The Color of Us (College Bound Book 2) (8 page)

He told me to take what I wanted, but I loved the possessive way he held on to me, his fingers moving to grasp my ass, his teeth nipping at the sensitive skin at my throat. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held my breath as our bodies dissolved into wild movements. His hands were everywhere, and it still wasn’t enough. I was aching for him to have all of me all at once.

He jerked up into me hard almost like he sensed how close I was to falling. The sensation of him against me was so wanton and shameless that something primal unfurled from deep inside, bursting and echoing and tearing through me over and over again.

“Oh God.” My voice was a broken moan pieced together with heavy breaths as those words tumbled out of me with each blissful pulse. I was coming and panting and whimpering and splintering for him. Because of him.

“Fuck, Lex,” Liam growled. He ran his hands up and down my back as my body continued to thrum in pleasure. “That was so fucking sexy.” He nipped my earlobe as he moved beneath me. Still hard.

I reached down between us, fumbling with his zipper. Liam paused, raising his eyebrows.

I gave him a timid smile. “Maybe I need a little refresher course on driving stick?” My voice was still shaky from my orgasm.

His lips found mine again in the dark, and I could feel his smile as we kissed, his mouth open and hungry for mine. “I got you.”

I kissed my way down his profile until I was brushing my lips along his neck. He took the opportunity to reach up and slide his hands between my sweater and tank top, running his fingers lightly across my breasts. I undid the button on his jeans and then dragged the zipper down. He pulled the handle next to his seat, and I giggled as he shoved the seat back so far we almost tumbled into the back of the Jeep. Once we had more room, I lifted up onto my knees, and he helped me shift his jeans and boxers down his legs.

“You really doing this?” he asked, a smirk playing across his lips.

My eyes traveled down his body to where he was just barely revealed, and I was full of so much want it had to be seeping out of my pores.

“I can stop if you want.” I grabbed the edges of his boxers and slid them an inch up his thighs.

He growled, placing his hands on mine to stop me. “Fuck no, don’t stop.”

His hands went back to my chest, and mine went between us. My fingers wrapped around him, and he took a huge shuddering breath. When my hand started to move up and down the smooth, hard skin that was cradled in my fist, he groaned and pushed up into my hand. Liam covered my fingers with his, guiding them up and down his length. “Harder. You won’t hurt me, Lex. Feels so fucking good.”

“I’m a quick learner,” I whispered. I couldn’t decide whether to watch his face or to keep watching my hand. I wanted to do both.

He let go, and I increased my pace, relishing the effect I had on him. His skin was slick from his excitement, and my hand was gliding over him, tight and hot. I smiled, biting my lip when his hips bucked up again, faster like he couldn’t control himself. Even in the dark I could see the moment when he started to unravel and just give in to the pleasure.

“Shit. Fuuucckkk.” Liam threw his head back against the seat, and his body tensed underneath me. “Just like that. Just. Like. That.”

I leaned over and gently sunk my teeth into the skin where his shoulder curved into his neck. I moaned against him, and his hips jerked up into my hand almost violently. He reached down between us to cover my hand with his, and then he came with a groan so guttural and raw my own body flushed with heat.

Our hands were sticky between us, and I felt a thrill at knowing perfect Alexis had transformed into an unapologetically messy Lex.

Liam grabbed my face with his other hand, his tongue meeting mine in hard strokes. “You’re a fucking expert at driving stick,” he muttered happily. “I should probably thank your teacher.” He kissed me with another sweep of his tongue. “Oh wait. That’s me.”

I reached up and brushed a wayward chunk of hair off his forehead. “Maybe someday I’ll let you teach me how to put it in first too.”

His head fell to my shoulder, and he groaned. “You’re killing me.”

Liam O’Connell was reckless and dangerous and risky.

And so was Lex.

***

“Why don’t you go with a nice floral pattern?” Mom held up a bed in a bag for me to see the design. “Everything matches and comes in the set. Sheets, sham, comforter. Perfect.”

