The Lessons (22 page)

Natalie

De-virginized life sucked.

Okay, so I’d had a good run. A full two weeks or so? But now I was over it.

The constant ache between my thighs.

The unwavering feeling of emptiness.

The unending need for ice cream and chocolate.

Okay, maybe that last one was related to something else. Oh hell, the whole list was related to something else.

And that
something else
was Ryan Andrews.

Fuckity Fuck Fuck. I hated myself for being so lame.

Thursday

Three days P.R.A. (Post Ryan Andrews)

So you know that big presentation I had at work? It was today. Ace’d it.

Whoopdy-fucking-do.

When I got home, there was a pizza delivery man standing outside my apartment building.

“Do you need to get inside?” I asked as I took out my keys.

“Yes,” he said, looking relieved at not having to wait any longer. He glanced down at the receipt. “I’m supposed to drop this off for a Natalie Reese. Do you know what unit she’s in?”

I swallowed. “That’s me.”

The driver thrust the large box into my hands and took off. “Have a good night.”

Inside my apartment, I put the box down on the kitchen counter. I didn’t need to open it. I already knew what was inside.

I peeled off my clothes, ran a bubble bath, and tried to ignore the divine scent of pineapple and anchovy pizza.

Friday

Four days P.R.A.

“Nat, some of us are headed to the Metreon to catch a movie, wanna come?” I looked up. It was Justine. I smiled weakly. Sweet Justine, she’d been trying to cheer me up all week, but I wouldn’t have it.

“Thanks, I’ll pass this time. Maybe next week.”

It was finally the end of the week, and I was looking forward to relaxing with a bottle of wine and streaming Guardians of the Galaxy. I couldn’t watch anything heavier right now. I was still crying at the drop of a hat; I’d even had to excuse myself from a screening of our newest commercial today because the music was too pretty and it made my tear ducts well up.

In actuality, the music was fucking lame as hell, and I sent Cathy an email to that effect afterwards, once I had gathered myself.

Later, at home, I called Josh. I knew it was a long-shot, given that it was Friday and all, but I needed to hear his voice. Amazingly, he picked up on the third ring.

“LeeLee! Babycakes, how are you?”

“Hey Joshie,” I started, my voice much weaker than I had hoped. I cringed inwardly.

“What are you doing calling me on a Friday night? Why aren’t you out living it up in the best city in the world?”

His enthusiasm made me smile for the first time in days. “One could ask you the same thing.”

“Ha, well, I would be out, if it wasn’t for this case. I’ve been stuck in the office until ten every night this week.”

“Oh, that sucks. Is it the case you came out here for?”

“Yep, one in the same. You know what being a lawyer has taught me? Never get married. Divorce is too intense. It makes people crazy Natalie,
crazy
. The client had his car windows bashed in today by his ex.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. On his
Bugatti
. Can you believe that?”

“Yeah, never getting married is probably good advice,” I muttered, resignation rearing its ugly head.

“LeeLee, I’m
kidding
. You aren’t supposed to agree so fast. You’re the one who is supposed to tell me that I’m wrong and that my Mr. Perfect is out there, waiting for me, and that one day, we’ll see each other across a crowded dancefloor, lock eyes, and live happily ever after.”

“Oh, well, I…” I trailed off. I wasn’t exactly sure about how to talk about this with him. With anyone actually. How do casually mention that your hopes and dreams have come crashing down around you?

“What’s the matter, Natalie? You sound all dejected. Everything okay?”

I sat up straighter and tried to rally myself. “Yeah, I’m good. Things are good. I ace’d my presentation the other day,” I said, trying to feign excitement.

“And…?”

“And what?”

“And… how’s the love life? I worry about you LeeLee… over there, all by yourself. How’s Brad? How’s Hottie Motor-cotti?”

“Brad is good. He got a job with MM Social though and is moving to L.A.” I said, ignoring part two of his question.

“And?”

“And… that’s all she wrote.”

“Stop obfuscating, Reese.”

“They making you read the thesaurus over there at S&A?”

“Hush, you. So nothing developing with you and that guy?”

“You mean Ryan? No.” I sighed. “He was kind of an ass.”

“Kind of an ass? What do you mean?”

I took a deep breath. “Nothing. I mean, he just— he’s not interested okay?” He wasn’t. How could he be if he had a girlfriend and had gotten her pregnant. God, I felt like such a fool.

Josh was quiet for a moment. “Well, if you say so, but I find that hard to believe. That chemistry you two had, well, I know I don’t have to tell you that it doesn’t come around that often. You don’t have to talk about it, but just know that you weren’t imagining it. I saw it, babycakes. It was real.”

I bit my lip and looked up at the ceiling, thanking God for the anonymity of cell phones.

It was real? If he only knew…

Natalie

Sunday

Six days P.R.A.

Linda Ronstadt knew my pain.

“Learned My Lesson” was on constant rotation at my place.

Fuck Ryan Andrews.

10 Years Ago…

Ryan

The doctor crossed his legs and adjusted his reading glasses. “Well, shall we talk about why you’re here Ryan?”

My eyes flit up and met his before darting away. “I’m here because I have to be here.”

This really was a waste of time. I’d been dealing with everything just fine, not counting this one slip up. Sure, my grades weren’t what they used to be, and I was sleeping with anything that had a pussy and two legs, but wasn’t that pretty normal for a twenty year old? Hell, my life was downright mild compared to some guys in my frat. They just didn’t have a younger sister to protect. If they did, they’d probably be in the same situation.

