The Far Side of Lonesome (6 page)

Sarah felt her heart break, knowing he
loved her and knowing she had to leave him and never see him again.
She needed him so badly. Her heart was breaking. Would the pain in
her life ever stop?

He threw his hand up again, to keep her
still. “If you ever…ever need me, you can come to Waco and ask for
me or Hoot at the feed store, we’ll be out back workin’.” Jeb
announced. "That’s where Hoot and I usually work, when we’re not on
a cattle drive.”

She nodded.

He started to walk off, but her words
stopped him. “Would you hold me one last time?” she barely breathed
the question.

He stared long and hard at her. Then
slowly he spread out his arms, and smiled when she came into them
unresisting. His lips rested in her hair. He felt her body warm him
and he felt her heart quicken against him. He knew that love bound
them. Somehow he knew that God sanctioned their love too, for why
else would she be in their path?

“I don’t regret kissing you Sarah, or
loving you…,” he whispered softly.

“Then kiss me goodbye like you mean
it,” she cried and rose on tiptoe to touch her lips to his. Like
fire his lips branded her, sending a message to her that she was
his, no matter where she went or what she did. She would always be
his.

When he released her, she sighed
heavily. “The world’s on fire with hate…isn’t it?”

“Maybe…but you carry our love…sweet
Sarah. Remember you are a part of me that I will always
treasure…and if you ever need me…you know where to look,” he said
and moved away as though that was the end of it.

Sarah stood staring at him, loving him
so deeply she couldn’t begin to tell him how much. But knowing
their love was impossible somehow, too.

He checked on the horses and mended his
ropes. He did everything but look at Sarah now. Sarah tended her
baby and tried to keep her eyes from straying to Jeb.

Hoot came back late that afternoon with
a homespun dress of blue and a pair of pants and shirt for the
baby. Sarah smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek again. “You
thought of everything. Thank you, Hoot.”

Hoot smiled.

Jeb approved of Hoot’s buying and then
they moved closer to the creek.

“You go clean up, Sarah. Fix your hair.
Do you want to take the baby in with you, or come back for
him?”

Sarah glanced at her son, and swallowed
hard. “No, I’ll take him with me—might as well get it over and done
with. They’ll have to know soon, anyway.”

Jeb and Hoot nodded.

Sarah went to wash up and took the baby
with her. She took the time to wash his hair and hers then she
dressed him and her. She fixed her hair as well as she could. Her
hands shook. First, saying goodbye to Jeb would be like physically
breaking her own heart. Even Hoot had come to mean so much to her
in these short days. Then facing her two daughters with her Indian
child… How would they receive her? A slow burning fear gripped
her.

But when she was dressed and ready, she
felt as though she might faint. She was more afraid of facing her
sister than she realized.

“Maybe, I should go in alone—prepare
them for the shock of it….” She said in a low whisper. Her eyes
fell on her child. "I'm such a coward…."

"No…you ain't no coward," Hoot smiled.
"And it would be easier if you eased the information to them,
rather than bringing him with you. It will be a shock…."

The men nodded. “You do what is easiest
for you,” Hoot said.

“Would you mind keeping him just until
I’ve had a talk, just a few hours…?”

“That will be fine; you can head out in
the morning.” Jeb assured her.

All night they talked and laughed and
tried to celebrate the moment for her. But Sarah felt no
celebration. She was afraid.

* * * * *

The next morning came with the same
dread followed her. But she was strong, she reminded herself. She'd
faced Comanche hadn't she?

With a kiss on the cheek to both of
them she thanked them for all they’d done and rode Jeb’s horse to
town. She hadn't looked into Jeb's or Hoot's eyes, for she knew
she'd see sadness and she wanted to remember them always with happy
smiles.

