The Game of Denial (7 page)

Charmaine returned to her seat after stopping and whispering something to Tucker.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Evey asked, dragging Joan's attention from the mini-drama involving Meg.

"So far, so good," Joan answered.

"You seem distracted. Is everything all right?"

"Just observing people. It's a hobby of mine."

A few minutes later, Evey excused herself and threaded her way toward the restroom. Joan's eyes followed her and admired the way Evey's body moved inside her jeans. She took a long drink of her beer to cool her thoughts as she returned her attention to Meg and the conversations around her.

EVEY STOOD IN the relatively short line for the women's restroom and leaned back against the wall.

"Havin' a good time?" Millie asked as she stepped into line next to Evey.

"I'm just a little tired is all," Evey answered. "I'm getting too damn old to work from dawn to dusk and then party the evening away. I can't believe I ever did that."

"How are things goin' at the house?"

"Nothing new there either. Just more mouths to feed. Joan's girls have been very helpful, especially Giselle, her daughter-inlaw. She loves to cook."

Millie lowered her voice. "And what about, you know, her, the queer one?"

"What?" Evey asked, stunned by Millie's question.

"Everyone's curious about what she's like," Millie went on.

"She's just like you and me, Millie," Evey said. "She's a normal woman with four normal children."

"There's nothing
normal
about a woman like her," Millie huffed. "I know Beth's tryin' to be nice and all, but she didn't need to dance with the woman."

"Beth's a grown woman. I don't make decisions for her anymore." Evey pushed away from the wall and glared at her friend. When the next restroom visitor exited, Evey shoved the door open and disappeared inside.

JOAN'S EYES FOLLOWED Meg as she accompanied the young stranger to the dance floor. She stood and walked around the table to where Charmaine was seated and tapped her on the shoulder. Charmaine looked around and saw Meg, then stood and followed her mother onto the wooden floor lightly sprinkled with fresh sawdust. Joan piloted them around the floor, always staying within range of Meg. She was shocked when she saw the man pull Meg closer and kiss her. Meg pushed him away and soundly slapped him. She saw the anger that flooded his face as he reached out and roughly grabbed Meg's arm. Within two steps Joan was next to him with Tucker and Charmaine close behind.

"Let go of her arm, son," Joan said calmly.

"It's all right, Mom. I can handle it," Meg said.

"Looks like he's doing all the handling." Joan moved to stand in front of him. "I've been watching you paw my daughter most of the evening. I don't like it."

It was obvious the man had reached his beer limit and was perhaps one over. He glared at Meg. "It was just a kiss," he said. He stuck his face in Meg's. "Or, are you a big bad dyke like your Mama?"

Joan heard Charmaine sigh and mumble, "Shouldn't have said that, Billy Bob."

"This little tease has been leadin' me on since she arrived," he said, jutting his chin closer as he jabbed his finger into Joan's chest.

"Knock it off, Chad," Tully hissed as he grabbed the man's arm and tried to pull him away. "You win, okay?"

"Win what?" Joan asked.

Chad grinned stupidly, puffing his chest out. "I kissed her first."

Evey, who had joined the small knot of people, grabbed Tully's arm and jerked him around to face her. "What the hell is he talking about, Tully?" When her son hesitated, she punched him soundly on the arm. "Answer me!"

Tully shrugged, but couldn't look his mother in the face. "It was only a stupid bet, Mom."

Joan reached out and took Evey by the arm to calm her down. Tully slapped Joan's hand away. "Don't touch my mother, ya perv!" he said angrily. "She's not like you! She's a real woman!"

Meg lunged forward, but Joan stopped her. "That's enough, Meg. It's an argument that can't be won and certainly not in the middle of a dance floor in Podunk, Virginia."

Meg looked up at her mother. Joan smiled and said, "You have to learn to pick your battles, sweetheart. This one's a loser."

Tully turned away, mumbling "˜dyke' under his breath. Evey reached out to stop him, but Joan stopped her. "There are some concepts that are difficult for young people to understand, especially when it challenges who they are."

