The Commitments (10 page)

THUM—TICKEH—

—THUM——

Deco stepped up and walked along the front of the stage. He looked down at his audience.

—I want yis all to get up off o’ your seats an’ (—Wha’ fuckin’ seats?, Mickah shouted.) —an’ clap your soul hands for me an’ the boys.

—An’ the girls, you, Bernie shouted at him.

—Billy:—THUM—TICKEH TICKEH TICKEH—

Derek got going on the bass.

Deco sang.

—OH MY BABY’S COMIN’ HOME TOMORROW—AIN’T THA’ GOOD NEWS

—GOOD NEWS!

Deco and the Commitmentettes:—Man—AIN’T THA’ NEWIS—

—BAYBA’S COMIN’ HOME TOMORREH—

The girls turned and wriggled a bit.

—Get up! someone roared.

—AIN’T THA’ NEWS—MA—HAN— AIN’T THA’ NEWIS —

The girls squeezed themselves.

—AIN’T THAT GOOD NEWS — GOOD NEWS!

A small hand grabbed Bernie’s shoe. She stepped on it and turned.

—AAAH!—Oh mammy!—yeh cunt, yeh.

—Jaysis!

—I GOT A LEH-ETTER JUST THE OTHER DAY ——

Joey The Lips and Dean: —DUH-DUH-DUUH

—TELLIN’ ME THA’ SHE WAS ON HER WAY — EE-EE

Imelda thumbed a lift. Someone whistled.

—AN’ SHE WANTS ME TO MEET HER AT THE STATION —

The horns: — DUH — DUH — DUUH —

—AIN’T THA’ GOOD NEWS —

Bernie rubbed her foot.

—I JUST CAN’T WAIT TO GET HER HO — WOME —

Billy: — THUM — TICKEH TICKEH TICKEH —

—WHER — HEHERE WE CAN BE FINALLY ALONE —AH—

The horns: — DOOH — DOOOH — DISCON —

    —ECT MY TELEPHONE —

—AIN’T THA’ GOOD NEWS — JAYSIS AIN’T THA’ NEWIS — Oh yeah!

—MAN — THAT’S RAPID NEWIS —

A mike screeched.

—Sorry ’bou’ tha’, they heard Jimmy shout. —My fault. ——Won’t happen again.

It did though.

So far Outspan hadn’t played a chord. He stood looking at the boards, stiff. Deco was prancing up and down (he was used to his suit by now) and Joey The Lips and Dean had been forced back, up against the drums. Natalie’s shoes were digging into her. Bernie’s hair was coming down.

But they were getting away with it. The thirty-three and Mickah were enjoying the show. They were also expecting Deco to fall off the stage any time now.

So they didn’t need Mickah’s prompting when Ain’t That Good News ended.

—Clap. Go on. ——Clap.

They were clapping already. Mrs Foster was out of her seat. She hadn’t noticed that her son hadn’t done anything yet.

—Hello, Barrytown, said Deco.

—Hello, Deco!

Deco rubbed his arm across his forehead.

—I hope yis like me group, said Deco.

Those watching the other Commitments saw them stiffening, and Billy making a rude gesture at Deco’s back with one of his sticks.

—This one’s called Chain Gang.

—HUH ——

  HAH ——

  HUH ——

  HAH ——

Outspan turned so that he was looking away from his mother. That helped. He began to play, the same chord, but it was a start.

Derek sang.

—WELL DON’T YEH KNOW —

Deco stepped in front of him.

Deco: —THAT’S THE SOUND O’ THE MEN —

WORKIN’ ON THE CHAIN ——

 GA — EE — ANG ——

They were dancing. The audience was dancing, a lot of them, little mods and modettes, shaking, turning in time together, folding their arms, turning, folding their arms, turning. Mickah tried to stop them.

—Just listen, righ’.

But this was their kind of music. Jimmy saw Outspan’s mother dancing with them. Mickah had to leave them alone.

Two heavy metallers were leaning against the wall at the side. Mickah went over to them.

—Get dancin’, youse.

They started to head-bang.

—Not like tha’.

Mickah stopped them.

—Like them over there.

Back on-stage, an accident was going to happen. It was James’ solo and Deco was killing time, swinging the mike over his head. The mike was rising to his right and swooping to his left. It swooped into the back of Bernie’s head. She was sent flying forward and she had to jump off the stage.

The Commitments stopped.

There were disappointed Aahs from the crowd and then clapping, Mickah inspired.

Joey The Lips jumped off the stage. There were cheers. Jimmy was down there too, helping them find the heel that had broken off Bernie’s shoe. The search kept her mind off the pain at the back of her head.

On-stage, Deco was being given out to.

—Yeh stupid cunt, yeh.

Imelda kicked out at him, and connected. Billy threw a stick at him. It hit his shoulder.