As she rode in she heard the familiar
and yet unfamiliar sounds of the blacksmith shop. The smell of wood
smoke and the feel of civilization closed in on her. Strange how it
stifled her now. She stopped off at the general store and asked for
directions to her sister’s house. The lady who waited on her stared
at her with her mouth open. What had she done? They couldn't know
about her.

She took her outside and pointed up the
street and about two miles down the road, she explained. Sarah rode
out slowly, the woman staring after her.

Why had she stared at her so? After
all, she didn’t have Indian or black stamped all over her. She was
a white woman going to see her sister. What was so wrong about
that?

As Sarah rode up the road she tried to
think how she would approach her sister and kids.

Nothing she rehearsed in her mind
prepared her for the woman she met on the porch. She was churnin’
butter and she looked up and her mouth hung open.

“Sa-Sarah….” The woman cried out. “Is
that you…Sarah?” the woman nearly screamed and ran out to meet her,
dragging her from the horse and hugging her as though she might get
up and run away. The thought occurred to Sarah, but she held
still.

“Hello, Maggie…” Sarah laughed as she
kissed her sister on the cheek.

“I thought you were dead,” Maggie cried
out. “We all thought you were dead…”

“I nearly was…but I made it back
here.”
Maggie shook her head and looked at her. “Come in, come in the
house this instant. I want to hear the whole story….oh, land sakes,
Michael will be so happy I’ve got my sister back.”

“Michael?” Sarah asked.

“Yes, my husband, Michael. He’s gone
hunting’, but he’ll be in directly….” Maggie laughed.

Maggie had aged, her hair was turning
grey in spots, her face more lined but still a beauty of a
woman.

“Land sakes, this is a blessing. This
is a miracle. I can’t wait to tell everyone in town….we’ll have a
party that’s what we’ll do…” Maggie was babbling like a
brook.

Sarah smiled, but the sound of a party
didn’t thrill her. She wanted time to adjust to her own family
before she met the town people.

Sarah glanced around the house; it was
well kept and clean with beautiful dollies on the chairs. It looked
so homey. Sarah felt proud her sister had made such a fine
home.

“Where are the girls?” Sarah finally
asked when Maggie quit asking so many questions and stopped to make
them tea. "Are they in school?"

Maggie nearly dropped the china cups at
the question….

“You mean….you mean you don’t know…”
Maggie asked breathlessly as she came toward her with a frown and
sadness.

Sarah felt a prickle go up her back.
Fear skittered up and down. “Know what?”

“Oh no…I can’t believe it… Why,
honey…"Her sister grabbed her hands to hold them The way she held
them told Sarah more than she knew. "They are dead…they been dead
for years….” Maggie exclaimed.

“Dead?” Sarah stood up in the middle of
the living room, setting her cup down on the small table. Her hands
shook so the cup rattled loudly. “Both of them… How?”

“Why, honey…the same way as Daniel.
They was butchered by the Indians. I thought you would know… I
never dreamed…” Maggie took Sarah into her arms. “Oh I’m so
sorry…”

“But…I saw them…they were still in the
wagon when they took me off…” Sarah said, the tears rolling down
her cheeks. She shook her head. Then closed her eyes. The Comanche
had done this…

Maggie shook her head and closed her
eyes, “Those heathens butchered them…,” she cried out.

“Oh, my God…oh, my God…” Sarah plopped
back into the chair and closed her eyes. “All this time…thinking of
them, thinking they had escaped…”

“Oh honey, don’t do this…you are here
now, safe…with family… Don’t fret so…” Maggie pulled her again into
her arms and comforted her. “You come with me and lie down for a
while. Then we’ll talk and I’ll show you where they are
buried.”

Sarah cried aloud now, wailed, and her
misery seemed to echo through the house. Even being this close to
her sister didn't help. All the years of leaning on the memory of
her two white children, and to hear they were killed so long ago,
made her tremble and weep so hard she couldn't breathe.

She did lie down for a while, but the
nightmare would not go away. To think she’d come so far, from such
a long way, and to have nothing… No…not nothing. She still had her
son… She needed to go get her son. That would make her feel
better.

