The Don: Sebastiano (Stud Mafia #1) (28 page)

I am the monster of all monsters.
 

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

SIERRA

I tried on at least a half a dozen dresses in the dressing room and didn’t pay any attention to how they actually looked on me in the mirror. To be honest, I couldn’t even recall what shop we were in. I had been in auto-mode ever since Sebastiano’s negative reaction to the words of love I had almost declared again in the shower.

Perhaps it was his lack of verbal reaction which was eating at me. I never mentioned any of this to my therapist.
Would the therapist go and laugh about it with Sebastiano later?
Perhaps I should have, but I was feeling so deflated after he stormed off that I was questioning how far doctor-patient confidentiality went where The Don was concerned. I did trust my therapist, though; he was very professional. It was just the awful episode with Sebastiano playing on my mind.

“Have you got one of those dresses on yet?” Lorena asked through the curtain. 

I glanced at the dress I was wearing; it looked fine. “Yes, this is the last one. I didn’t think to show you the others.” 

Lorena whipped the curtain open and entered the confined space of my dressing room. “Sit,” she demanded, pointing to the bench seat along the sidewall.

I knew Lorena well enough by now to know it was in my best interest to do as she said.
She is so like her father; it’s not funny.
So
I sat.

“What’s wrong? You always show me the clothes you try on. You’ve been like a zombie all day. What on Earth is running around in that pretty little head of yours? Has someone upset you?” she asked. “You know, you only need to mention it to Daddy and he’ll deal with them.” She sat beside me and turned her body so she was facing me.

I couldn’t stop the laughter which bubbled up and out of my mouth.

“Not bloody likely. I don’t see him wanting to deal with
himself
now, do you?”

I quickly stood and removed the dress I was wearing, completely naked apart from my underwear. I wasn’t embarrassed in the slightest. Lorena had seen me stripped down to my bare essentials many times before.

“Daddy upset you? Are you serious? There is no way he would have done it on purpose.” Of course, Lorena would defend him; he’s her father.

I reached for my clothes and dressed, trying to dismiss the whole situation.

“Look, just forget I said anything, okay? I’m really not in the mood for shopping anymore, so can we just go home? If you want to stay, I’m sure the driver will be happy to drop me off and then come back for you and Riccardo.”

Before I could get the curtain open, she stopped me with a hand on my arm. “No, you are not going anywhere, Sierra. Please, talk to me.” Lorena had such a sweet, concerned tone to her voice and I knew I couldn’t brush her off. She had a heart of gold. Her next sentence solidified my thoughts. “You are like the big sister I never had. I don’t like seeing you so sad.”

Perhaps I was over-reacting, but I couldn’t tell her what I’d told Sebastiano. Not to her face anyway. I turned away from her and spoke to the curtain instead. “I told him I loved him this morning.”

“That is great news!” She spun me around and pulled me into a hug. I couldn’t help but hug her back. At least someone was happy I’d spoken those three words. “But why are you sad about it?” she questioned.

“I’m sad because it’s not such great news after all. Your father…um…let’s just say your father didn’t have the happy reaction you just did,” I said as I pulled away from her embrace before I started crying. “I don’t think I can live like this, in a loveless relationship. Everyone needs to be told they are loved somewhere along the line, and your father isn’t capable of giving me that. I don’t know what to do, Lorena,” I pleaded.

Lorena pushed me down onto the bench and crouched down before me so we were eye to eye. “My father loves you. He’s just a complete idiot who doesn’t know how to show his goddamned love, but he loves you. Take it from me. I’ve lived with him. His way of showing me love is by throwing money at me all the time, my whole life.”

She wiped an escaped tear off my cheek as I smiled at her words. “I’m going to kick his arse for upsetting you like this. He won’t know what hit him.” With that, she tugged me up and marched out of the changing room with a bundle of dresses in her arms. 

Stopping at the counter, she passed the dresses to the sales assistant. “She’ll take the black one and the blue one, thanks.” 

I glanced at her, surprised. She hadn’t even seen me in any of them.

