The Guardian (30 page)

“Used to be.” Derry grins as he pulls me to my feet. “I’m guessing from ‘ole Earl Senior’s reaction, he didn’t care for the decision they reached in there.”

Turning expectantly toward the door, we’re greeted by Steven and Kate’s smiling faces. Gripping Derry’s hand with brute force, I wait for them to say the words that make it official.

“We have custody,” Kate blurts this as she moves in to hug her new foster son. Steven follows, giving Derry a manly handshake and a very non-patronizing “congratulations son.” Then Mr. Dunning is pumping everyone’s hand and adding his congratulatory words.

Finally, I get my turn. Derry envelopes me in a bear hug so that my feet dangle off the ground and my face gets buried against his Adam’s apple. He smells faintly of shaving cream. “I get to stay, Lexi.” So much is in that single sentence—disbelief, hope, fear, longing, and relief—it twists my heart. Fighting the emotions that threaten to spill over from my eyes, I cling to him until the tearfulness has passed.

The last weeks have not been easy on any of us. Strangers—social workers, court-appointed shrinks, and others—have poked into every aspect of Kate and Steven’s life; every aspect of Derry’s and my school. And it’s not over yet. Until adoption, there’s no such thing as “permanent custody.” Still, the four of us—Kate, Steven, Derry, and me—exit the courthouse as an official court-sanctioned family. For now.

In the car, I pull out my phone to spread the good news, texting a single word to Gabriel, Becke, and Jonah that conveys everything they need to know.
Party!
J

*

To celebrate, we’re throwing a surprise party with presents and everything. Since Derry has missed out on a lot of gift giving occasions, it’s my idea to do a house warming theme but with all Star Wars stuff for his room. Incidentally, if the Fosters had lost custody we still would’ve had a party—it just would’ve been a sad, the-world-really-sucks theme. But I’m thrilled it’s the former!

Kate tells Derry we’re going to the movies at the mall, which is pretty sneaky even for her. After a light, early dinner, we are on the verge of walking out of the house when the doorbell rings. Derry happens to be waiting in the living room, while the rest of us loiter in our rooms where our gifts and decorations are hidden. When he answers the door, Gabriel, Jonah and Becke—arms loaded with presents—shout, “Surprise!”

Steven, Kate, and I enter from the opposite direction with festive, theme-wrapped packages, a Yoda balloon, and a banner which reads:
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU
.

Whirling to look from one group to the other, Derry’s mouth hangs open in shock, a rare occasion of speechlessness. Piling the presents on the coffee table in front of him, I order Derry to sit and relax while we decorate and arrange the food. Thanks to the local party store, we have all the essentials for the ultimate Star Wars celebration, from plates and napkins, to centerpieces and party favors.

Fifteen minutes later, with the music from
The Empire Strikes Back
playing in the background, I hand Derry a Darth Vader party hat and noisemaker. As he places the hat on his head, his eyes mist over. “You guys didn’t need to go through all this trouble. It’s not even my birthday.”

But I know—vividly remember from all those years of neglect and indifference— this is the party Derry has dreamed about having since he was seven years old. Each neglected birthday, Derry would insist that by next year he would be reunited with his real mom, and, complete with a welcoming new family, they would throw him the biggest, best Star Wars party ever. Over time, the fantasy evolved to include me as well.

It is a joy to make his dreams come true.

Blinking away the tearful memories, I explain, “It doesn’t need to be your birthday. This party is to celebrate you.” There’s so much more on the tip of my tongue about belonging to a real family and finally being together, but I bite it back and blow my noisemaker in his face to break the tension. After Derry retaliates, I declare, “I think it’s time to open your presents.”

The wonder on Derry’s face as he opens everything a guy could need for a tricked-out Star Wars bedroom nearly erases all those years of going without.  My gift is bedding and an alarm clock, which plays the Star Wars theme. When he opens my vintage Episode IV sheets, he exclaims, “I’ve always wanted these!”

“I remember.”
As if I could ever forget.