He shuffled through a file folder. “You haven’t ever been to therapy, have you?”

I shook my head a miniscule amount.

“Not even after your parents… passed?”

I shook my head again, a lump catching in my throat. I still couldn’t talk about that. Not yet.

“So tell me Ryan. Why do you think you hit that man?”

I shrugged, pretending I didn’t know the reason. I mean, plenty of people protected their loved ones without resorting to violence. So what the hell was wrong with me? What secret was I so fiercely guarding?

How long would it be before he found out I’d turned into the man I hated the most?

Present Day

Monday

Ryan

“Andrews, yo, Andrews— are you even listening to me?”

I blinked and looked over at Eric and Lambo. We’d gone to the bar after our game and for the past twenty minutes or so, their attention had been on a trifecta of surfer chicks. Hot surfer chicks. Hot surfer chicks, who- if their body language was any indication- were very into a couple of sweaty soccer players.

Too bad I didn’t give a shit.

“Sorry, what?” I said, looking up from my beer. I hadn’t meant to be rude, but I was preoccupied.

“Ladies, would you excuse us for a moment?” Lam untwined himself from the tallest of the chicks and locked eyes with me. “Help me with something outside?”

Out in the parking lot, Lam came at me fast. “What the fuck man? What is going on with you?”

I crossed my arms and feigned ignorance. “What?”

“Come on man, can you count? There are three of them and three of us. You know how this goes. If you can’t show up for Cassie, then none of us are getting laid.”

“Cassie?”

“The brunette who has been sitting next to you looking bored out of her mind for the last twenty minutes.”

Oh. Her. Right. “I’m good. Why don’t you just take two? I think I’m going to call it a night,” I said as I started to walk to my bike.

“What’s going on with you, bro? I thought you weren’t seeing that other chick anymore.”

I stopped and stared out at the half-empty parking lot.

“Why would you think that?” I asked, trying to divorce my voice of any tone or inflection.

“You’ve been all out of sorts for the last few games.”

I turned around. “It’s just a slump.”

“Ha, yeah fucking right it is. You never have slumps. But lately it’s like either you’re distracted or you’re picking a fight with anyone who even looks at you halfway-funny.”

I sighed and jammed my hands in my pockets. “I’m fine. Natalie is fine. Things are just—they’re just complicated right now.” Hmm. Clearly, I wasn’t quite ready to admit that Natalie and I were over.

Lam crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at me. “Well, fucking call her, man. I don’t know what you’re waiting for. You guys were clearly into each other, and chicks can be very forgiving.”

“You’re really concerned about the teams record, aren’t you?”

“Well, yeah. Plus, and not to get too touchy-feely or anything, but it bums me out, knowing you’re not getting laid. We’re still young, dude, you need to be taking advantage of all life has to offer. I’m concerned, you know, about your dick. ”

His distress had me shaking my head. “My dick is not suffering, but thank you for the sentiments.”

He reached out and slapped me on my shoulder. “Go home. I’ll take one for the team tonight. And by one, I mean two.” He winked as he turned back toward the bar. “Cuz I’m just a quality friend.”

I saddled up to my bike and contemplated what to do next. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, Lam was right. Natalie and I were good together.

And I was the biggest asshole in the world.

I got out my phone, scrolled through the contacts, and as I pressed send, my heart started thumping.

One ring. Two rings.

“Ryan, what a pleasant surprise. Nice touch, but extra phone calls aren’t necessary.”

“Save it, Lisa, that’s not why I’m calling.”

“Is this about kayaking next week? Because I already rented us wetsuits. I got you a large. Didn’t want the family jewels to get too crowded.”

The fact that Lisa had seen me naked, let alone the fact that we’d had sex made my stomach churn. Sex Ed shouldn’t just teach you about STDs and pregnancy; it should include at least a class on the dangers of hooking up with horrible people. I can personally attest to some of the possible side effects—

“Lisa, look, I can’t do this anymore.”

“I also ordered the sit-on-top kayak. We have to use that style because we aren’t certified yet.”

“Lisa.”

“But I was thinking that may be something we want to do if—”

“Lisa!”

“What is it?”

“Did you even hear what I said?”

“Of course I did. Did you?” she spat.

“Yes, I —“

“That’s surprising, because last I checked, I thought we had a deal. You scratch my back, and I allow yours to walk up to that podium and receive a diploma.”

I fell silent. She was as cold-hearted as they came, acting like it was her God-given right to be doing this. Yep, she was full-tilt insane— she had to be; I mean, she wasn’t just doing this to me, but to Renee too. It was all kinds of fucked up.

I mentally checked my bank account. If I sold my bike, I could probably just hang on until I started my practice. Hell, I could eat ramen every night. Or maybe I could convince Ainsley we should finally sell the house. Yes, that was the plan. “I’ll quit.”

“And I’ll tell.”

Fuck. “You really don’t have any moral compass, do you?”

“Ry, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that in love and war, it’s every man and woman for themselves. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to get my happy ending.”

Natalie

Thursday

Ten days P.R.A.

I was still thinking about him.

And Lisa. And him with Lisa.

Asshole.

I toyed with the idea of reporting them both to the SFCS, but my pride won. This was just the kind of story that, if anyone found out, would be irresistible to the newspapers. Silence wasn’t just the best option, it was my only option.

~

After lunch out with the girls, I stuck my purse under my desk and opened my email. Sitting there at the top of my inbox was something I hoped never to see again.

Paulina’s name.

The subject line said, “I owe you an apology”

I sent it to the trash.

Fuck Paulina. Fuck everyone.