Lorena rolled her eyes. “That shade of blue always looks hot on you, and the plunging neckline on the black one will give my father a coronary.” She had an evil glint in her eye and I knew this was her idea of payback for Sebastiano because he upset me.

I dread to think about anything else she has planned.

Like father, like daughter.

***

SEBASTIANO

Sitting at my desk in the office of the club, I came to the conclusion that I was hiding out. I’d finished with the business I originally came in for hours before. I was most definitely hiding.

Hiding from Sierra, hiding from those three words. A knock on my office door pulled me out of my thoughts. “Come in,” I announced from behind my desk.
Paulie walked in with a smug smile on his face. Before I could inquire about what had put it there, my mobile phone started ringing in my pocket. Pulling the phone out, I saw the call was from Lorena so I accepted it immediately. 

“Lorena, is everything okay?” I asked her.

“
Si, bene.
Everything is fine. You need to stop worrying every time you get a call from me. The stress won’t do you any good. Where are you? I need to talk to you,” Lorena demanded.

“I’m at the club. I’ll be home in a couple hours. Can you wait that long?” I asked her impatiently. She always expected people to drop everything. Paulie sat in a seat next to my desk. He had obviously come to speak to me about something important. I needed to get off the phone and back to him. 

“No, it can’t wait. I’ll be there shortly,” Lorena snapped before ending the call.

I slammed the phone down on my desk. “She fucking hung up on me.”

Paulie laughed. “That daughter of yours is one demanding woman.” The sparkle I saw in his dark eyes, so like Sierra’s, had me worried when he spoke of Lorena.

“Don’t you be getting any wild ideas in your head; she is off fucking limits,” I warned him with a deadly glare, making the smile drop from his face instantly.

“I know the rules, Don. I won’t break them,” he said with a shake of his head as he glanced at his damaged hand. He knows firsthand what happened to rule-breakers.

I cleared my throat to pull his attention back to the present. “What did you want? You came in here like a man on a mission with a big fucking grin on your face, so spill.”

The smile from before was on his face once again. “Ronnie was trying to talk me into a lap dance with Angel, but you know me, I can’t treat them like that. Ronnie even offered to make it a two-for-one deal.” 

“Shit, Ronnie offered to dance with another chick and you turned her down? You do realise she digs chicks, right? That would be one fucking entertaining dance,” I said in awe. This kid was a fucking dickhead to turn that proposition down. 

Without warning, the office door flew open and Lorena stormed in with Riccardo hot on her heels. 

I shot out of my chair and strode forward, pulling her into my arms. “Lorena,
bella
, where’s the fucking fire? I was only on the phone with you ten minutes ago.”

She hit me on the chest with the palm of her hand as she pulled back from my embrace. “You are an idiot.” She turned and glanced between Riccardo and Paulie, who were standing on either side of her. “As much as I’d love to be sandwiched between the two of you, I would rather it be with less clothing on and not in the presence of my father. So if you both don’t mind, I need to talk to my father in private.” She waved to the door, indicating for them to leave. 

Riccardo walked out without even glancing in anyone’s direction, grumbling under his breath. Poor Paulie was rendered speechless and Lorena had to physically shove him out the door, closing us both in my office together. Somehow, the office seemed much bigger before Lorena stormed in. She stood with her arms folded, glaring at me. I could almost see the steam filtering out of her ears.

I laughed. “It’s great to see you’re almost back to your normal self. I see the therapy is working a dream,” I said with relief. 

When my words were met with silence, I perched my arse on the edge of the desk, ready for the onslaught headed my way. I knew from her body language and her tone of voice she was fucked-off about something. I waited for the shit to hit the fan.

“I’ve just finished shopping with Sierra and do you know what she is thinking right now? What you’ve
made her
think?” She had always been good with staring me down and that moment was no different. She was one of the only people brave enough to hang me by my arse when she thought I was in the wrong. No one else would dare speak to The Don out of turn like that, only Lorena.

“No, Lorena, I don’t, so you better hurry up and tell me before I lose my shit with you.” 

