The Gate to Everything (Once Upon a Dare Book 1) (9 page)

Chapter 6

After agreeing to Jordan’s plan, Grace quickly fell into a pattern with him that was working for her. Mostly.

Jordan had taken her on a tour of the house not long after their talk at the restaurant. She’d blamed her spontaneous tears on her pregnancy at seeing the embodiment of all her dreams right in front of her—and the cold truth that she would have to make new ones here. His reply—that he’d read about that—had almost physically tripped her. Jordan had read about pregnancy? He’d walked off quickly, but not before she’d seen him swipe at his eyes too.

But while the house he’d built for her was everything she could have wanted, the sounds of construction across the way had been enough to crack her heart in two again. He would be living
next
to her, not with her. They wouldn’t be a traditional family. When the discussion had switched to which room she wanted to use for the nursery, she’d had to work hard to breathe. But if they were really going to do this, she needed to stop thinking that way.
 

Grace started to break her life down into weeks—how much of the pregnancy she’d already experienced, how much she had left. She checked out a prenatal Pilates class, but had quickly decided it wasn’t for her. It was one thing for the women to constantly eye her bare wedding ring finger, but one of the women—a stranger—had recognized her and asked how Jordan Dean was handling his impending fatherhood. Grace spent enough time avoiding the stacks of tabloids that infected every grocery store, not to mention the click-bait headlines on the Internet. Worse, every now and then there would be a reporter waiting for her outside her apartment or the restaurant, hoping for a photo of Jordan’s “baby mama.” She didn’t say anything to Jordan, hoping to keep the fragile peace between them.
 

A part of Grace wanted to share more of the pregnancy with Jordan, but if they were together and the baby moved, she did her level best not to show it on her face. She couldn’t bear to have him touch her—even like that—afraid her resolve would weaken. All she needed to do was see a random photo of him at a local party to remind her of why she’d made her decision.
 

He hadn’t asked her again about wanting to be with her during the delivery, and she was glad. Part of her felt bad about not wanting to include him, but she didn’t think she could handle the emotions or the intimacy. It was hard enough to live in the “friends bubble” he was weaving around them. It was like artificial sweetener. It didn’t taste like the real thing, but it made her want it.

So, Grace signed up for birthing classes and asked Tony to be the “stand-in” for her mom, who had happily agreed to be present at the birth. Her parents were still a bit wary about this whole neighbors scheme, but she’d told them she could always revisit it if it didn’t work for her and the baby. Of course, she hadn’t told Jordan that.
 

Jordan kept up a steady stream of presents, nothing too lavish to get her back up. One day a gift package arrived that included saltines and gourmet chicken broth. Even though she was in her second trimester and felt wonderful now, the gesture both touched her and made her laugh. He sent a basket of prenatal vitamins and a body support pillow wrapped up in a bright green bow. Only one of the presents had made her close to tears—a little yellow baby jumpsuit decorated with cartoon-like butterflies and worms.

As for the house, she didn’t go there again. She told him she wouldn’t move in until right before the baby was born. It was unconscionable to think of walking the halls all alone with nothing to take her mind off her lost dreams. Once the baby came, she’d be too busy to cry over spilled milk.

When Jordan visited her at the restaurant to check up on her, he chatted about inconsequentials—like how she managed to make her Italian meringue so tall or whether it bothered her to roast “Bugs Bunny” in a balsamic prune sauce.

Maybe it was his attentiveness, but she found herself wanting to take a bite out of him whenever he walked into a room. Grace had never been fully comfortable with the power of her attraction to him, especially as he had grown more famous, surrounded by women who made a living on their looks. Somehow it was even weirder now that she was pregnant.

If Jordan noticed the covert glances or flushed cheeks, he never said a word. Besides, sometimes she caught him staring at her breasts. Truthfully, she couldn’t blame him. She’d grown two cup sizes. Even the guys at the restaurant had noticed. It was embarrassing. Her body was more foreign than it had ever been.

He asked to be involved in the plans for the baby’s room, and she agreed that they’d go shopping together—on the stipulation that they each would pay for half. It felt like the victory it was when he agreed.

Grace told herself it was no different than him meeting her at the restaurant, but somehow it was. After insisting on meeting him at the store—it had been too weird to have him pick her up—she realized why. There would be people at the showroom, and they would be together. She almost backed out.

He was waiting for her in his car when she arrived in the parking lot. He immediately exited his Maserati and walked toward her with that powerful, sexy stride. It was difficult to ignore how flat-out gorgeous he looked in designer jeans and a navy button-down shirt. His Super Bowl ring winked on his hand as he waved at her.

“Why did you suggest this when you knew we’d have to deal with fans?” she asked when he reached her. “I must have pregnancy brain because I didn’t even think about it until today.”

The corners of his mouth turned up. “Pregnancy brain? I’ve read about that. I called the manager of the showroom and asked for a private showing. I took care of it, Grace.”

Of course he had. She glanced at the showroom’s door and noticed the Closed sign hanging there. “It’s probably not good for your image to be seen shopping with your baby mama.” The media’s nickname for her was more salt on her wounds, especially since a few of them had said she still looked dumpy. With her growing tummy, it was sometimes how she felt.

“You’re not my baby mama,” he said with a growl. “Dammit, don’t let them get to you like that. If I could stop them from talking about you altogether, I would. You know that.”

“Jordan, please don’t swear,” she told him gently, getting that anxious feeling she always experienced when someone swore out of anger. All these years later, the scars from her old boss’s verbal abuse lingered.

“Sorry,” he said, taking a breath. “It upsets me.”

“Me too. Tony showed me the statement you gave about me and the baby a few weeks ago,” she said. “I never thanked you for it because…it was—”

“Awkward,” he finished for her. “I know. But people needed to know the breakup was my fault.”

