The Heat Is On (Boston Five Book 1) (18 page)

Although Kayleigh had reproached Heath in the same way only ten minutes before, she flinched now. “Shut up, Ryan,” she chided. “You can’t—”

“It’s okay,” Heath interrupted, shaking his head. “There’s nothing better than a loving and understanding family.”

“What’s going on in here?” Their mom appeared in the doorway, glancing back and forth between the three of them. “Why are you yelling at each other? I could hear you in the garden!”

“Ryan can have my dumplings.” Heath slipped past his sister and out of the room. “I’ve lost my appetite.”

When Heath’s phone rang for the fifth time in a row, flashing Kyle’s name on the display, he could guess that by now the entire department knew he was suspended.

He was remarkably calm, considering he was now jobless. Worse, it didn’t even bother him that his chief had confiscated his badge. Let them all do as they pleased. He would not see a shrink, and he would not lay out his problems for anyone to pick apart and analyze. He had Irish blood in his veins, after all, and he didn’t believe in pouring out his heart to a stranger. Not when he was sober, anyway.

Speaking of being sober … Maybe he needed to hop over to O’Reary’s and drown his sorrows in a few pints of Guinness and half a bottle of whiskey. The world would look different afterwards.

Who was he kidding?

He was fucked up.

Heath switched off the TV, threw the remote aside, and lay back on his fold-out couch, staring up at the cracks in the ceiling as the smell of chicken tikka masala wafted through his apartment. He used to love Indian food, but after three months in the constant company of curry and turmeric, he would rather have stuffed himself with raw innards than have tandoori chicken ever again.

His phone rang once again, but this time the name on the display was Greg’s. He couldn’t bring himself to ignore the old warrior, who had ridden in his dad’s truck twenty years ago.

“Hey, Greg,” he answered, bracing himself for the worst.

“Heath.” His voice sounded chiding and concerned at the same time. “You’ve been suspended? What happened?”

“Listen—”

“No bullshit,” the fireman grumbled. “You can be a presumptuous ass if you want to, but you’re also the best incident command we have, and we don’t want to lose you. So tell me straight. What happened?”

Greg was the same age as his father, and he’d always been a figure of authority for Heath. He simply couldn’t lie to him. And he realized that he was yearning for the chance to finally confide in someone. “The chief wanted to send me to see a psychologist,” he admitted hoarsely. “I didn’t go, so administration demanded my suspension.”

“Shit,” Greg swore on the other end.

“Yeah.”

“How can we straighten this out, Heath? The gang needs you.”

“Bullshit,” he retorted, sounding harsher than he’d meant to. “Everyone is replaceable.”

“That’s not like you to think so.”

Heath put his left arm over his eyes and swallowed hard. “I can’t see a psychologist, Greg. I could
not
stick that out.”

For a long moment, the other man was silent, but then he asked, “Why not?”

Fearing he might burst into tears any moment, Heath croaked, “Because he’d see right away that I’m … that I’m fucked. Since Dad died, I haven’t been able to cope . I can’t deal with it all anymore. And then the breakup with Hayden …”

“Yes. Hayden.” Greg sighed deeply. “Why don’t you go talk to Hayden first, Heath? The girl really loves you.”

Shit
… The tears welled in his eyes. “Hayden deserves something better than this, Greg.”

“Something better than what?”

Heath uttered a dry, mirthless laugh. “Something better than a fucked-up firefighter.”

The voice of the older man became serious. “There are two types of firefighters, boy. Those who are able to admit when they’re peeing their pants in fright, but who still go into the fire. And then there are those who cop out, because they don’t want to share their fear with anyone.”

“Since when do you talk like some pathetic priest?”

“Since I became the person responsible for straightening you out. Joe would have kicked your ass a few times already.”

Heath’s free hand balled into a fist. “Dad isn’t here anymore.”

“And that’s not your fault. Jesus Christ, Heath. Do you really want to drown in self-pity? Get up and get your ass back in gear! Loss is a part of life. If you think you can spare yourself or anyone else by putting your head in the sand, you’re dumber than I thought.”

“Thanks a lot,” Heath muttered. “That’s a very considerate thing to say.”

“Screw considerate! You’ve had enough of that already. It’s time someone gave you a piece of their mind. Talk to Hayden, go see the shrink, and come back to work. Who else is going to keep your little brother in line?”

There was a click then. Greg had hung up on him.

Chapter 11

Hayden was relieved when the waiter cleared the last course.

Alec Alexander might have been a nice guy, but dinner was a total disaster. Of course that wasn’t his fault. He’d been charming, he’d chatted innocuously and made a few jokes she would normally have laughed about, but she was just so horribly tense and felt more awkward than a teenager.

They were sitting in a small Italian place, only a few blocks from her house, and Hayden couldn’t think of anything but the fact that someone might see her and inevitably spread the news that she had gone out with another man. Everyone would know. Heath would know. Her biggest fear wasn’t that he would care. Her biggest fear was that he really would be unconcerned by it.

At first, she had mused that it might be for the best if she could see this date as a new start. She would go out with a man, she would have a good time, and she would slowly get over the fact that Heath had broken up with her. But it soon became painfully obvious that she simply wasn’t ready. Before she could start a relationship with a new man, she had to get past the separation. And that apparently had not happened yet, for Heath kept haunting her thoughts from the moment she stepped into the restaurant and greeted Alec.

It was awful to be sitting at the table with one actual man in the flesh and another who was not really there, but kept interfering with every thought she was thinking.

“You haven’t told me anything about your family yet,” Alec interrupted her thoughts. “Do they live in Boston?”

