The Gate to Everything (Once Upon a Dare Book 1) (25 page)

“Do you think she’s wondering why I’m here like this?” Jordan asked. “I made sure to read what the experts say about being naked in front of your kids without it being weird. We have a few years.”

This time the laugh bubbled out despite her exhaustion. “Jordan strut-his-stuff-on-and-off-the-field Dean is worrying about being naked?”

He shot her a look. “Hey! I’m trying to be a good father here.”

That shut her up. “I know. I’m sorry I laughed.”

“It
is
kinda funny,” he admitted, cupping Ella’s head. “If only my Once Upon a Dare guys could hear this conversation.”

“They wouldn’t believe it,” she said, stroking the soft curls on her daughter’s head. “Ella, let’s finish eating.”

Her daughter turned at her name, smiled, and went back to nursing.

“She’s not going back to sleep, is she?” Jordan asked.

“No,” she answered, watching their daughter kick her feet. “She’ll probably go down for a nap around ten.”

“Oh, well,” he said with a sigh. “Everyone says this is natural. We’ll just have to carve out some extra time for us. And not just for sex—although I love that—but to…well…to be together. Maybe have a date night. I…want you to feel special to me again.”

Oh, Good Lord. This was the sweet and considerate Jordan she’d missed. “I’d like that.” Then she thought about what it would mean to go on a date in public with him and tensed. Ella stopped nursing again and looked up at her.

Jordan laid his hand on her arm. “We’ll find somewhere private, Grace. Trust me on this.”

Everyone would know they’d reconciled if they were seen in public without Ella. Was she ready for that? Was she ready to face another round of mean-spirited comments about her looks, about how Jordan Dean was settling? She decided this wasn’t the time to bring it up.

“Okay.”

He frowned a moment before taking a breath and smiling. It was his way of shaking things off.

“I’d also like to bring over some more things if that’s okay,” he said haltingly. “I’m not saying we need to talk about anything else yet, but I’d…like to keep some things here in your bedroom and bath.”

‘Anything else’ meant marriage. That thought made her heart beat faster. Surely that was where this would lead. It was what she’d always wanted, and he knew that. But it wasn’t going to be a simple, normal people kind of marriage like she’d imagined. Part of her went cold with fear at the thought of the media always being in their lives.

“Breathe, Grace,” he said, rubbing her arm briskly. “I know you’re freaking out. We can go as slow as you want. I don’t mean to rush you.”

Rush her? She hadn’t been the one dithering. “Of course you can keep some things in here. I want you to feel comfortable.” She couldn’t say yet:
I want you to feel at home.

“Great,” he replied, tickling Ella’s little feet. “I’ll bring some things over after I get home tonight. I’ll text you when I’m on my way. You have the lunch shift today, right?”

She nodded.

“I can burp her and get her bathed and dressed while you shower,” he offered.

Amy usually did that for her, but since Ella had awoken at the crack of dawn, there was no reason to wait. “That would be great. Then you can hop in after me.”

He leaned over and kissed her. “Take your time.”

“Jordan, we have a three-month-old. Taking our time is a thing of the past for a while.”

“Has she finished nursing yet?”

Ella turned her head again and gave him a toothless grin.

“You’re distracting her,” Grace said, but their daughter deserved to share in their happy reunion. After all, she was one of the reasons it had happened.

Jordan pulled up the sheet and covered his head. “Is this better?”

Sensing a game, Ella cooed and started kicking her feet wildly.

“Okay,” Grace said, “I think you’re finished, missy.”
 

As she laid Ella down on the bed, Jordan lowered the sheet and said, “Boo.”

Their daughter laughed, and Grace caressed her soft cheek.

“She’s all yours.”

He lifted her onto his chest. “Good, because that’s what she is. All mine. All right. Show Daddy how you burp.”

Grace’s heart felt aglow as she slipped into the shower, listening to the mingled sounds of her daughter’s cooing and Jordan’s laughter. She and Jordan might not have made love again this morning, but they’d had family time. Right now, that felt equally as precious.

Even though she was bone tired, Grace found herself humming under the hot spray. Jordan had been so in tune with her last night, and as she washed her body, she couldn’t help but think of everywhere he’d touched her. Goodness, she’d missed being with him. When she left the shower, her cheeks were flushed from more than the hot water.

Maybe Ella had fallen back asleep.

But when she got out to dry off, she heard her daughter laughing along with Jordan’s baritone rumble. No such luck. She dressed quickly for work and joined them.

“You left the bathroom door open,” Jordan said when she returned.

“Yeah, I did,” she said, looking back at him curiously.

Ella was lying on the bed beside him with a rattle he must have snagged from the nursery.

“Good…I wasn’t sure you would…never mind. Here, take this little sweetie pie. It won’t take me long to get ready.”

“Really?”
Jordan always took his time, saying appearances must be observed like a character plucked out of
The Great Gatsby
.

“Yes,
really,”
he said, scooping Ella up and carrying her over to Grace. “I can change. I can grow.”

“You can indeed,” she said, fighting laughter.

“I am not that vain,” he said, giving her a decided frown.

“Of course not,” she said, mostly teasing.

“You’ll see,” Jordan said, handing her the baby. “Set your watch and prepare to be amazed.”

Ella cuddled against Grace’s chest and then pulled away to watch her daddy walk into the bathroom, as if she too wanted to time him.

“I’m also leaving the door open,” he called out as if it were a proclamation. “Oh, I’ll need to use your razor to shave.”

Man, he was going to hate that. Her razor always left him with a trio of nicks on his chin. “Why don’t you shave at your house?”

“I want to spend as much time with my girls as I can.”

She left the bedroom with a spring in her step, delighting Ella, who liked the motion.