—Yeh were told not to do tha’, said Derek.

—I forgot.

—Another thing, said Billy. —It’s not YOUR fuckin’ group.

—Okay okay, said Deco.

He stood at the edge of the stage. Outspan was looking mean.

—I’m sorry, I’m sorry, righ’.

Bernie came back. She left her shoes and heel in Jimmy’s hands. Imelda and Natalie took their shoes off.

—Good girls, Sisters, said Joey The Lips.

He stopped on his way past Deco.

—You apologize very, very nicely to Bernadette or you get my trumpet up your ass.

Deco couldn’t believe this. This little baldy fuck was threatening him.

—Move! Joey The Lips roared.

Deco hopped to it.

—Listen, Bernie. ——Sorry, righ’. ——Really.

—Yeah. ——Well, said Bernie.

—Wha’ Bernie’s tryin’ to say, said Imelda,—is tha’ you’re a stupid bollix.

Mickah was singing from behind the crowd.

—WHY ARE WE —

  WAI —

           TIN’ ——

—Okay, said Deco into the mike. —Thanks a lot. Tha’ one was dedicated to the lads in jail. Mountjoy an’ tha’, who’re in for drugs——like——because it must be like a chain gang for them. ——We hope they get better an’——because, like the banner says, Heroin Kills.

—So do you.

—Who said tha’? ——Come here, you.

They watched Mickah picking up a child and carrying him to the door.

—It’s not spelt righ’, a boy took advantage of Mickah’s absence.

—Fuck off, Smartarse, said Deco. —An’annyway, if you’re ever tryin’ to give up the drugs yeh can always reach ou’.

Nothing happened.

—Billy.

—Wha’?

—Reach Ou’.

—Oh yeah!

—THU — CUDADUNG CUDADUNG CUDADUNG

—THU — CUDADUNG CUDADUNG CUDADUNG

Outspan was happier now. Derek had his eyes closed. Dean wiped his face with his hankie. A drum fell over. Billy kept going.

——JUST LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER, Deco yelled.

The Commitmentettes looked over their shoulders.

  —THU — CUDADUNG CUDADUNG CUDADUNG

  —THU — CUDADUNG CUDADUNG CUDADUNG—

—I’LL ——

           BE THERE ——

                     TO LOVE AN’ CHERISH —

              YOU —

          HOU —

                OU —

   I’LL ——

          BE THERE ——

WITH A LOVE THA’ IS SO —

        TRUE —

              HUE —

      UE ——

Derek jumped as he thumped at the string and he walked backwards into the piano. James found his fingers on the wrong keys. The piano had moved, bashed into the backdrop, the operetta society’s South Pacific scenery (last year’s Sound of Music scenery with a very yellow palm tree painted onto one of the hills).

The song was over. The audience didn’t know this until Mickah told them to clap.

The caretaker assessed the damage.

—No harm done. ——It’s a crummy bloody thing annyway. A spa could paint better than tha’, he told Jimmy as the two of them got off the stage.

—How yis doin’ ou’ there? Deco asked his audience.

—Very well, thanks, said Mrs Foster.

—Okay, said Deco. —This one’s for the lads in CIE.

—What’s he on abou’? Billy asked James.

He was putting the drum back.

—I just do not know, said James.

—ALL ABOARD, said Deco. —THE NIGHT TRAIN.

The little mods and modettes knew this one. They cheered. They formed a train as The Commitments got going. Joey The Lips and Dean pointed their horns at the lighting. Derek and Outspan shuffled in time together. Deco chugged up and down the front of the stage. The girls went off-stage to have a look at Bernie’s shoe. Billy lobbed a stick into the crowd.

No one caught it because everyone was part of the train, Mickah the caboose, going round and round the centre of the hall.

—OH YEAH, Deco started.

  OH YEAH ——

He swung his arms.

—MIAMI FLORIDA ——

  ATLANTA GEORGIA ——

  RALEIGH NORTH CAROLINA ——

  WASHIN’TON D.C. ——

He went off the tracks for a second.

—SOMEWHERE THE FUCK IN WEST VIRGINIA ——

  BALTIMORE MARYLAND ——

  PHILADELPH — EYE — AY ——

  NEW YORK CITY —

  HEADIN’ HOME ——

  BOSTON MASSACHU — MASSATUST — YEH KNOW YOURSELF ——

  AN’ DON’T FORGET NEW ORLEANS THE HOME O’ THE BLUES ——

  OH YEAH ——

  THE NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  THE NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  COME ON NOW —

  THE NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  THE NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  CARRIES ME HOME —

  NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  CARRIES ME HOME ——

Deco let the other Commitments go on without him. The important part was coming.

Dublin Soul was about to be born.

He wiped his hands on his trousers. Joey The Lips gave him the thumbs-up. The Commitmentettes came back on-stage.

