The Forgotten Girl (5 page)

Nora led Sierra into the living room, where Jason and Hayden were waiting. Nora stood by the girl’s side, her arm around her shoulders, presenting her as though she were the prize on a game show.

“Look who’s here, Jason,” she said.

Jason took in the sight of his niece and the difference between the little girl he had last seen and the young woman who stood before him. Sierra appeared to be several inches taller than Nora, and her long hair, a lighter shade of brown than her mother’s, reached just past her shoulders. She carried a duffel bag in one hand and wore a backpack. She shrugged her shoulders as the scrutiny of the three adults continued, and when she arched her eyebrows and smiled, Jason saw the strong resemblance between his niece and his sister. Except for the height, he could easily have been looking at a replica of Hayden when she was in high school. Although Jason quickly realized, based on a moment’s observation, that Sierra exuded a clear-eyed calm and maturity that his sister never possessed at that age.

“Hi, Uncle Jason,” she said. She wore jeans and an Ohio State University hoodie.

“Hi, Sierra.” He considered stepping forward and hugging
his niece, but thought better of it. Would she want to be hugged by an uncle she hadn’t seen in years?

Sierra was looking at the floor near her feet. “Do you mind?” she asked, raising the duffel bag.

“Sure,” Nora said, her arm still on the girl’s shoulders. “You can put it down right there.”

Sierra lowered the duffel bag to the floor with a soft thump and then slipped out of her backpack. “I’m sorry we’re just barging in on you like this. I told Mom to call first, but she wouldn’t. It’s kind of rude, I know.”

“It’s fine,” Nora said. “But it’s a little chilly outside. Maybe I should put a robe on.”

“You see, Mom,” Sierra said. “We’re catching people in their pajamas.”

“It’s fine, honey,” Hayden said. “My brother is used to it from me. We’re family.”

Jason turned to Hayden. “Yeah, what’s that they say? Home is the place that when you go there, they have to take you in?”

“That’s Robert Frost,” Sierra said. All the adults turned to look at her. “Sorry. I’m studying for the AP English exam. There’s a lot of Robert Frost.”

“We should all sit,” Nora said. “But I’m going to run and get a robe. Jason, why don’t you put water on for tea? Or would either of you prefer coffee, even though it’s so late?”

Nora started for the stairs, but Hayden’s voice stopped her. “Actually,” she said, “I need to get going.”

“Already?” Jason asked. “It’s so late. I thought you’d be staying here tonight at least. We have the room.”

“I know,” Hayden said. “And I’d love to stay the night. But I have some things to get started on.”

“You mean . . . the thing you were talking about?” Jason asked.

Hayden looked somewhat uncomfortable, and the two siblings turned their attention to Sierra, who looked at Nora and said, “I think this is the part of the conversation where I’m supposed to leave the room.”

Nora said, “Why don’t I show you up to the guest room? You’ve never been here before, have you?”

“I guess I haven’t,” Sierra said, bending down to pick up her bags.

“Wait,” Hayden said. She walked the ten feet across the room to where her daughter stood. “I’m just going to go while you’re upstairs with Nora. Okay?”

“Okay, Mom. I know you don’t like good-byes.”

“Just come up when you’re ready, Sierra,” Nora said, moving toward the stairs. She cleared her throat and jerked her head, a not so subtle way of telling Jason that he needed to leave the room as well and give the mother and daughter privacy. Jason nodded to indicate that he understood and announced that he would put the water on in the kitchen, even though no one had said they wanted it.

Hayden started talking before Jason left. She didn’t seem to care if anyone heard what she was saying to her daughter, and Jason listened as he walked out of the room.

“I know I’m turning your life a little upside down again, kiddo,” Hayden said. “But this is the last time. I promise.”

“It’s fine, Mom.”

“It’s not fine. Really.” Hayden laughed a little. “Sometimes I wonder how you turned out so well.”