She set her glass of water back on the table. She had only taken a sip. Then she brushed some crumbs away absentmindedly. “No. My mom moved back to Illinois when I started college.”

“And your father?”

Her smile was forced, but she kept her voice as light as she could. “My dad passed away when I was nine.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” His expression was sympathetic, but it didn’t keep him from asking another question. “How did he die, if I may ask?”

Her fingers were playing with the red-and-white checkered tablecloth. She wet her lips. “He was a fireman, and he died on duty.”

“Is that how you know the Fitzpatricks?”

“Mm-hm … Joe Fitzpatrick and my dad worked together.”

The blond man drummed his fingers on the tabletop for a moment before he sat up straighter and offered her a candid smile. “How long were you engaged to Shane’s brother?” He saw her stunned expression and raised his hand in apology. “Am I being too nosy?

“A little bit,” she admitted, crossing her ankles under the table. She didn’t know why she’d chosen this dress for the occasion, but it was uncomfortable and made her throat itch where the collar kept chafing. It was a gift her mom sent a year ago. Very respectable-looking and far too high-necked for summer. That had probably been the reason she chose it for tonight. She didn’t want to look dressed-up and flirty, so she’d picked the dark blue dress, a piece she’d never liked, and dug it out from the farthest recesses of her closet.

Even though Hayden resented the question, Alec didn’t change the subject, so she felt obliged to answer. “We haven’t been engaged for long, at least not officially,” she explained. “But we’ve been a couple ever since elementary school. We moved in together in our early twenties, and then we bought the house two years …” She suddenly stopped, realizing what she had just said. “I mean, we … we
were
a couple. I … I’m sorry.”

She was horrified that her voice had begun to tremble, so she lowered her eyes.

Thankfully, Alec didn’t press on. Instead, he said, “I didn’t tell Shane we’re having dinner tonight.”

First Heath, and now Shane. It seemed she was doomed to spend her evening discussing the Fitzpatricks. “Oh, I didn’t know that. Were you afraid he would make a stink?”

“Well, Shane hasn’t been my partner for very long, but I don’t want to irritate him. I got the feeling he didn’t like the thought of you seeing another man.”

“That’s his problem, though.” She shook her head firmly. “I don’t owe him an explanation for anything I do.”

“Maybe
you
don’t,” he joked dryly, “but it’s a little different for me. He is my partner, after all. If his brother—”

“His brother,” she interrupted quietly but insistently, “broke up with me. Heath has no right to tell me what to do. And neither does Shane.”

“Well.” Alec scratched his chin with a sheepish expression. “A furious Fitzpatrick can be a rather frightful sight.”

Hayden snorted with righteous anger. “The Fitzpatricks really ought to step off their high horses and take a good look in the mirror.”

Alec chuckled and took a sip of his beer. “Does that mean you’re not on good terms with the clan?”

She shook her head abruptly. “The Fitzpatricks have always been like family to me. Kayleigh is my best friend, and Shane, Kyle, and Ryan are like brothers, but …”

“But what?”

“Sometimes it’s not easy,” she confessed, wrinkling her nose, “because they’re just
everywhere
. At the moment, I feel like I can’t do a single thing without all of them knowing about it and of course telling me what they think about it. That can be a little exhausting.”

“Have you ever thought of moving away, like your mother did?”

“Well, not really. My mom’s originally from Illinois and wanted to leave Boston as soon as my dad died, but she stayed here because of me. And then once I’d grown up, I decided to stay, because Heath was here, after all.” She maintained an impassive face, although she felt more like crying. And then she surprised herself by telling the relative stranger, “But recently I have been thinking about moving. The Fitzpatricks are great, and I really don’t want to lose them, but they’re Heath’s family, not mine.”

“That would be an awfully big step,” her date pointed out.

“Yes, it would be,” she murmured. She had a closer relationship with Ellen than she did with her own mother. She loved the boys and couldn’t imagine not seeing Kayleigh every day. On the other hand she knew she would never get over Heath if she remained a member of the Fitzpatrick clan. Apart from a few fellow teachers, she had no friends in Boston that weren’t somehow connected to Heath and his family. She felt as if she were stumbling through life, surrounded by constant reminders of him.

A move was the only sensible thing to do, but it was also the most difficult decision she could ever make.

“From my own experience, I can tell you that a move was the best thing for me.” Alec smiled broadly. “But of course I’d rather see you stay here.”

“And here I thought you were eager to get rid of me.”

“No way!” In a slightly more serious tone, he added, “Before I moved, I was just about to ask my girlfriend if she would marry me, but then I found out that she’d slept with a few of my colleagues. Believe me, Hayden, I know what it feels like to be hurt to the core.”

She was glad that her own broken engagement was no longer the topic of their conversation, so she asked, “Could you have forgiven her for that?”

After a few seconds, he shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. How could I have trusted her again?”

“Oh.”

He ran a hand through his blond hair and gave her an apologetic look. “As you can see, I’m pretty strict. Once a cheater, always a cheater, that’s what I believe. So my ex can fool whoever she wants now—but she won’t fool me ever again.”

Hayden shrugged, looking thoughtful, and then mustered a sad smile. “I think I could forgive a lot of things. We all make mistakes. The important part is, do we regret them?”

Hayden walked home slowly, enjoying the evening air. She was strolling down her block, her handbag swinging from her wrist, when she suddenly paused mid-step.

Heath was sitting on the steps of her front porch.

She was stunned to see him there, watching her come closer, a frown on his face.

Automatically squaring her shoulders, she stepped along the driveway and through the front yard.

After the lengthy dinner, which had left her feeling rather dejected, a late-evening visit from Heath was the last thing she had expected.