She huffed.

She actually huffed…at me! “She thinks you don’t love her. Why the fuck did you freak out when she said she loved you?” Her voice melted to a softer tone as she asked her question.

“I’ll tell you why…because I am a monster. She can’t love me. You know that and she knows that. I can’t be loved,” I explained.

Lorena sat beside me on the table and leaned her head on my shoulder, making me place my arm around her, pulling her into a side hug. “Oh, Daddy, you are so wrong. You
can
be loved. I love you and Sierra loves you. Yes, we know you have
monster
traits. You are The Don for God’s sake, but you also have a sweet side. We love you, warts and all.”

I couldn’t say anything. Part of me wanted to believe her, but the monster lurking deep within didn’t. He didn’t want to believe it.

“You need to get past this, this turmoil or battle you have in your head about not being capable of being loved. You are wrong. You’ll lose her if you don’t. She said she doesn’t think she can go on without feeling loved. We all need to feel love, right, Daddy? She’s right, you know; we all need to feel loved, even monsters.”

I could feel the truth in her words. 

I needed to be loved.

That was one of the reasons I panicked hearing those three words. I didn’t want to believe them. Apart from my mother, no woman had ever said those words to me. I should be grateful she told me how she felt, even though I was undeserving of them.
Wouldn’t it be worse not to have heard those words at all? If she’d never said them in the first place?
 

Glancing at my beautiful daughter, I kissed her on the forehead. “Thank you, Lorena. I love you.” 

“I know you do, Daddy. It’s not me who needs to hear it, though. Although, I will admit, it
is
nice to hear you say it.” 

We sat like that, perched side by side on my desk, hugging in silence for quite some time.

“Am I a monster, Daddy?” Lorena whispered, breaking the silence. The wobble in her voice had me concerned and glancing to see what I could read in her face. I didn’t like what I saw.

“No, sweetheart. You are far from a monster,” I tried to reassure her. 

Tears ran down her face as I watched. I squeezed her closer to my side. “Please, don’t cry. Where has my tough cookie gone?” I asked, trying to bring her round with a little joke.

“I killed my mother and I don’t feel any remorse. That has to make me a monster. Doesn’t it?” she asked. 

“Lorena,
bella mia
, look at me.” I tilted her chin with my finger to make sure we had eye contact. She needed to see the truth in my eyes. “You did what you had to do to save Sierra. Your mother was a junkie. She hadn’t been your mother for a long, long time. You saved an innocent woman. You shouldn’t feel any guilt for that.”

“Thank you,” she said as she turned and pulled me into a full hug. 

My tough daughter wasn’t as strong as she liked to pretend she was. I’d have to remember that in the future. She was a bright girl, though, and she was right about Sierra. I did need to make things clear to her. 

I needed to make things right.

Or I risked losing her.
 

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

SEBASTIANO

Sierra was awfully quiet on the drive to the cemetery.

Damn her for loving me.
Just when I thought our relationship was running smoothly, she went and dropped a bomb like that. Didn’t she have me figured out by now? That I didn’t love. I couldn’t love. Fuck, she had to go and say she loved me, didn’t she? To be honest, her declaration of love scared the fuck out of me. It shifted the ground beneath my feet.

I’m a bastard, a monster. This is why I can’t fathom why she loves me.

I can’t risk loving her even though every inch of my heart yearns to. I fear love. I fear how it makes me feel helpless and completely lost when she’s not with me. But I can never admit that to her. It will be a sign of weakness, and The Don is not weak.

I hated cemeteries. The last time I was here had been when we buried Teresa. Lorena had initially refused to come to the memorial service held for her mother, but she’d given in after much convincing from her therapist. Paulie had organised the entire thing. Riccardo was pissed as fuck with him but too bad. I needed to get my daughter through this, and I had no time for melodramatics amongst my men.

At least there was one thing I could always count on when I came here: the tranquillity of the cemetery. The gentle breeze, the shining sun peeking through the trees and of course, the chirping of the birds made me feel like I was stepping through into another dimension.