Jason entered the kitchen. He stood at the island in the center of the room and filled the teakettle with water and turned the burner on. From his position, he could still see into the living room where his sister stood in front of her daughter. He couldn’t
hear what they were saying to each other, but Hayden seemed to be doing most of the talking, looking up at Sierra, who listened intently and nodded from time to time. Hayden reached into her purse and took out the envelope again, the same one she had offered to Jason earlier. She handed it over to Sierra, who took it and stuffed it into the back pocket of her jeans.

Hayden then reached up and kissed Sierra on the cheek. She put her arms around the girl and pulled her into a tight hug. Sierra rested her chin on Hayden’s shoulder and closed her eyes while the embrace lasted. They held each other that way, and Jason looked down, embarrassed that he had spied on such an intimate scene.

He listened to the soft whisper of the gas flame as it heated the kettle on the stove. He and Nora had chosen not to have children and put their careers first. As the years went on, Jason found himself watching the interactions between parents and their growing children with the fascination of someone observing a mystery he would never fully understand. The subtle affection, the nonverbal communication, the loving gestures.

Jason heard someone going up the stairs, and then Hayden called his name. He turned the burner off and walked out to where his sister waited in the foyer.

“I’m going to go now,” she said.

“Okay,” Jason said. He saw the emotion in his sister’s eyes. Not quite tears but almost.

“Thanks for doing this. Really.” Hayden reached up and used the back of her hand to wipe at her eye. She sniffed. “She’s a good kid. She won’t disrupt your life at all.” She smiled. “I have no idea where she came from. I really don’t. Sometimes I look at her and think she must be an alien baby someone left with me, and my real kid is out there somewhere partying and raising hell.”

“You love her,” Jason said. “That’s all that matters.”

Hayden looked up. “Thanks for saying that.” She took a deep breath. “I wish Mom and Dad could see her now and know their granddaughter.”

“Their only grandchild.”

“Right. I hadn’t really thought of that.”

“And,” Jason said, “you probably wish they could see you now. Right?”

Hayden laughed a little. “God. Yes. Mom would take all the credit, wouldn’t she? She’d say something like, ‘I’m glad you finally listened to what your father and I were telling you all those years.’”

“And Dad would probably say, ‘You clean up awfully well when you want to.’”

“He would. He totally would. By the way, you look more and more like the old man every day. I thought you should know that.”

“Is that an insult?” Jason asked.

“Just an observation. You haven’t gone bald. That’s the only difference.” Hayden adjusted her purse and straightened her posture. “I’m going to go now. Okay?”

Despite the emotion she displayed with Sierra, Jason couldn’t detect the frantic edge beneath Hayden’s words anymore. Perhaps what he had thought was fear had simply been nervousness over coming into Jason’s home after all those years and all the problems. But he couldn’t be sure.

“Hayden,” he said, “do you need me to . . . I don’t know . . . come along with you on whatever you’re doing? I feel like I should.”

“No,” Hayden said, her voice firm. “I have to do it myself.”

“Can you at least tell me where you’re going or what you’re doing?” Jason asked.

“You’ll know eventually. You will.” She rose onto her tiptoes and kissed Jason on the cheek. “Thanks, big brother. Forty-eight hours at the most. Forty-eight. Then I’ll be back for my girl.”

Hayden turned away and went through the door quickly, disappearing into the night.

At the top of the stairs, Jason turned right, away from the master bedroom and toward the guest room, where Sierra would be staying. Nora sat in a rocking chair, her robe belted across her middle, and Sierra sat cross-legged on the bed. Jason stopped in the doorway, feeling a little like he’d interrupted a private moment between the two women.

“Well, your mom left,” he said.

“I know,” Sierra said.

“Do you—”

Even though Sierra cut Jason off, she did it as politely as she could. “No, I’m sorry, Uncle Jason. I don’t know where she’s going or what she’s doing. Believe me, I asked. If your mom pulls you out of school a week early and drags you off to your aunt and uncle’s house, you ask questions. But she wouldn’t answer any of them. She was just like, ‘It’s nothing to worry about.’”

“Hmm.”

Sierra looked at Nora. “And what do you do when someone tells you not to worry?”

“You worry,” Nora said.

