The Confessions (10 page)

CYNDY:
If you put them all on a train there WOULD be murder.

TIFFANY:
That is a good point. As to the future of the Original Sinners...I would LOVE to write more books but not for a few years. I need the break. Also we’ll have to figure out the logistics. If my publisher doesn’t want to buy more, that makes it much harder for me to write and publish them. But I’m keeping my hopes up.

CYNDY:
They need their extracurriculars to keep them from killing each other. And speaking of...what’s up with Nico?

TIFFANY:
Nico! Nico was born of necessity. I needed Nora to have SOMEONE to tell the story of her and Søren to and that someone had to be A) invested in that story in some way and B) hadn’t already heard the story. And my editor said
The Saint
needed more sex so it had to be someone Nora would fuck. Ergo...Nico.

Plus it was about time Nora got the male sub she’d been aching for all her life.

CYNDY:
Worth a note to readers about the reality of series drop-off and how important it is to KEEP BUYING THE DAMN BOOKS!

TIFFANY:
True. If all the Original Sinners books hit the
New York Times
bestseller list (none of them did), then I could write them forever. As they didn’t, there may not be more full-length books. But I will at least continue to write the Christmas stories and other random stories time permitting.

CYNDY:
If even the LAST one did... (I can shill here, folks, so Tiffany doesn’t have to.)

TIFFANY:
I could write Søren forever, though. I just hope I can. I do have bills to pay.

You’re a wonderful pimp, Cyndy.

CYNDY:
I prefer to think of it as a hype man.

TIFFANY:
Word.

I do need to write at least one more book so I can figure out what happens to Søren once he confesses to his Jesuit superiors he’s a daddy.

I’m sure he’ll stay a priest. He will just be a priest in VERY BIG TROUBLE. I’d love to see him in exile and forced to do penance.

CYNDY:
Is that happening for real?

TIFFANY:
I don’t know. It’s alluded to in
The Queen
that Søren refuses to keep Fionn a dirty little secret so we know he’s going to out himself.

CYNDY:
I’d love to know what his penance in a [Pope] Francis era would be.

TIFFANY:
But the consequences of said out-ting, I don’t know...

CYNDY:
Oh, that I know, but I mean…are you definitely going to write that? And when? And will you screen share?

TIFFANY:
Yeah, Pope Francis is cool. For those who aren’t Catholic, Pope Francis made BIG news when he said that priestly celibacy was a discipline and not so much an order from God. More like fasting instead of like obeying the Commandments. It’s good for you but not necessarily God-ordained of everyone [all priests, for example]. I would love to write that. But I don’t know.

CYNDY:
I’m thinking he could go teach at an all-girl school. Maybe that’s what happened to that poor Jesuit who had to teach me for sophomore New Testament.

TIFFANY:
Oh that poor priest. You as a student? I can’t even.

CYNDY:
I identified with Nora on many levels. Only I had zero interest in seducing him. Just annoying him.

TIFFANY:
Happy to hear that. Nora and I have nothing in common except our senses of humor and hair color. Everyone thinks we’re just the same. We couldn’t be more different. I was a high school goody two shoes. Oh, and we’re both Switches but Kingsley is also a Switch. Sadly no one ever mistakes me for King.

CYNDY:
I picture her looking like you. I always get offended when people tweet you pictures of Rachel Weisz or whatever. But not acting like you.

TIFFANY:
Rachel Weisz was MY choice to be Nora.

I wish I looked like Nora!

CYNDY:
Again, we have to agree to disagree. ;)

TIFFANY:
We can do that.

CYNDY:
Although I’m coming around now to a white Kingsley. It only took eight books.

TIFFANY:
I’ll go on the record here to say I want Nikolaj Coster-Waldau to play Søren. I get asked that ALL the time.

CYNDY:
I want an unknown.

TIFFANY:
I promise if Kingsley were a black man I would not have talked about his huge cock so much. That’s Stereotyping 101!

CYNDY:
I have a very distinct idea of him in my head, and I never see anyone who fits it.

TIFFANY:
That’s okay. You picture who you want. As long as no one whitewashes Juliette or makes Nora tall.

CYNDY:
Neither.

TIFFANY:
We short girls have to stick together.

CYNDY:
I literally picture you [as Nora].