The floral bedding was quite possibly the gaudiest thing I had ever seen. “I don’t want to match, Mom. I was thinking of getting something neutral so it will blend with whatever my roommate is getting. Maybe a white comforter and some colorful sheets?”

Mom’s head jerked back. “Bedding is supposed to match, Alexis. You don’t just throw things together, they have to coordinate. Sam had a lovely pink flowered comforter when she was at college…” Mom’s voice trailed off as her words sank in. She straightened and cleared her throat. “Why don’t you e-mail your roommate and ask her what she’s bringing? I’ll find a classy pattern that will complement it. It’ll look perfect.”

Perfect.
There was that word again—the one that had been drilled into me for as long as I could remember. Act perfect. Dress perfect. Perfect grades. Perfect behavior. I wasn’t perfect, and I wanted to stop pretending that I was.

“I want to talk to you about something else, dear.” Mom pushed our cart to the bathroom section of the store and began loading a shower caddy and various organizing supplies into the cart without asking what I wanted. I guess I didn’t need to be present during this college-dorm-shopping day. My opinions clearly weren’t welcome. “I would like you to stop seeing that Liam boy with the noisy, dirty car.”

“Jeep.”

Mom ran her hands over the white bath towels, pausing when she heard my one word response. “Excuse me?”

“He drives a Jeep, not a car.”

She placed three bath towels into the cart before she turned back to me. “Whatever you want to call it. I’d like you to stop seeing him.”

My anger flared beneath my skin in protest. I was eighteen and heading off to college. How could she think she could still tell me what to do? And why was she so judgmental? She didn’t even know Liam. Ever since our first date, I knew this was coming, but it still pissed me off. “Why would I do that?” If she noticed the edge to my tone, I couldn’t tell.

Mom narrowed her eyes and watched me before speaking. “He’s not the right kind of boy, dear. He’s rough and rude and wears terrible clothes. Criminals dress in black, Alexis. Good citizens do not.”

“Good citizens?” I snorted. “Mom, he’s not a criminal.” Not that I knew of anyway. Moving on. “He’s my friend. You’d like him if you got to know him.”

“Please don’t make me bring this up with your father. He’s got enough stress in his life right now. He shouldn’t have to worry about who you’re spending your time with. You leave for college soon. Talia and MaryAnn are the friends you should be hanging out with. Not that boy.” Mom threw a few hand towels in the cart and steered us back to the bedding section. She tossed a bedding bag with a green and purple flower motif into the cart.

Now I was pissed. I was pretty sure it wasn’t over her choice of bedding, but it was the battle I chose to fight at that moment. I hurried over to the cart, snatching the large bag out and tossing it to the side.

“I don’t want flowers! What I want is for you to back off. Stop telling me what to do. Stop trying to control my life. Stop trying to make me into Sam. She’s not here. I am. You can’t make me into her. So stop trying. Just… stop.”

When my mom’s eyes filled with tears, regret slammed into me like a wrecking ball. Why had I said that? She slapped her hand against her mouth, holding back a sob, and abandoned the cart as she ran to the restroom.

See what you did, Sam? This is all your fault. You’re gone, and she’s stuck with me.

I stood in the middle of the aisle alone and was surprised when I felt hot tears streaming down my face, carving away at me. All the patches I’d put on my broken pieces had been ripped away in my moment of anger. I’d purposely used my sister’s death to hurt my mom. And while I knew my mom only wanted what was best for me, she had no idea what that was. The time had come to stand up for myself. I felt empowered to do that for the first time in my life. And I knew exactly why that was. I pulled out my phone.

Me: I need you. Can you pick me up? I’m at Target.

Liam: Be there in five

You ok?

Someone messing with you?

Me: Argument with my mom. Over bedding. And other stuff. I’ll be okay as soon as I see you.

Liam didn’t write back right away. I reread my last words to him waiting in the aisle with my mother’s cart of perfection, wishing he’d respond.
I’ll be okay as soon as I see you.
We’d been on a few dates, but was it too much, too soon? Was I too needy already?

As I waited, I texted my mom so she wouldn’t worry.