Joan wrapped her arm around Meg and looked at her family now surrounding them protectively. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm about ready for a good night's rest."

"I'm so sorry, Joan," Evey said.

"No apologies necessary," Joan said as they returned to their table to retrieve their things. Joan dropped two twenties on the table and felt like a mother duck leading a trail of ducklings as they made their way out of the bar.

Chapter Seven

JOAN WAS SILENT Sunday morning at breakfast. Fran cleared the table while everyone left to get dressed for church. "Leave those, Fran," Joan said. "I'll clean up after you leave."

"Not going to church, I suppose."

Joan looked at her and smiled. "You already know the answer to that, sweetie." Joan wasn't sure she would ever reconcile with the church that considered her a sinner of the worst kind. She had agreed to bring the children up in Martine's faith, but the "donation" the church had virtually demanded for allowing the mass at Martine's funeral still galled her. To alleviate her feelings toward the church Joan invented a scenario in which Martine was now flitting among the other angels in Heaven, using her seductive talents to turn them all into happy little gay angels. She smiled at the thought even now.

"Evey and Ralph will be home soon anyway. They always attend the early service," Fran said. She leaned against the counter and dried her hands. "There's a question I need to ask you, Mom."

"As long as it's not about going to church," Joan said, taking a gulp of her coffee.

Fran returned to the table and sat. She took Joan's hand and held it between hers. "Would you walk me down the aisle? Give me away?"

"I assumed your Uncle Ron would have that honor." Joan felt her throat beginning to constrict and cleared it.

"Uncle Ron is not the parent who raised me and taught me everything I know about life. You and Mama did that. Since she can't be here I want the parent closest to me to escort me down that aisle or garden path or whatever you want to call it."

Joan pulled Fran into her arms and held her tightly. "I would be honored, sweetheart."

"Will you wear your tuxedo? You look so elegant in it."

"We might have to tie
Meme
into her chair and put a gag in her mouth." She smiled at Fran and held her face in her hands. "I didn't bring the tuxedo and haven't worn it in years. Not since..."

Fran bit her lower lip. "I asked Charmaine to pack it, but you don't have to wear it if it brings back bad memories."

Joan smiled again. "It will be perfect. It will only bring back wonderful memories of your Mama. Now I can add another happy memory."

Fran wrapped her arms around Joan and kissed her on the lips. "Thank you, Mom. Now everything will be exactly the way I want it."

"I'm glad." Joan glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. "You'd better get dressed so you don't keep them all waiting. I'm sure Charmaine is chomping at the bit to go to confession. It's probably the first time in years that she won't embarrass the priest with lascivious tales of lust."

JOAN WAS DRYING the last breakfast dish when Evey came through the door from the mud room and stepped into the kitchen.

"God! Father was wound up like an eight day clock this morning," Evey said as she made her way to the coffeemaker and poured a cup. "We saw the kids arriving when we finally escaped."

Joan opened a cabinet and slid the plate inside.

"Thank you for washing the dishes," Evey said.

"You were right," Joan said. "Washing dishes gives you lots of time to think without being interrupted."

"Joan," Evey said. "I'm really sorry about last night."

Joan shrugged. "Forget it."

"I can't! I didn't raise my children to be so small-minded. I don't know what Tully was thinking."

"He'd had a few drinks. Maybe he thought I was hurting you."

"No matter how angry you might get, I know you'd never harm anyone."

"I hope I wouldn't," Joan said. "I confess to having a pretty bad temper though."

Evey finished her coffee and rinsed out the cup. "You know, I was thinking on the way home that today would be a perfect day for a picnic. Would you be interested?"

"That sounds like fun."

"We usually take Sundays off except for feeding the horses anyway and lounge around."

"What about lunch for everyone else?"

"I have a ton of sandwich stuff in the refrigerator. They can fend for themselves."

Evey's eyes sparkled in anticipation and Joan wanted to do something to take her mind off the events of the night before. Joan went upstairs to her room to change. When she returned to the kitchen, Evey was packing a lunch basket.

"Anything I can do to help?" Joan asked.