Among many other generous gifts, Kate and Steven give him a new desk and laptop for his room, complete with a second monitor and speakers in the shape of R2D2. As Derry unwraps them, Steven explains, “I wanted to get you the desktop that depicts the life-sized Han Solo in carbonite, but Kate said it was impractical for school work.” He chuckles. “Maybe next year though.”

Becke and Jonah give him some throw pillows with icon sayings from the saga and a framed movie poster. Even Nana Kransky has sent a present to welcome him, a beautiful LED digital canvas depicting the X-wing fighters’ assault on the Death Star.

Gabriel’s gift, the Ultimate Collectors Millennium Falcon Lego set—the expensive one with a zillion pieces that you need to be practically grown to build—gets a great reaction, and I hide a smile as I remember what my boyfriend said when he first told me about it.
“This should buy us some privacy. I figure if Derry works on it every day after school, we should get at least two weeks without interruption. Maybe more. Heck, when he’s done I’ll get him the Imperial Star Destroyer and the Collectors Death Star if it guarantees alone time with you.”

Giving creed to Gabriel’s predictions, Derry declares, “I’m going to work on this every day after school until I finish it.” I can’t help but glance at my boyfriend, whose ever-so-sly wink over Derry’s bent head send shivers radiating through my body.

After the presents, Kate and Steven quietly retreat, giving us the run of their—our—house. While the boys take Derry’s new toys into his room, Becke and I pick up. All evening, Becke has been pleasant but withdrawn. Clearing a half-eaten plate of food, her nose wrinkles in revulsion and she takes a deep cleansing breath.

Taking the plate from her, I inquire, “Feeling okay?”

Her gossamer halo flickers like the last flame of a waning fire. “Not all that well—I think I’ve got that flu you and Derrick had.” Sickness would explain the halo inconstancy.

Unable to stop a groan as I remember how awful it was to be sick, I place an empathetic hand on her shoulder. “Sorry.”

“Sorry what?” Jonah and the rest of the guys have returned from Derry’s room just in time to overhear something I realize, too late, Becke was trying to keep private.

Suddenly Becke looks a lot worse, so I calmly explain. “Nothing really. Becke’s not feeling well, is all.”

“Babe, you should’ve told me.” Jonah takes her hand and presses a gentle kiss to her knuckles. “Do you want me to take you home?”

“No I’m fine.” In the face of our skepticism, she asserts, “Really.”

With a small frown that distorts his features but isn’t unattractive, Jonah asks, “Is that why you didn’t answer your phone after school?”

For a moment, Becke looks as if she needs to make a mad dash to the bathroom. Then pushing her hair back from her forehead, she sighs and frowns up at Jonah. “I guess you’re going to find out anyway, and I don’t like keeping secrets from you—Mr. Creepy sent me a note in sixth period asking me to see him after school.” Collectively we all open our mouths to rant, but she cuts us off. “Before you say anything, it was fine. I guess I didn’t do so well on today’s test. But since I’m such a good student normally, he gave me a chance to retake it.”

Gabriel catches my eyes as Jonah’s darkening halo whips around his body in a tight revolution. As we watch, Jonah carefully but firmly grips her arm. “How come you didn’t tell me? I would’ve stayed with you.”

“I know, but you had your driver’s test. I didn’t want you to miss it—and I didn’t want you to be distracted. Nothing happened.”

Although Gabriel’s voice is calm, his eyes are wary. “Well something happened. You got asked to stay after and retake today’s test. And you got sick.” When Becke nods, he continues, “Take us through the details.”

Alarm registers in Becke’s trusting emerald eyes. “You think Mr. Abernathy had something to do with my getting sick?”

“Probably not. More than likely it’s just a coincidence. But I’d feel better if I heard the whole story.” Guiding her to the couch, Gabriel seats Becke and waits for Jonah to join her. The two boys exchange an unmistakable look, grim and knowing.

Becke watches each of us as we sit opposite her, Derry and Gabriel in armchairs while I drop to the floor between them. As soon as we settle, she begins.