Me: I can’t do this today. I don’t want to fight. Get whatever comforter you want. Or don’t. I can come back another time. I have to go. I have another ride home.

I walked toward the front of the store. I’d wait outside instead of risking another confrontation with my mom. Right before I walked out the doors, a large hand gripped my elbow tightly and spun me around.

I gasped, looking up into green eyes that flashed with the intensity of a thousand furious suns.
Liam
. He hauled me against his body, lifting me up as he claimed my mouth with his. This kiss was different from any other we had shared. It was possessive to the point of being territorial. This was Liam telling me I was his and he was mine. He might not have known the words to say back to me, but he sure could show me.

He was okay now that he’d seen me too.

Liam had never been to Scoops, the ice cream shop on Main Street. Since it was my favorite place in town, I insisted he had to try it. The little bell over the door tinkled happily when we entered, and I swear every pair of eyes in the store turned to stare at us. Or maybe they were just staring at Liam.

Everything in the store was cool pastel. It was simple, quiet, and light. And Liam was a riot of sensory overload—messy hair, black on black on black clothes, an aura of barely contained chaos. I could understand the way everyone’s attention was drawn to him. I couldn’t stop sneaking glances either.

“What can I get you, dear?” Honey asked from behind the counter. Honey was the owner of Scoops. She once confided in me that her name was Henrietta, but when she was born, the hospital staff refused to call her that. The nurses told her mother that Henrietta was no name for such a beautiful baby, and so they called her Honey. And it stuck.

“The usual.” I grinned at Honey and then turned to Liam to see what he wanted.

He pierced me with his sharp green gaze and asked, “What’s the usual?”

“Black raspberry in a metal dish with peanut butter sauce,” Honey answered for me. She leaned over the counter toward Liam and beckoned him in closer like she wanted to tell him a secret. “The metal dishes are for the kiddie sundaes, but my little bird here thinks it keeps the ice cream colder. Sam used to try something new every time she came in, but little bird has ordered the same thing since she was four.”

Liam looked down at me and crossed his eyebrows. “Every time?”

I shrugged.

His eyes narrowed, and then he turned back toward Honey. “Scratch that order. No usual this time.” I started to argue, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close, effectively turning off my brain when I was engulfed in his familiar scent. “You wanted to take risks, right?” he murmured huskily into my ear. “Let me order.”

“Okay,” I squeaked out.

He requested the biggest sundae bowl Honey had and then made her put nearly a dozen scoops of flavors in it. None of them were black raspberry.

“Any toppings, sweetie?” Honey asked Liam.

Liam clutched his chest in mock horror. “What’s a sundae without toppings? Of course we need toppings!” By the time he was done ordering, Honey had dished out a bowl that was roughly 943,000 calories of sugar overload. My mother would have had a fit if she saw it.

I grabbed a spoon.

We found a table on the sidewalk outside, and Liam proudly set the bowl between us. The ice cream was already melting in the heat, the toppings sliding down into the muddled mixture of goop at the bottom. The bowl was a jumble of color and texture, and I didn’t recognize half the flavors he’d chosen.

We sat down across from each other, and from the first bite I decided Liam was some sort of sundae superhero because it was so good
. So. So. Good
. I slumped into my chair and closed my eyes, savoring the rich flavors, humming my appreciation around the spoon.

“Unless you want to leave this delicious masterpiece here in the sun to melt while we go find a dark corner where I can kiss you senseless, I suggest you stop making those sounds.”

“That doesn’t sound like much of a punishment.” I giggled back, snagging another bite of a different flavor and making the same sound.

“It wasn’t meant to be. I know what I’d rather be doing.” He looked right at my mouth, stealing my breath.

I blushed, thinking about all the places I could let him drag me off to.
No. Ice cream first.
“I can’t believe I’ve eaten the same ice cream all these years,” I said instead. “I’ve been missing out.”

He started to answer, and then his attention was drawn away from me. “Look,” he said, pointing.

I turned and saw that tiny patches of rainbows were swinging across the whitewashed wall behind me. Beyond Liam dozens of crystals were hanging from the awning of the store next door, casting the army of rainbows behind me.