"If you could get a small bag of ice from the freezer we would be about ready."

"You're planning to carry all this on horseback?"

Evey shook her head. "I'm borrowing Ralph's pick-up."

Joan lifted the basket and cooler into the bed of the old pick-up and climbed into the passenger seat. Evey readjusted the seat to reach the pedals and the old truck rumbled to life. She pulled it alongside the barn and called out to Ralph, telling him where they were going and about how long they would be gone.

"I didn't know there was a lake on your property," Joan said as they bounced along.

"More like a big pond," Evey said. "It was a pretty safe place to take the kids swimming when they were younger."

"How's your mare doing? The pregnant one?"

"I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll wait until after the wedding before she foals. She's miscarried three times already. This is the first one that should go to term. I'm a little worried that all the extra activity around the farm will stress her out, but we keep her as calm as we can. Her appetite has been good."

"She's your favorite, isn't she?"

"I shouldn't have a favorite, but I've had Sheba since she was born. I had to practically hand raise her because she was a little sickly. It's like taking care of a kid. She's a little small for competition riding. Ralph and Tully tried to convince me to sell her to another riding school, but I couldn't do it."

"You have a soft heart," Joan said.

Evey looked across the seat at Joan. "Yeah. I probably do. Just like with people, there are some that you're drawn to for some reason you can't explain."

A few minutes later the truck climbed over the top of a hill. Joan could see the pond at the bottom as Evey pulled the truck into the shade of a stand of trees. A breeze blew up the hill and made the heat from the sun tolerable while keeping insects away. Joan stepped out of the truck and lifted the basket and cooler from the back. Evey pulled a blanket from behind the seat and carried it to an area that was half in the shade and half in the sun. Joan set everything down and helped Evey spread the blanket out. They found four medium-sized rocks to hold down the corners of the blanket and placed the basket and cooler in the shady half.

Joan rooted around in the cooler and pulled out a bottle of water. She took a long drink and stretched out on the blanket. "This is a peaceful place," she said.

"It's another good thinking spot and a lot more picturesque than over the sink," Evey chuckled.

"If I stayed here very long, I'd probably fall asleep."

"I've actually done that," Evey said. "When I woke up half of me looked like a lobster. Couldn't ride for a week."

"Why?"

"I was so sunburned I couldn't bend my knees. Walked around like a robot." Evey laughed. "The kids thought it was fun to press their fingers into my skin and then watch the white imprints slowly disappear."

"Children can be sadistic. If I fall asleep please make sure I'm in the shade." Joan propped herself on her elbows and took deep breaths. "This is nothing like being in the city. No noise, no car horns, no carbon monoxide. How do you stand it?"

"It's tough, but you get used to it," Evey said.

"Fran asked me to walk her down the aisle this morning," Joan said. "I wasn't expecting that. I thought maybe my brother or Tucker would have that role."

"I think it's wonderful. Not many mothers get to escort their child down the aisle."

"Did your father give you away?"

Evey laughed and shook her head. "More like signed my deed away."

"What do you mean?"

Evey sat up, her face sober. "I'm not who you might think I am, Joan."

"I think you're a nice person, a good mother, a caring friend, a hard worker. Am I wrong?"

"I like to think I'm all those things, but I wasn't always."

"Everyone changes, Evey."

"When I was about Tully's age I was just beginning to become noticed on the riding circuit and was pretty full of myself. I partied and drank and thought I was enjoying life. My father thought I should start thinking about settling down, getting married. The circuit wasn't a seemly place for young women back then. Anyway, I met Les and liked him okay. Not the man of my dreams or anything, but someone to hang around with, you know? My father liked him and knew Les wanted his own farm. But Les' folks didn't have much." Evey looked around and took a deep breath. "After an event in Richmond, Les and I went out and had a few drinks." She shook her head. "We actually had a lot of drinks, or as it turns out, I had a lot of drinks. I don't remember much about that night. But I know that was the night I got pregnant with Brad. That was the night everything about my life changed."

Joan didn't know exactly what to say and waited for Evey to continue.