“But it wasn’t,” she said. “It just…was.”

“I wanted to deflect any negative comments from you, so I said it was. I also needed people to know that this was an unexpected surprise, but we’re dealing with it as friends.”

He’d also said in the statement how happy he was about the baby. That had touched her more than anything, particularly since she’d seen the truth of it in his behavior.

“Come on,” he said, putting his hand to the small of her back. “I’ve never shopped for baby stuff before. It’s going to be fun.”

He threw on his favorite sunglasses, and the sunlight glinted on the lenses, making his star power amp up a few watts.

“How’s our little one doing?” he asked, studying the baby bump she now had. “I hope you can see how great you look. You’re finally… I’m about ready to be cliché. You’re glowing, Grace.”

She didn’t see it that way when she looked in the mirror, and the media certainly didn’t agree. “I feel pretty good. I have a doctor’s appointment this week, but everything should be on target.”

“Oh. Good.” The smile faded from his face. “Shall we go shopping?”

She could sense the change in his energy. “I’m still not comfortable having you come with me to the doctor’s. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said, rubbing her back quickly before dropping his arm. “I want you to be comfortable.”

He meant it, she knew, even if he wished it were otherwise.

They took off toward the store’s entrance. After rapping on the door, the manager opened it with flourish. “Mr. Dean! Ms. Kincaid. Welcome to Baby Land. Please, come in.”

The fifty-ish man was overdoing it, but then again, most people behaved that way in Jordan’s presence.

“I’m Charles,” he said in that same exuberant voice, “and I’ll be giving you my
exclusive
attention today. Thank you for sending over those signed jerseys, Mr. Dean. Everyone who works here was over the moon about them.”

“You’re most welcome, Charles,” Jordan said, flashing a winning smile. “I appreciate you opening the store just for us. If you don’t mind, we’d like to wander around for a while and see what’s available. I’ll holler at you if we have any questions.”

Phew
, Grace thought. She had hoped Charles wasn’t going to hover.

“Of course, of course,” the man said, immediately backing away. “Anything you want, Mr. Dean.”

As soon as they were out of earshot, Grace cast Jordan a look. “Usually you correct people when they call you Mr. Dean.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m learning some people overstep by a mile if I get too casual with them. Since the Super Bowl, it’s been…never mind. We’re not talking about me. We’re here to buy baby things. So, where do you want to start? Cribs? Lamps? Car seats?”

In all their interactions, he never did talk about himself, but she’d seen glimpses, of course, being that the media covered his activities like eager vultures, everything from what party he’d attended to what designer clothes he’d worn to an event—and who he’d been seen with. There weren’t as many women, according to Adriana when they talked at the restaurant, but they still flocked around him like moths to a lamp. She’d tried not to think about it since she no longer had the right.
 

“You always say, ‘Go big or go home,’” she said. “Let’s start with cribs.”

“Please tell me you’re thinking about a white one,” he said, walking the showroom with her.

They passed everything from strollers to high chairs until they found the displays of cribs. Just looking at the soft baby blankets and stuffed animals was enough to put tears in her eyes. Pretty soon, she was going to hold this little miracle inside her and lay him or her to sleep every night. She still couldn’t believe it—even though the baby was kicking more now. Usually about the time when Grace wanted to go to sleep.

“Hey,” he said softly. “Are you having another baby moment? Tell me about it so I can join you.”

It was his catch phrase for those moments when she would spontaneously tear up. Part of her wanted to be annoyed by it, but she kind of thought it was cute.

“I was just thinking about the baby and how I can’t wait to hold him or her. The baby’s moving more, and I’m getting excited.”

As if the baby had heard her, Grace felt it uncurl inside her. She cupped her belly and smiled down at the mound.
Hello, little one. Yes, we’re out buying things for your room. It’s going to be so beautiful. I promise.
A few weeks ago, she’d started talking to the baby, and the love and peace she felt in those moments made everything she was going through worth it.
 

When she glanced back at Jordan, she noticed he was staring at her stomach.
 

“I’ve never asked, but…what does it feel like?” he asked her quietly. “When the baby moves… It did just now, right? You always get this awed look on your face. Sometimes…I feel a little cheated. It’s…not as real to me yet as it is to you…and I want it to be.”

When Jordan decided to be vulnerable, he didn’t go for half measures. Her hand shook a little as she took his hand and laid it against her baby bump.

“Holy crap! It
is
moving.” His blue eyes flew to her face. “I feel it. Oh, my God. Wow! Just wow.”

His fingers curved around the mound, and before she knew it, she was moving his hand a couple of inches over. “I usually feel the baby more here.”

There was another kick, and Jordan’s mouth dropped open. “Holy shit! I mean, sorry. It’s just…that’s so crazy. I mean…I can finally feel him…or her. That’s our baby, Grace.”

When their eyes met again, her heart felt bruised. Yeah, this was their baby—the one they’d made together, not knowing they would soon choose to be apart.

His touch made heat break out all over her body, and suddenly she was desperate to wrap her arms around him. To listen to the steady beat of his heart with her belly resting against his middle, feeling the baby move as he held her.

Awareness of him flashed through her. God, it had been so long since he’d touched her, and she missed it. Missed him and how good things used to be between them. And darn it all if she didn’t miss sex. Lots and lots of sex.

She made herself step back, and his hand had no choice but to fall back to his side. A sheen of wetness entered Jordan’s eyes as he stared back at her.

“I know this is hard,” he said, “being together like this, but…thank you for sharing that with me, Grace. I’ll never…forget it.”

He headed toward one of the cribs, giving them both a moment. She watched him run his hand almost reverently across the top of the crib.

When she joined him, he released a deep breath and gave her a quick smile.