She stood up and looked about the room.
It was a lovely room, with a beautiful handmade quilt and a loomed
rug on the floor. Everything here was perfect. But she needed her
son….

She opened the door and saw her sister
sitting in the parlor, drinking tea, shaking her head and talking
to herself, as though consoling herself.

“Maggie…I’ve got to bring my son
home…he’s not far, I’ll go get him…”

“Son… You have a son…where
dear?”

“He’s out there a ways. I’ve got to go
get him…”

“You’re hysterical; you don’t know what
you are saying. You have no son, Sarah…” Maggie shook her head
adamantly.

“Of course I do… I’ll be back, I’ll
show you…” Sarah ran to the door and looked over her
shoulder.”

Maggie was shaking her head and
following her, “Sarah, you come back here, honey, you don’t have a
son…”

Sarah stopped cold in the middle of the
yard and turned to look at her sister, “Yes…I do.”

“But…how…I mean who…? I mean…no, you
don’t have a son…” Maggie exclaimed shaking her head. “Come on now,
let me show you where the girls are,” Maggie encouraged.

Sarah nodded numbly. She could tell her
about her baby later. When she could calm down and
think.

They walked up a small hill and went
inside a gate and there—in the cold, cold ground— was the stone
with their names on it. Sarah ran her fingers over their names. She
bent double and cried for her babies that she would never see
again. “Oh God…. How could this have happened?”

Maggie held her in her arms while she
cried and Sarah couldn’t move from the graveyard for a long
time.

* * * * *

"Dear God, I hadn’t figured on that
too," Jeb said as he watched from the overgrown trees as Sarah
found the graves of her daughters and doubled over with the pain of
it. Jeb wanted to go to her to comfort her, but he knew he
couldn’t. Sarah had found her family and unless she came to him, he
wouldn’t interfere with her life further. He’d said his goodbye,
even though it wasn’t like he had wanted.

Hoot shook his head, a tear rolling
down his cheek. “She’s like us; she’s just lost all her family…She
ain't got nobody Jeb.”

“We’ll keep watch, she’ll come for the
baby, then we’ll head out,” Jeb said trying to push down the
longings of his heart.

“Just like that, we’re gonna leave
her?” Hoot gasped.

Jeb’s rage was past controlling, “Well,
what do you want me to do? She wanted her family. There were no
guarantees that it was all gonna be rosy. We know from experience,
don’t we? This is all her choice and we can’t interfere for once.
We done enough of that already.”

Hoot shook his head, “Jeb, I know how
you feel about her. You’re in love with her. I know it’s got to
hurt to see her like this. So why don’t we just go get her and take
her with us. We can make a family, the four of us. We’ll be her
family…don’t you see? She don't deserve to keep hurtin' like
this.”

“She’s white…,” Jeb choked.

“So she’s white, she’s got the guts of
an Indian and the heart of a black woman. And there ain’t a place
on this earth she belongs, but with us, and you know it.” Hoot
cried as tears ran down his cheek. "Well don't look at me like
that, I love her too, just not the same way…."

“I do love her, Hoot. But that ain’t
enough. She deserves a chance at life. She’ll get it with
them….”

“How’s she gonna get it with them when
they won’t accept her baby?” Hoot gasped.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’ll just take
time….”

“What if she don’t come get the baby?
If they won’t accept it, maybe she’d be better off without him.
Then what we gonna do?” Hoot demanded.

Jeb turned with rage. “We’ll raise him,
like our own, and that’s what we’ll do…”

Hoot slumped and then shot him a
crooked smile, “Yeah…I guess we will….”

Jeb kept a watch, to see what would
happen next. It didn’t take long.

* * * * *

Maggie’s husband rode up while Sarah
and Maggie were still at the cemetery. He saw them and walked up
the hill. He stopped before he got to the gate, trying to put
together the scene there.