“I think Sam approves of the sundae,” he said.

I swung my head back around to see that Liam was completely serious, a sweet smile softening his intense features.

“What do you mean?”

He pointed his spoon at the rainbows again. “You’re always talking about how Sam was the adventurous one. How wild and crazy and full of life she was. My nonna always said rainbows are our loved ones’ way of letting us know they’re watching over us from the other side.” He shrugged. “You told me rainbows were special for you and Sam. I’m just saying, it looks like she approves of our sundae.”

I reached across the space between us, and when I hooked my fingers in the collar of Liam’s T-shirt, he let me pull him across the table and against my mouth for a blistering, ice-cold kiss. He let me kiss him until we both were out of breath.

When I finally let go of him, he tilted his head and smiled. “What?”

“I just love how you understand what I need to hear. Thank you for making Sam’s memory beautiful again.”

“It wasn’t beautiful?”

I shook my head. “Ever since she died, I’ve felt like there’s just a dark cloud over everything. She used to fill so much of my life with her personality, and once she was gone, everything just felt empty and less-than without her.”

Liam’s smile disappeared, and he looked away from me, focusing on the rainbows over my shoulder.

“And then I met you, and you made life brilliant and colorful again. Like I’m Dorothy and I just fell into the middle of Oz.”

A smile tugged at his lips even though he didn’t look directly at me.

I reached across the table and held his hand. “You helped me talk about her again. Maybe I just needed someone to help me figure out how to miss her without falling to pieces.”

***

Liam took my hand as he shoved his car keys into his pocket. He leaned down to speak to me, his breath hot against my ear. “How long will it take before I get kicked out?”

I kissed the end of his nose and pulled him along beside me. “They won’t kick you out. You’re my guest.”

We neared the front doors of the clubhouse, and when I saw the enlarged picture of Sam set on an easel by the entrance, my knees suddenly went weak. My heart slammed in a furious pace like it was a metalhead at a Metallica concert.

“I got you.” Liam’s voice was husky and strong, and he slid his arm around me, wrapping his hand around my waist to keep me from falling.

When my mother insisted I attend the Mothers Against Drunk Driving fund-raiser that was being held in Sam’s memory at the club, I didn’t even think to argue. I still felt guilty for what I’d said to my mom in Target and, difficult or not, I had to attend to support my family. But I’d also insisted that I be allowed to bring a guest. No way was I showing up to the lion’s den alone. Not when I knew it was going to be one huge emotional gauntlet of pity and awkwardness.

Even my mom couldn’t complain about Liam’s appearance today. His hair was tamed into a slick hairstyle, and he was wearing dress pants and a button-down shirt. He tugged at the collar in discomfort, but he still looked sexy as hell, and I just wanted to take him somewhere so I could keep him and his lips to myself all night long.

We walked into the banquet hall, and when my mother saw me, she gave me a small nod of acknowledgment but didn’t come over to say hello. We hadn’t talked since the incident at Target. I figured the silent treatment must be my punishment for what I said to her that day. Or maybe it was the penalty for bringing the boy she didn’t want me to see anymore. Whatever the reason, I was relieved.

I met my father’s gaze across the room and held my breath. As far as I knew, he didn’t know about Liam. Dad’s eyes flicked over to Liam briefly and then locked back on me. He gave me a soft smile and a gentle tilt of his head. I didn’t know if it was approval, but at least it was acceptance. I could deal with that.

We found our place cards and took our seats along with MaryAnn, Talia, and their dates. The next hour crept by at a snail’s pace. There was a formal dinner, which cost attendees two hundred dollars a plate, followed by a speech given by the president of the local MADD chapter. I sat with my friends and their dates, but I could see my mother at her table of honor up front. She clapped graciously in all the right spots and kept her public mask perfectly polite as she listened to things that made my stomach roil with dread.

The speaker rattled off the numbers of accidents and deaths in our state that were caused by drunk driving, and my skin flushed hot. I pressed my palms to my cheeks, and the burn on my skin shocked me.