“Well, Mr. Abernathy was nicer than usual. He explained about the test and asked if I wanted to retake it. After he gave it to me, he left the room and didn’t return until I was nearly finished, forty minutes later. That’s about when I stated feeling
off.
Dizzy, sweating, disoriented—I waited for him to grade my test and when he told me I’d passed, he noticed I wasn’t doing too well. He poured me some more water and then offered to drive me home.”

“You didn’t.” Derry shakes his head, a denial that she would accept a ride from the pervy teacher. Although Jonah remains silent, his halo continues to churn.

“I was so out of it by then—I didn’t really know what I was doing. You guys were all tied up with court—my parents were working, and I didn’t want to interrupt Jonah—so I agreed to go with him. I wanted to lie down so badly. He didn’t try anything funny—just drove me home. I went straight to bed and must’ve really been out of it, because when Jonah called around six-thirty, it felt like I’d barely slept. But Mr. Creepy dropped me off at 4:05, so I figure I slept for two solid hours. And I’m really starting to feel better.”

Placing his hand on her cheek, Jonah turns Becke toward him. Looking her squarely in the eyes, he implores, “Promise me you’ll never—ever—do something like that again. Promise you’ll interrupt me, and if you can’t get me you’ll call one of our friends. I don’t ever want you to be alone with him again, not at school and definitely not away from school, like in his car.”

Solemnly, Becke nods. “I promise. I really wasn’t using my best judgment. I was just so sick—now everything’s a blur—I barely remember my actions. It’s like it all happened to someone else, with me watching but completely disconnected.” She shivers as she relives the feelings of helplessness. “Weird.”

Wanting to cheer her up, I admit. “When I was sick, I might’ve told Gabriel I dream about him shirtless.” Cringing, I hide my face against my boyfriend’s leg as the others chuckle at my expense. Except for Derry who’s “ewww gross” is unmistakable. But my confession does the trick as we all start sharing and then laughing about some of our more embarrassing moments.

Later, as Derry and Jonah debate some finer point of Jengo Fett and his clone son Boba, Gabriel whispers into my ear, “Come outside with me.” Taking my hand, he leads me away from the others, pausing only to grab a soft throw blanket on the way out the back door.

The early May night is clear. Stars dot the sky around the barest sliver of a crescent moon. As we settle on the bench, Gabriel pulls me onto his lap and wraps us in the blanket to protect against the cool breeze.

For a while we’re silent—content to just be together—and then the deep timbre of Gabriel’s voice, heavy with thought, punctuates the quiet. “You’re wearing me around your neck, close to your heart.”

Realizing he’s talking about my gift, the angel wings pendant, I reach up to enclose the smooth metal in my palm. “I wear it always.”

“I was proud of you today. You held your own against the darkness at the courthouse.”

“I felt more in control, but it was still unsettling.”

“Evil always is.”

I think back to earlier in the day and my growing need to find answers. As if reading my mind, Gabriel says, “You can handle them you know, the dark ones—the demons—that’s why they’re drawn to you, because you can stand against them.” When I open my mouth to protest, he cuts me off. “It may not feel that way now, but you’ve been given a very rare and powerful gift. You are special, Alexia. Your gift, your existence—there’s a reason behind it. When you embrace it, develop it, the dark ones won’t affect you at all.”

Frustrated, like I always feel when Gabriel starts talking cryptically about my destiny, I twist in his arms to challenge him for what feels like the millionth time. “Why don’t you explain it to me? Why does it have to be a giant cosmic puzzle?”

“I’m not going to argue with you. The revelation of your gift will come to you when you’re ready to accept it. And no matter what I know, your understanding will be different. Unique to you. The best I can do is to persuade you not to be afraid of your future.”

He kisses my cheek, a feathery warm brush of his perfect lips causing my skin to tingle despite my animosity. “Find your purpose.”

“What about you?”

“I’m here. You’re my purpose. And this,” his fingers twine through mine as he lifts our joined hands, “is my purpose. To be with you on your journey of discovery. As long as I can.”

“And when your assignment is over? What happens then?”

Pausing to phrase his answer, he regards me gravely. “If you’re asking whether I’ll still feel the same way towards you—yes and no. The feelings may not be as intense, but I’ll always have the memories of our time together. I will never stop loving you.”