Joey The Lips and Dean were bringing the train back round towards Deco.

Deco growled:   —   STARTIN’ OFF IN CONNOLLY ——

The train in the hall stopped as they waited to hear what was going to follow that.

Deco was travelling north, by DART.

—MOVIN’ ON OU’ TO KILLESTER ——

They laughed. This was great. They pushed up to the stage.

—HARMONSTOWN RAHENY ——

They cheered.

—AN’ DON’T FORGET KILBARRACK — THE HOME O’ THE BLUES —

Dublin Soul had been delivered.

—HOWTH JUNCTION BAYSIDE ——

  THEN ON OU’ TO SUTTON WHERE THE RICH FOLKS LIVE ——

  OH YEAH ——

  NIGH’ TRAIN ——

His voice went but he got it back.

—EASY TO BONK YOUR FARE ——

Wild, happy cheers.

—NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  AN ALSATIAN IN EVERY CARRIAGE ——

  NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  LOADS O’ SECURITY GUARDS ——

  NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  LAYIN’ INTO YOUR MOT AT THE BACK ——

  NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  GETTIN’ SLAGGED BY YOUR MATES ——

  NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  GETTIN’ CHIPS FROM THE CHINESE CHIPPER ——

  OH NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  CARRIES ME HOME —

  THE NIGH’ TRAIN ——

  CARRIES ME HOME ——

Two boys invaded the stage and jumped up and down and went to jump off again. Deco grabbed one of them and stuck the mike under his mouth.

—Sing.

—No way.

—Go on. NIGH’ TRAIN —

The little mod squealed: NIGH’ TRAIN.

More of them climbed up on the stage and became
a little choir around the mike-stand.

—NIGH’ TRAIN, they roared.

—NIGH’ TRAIN, they roared.

—NIGH’ TRAIN.

It eventually stopped. The cheering went on for minutes. Derek let himself cry.

Jimmy called them off.

From the side Jimmy spoke into the mike.

—Ladies an’ gentlemen, let’s hear it for ——Yes, Yes, Yes, The Commitments. ——The Commitments, ladies an’ gentlemen. ——The Hardest Workin’ Band in the World. ——The Commitments ——bringing soul to Dublin ——Bringing the People’s Music to the People. ——Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes— The Commitments.

Mickah dug his finger into backs.

—Shout for more. Go on. ——More.

—MORE!

—More!

—We can’t hear yis, said Jimmy.

—Where d’yeh think you’re goin’? said Mickah.

—Home, said a boy.

—Get back up there an’ cheer. ——Go on.

—I have to go home. ——Me ma will burst me.

—I’ll burst yeh if yeh don’t get back.

—We can’t hear yis, said Jimmy.

He put his hand over the mike.

—What Becomes of the Broken Hearted, then the girls do Stoned Love, then yis come off again, then Knock on Wood, righ’? ——Got tha’?

—Wha’ abou’ Man’s World?

—They’re too young, said Jimmy.

—When a Man Loves a Woman?

—Too slow, said Jimmy. —They’d get bored. They’re too young. A couple o’ fast ones is enough for them.

—But we rehearsed loads more, said Derek.

—Brother Jimmy speaks the truth, said Joey The Lips. —A short, sharp shock works best with the very young Brothers and Sisters.

The caretaker arrived.

—There’s a fella at the back, from tha’ Northside News thing.

—Fame, said James. —I’m gonna live till Tuesday.

—Janey! said Natalie. —Does he have a camera?

—Yeah, he does, said the caretaker. —He’s a bag full o’ them. Flashes an’ ——yeh know.

Jimmy spoke into the mike.

—They’re comin’ back, ladies an’ gentlemen, The Commitments are comin’ back.

He pointed to James.

—Clap hands clap hands for James The Soul Surgeon Clifford.

Deco pushed James onto the stage. James stood there.

—The man performs transplants on the piano, ladies an’ gentlemen. ——Soul Surgeon Clifford.

James went over to the piano.

—On drums, Billy The Animal Mooney.

Billy jumped on-stage and gorilla-walked to his drums.

One at a time Jimmy sent them back. Joey The Lips got the biggest cheer.

The girls were last.

—Last, said Jimmy. —The girls.

There were screams. The girls looked at one another and raised their eyes to heaven.

—Sonya  ——Sofia  ——An’ Tanya.  ——The Commitmentettes, ladies an’ gentlemen.

They strolled onto the stage. Natalie ducked when she saw something fly up and out of the darkness. It landed behind them, a little pair of light blue underpants.

The Commitments cracked up. Deco kicked the underpants off the stage. They came back. Deco kicked them across to Jimmy.

—Okay, y’awl, said Deco to the fans. —Let’s take it to the bridge.

—I’ll get them back for yeh after, righ’, said Mickah. —When it’s over.