Liam’s arm was around the back of my chair, his fingers tracing patterns on my shoulder. “Lex?” He leaned forward, his lips close to my ear. “What’s wrong?”

Sweat trickled down my back, and my throat felt dry. I turned to Liam, moving my hands from my face to my neck.

“I can’t breathe. I… need air.”
Holy mother of God.
I had several small panic attacks since Sam died, but this one was barreling over me like a freight train. I shot to my feet and muttered “bathroom” to Liam before rushing away from the table. I could feel the heat of my mother’s glare as I threaded my way through all the chairs, and I knew she was cringing with the embarrassment I was likely causing. When I chanced a look at her, she was staring back at me, her perfect mask cracked into utter displeasure.

I didn’t care. That woman up on stage had just turned Sam into a number. To them, her death meant another donation, more support for their cause. But to me, her death was everything.

I’d just made it to the hallway when I realized Liam was next to me, his hand a firm, comforting presence on my lower back. I reached for the door handle to the bathroom.

“Need me to come in with you?” he asked.

I shook my head, my throat closed up tight. I was unable to speak. I rushed inside and then pressed my back against the cool wall of the bathroom, squatting down on bended knees. I wrapped my arms around my body and let the tears fall. With my head pressed against my legs, the echoes of the speech were nothing more than a Charlie Brown drone of meaningless words.

I sat that way taking deep breaths until my hysteria eventually receded.

When I felt safe enough to stand, I was shaky, but I was finally able to take deep breaths again. I walked over to the sink and stared at my reflection. My eyes were red and wet, mascara streaks running down my cheeks. I ran cold water on a paper towel and wiped away the ugly black lines.

“Didn’t you get fired?”

I paused, wet towel in hand, and went rigid at the sound of the voice on the other side of the door.
Melissa. Shit. What did Melissa want?
Liam could handle her. I knew that. I also knew if he handled her too loudly and made a scene, my mother would lose her ever-loving mind. I needed to pull myself together. Quickly. I also needed to look less like a roasted tomato before I could face anyone. I splashed ice-cold water on my face and then grabbed another towel and patted my face dry.

“I know you came with Alexis, but I’m here to tell you you’re wasting your time. I’m doing you a favor,” Melissa continued.

I froze. I wanted to run right out there and shut her up, but a part of me wanted to know what else she’d say about me and what Liam’s response would be. Maybe I was a glutton for punishment.

“Fuck off, Melissa,” Liam growled. “Please.” He tacked on the polite request, but it sounded like another “fuck off” demand.

“Alexis is never going to be serious about you. You’re a summer fling. She’s using you while she grieves.” Melissa’s voice was a sword, making deep cuts in the most vulnerable areas. My heart slammed against my chest. She claimed to be my friend.

I hated her.

“You don’t know Lex as well as you think you do.” I didn’t have to see Liam’s face to know he was smirking at her.

Melissa’s laugh was fake like she bottled it up and brought it out to use whenever she thought someone was being adorably dense. “I know that she’s going off to college at the end of the month. To become a doctor. What? Do you think she’s going to come back here every weekend to visit you?” There was a pause. “Wow. You really thought that, didn’t you?”

Liam’s response was so low I couldn’t make out what he said. I needed to put a stop to this. I threw my towels away and took a deep breath. I could do this. I was strong enough. I had Liam on my side, after all.

I opened the door, but neither of them noticed me.

“Look. We both know you’re not the kind of guy a girl brings home for Sunday dinners,” Melissa explained. “You’re not the forever guy; you’re the summer mistake every girl needs to get out of her system before she grows up.”

Holy fucking shit.
Now I knew how Liam felt at the carnival. The rage was sneaking through every crevice of my body, digging its claws in so that I could barely think straight. My hands formed into fists, and I clenched and unclenched them, trying to decide how I should handle her—physically or socially?

“Let me do you a favor,” Melissa drawled. “You can quit while you’re ahead because you and I both know that perfect, proper little Alexis is never going to let you inside her panties. Why waste your time? I’ll let you fuck me any way you want until I scream your name.”