“Exactly. But Mom won’t let anything slip. She’s a vault when she wants to be.” Sierra mimed turning a key over her lips.

But Jason wasn’t ready to move on. “She said it has something to do with her AA program. Does that tell you anything?”

“Not really,” Sierra said. “She’s been apologizing like crazy. She called some guy she worked with ten years ago and apologized for not sticking up for him when he got fired. She won’t stop.”

“Has she apologized to you for anything?” Jason asked.

“Like fifty times. I finally told her to stop. I could tell she was going to do it again downstairs when she left, but she stopped herself. Enough is enough, you know? I get it. She’s sorry she was a crappy mom sometimes and a drunk. I almost went into foster care once, when she was in really bad shape.”

“You did?” Nora asked.

“It was close. A social worker came a few times and asked a lot of questions. I knew what they were thinking.” Sierra shrugged, but her casual attitude appeared to be a front. She didn’t look either one of them in the eye. “I bounced around a lot . . . my grandma’s house mostly. Then I was with Dad. I think that’s when Mom was here the last time. I know all about the wrecked car and stuff. But it’s okay. She’s better now.”

“And we’re so glad for that,” Nora said. “She looks great. Better than I’ve seen her looking in years.”

Jason came all the way into the room and sat on an ancient, leather-covered ottoman that once belonged to his parents, the material creaking under his weight. What would his mom and dad
really
make of all of it? Would they believe in Hayden’s transformation? Jason knew the answer—they wouldn’t. They’d remain supremely cautious, just as he was. But how much time had to pass before one’s behavior was accepted as a permanent change? Did he want to be as negative and doubtful as his parents?

“You probably want to go to bed soon,” Jason said.

“I like to stay up late. I read when the house is quiet.”

“It’s always quiet here,” Nora said. “No kids.”

“That’s cool,” Sierra said. “I always thought I’d want to live in New York like you guys did. When Mom said she was bringing me to you, I hoped you had moved back to the big city. But then she said it was just Ednaville.”

“Has your mom been in touch with your dad lately?” Jason asked.

Some of the sprightly energy left Sierra at the mention of her father. Her face turned a shade paler, her eyes just a bit flatter.

“I haven’t seen Dad in two years,” she said.

“You haven’t?”

“He had to move to Indianapolis for a new job,” she said. “I guess you didn’t hear.” She picked at a loose thread on her jeans. “He got laid off from his old job and couldn’t find anything in Ohio. I’m supposed to go see him sometime soon, but I don’t know when.”

She gave up on trying to pull the loose thread free. She smoothed it into place with her thumb.

“So, he’s not around here?” Jason asked.

“Wouldn’t Mom have brought me to him if he lived close by instead of bothering you?” She looked back and forth between Jason and Nora as though the answer were obvious. She turned to Jason and said, “Look, I know you’re fishing, and that’s cool. I’d fish too if I were you. Your nutty sister shows up with her teenage kid, and you’re all like, ‘What the hell’s going on here?’ Right?”

“She’s always been responsible when it comes to you,” Nora said.

“Yeah, she has. Mostly.” Sierra stared at a fixed point in the room, somewhere in between Jason and Nora.

No one spoke until Nora said, “But you’re worried about her a little bit? Aren’t you?”

Sierra shrugged. She started picking at the thread again. “She’s like a cat, you know? I figure she has nine lives.” She looked up at Jason. “But . . . can you maybe guess what I’m going to say next?”

Nora turned to look at him as well.

Jason said, “You’re always worried that this time is the tenth?”

Sierra nodded. She looked wise beyond her years.

*   *   *

Back in their bedroom, after they had left Sierra alone to sleep or read, Nora scooted toward the middle of their king-sized bed and whispered, “Did Hayden have anything interesting to say to you when the two of you were alone?”

Jason put his book down, tented it on top of his chest. “Not really. No.”

“What do you make of all this?” Nora asked. “What do you think Hayden’s up to?”

“Up to?” Jason said. “When you say it that way, you make it sound as though we can’t trust her.”

“It’s just an expression.”

