyed and drank quickly and half-choked. It's funny because now I can drink a small bottle of it a day, and often do. Well, that's not funny. Anyway, as I coughed up my guts Nic sank onto her bed and twirled strands of hair around a finger.

‘Pathetic party, isn't it? Next we'll be pinning the tail on the donkey. I'd rather slit my own throat.' I felt her eyes turn onto me. ‘You're a funny one: always on your own, acting like you know better . . . how come you weren't joining in downstairs?'

I focused on the glossiness of her lips.

‘Because I do know better and I don't like games.'

She nodded. ‘Mum thought it was something else. She thinks you're sad because your dad died.'

I stared at Nic's lovely oval face. I scanned her chin with its tiny dimple, the glossy lips, the outlined eyes.

‘I don't feel sad at all.' I took another swig of whisky. ‘Besides, my dad always said we carry the dead with us, so in theory he's right here.'

Nic blinked. ‘If you're trying to freak me out it won't work.'

I handed the bottle back to her.

‘Who taught you to do your make-up?'

‘Taught myself.'

I must've felt brave on account of the whisky.

‘Teach me.'

Nic pulled a shiny red bag off her dresser and made me sit up straight. We were suddenly very close, facing each other. She sucked her bottom lip.

‘Where to start?'

I stared into her eyes, probably (definitely) hypnotised. I remember how her bangles clinked against me, I remember the smell of her perfume (she called it
Anus-
Anus
but actually it smelled like lilies). She had different coloured creams and powders and pencils and she used a bit of all of them. It was strange, letting her prod at my cheeks and pull back my eyelids, but it made me feel dead special.

Then Isabelle burst in and ruined it.

‘There you are! What are you doing?
Oh-my-God!

Oh-my-God!
'

(Isabelle was very keen on her amateur dramatics.)

She grabbed the whisky and threw herself on the floor, giggling.

Vicky was standing behind her.

‘A private party, is it?'

NB: A lot of Guernsey people end their sentences with ‘eh?' or ‘is it?', which I think sounds common-as-mud. Dad said it demonstrated the fact that we are more French than English.
⁷
It is also possibly a sign that Vicky/French people are simple-minded.

‘Come on in,' Nic was smudging blusher on my cheek, ‘I've finished. You look great, Cat. Much better.'

No one had ever called me Cat before and I liked it a lot, but Nic was so close it was like she was going to kiss me and I thought she had to be teasing me. There'd been some rumours, you see. Aside from associating me with a leafy vegetable I was also sometimes called G.A.Y. A few months earlier I'd been in the hockey pavilion having a lively chat
toute seule
and two girls in the Fourth Year had caught me. They'd claimed I was rifling through their gym gear when I was only sitting on it. Very upsetting, it was. Especially since I didn't ever think about sex, unlike every other girl in my class. They might've gone round pinging each other's trainer bras and pretending to smoke their tampons but I wasn't bothered with any of that.

Nic wouldn't let anyone else near the whisky but she made me drink a lot. I gulped back as much as I could, and was feeling queasy by the time she stood up.

‘OK, I'm not playing nanny to you lot anymore. I'm off to have some
real
fun.'

Real fun meant having sex with someone called Simon, who was
17
and worked at Fruit Export and drove a lime-green Ford Capri. They did it at Jerbourg Point and Pleinmont and Le Gouffre and he was very good with his tongue but his willy had a kink in it. (I have no idea what that means.)

Nic asked us to name our best sex positions. Isabelle suggested doggy-paddle and Vicky collapsed under the weight of her own giggles. I felt I had to say something.

‘If you're going to do it out-of-doors, don't go on the cliffs near me. They found evidence of a mass grave left over from the German Occupation.'

Isabelle rolled her eyes and muttered ‘Here we go', so I swore on Dad's (more recently) dead body and made everyone embarrassed.

Par le chemin
, although I have sometimes made things up, this is rock-solid-Guernsey-granite truth. They were found five years ago, and were believed to date back to the
1940
s. Dad said it was obvious they were the bodies of poor foreign slave workers
⁸
who'd been brought over by the Nazis to build their secret bunkers and possible gas chambers but the Guernsey Tourist Board hushed it up because it was in big trouble.
⁹
Of course, Dad hypervented as per THE SHOCKING WHITEWASH and wrote a trillion letters to the newspapers on this very subject, but his letters were never published, which made him hypervent more. (I had a theory that all this hyperventing killed him, but that's just one of a few.)