When he jogged down the steps not too much later, his hair was damp and finger-combed. Sure enough, there were some nicks on his chin. But he was smiling as he pointed to her. “You made coffee. And eggs? You didn’t need to do that.”

He wasn’t the only one who wanted to spend more time together. “We both needed to eat. Go sit at the table. Everything is ready.”

“Did you time me?” he asked, picking Ella up from the receiving blanket. He put her in her carrier and set it on the table so she could better see.

“It looks like you took fifteen minutes,” she said, which was a record for sure since it normally took him at least forty minutes.

“Thirteen,” he said with a wink. “I can shave off a few more minutes when I have my own razor here.”

“Jordan Dean talking about getting ready in less than thirteen minutes?” she teased. “I don’t know who you are right now.”

He went silent and turned his back. She’d intended it as a joke, but the words had clearly dug deep. Walking over to him, she hugged him from behind.

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

His chest rose and fell with a deep breath. “I’m trying really hard here, Gracie.”

She turned him to face her. “I know, and I appreciate it. I’ll be more careful with my words.”

He hugged her to him. “Good. I’ll be careful too. Come on, let’s eat.”

They sat down together, and Ella’s wide blue eyes tracked between them while they ate. Whenever she caught Jordan or Grace looking at her, she’d grin. The reality of the situation washed over Grace. When they’d broken up before, it had only impacted the two of them. With Ella, everything had changed. They
had
to make this work.

“Hey,” Jordan called, setting his espresso aside. “It’s okay. We’re going to be okay.”

She gave him her best smile, and he took her hand and kissed it. After he finished his breakfast, he rose and kissed Ella, playing with her little feet and talking baby talk with her, which always amused Grace. Then he crossed to her and pulled her against him.

“I won’t tell you not to worry because I’m doing it too,” he said, “but let’s be honest about what we’re going through. Coach Garretty always used to say it’s easier to carry your fears when you share them.”

“You’ve told me a million words of wisdom from that man,” she whispered against his chest. “But not that one.”

“Because I…wasn’t sure I could do it,” he said softly.
 

She edged back. “Why didn’t you think you could?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.” But his eyes said otherwise.

“Yes, you do. Tell me.”

There was a moment of silence before he said, “I was afraid it would only make you worry more if you knew about my fears. You worry a lot, Grace. I…don’t know how to help you with that. It’s…you worried about the media and things like money so much, it got…it was a lot to handle sometimes. The more I tried to reassure you or help, the more upset you got. I…crap…I felt pretty damn helpless sometimes.”

She swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to work on that.”

He gripped her more securely. “I didn’t tell you to make you feel bad. I just wish…you’d be able to let some of your fears go. It’s like you hold onto them. That’s not how I function.”

No, he’d told her he still had fears. Just not what he did about them. “What do you do?” Her voice sounded small.

“I think about them,” he said. “I face them. And then I drop kick them out of my… don’t laugh. My private stadium.”

“I wouldn’t laugh about that,” she told him. He had made himself vulnerable to her again, and that was worth honoring. “Maybe I need a private stadium or something. Wait. I know. My own private kitchen.” She and the other chefs at Marcellos were scrupulous about keeping their kitchen clean and in order. Fear was rather like a bunch of rotten vegetables, now that she thought about it. Who would willingly leave those in the fridge?

“I like it,” he said and glanced off quickly. “Look, I have to run, but I’ll be home as early as I can.”

She heard the hesitation in his voice. It was obvious he was feeling the stress of the big game this weekend. “I’ll see you when I see you. Have a good day.”

“You too,” he said. Catching her eyes, he lowered his mouth to hers and gave her a slow, soft kiss filled with a thousand promises. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said, still getting used to both saying and hearing the words again.

He gave Ella another kiss and jogged out.

Grace looked at her daughter. “It’s all going to be okay.”

After Amy arrived to take care of Ella, Grace left for work. Without exactly intending to, she found herself calling her mom on the way to the restaurant.

“Hi, honey,” her mom said when she answered. “How’s your day so far?”

“Pretty good,” she told her. Gripping the steering wheel, she let the words come out in a rush. “Mom, Jordan and I decided to get back together.”

“Oh, Grace,”
she said, the words filled with love. “I’m so happy for you both. This is what I’d hoped for.”

“Me too,” she admitted, “but I’m still a little scared. I want this to work so badly. For me and for Ella.”

“Then make it so,” her mom told her. “Half of any good marriage is choosing to be in it every day. The other half is remembering the love that made you decide to be there in the first place.”

She gripped the steering wheel. “Mom, Jordan and I haven’t talked about marriage yet.” This time, she had to believe he really wanted to marry
her
—now—and not because Ella had entered their lives.

“But you will,” her mom said, her tone no-nonsense. “Why do you think I used the word? This way you can freak out on your own before Jordan brings it up. Because he will, Grace. He might have dithered about it in the past, God knows, but things have changed. You have a child together. You’re living on the same property. This is the next step.”

“You always use a two-by-four to drive your point home,” Grace said.

“Grace, you love that man, and he loves you. And you have Ella to boot. Talk with each other about why you broke up. Get to the bottom of things. Once you do, let yourself love that man with everything you are. I know that’s the way you love, Gracie, because it’s the way I love too. All you have to do is do it. Don’t let your pride get in the way. I know you waited seven years for him before, but it might be wise to let that go.”

“You make it sound so easy,” she said, taking the interstate exit to the restaurant.

“It is, Gracie. I know you have your fears. We all do. But as your father and I have told you all your life, the best course is not to wallow in them. It’s why you left Deadwood to go to culinary school. It’s why you went to Italy even after you discovered you were pregnant. It’s why you agreed to live in your dream house in Atlanta next door to Jordan to provide a home for Ella. All that took courage. Remember your grit, Gracie, and when you forget, you call me. Okay, honey?”