TIFFANY:
I wish! Actually not really.

CYNDY:
Which is funny, since I didn’t know what you looked like when I first read the books.

TIFFANY:
If I were as sexy as Nora I’d never get any work done.

CYNDY:
But I remember when I finally met you in person I was like, “Yup. EXACTLY Nora. Only slightly quieter.”

TIFFANY:
As she is a goddess, I’ll take it as a compliment. As long as you call me Tiffany. Someone called me Nora and was offended when I asked to pretty please be called by my actual name. I do have to put my foot down when people start forgetting the books are fiction.

CYNDY:
That would be weird.

TIFFANY:
I know we don’t want them to be...but they are.

CYNDY:
I’m kind of glad they are. If they weren’t, I think I’d become a celebrity stalker.

TIFFANY:
I would certainly move to wherever Søren was pastoring, that’s for sure.

CYNDY:
I’d go to that Church. Not sure if I could bring myself to take Communion, but I’d at least go to Mass. And then think about it later. ;)

TIFFANY:
I have this vision of the Original Sinners movies (there are no movies in the works by the way) and the very last scene of the very last movie would just be Nora lying on her back in bed after having been fucked and she just says to the camera, “God, I love being Catholic.”

CYNDY:
There would have to be a lot of fourth wall stuff.

TIFFANY:
I think if there were more priests like Søren (meaning compassionate, not sexy) church attendance would skyrocket.

Oh yeah. I come so close to breaking the 4th wall in every book. Almost put “Reader, he fucked her” in
The King
but talked myself out of it.

CYNDY:
Now I’m laughing imagining Søren turning to the camera and raising an eyebrow every time Nora or King was on screen...like in
The Office
.

TIFFANY:
YES! Or
Parks and
Rec
. He would be the Ben Wyatt of the Original Sinners, the one who thinks he’s saner than everyone else but isn’t.

CYNDY:
But yes. We didn’t even talk about “The Poinsettia.” I can’t be the only reader who contacts you saying, “Yeah, the Church bit is the most unrealistic part of these books.” ;)

TIFFANY:
I get a lot of, “I wish the Church was like this.” But that’s okay. There’s a place for the aspirational in fiction.

CYNDY:
One priest like Søren is a stretch, one who’d say Mass in a whorehouse?

TIFFANY:
I feel like my characters have made me a better person. I’ve learned from them. Maybe someday I’ll get an email from a baby priest who read my books and was inspired to be a little more open-minded.

Actually I know a famous Protestant pastor who gave a birthday party to a prostitute he met at a greasy spoon.

CYNDY:
God, I hope so. Seems like the n00bs (at least here) are reaching new levels of sanctimonious.

TIFFANY:
So it can happen.

CYNDY:
See again Protestants.

TIFFANY:
Good point. I have the convert’s trouble in separating Catholic from Protestant as I’ve been both they are integrated in me.

CYNDY:
I’ve often thought about trying out the Episcopalians—so close to Catholicism as to be familiar with none of the celibacy or LGBTQ+ weirdness. And women! Priests!

TIFFANY:
Give it a shot! I’ll go to church with you.

CYNDY:
I make no secret of my giant crush on Amber Belldene [an Episcopalian priest who writes romance novels].

TIFFANY:
God, I love Amber. Proof there is hope in this world for both romance AND the Church.

I loved writing Father Ballard in “The Confession of Marcus Stearns.” It was fun to create Søren’s second father.

CYNDY:
There’s a story... I’d love a story that’s just Søren confessing. Can you IMAGINE how long that would take?

TIFFANY:
Søren’s full confession? It would be longer than
The Mistress
.

TIFFANY:
There are super hippie laid-back priests. There were more of them in the ‘60s and ‘70s in the post-Vatican II Jesus-freak era.

CYNDY:
Oh, I’ve met some amazing priests. I don’t hate them all.

TIFFANY:
I know one who calls God “Father/Mother.” “Our Father/Mother who art in Heaven…”

CYNDY:
My father AND mother would pass right out in the pews.

TIFFANY:
And he’s OLD too. Not a young liberal priest. An OLD liberal priest.

CYNDY:
Sometimes I think the old ones were the better ones.