“I agree, of course. We can’t entirely trust her,” Jason said. “We really can’t. But you’re always defending her, and I’m trying really hard to give her the benefit of the doubt. It’s not easy for me, so that’s why I’m surprised to hear you put it that way.”

“I don’t
always
defend her,” Nora said. “I just like her. And I try to balance the way you think about her from the past with new possibilities. The way you see her is screened through your parents.”

“And our smashed car. And about a million other disasters of all sizes from when we were growing up. She got thrown in the
drunk tank once in Chicago, about fifteen years ago. That will drive your parents to the brink, having a child in a big-city jail and no way to talk to her.”

“I understand where you’re coming from. We don’t have to talk about it. . . .” Nora scooted back to her side of the bed.

Jason didn’t pick up his book. He didn’t want to turn into his parents, judging Hayden and never allowing her out of the box she was placed in at such an early age. Seeing Hayden again, even for such a short time, had brought a swirl of emotions. Anger. Regret. Joy and fear. He remembered their late-night talks as children, their secret and meaningless conspiracies against their parents, their shared adolescent angst over school drama and the mysteries of the opposite sex. She was his sister. His baby sister, even if she was just one year younger. He’d be lying if he didn’t admit—at least to himself—that hearing Hayden call him “big brother” again melted much of the steel he’d erected in his heart against her.

“I don’t know,” Jason said.

“Don’t know what?” Nora asked.

“Hayden. What she’s here for.” Nora turned her body toward him again, listening, the sheets rustling as she moved. “I’m trying not to be cold. Not to be a judgmental ass. I’m just curious. I’m sure it’s this AA stuff like she said. Making amends, you know? I’ve been trying to think of who she might owe an apology to in Ednaville. Mom and Dad would be the obvious choice, but they’re dead and gone. There’s us, and she already dealt with that.”

The toilet flushed down the hall, followed by the sound of running water. Nora lowered her voice even more. “Who else was she close to in town?”

“She had a lot of friends in high school,” Jason said. “She mostly ran with a rough crowd. No surprise. The drinkers and the stoners and the guys who came to school in army jackets and
never shaved. I’m sure a fair number of them still live here. People like that don’t leave Ednaville. But I have no idea if she owes any of them anything.”

“It doesn’t have to be big,” Nora said. “Remember my cousin Steve? He went through AA, and he went around apologizing for the smallest stuff. Like Sierra said, she seems to be sorry for everything.”

“Yeah,” Jason said.

He replayed Hayden’s words in his mind. Not what she said, but how she said it. Her tone.

“What is it?” Nora asked.

“I just worry she’s in trouble,” he said. “That she’s in over her head somehow. Even if she is recovering, she said it’s only been a year or so. That’s fragile. Someone could fall off the wagon so quickly, and the whole thing could slip away. I’ve seen her do it before. So many times she disappeared from our lives, despite all the promises.”

“You’re forgetting something.” Nora pointed in the direction of the guest room where Sierra was staying. “She’s going to come back for her. She’ll stay on the straight and narrow for her.”

“Why now?”

“Look at how well that kid is doing. You can see how proud Hayden is.”

“Sierra was around when Hayden came the last time.”

“It seems different—that’s all I can say. She’s not going to let that girl go or hurt her. Is she?”

As if on cue, the door to the guest room closed. Jason didn’t answer the question. Sierra was seventeen. It had taken that long for Hayden to clean up, so would things really be different?

Nora said, “I think it’s nice to have those sounds in the house, don’t you? Just being here, Sierra brings energy and life, right?”
Nora reached out and rubbed her hand against Jason’s upper arm. “I wonder about how quiet our life is sometimes.”

“I thought we liked it quiet.”

“We do,” Nora said. “But you know you like seeing your niece.” She poked him in the arm playfully. “Don’t you?”

“I do. Of course I do. She seems like a good kid.” Then he picked up his book. “We made that decision about not having kids a long time ago, Nora. A long time. If we play a role in Sierra’s life, then that can be . . . a kind of substitute for that.”

“Sure,” Nora said, rolling back over. “Although I don’t agree with you that it’s the same. It might be close, but it’s not the
same.”