TIFFANY:
The young ones will be old ones someday. I’m hoping they mellow as they age. Don’t we all?

CYNDY:
I was a Cathedral kid...and one of the auxiliary bishops was the best. Living embodiment of “suffer the little children.”

TIFFANY:
Meaning I have mellowed with age. I’d still like to see Søren in a bishop’s miter.

CYNDY:
OMG. In the miter, Fionn on his shoulder.

TIFFANY:
I could write that. The new bishop of Fairbanks, Alaska is a badass. Twenty years in the military as a chaplain. Hunts and fishes. Very handsome.

CYNDY:
I haven’t read anything about the new Bishop of Fairbanks. Obviously, I need to Google this.

TIFFANY:
He gave the homily at the abbey I visited last weekend. Very cool guy.

CYNDY:
OMG! Abbey! Was this your annual thing?

TIFFANY:
Not annual but I would like it to be. I went to Mount Angel Abbey for a three-day silent retreat with the Benedictine monks there. There’s a seminary there. BABYFACED priests. Oh my God, they’re so young it hurts.

CYNDY:
I’m thankful none of the retreats I ever went on or staffed was silent. I think I’d be dead.

TIFFANY:
I can see that. The first night I was there, dinner wasn’t silent. Silence began AFTER dinner. I sat at a random table with three random women, all retired and of course they all want to write a book now that they’re retired. And I just sat there eating my pasta and thinking, “Please don’t ask me what I do please don’t ask me what I do...”

CYNDY:
I was just going to ask if it was for writers or something...

TIFFANY:
Just Catholic women. Or any women. Non-Catholics can go on retreats as well as the abbey. They are very welcoming. But it cured me of my old ache to be a nun.

CYNDY:
Not as much seduction as you’d thought?

TIFFANY:
I could not handle those hours. I got up for Vigils at 4:45 on Saturday morning and thought I would die.

CYNDY:
LOL.

TIFFANY:
Father Pius said, “I came to the abbey thirty years ago because I wanted quiet, rest, peace and harmony. I got none of those but I’m still here.”

So it opened my eyes a little.

My husband is pleased by this.

CYNDY:
Father Pius?

TIFFANY:
He ran our retreat. He’s a monk/priest.

CYNDY:
Given name?

TIFFANY:
No. They pick their names when they take final vows, I believe.

CYNDY:
Oh wait. You said Benedictine. I went to college with a guy who was entering the Basilians named Pius.

TIFFANY:
A lot of them take their names from Popes and saints. But you never run across a Brother Sextus, do you? Or maybe YOU do. I don’t.

CYNDY:
LOL. No. At least they can choose them. My aunt (who left the convent) was assigned Bertilla. Who even knew there was a St. Bertilla?

TIFFANY:
I’ll have Søren do penance by joining a monastery. He can be Father Sextus. AWW YEAH....

Søren is standing at my desk and shaking his head in a definite “No.” He doesn’t want to get up at 4:45 a.m. on a Saturday any more than I do.

CYNDY:
The awesomeness of him getting assigned the name “Sextus.” And Nora and King just CACKLING.

TIFFANY:
I will find a way to work that into a story.

CYNDY:
And having monogrammed stationery made [featuring the name “Sextus”]... And Griffin. OMG, the MILEAGE.

TIFFANY:
Søren’s like, “IT MEANS BORN SIXTH!”

CYNDY:
-TY NINTH!

TIFFANY:
Søren just sighed at me. It ruffled my hair.

He can sigh like a mother.

Did we hit all our topics?

CYNDY:
Are you going to write that meeting in a Fionn book if it happens?

TIFFANY:
Write the first meeting between Fionn and Søren?

CYNDY:
And yes. That was the only question.

TIFFANY:
Very tempting. I should at least write it from King’s POV at some point. I don’t know. But someday you will hear from Fionn.

CYNDY:
So funny to think all those years ago I was not okay with
The Siren
[and rated it] four stars
.
You had too much in your pocket [that you didn’t reveal until later books].

TIFFANY:
Well, you had good reasons [for not giving it a full five stars]. I was playing the “long con.” Writing is just one big long con game after all.

CYNDY:
I’m still okay with four stars.

TIFFANY:
Søren sends his regards, by the way. He says he’ll get that fifth star out of you yet.